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WWF Tough Enough by Shane Spear




The Season Premiere

I Get Letters: ...No wait, I don't.

Previously on: Thousands of people sent in audition tapes. 300 of those were invited to WWF New York. Only 13 made the final cut:

Josh The Midget Bitch
Bald Jason
Victoria the Stunt-woman
Maw Maw Maw Maven
Taylor the Invisible
Harvard Chris
Booby Jo the Playmate
Paulina the Giant (or as others say The Blonde Chyna)
Nidia the Mouth
Daryl the Mark Henry
Greg the Alternate
and Shadrick

The object of the show, obviously, is to last the longest. Survivors will be picked depending on their physical and mental tests. The two left in the end will win WWF contracts. On that note, let's get started with the season premiere.

We open with a view of the house. It IS a beautiful house, no doubt, but as CHRIStian tells us there's barely room that is left empty when there's thirteen other people in the house. We see Jason playing foosball with other roommates. He's still wearing his Kurt Angle shirt from last week. Taylor is on the phone talking about training, which starts the next day. Jason pretty much repeats the same thing. Bobby Jo is next on the phone. "After this, I'm going to be in good shape, I'll tell you that. Working out five days a week."

In one of the rooms Harvard starts showing Taylor some things about wrestling. Bobby lets us know about Harvard's prior wrestling school training. He feels that he's the only one mentally and physically prepared for the training, so he's here to help out the others. I hate people like that, but always love they usually get punked out for doing it wrong anyway in the end. More on this later.

Darryl is in the confessional, telling us that BY FAR this contract is his to lose. Back to the house, Darryl is complaining about a cough he's had for the past two days. Doctor Darryl decides he must've caught it on the airplane coming to the house. "I done caught a little baby's cold. Ain't that something?" No, not really.

Bobby Jo, Nidia, and some of the other girls are in the hot tub posing for the camera about how big their muscles are going to get. All last week, Bobby got put down on the internet about how she is the most MTVish out of the whole group, and how she isn't going to make it. They are probably right, but there is one fact. She is HOT! Very, very hot. The kind of hot you could and an extra T to. Point being, MTV will FIGHT as much as they can to get her as much screen time as possible, and I STILL wouldn't be surprised to see her win.

Maven is on the phone as we keep building suspense on the first day. He's very nervous but confident about what's going to happen. "I've been through a lot of stuff in my life, and it'll be hard to break me." Maven again comes off as a really nice guy, which bugs me because I wanted to recap this show on the fact that I wanted to rip on this realworlders, but so far, outside of Josh, I really like these people. Hopefully this will change.

It's the next morning, and everybody tries to wake up. Darryl is lying on the cough complaining about being sick again. Somebody makes a joke about him missing his first day. Darryl says nuts to that, and decides not to tell anybody he's sick. Well, expect for the other twelve and millions of people on TV.

The hummer rolls up, and Big John clues everybody in on what's going to be happening. There's going to be a little ring training, and some working out. They head off to the training center. Victoria talks about some of the stunts she's done, such as going through a window for a movie and putting out fires. Trax is the name of the training facility. In the ring already are trainers Al Snow, Jackie, and Tori the Ninja. Nidia comments on how she feels like she knows them because she sees them every day on TV. Nidia obviously doesn't watch too much WWF TV.

"For those of you who don't know me, I'm Al Snow. We're going to begin at ground zero. There's going to be things we teach you that at this moment you don't understand." Tori talks about how you need to respect not only your body, but the body of those around you. Sounds like a second grade classroom speech. Jackie is going to be called MISS Jackie. MISS Jackie let's the know there's going to be days they don't even like her. "But I don't give a damn." Maven talks about them being three superstars that he watches on a regular basis. OK, that's twice now. Is there some WWF show I'm missing, because it's rare to see any of them more than once every other week.

See Spot. See Spot do jumpjacks. See Spot do crunches. See Spot do push-ups. See Taylor try to do a push-up. See her nipples too. Well, they're right there. Snow lets us know they'll be doing this every morning. As it gets easier and easier, they'll add more reps.

Next is learning how to fall. The idea is to fall as flat as possible. If you can't do this, you really can't move on to other things. "This will hurt a lot." The trick is to push your hips forward and pull back on your shoulders at the same time. "Like having a rug pulled out from under you." Darryl complains (sensing a pattern yet -- GREAT editing MTV!) about Harvard having a three month edge on the others because of his prior training. They show Harvard doing his fall. Naturally, he does it right. Then they show the others. Shad and Nidia have some early trouble , but they catch on later. Victoria keeps hitting her head. Snow offers her a crash helmet, and this advice "Tomorrow it'll all come together....or you'll end up as a vegetable."


Now that they've practiced how to fall, and Victoria has committed brain damage, let's go WORKOUT! To the minivan! Everybody is impressed by the Titan Towers and the WWF logo. They go inside into a very nice looking fitness center. Big John tells everybody to be safe. He also notes that fact that everybody does their own programs, but they have to do his too. Now unless John is like the Kingpin and all that mass is muscle, his list must consist of beer and pretzels at WWF New York. Jason doesn't like the lack of control when it comes to working out. We then see a lot of clips of everybody working out. Now pay attention, because here's something CRZ calls "Wheel of Fortune" booking. During these clips they show everybody working out. Well, a majority of these clips are of Darryl NOT working out, just sitting around. If you are new to MTV's reality shows, this means that the topic point of this show is going to guessed it...Darryl coming off as a lazy, whining bitch. Now, in reality Darryl probably worked out as hard as the other there, but to make the show look better he is the victim of EDITING, which I'll talk more about in the weeks to come.

Back in the house they talk about the day. Once again the scene is centered on Darryl, who is on the phone says he feels like shit. On the other side of the spectrum, Greg is talking about it being the greatest day of his life. Off everyone goes to bed.

The next morning, Darryl is still running a fever. This is the first cold he's caught in like a year. I do feel for the guy, because of the bad timing, but enough about the sick baby on the plane. At Trax, editing once again shows Darryl lagging behind the group during the squat session. Jackie gets in his face and calls him a baby.

Today's training lesson is the collar n elbow tie-up. After a demo from Harvard and Al Snow, the class tries it on their own. Tori has some tip about how the audience perceives the look of the tie-up. They show Harvard, who thinks he has graduated already, showing Jason a few extra tips. Tori jumps on his ass because that's not the way the WWF does things. Harvard tries to smile out of it, but Tori is pissed, as I would be too if I were her.

More learning how to fall. Today Al will squat on all fours behind them. Darryl is up first. Al frowns and offers up "PLEASE do NOT land on me." Darryl rolls his eyes, looking like a jackass, and you can't blame editing on that.

Back to the fitness center, Jason is working out with WWF "star" Stephanie McMahon. We get to see what is, in my opinion, Stephanie looking her best. When she's normal, she looks just like she did during her Test days. Jason jokes around with Steph about who's the teacher between them. Victoria and Steph have a talk near the water fountain. Steph explains that she had trouble with the back falls too. Victoria cries, and Steph and her share a hug.

The next day at Trax, Snow teaches the young people how to roll forward so the feet, buts and shoulders hit at all the right time. Next they front somesault, making sure they lands on their back right. Victoria is still having trouble, but is getting MUCH better. They all feel good now, but they won't tomorrow.

Three day weekend!!! I remember what those were like! Our heroes go to Chez Druid or something. Jason comic+ly doesn't get anything he really wants to eat. Nidia offers up some pain killers to the group, hmm wonder how the camera picked THAT up?

It's Day 4. Everyone gets to sleep...or DO they? Tazz' music plays as the hummer pulls in and Mr. FTW and Big John get out. CHRIStian says it all "Tazz walking in and I about wet my bad." As you should good buddy, as you should. Tazz wakes everybody up and yells a lot. The whole time he yells not to make the bed. Every made bed he DOES find he unmakes. He walks into one of the rooms where a Goldberg poster is hung up. "Who's this?" Then he rips it up. Tazz is the star of this show, by the way.

"If you have a question, it had better be a good one. Cause if it's a stupid question, I will kick your ass in more ways than one. You mouth off to me, it'll be the worst thing you ever did in your life. If you don't believe in God. START."


Welcome to the Stamford mudpit. They are going to play a game called protect the cone. Everyone is on their knees trying to wrestle their way to the cone. Victoria is getting her ass kicked so Tazz offers her some advice, which worked. Tazz is pleased. Tazz points some advice for Darryl, who rolls his eyes again, but was caught and bitched at this time. Paulina tore up her knee on a sharp rock.

Everybody gets themselves as clean as possible. Tazz decides to let them have a nice light jog, which is tough covered in mud. Darryl lags far behind, mostly because he refuses to run. Tazz bad mouths him for the entire time, but he refuses to run. "You ain't shit. I'd bet you'd like to sit at home in the nice plush house that MTV gave you, sit back and drinks some lemonade. Greg pops into the picture and talks about Darryl's piss-poor attitude. Um, none of your business Greg. Thanks. Darryl kicks around some rocks, and ultimately will probably kick his way into being the first person.

Everyone licks their wounds at home, where Darryl is on the phone once again. Doctor Darryl has upgraded his cold to flu status now. Everyone has their bruises, but they do realize that it's only going to be worse. Fade out, and we are gone.

In the "This is Spinal Tap" DVD commentary David St. Hubbins says it all. "You know, the other 94% of the time when we DO find the stage, Marty never shows that." When reality shows, it's all about entertainment. We only see the exciting things on the show, and there's always a theme. The sad fact is that even though Darryl may have worked hard and not complained 94 or 95% of the time, you have to watch yourself when you do because the editing WILL make you look like an ass. Now editing can work in the other direction, as it did tonight with Victoria, showing her missing the falls A LOT, but overcoming the problem in the end.

The bottom line is that even though Tough Enough is a reality show, you need to take that with a TON of grains of salt. Until next week, Super Shane Spear out.

Next week: Triple H stops by.

Super Shane Spear

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