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WWF Tough Enough by The Cubs Fan




To split the difference, let's start two minutes LATE this week. I called Kristina "Alicia" when she didn't make the cut last week, sorry 'bout that.

They even show the credits before the 10 Spot show? Weird.

Previously: All these people? They made it. Except Daniel. Daniel cried. 

TV PG L. Look at this house. YOU won't be living there. 

Vans pulling up - hey, how did I not see Robert last week? He's kinda hard to miss. Alicia's the first person to try and open the doors, but they ain't open. Everyone's checking out the place, but from the outside. Kenny says the first thing he wants to do is get inside, but someone's missing - no Shad. Just to recall, here's Shad on the casting special. Here comes a nicer van, and Big. Big says that Shad won't be a part of Tough Enough 2 - he tells us that Shad didn't pass the physical (hope it's nothing serious.) Anyway, the thirteenth person (with the key) is Danny, whattashock. Everyone talks about how great Danny is and how much he deserved this chance and blah blah blah.

Roll the new open! Oh wow the Essa/Al clip made it in there, that makes my day. (It wasn't a very interesting day.) Same music as last season. I swear the Tough Enough commercial they were rolling on WWF programming was spelling it "JessE" but on the show itself, they're sticking to "JessIE." No barely readable messages this year. The fat guy is always last!

Okay, now they go in the house. The house is a super sized MTV house, of course. That's a HUGE pool. They find WWF action figures - Lita's breasts are about the same sizes as her head, that's kinda disturbing. Hawk: "How much does a house like this go on the market?" Alicia: "Probably like a couple thousand." Alicia thinks this is too good to be true. Of course there's a great view of LA too. Linda makes a quick mention that it could be two women or two men who win, which is the first time they've mentioned it on the show. Then she tells us "Jessie? She looks like a little rat, too small to compete." She didn't mean rat in a mean way. Well, it didn't sound totally mean, but I guess there's very few ways to call someone a rat that doesn't sound harsh. Perhaps if you had worked all night on a rat costume, someone calling you a rat would be a compliment. Moving on, Linda says Jessie's the naive innocent girl. Jessie says she doesn't look tough and she's nervous about tomorrow. She has to prove that she's a strong person. 

Next day. They're driving to...Trax West. Like the other one, an unassuming unmarked warehouse someplace. Standing in the ring waiting for them, it's "MTV doesn't think I'm Hardcore" Bob Holly, Ivory, Al Snow and Chavo Guerrero - Pete says he's been following them from his entire life, and he was star struck. Looking around, instead of leftover giveaway chairs, they've got chairs with their names on them this year. Also, all the gym equipment is in Trax, so they won't be going to another place to workout. 

Trainer speeches - we only see a short bit of each. Chavo (wearing an Austin T-shirt) says it doesn't matter if you end up loving this or hating this, respect this. Ivory tells them to pay attention, so they don't get hurt or hurt someone else. Bob says "we had to work our ass off to get here, so you're gonna have to work your ass off." Al: "regardless of whatever you've been told or whatever you believe, this is incredibly real." 

Bumps! Just the rolling forward and handstand ones to start - no one's pretty. Robert almost lands on his head. So does Alicia. They get better. Kenny says it didn't look to tough but it really was. "You feel like your brain's leaking out of your air." Ivory says they've got good athletes and they're moving through training quick. 

Someone people are already feeling hurt. Alicia doesn't mind the scratches and sores, but when her brain feels like it's gonna explode, that's when she's gotta stop. Anni tells us that all of the sudden, she just didn't have any energy left. Unfortunately, it appears all of the sudden is when she's trying to do a handstand somersault bump off Al, and instead of getting her legs over, she's just pressing down on Al. Linda says Anni doesn't have the confidence she needs. Meanwhile, Anni tries again, get her legs over but no distance at all, so she lands back first on Al. Al gets squashed - that didn't look fun. Anni's out of the ring in sadness. 

9PM that day. They're just getting back to the house. Anni can't even pull up her feet to walk the stairs. Alicia looks really sore and wishes they didn't have any stairs in the house. Pete bends down to pick something off the floor and realizes what a bad idea that was very quickly. Robert's on the phone and telling some that he's exhausted and tired. His body is saying "stop it already" but it's only day one. Hawk tells someone that wrestling, it's not fake.

People relax around the house. I'd be sleeping right now, knowing that somehow I have to wake up the next day and do it again, I'd need all the sleep I could get. Maybe they're just eating and then going to bed. Kenny's reclining out on the porch. Anni and Jessie sit and eat at the bottom of some stairs. Jessie says that she and Anni are good friends, because they're alike a lot on the inside, even though they look a lot different on the outside. They hug for no apparent reason. They know exactly what each other's thinking. Anni's worried about her performance in the ring. Anni says they've very open with each other, and it's good to have a friend you could go too. They are compositing against each other, but they are in one group, so they gotta support each other. Jessie says Anni shouldn't get so down on herself - that stops her from improving sometimes. 

Aaron (w/southern drawl) calls his girlfriend and apologizes, he's been trying to get on the phone for two hours. This is Aaron's girlfriend, in case you forget from last week. It's tough being separate. They're arguing about going separate ways already - Aaron's Girlfriend complains that she moved all the way to Virginia just for him and now he's gone and left her. "You said you wanted to marry me! You said you wanted a family! You said that you were going to be there and take care of me and take care of my family! Well, you can't do that in that life." Aaron says he loves her, and Aaron's Girlfriend says "I love you too! I love you more than anything in this entire world right now, and you're breaking my heart!" Aaron's Girlfriend pretty much tells Aaron to choose - Tough Enough or her. We don't stick around for the answer.

Morning. Someone's reading "the complete idiot's guide to Pro Wrestling" and giggling. Morning stuff. Jessie says she loves (not that way) Jake, he's a tough dude. Jake was staring at her with a really mean face, so she started laughing at him and Jake said "no, you stare, you stare at me now." Jessie and Jake have a weird staring contest. I have this feeling I'm going to be using "weird" in a lot sentences involving Jake. Jake's giving a lecture how you gotta act practice acting pissed off because that's what you'll have to do. Jake cuts a promo from Apocalypse Now. Jake things their stare offs (always ending with Jessie smiling and cracking up) are funny but she's gotta be used to acting serious if she's gonna make it.

Trax. People are better. Jessie's laughing everytime she doesn't screw up. Al has made two "Partridge Family" jokes about Danny so far. Danny says he went through some self analysis after he didn't make the last thirteen. He (and this line sounds like he's repeating the interview's question word for word) feels like he has something to prove. Anni says it was a tough the first day because she was scared, but she's better the second day. Jackie says Anni might have been the most frustrated the first day, but she shock it off. Jake says he sees Aaron as his competition. Aaron says he's got the biggest advantage over anyone in the competition, but he doesn't say what this is.

Al shows how to lockup. Practicing. Jessie's breaking into a smile while locking up - Matt notices it too. I think Ivory notices it as well. Jessie says she was just locking up with people, and Ivory took her aside. Ivory starts her speech with "I don't want to be mean", never a good sign. Ivory says it's a competition, and if she wants it that bad, she's got to take it seriously. It's not time to fool around. "It's not sex in the bedroom." Oh, Ivory thinks Jessie is flirting, but Jessie is just very goofy. Jessie says, "I just smile a lot", which is funny. Ivory gives the same speech Jake did early - no one's gonna believe you're a tough person if you're just smiling all the time. 

Danny says that Jessie took Ivory's speech the wrong way, and it "broke her up a little bit", whatever that means. Jessie says that Ivory's her favorite women wrestler and it hurt to have Ivory scolding her like that. We cut to Jessie crying in a bathroom and telling someone (maybe the cameraperson) that just smiling at someone doesn't mean she wants to sleep with them. There's a piece we must be missing here, because Jessie seemed kinda carefree this episode up to now, and last week was about her being tough. Maybe she's just tightly wound? Anyway, I was sure this crying bit was going to be because the bumps hurt too much, so that shows how much I know. Jessie says she's ready to walk down the steps and say "take me home", and we take a break to see if we buy it. 

Senor Moby's House Of Music? Okay. You know, when MTV2 actually gets to a point where the majority of cable type people get it, it's gonna turn into MTV, I bet.

House. Aaron's writing a letter - he's writing a letter to his girlfriend. Aaron says this is a chance of a lifetime - he'll never get a chance like this again, so he's got to try. He's here to win this contract, and his mind's made up.

Elsewhere - and someone really loves the "we're outside, looking at the hot tub NO hahaha this is actually turning into a zoom shot of the phone room!" shot - Jessie is complaining to her boyfriend. She's offended that Ivory said she was "screwing four guys because she was smiling at her." It really hurt Jessie, because she really really looks up to Ivory - she has a framed picture of Ivory near her bed! Jessie and her boyfriend decide that Ivory was just trying to see high strung she was. It's just me, but I think Ivory just wanted her to stop smiling. 

Morning. Aaron is not particularly enthused. Oh, it's their first physical challenge day, and no one knows what to expect. To the beach with you! 

Lots of obstacle course type stuff set up, with Big and some guy wearing a white shirt and fatigue shorts. This looks promising. This is "Optimum Fitness" and it's stuff they're going to integrate into their every day routine. The head trainer's name is "Rafael", yep. They only show part of the course, but there's a some climbing, some going under a net, more climbing, 10 push ups, more climbing, some jumping and some other stuff. This is a level 10 workout - I know, that means nothing to mean either. Matt and Linda both aren't concerned about making it through. 

Jake is first and he's such a ringer. He shreds the course. Jessie, I think. Linda gets in trouble because she's not close enough to the sand on the crawl. Robert climbing isn't a good idea. Linda has no hops, kicks over a (low) hurdle and has to do push-ups. Oh, pull ups too! This is almost Boot Camp like. Jake is the fastest, I bet. Jessie (not here before, maybe - she's got some ugly pants) complains to us about having to lift pink cans of weight and move it - she's only a 100 pounds. Hopping exercise. Pull-ups. Robert says she woke up and got it all together during this. Jessie says she let it all go. Split the difference! Danny going through the course - he and Jake are the top two running, and it might start a little rivalry. Danny tells himself to show how much he wants it in every physical challenge. Jake promises to beat him one of these times on a run. 

Aaron running - he's no good with the weights. Now to the hopping. He's really staggering and not looking good at all. Hawk says that Aaron seemed to be dying. Aaron's seemingly unable to do an obstacle where you hop, from a standing position, onto a platform that's elevated maybe 2 feet. He's just got no hops left in him. He hops but not not high or far enough and jabs his right knee and shin into the platform, but he's not giving up. Jake says it doesn't look good. He gets one on, finally. Jake says it took him a good two minutes to do it, and he busted up his knees and shins in the process. Aaron does the pullups - must be nice to get off his feet. Aaron's time isn't so good. Aaron says he's blacking out - goofy MTV editors show Aaron on the ground and occasionally black out the screen, so you can get that feeling too. Anni thought he just over worked himself, but after the blackouts, it seemed more serious. Danny said it wasn't that Aaron lacked physical ability, it was that something was wrong with him inside, and it was tough to watch.

Here's the ambulance, stop the blacking out already. Jackie says it was tough to see him at that point, because they knew something was wrong. We don't get to see Aaron loaded up but we do get to see the ambulance driving away. That's it. I hope he didn't mail that letter yet. "I was working hard, I got hurt, and I thought, you know, it isn't worth it! I rather just be here with you!"

Next Week: Robert says it's tougher than what he thought it was. Bob attempts to rip someone's shoulder out. The first cut? Already? Wow.

I taped this just long enough that it cut off before I saw what song it was this week. Alas.

Tough Enough episodes air Thursdays on MTV at 9pm CST, give or take three minutes and rerun a few times during the week (including right before Sunday Night Heat). Tough Enough's website is I'll never look at a smiley the same way again.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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