YOU S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SUUUUUUUUUUMBITCH

With the caveat that that was the absolute last angle that the WWF needed to run the week before the climactic Winner-Take-All, Losers-Leave-Town, One-Entity-Ceases-To-Exist final battle that will change the course of sports entertainment history and put thirty-some guy outs of work, never to be seen again, the last time you'll ever see the WWF (after two decades of national television) or WCW (and the stars who built that company -- Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Shane McMahon, and Test), and with the caveat that its about two or three months too late for the Rock to claim that he hasn't forgotten about WrestleMania, and with the caveat that Survivor Series is going to bomb (the Greensboro Colosseum is half-empty):

The "This Is Your Life II" segment between the Rock and Steve Austin on Monday night was one of the greatest moments of life. It will be and should be panned for the obvious reasons (did somebody just say "wow, Rock and Austin do this great comedy bit after house shows, we should put it on TV"?), but was in and of itself brilliant. That ain't no beer belly, that's a fuel tank for a whoopass machine. I watched the interview five times. It's unbelievable.

According to Dave Meltzer and his awesome Wrestling Observer Newsletter (the world's greatest publication), Vince McMahon's idea is to turn Austin face at Survivor Series, while others, including Paul Heyman, Stephanie, and Triple H, are against the idea if only because the purpose of the turn was for the Rock and Hunter as babyfaces to chase a heel Austin, leading to Hunter over Austin at WrestleMania. Current plans (literally for the moment) are to split the company into two equal rosters, a Raw touring group and a Smackdown touring group, with Austin and Rock each heading a group as its top babyface and meeting at Mania.

If you'll recall, this was the plan from July that was scrapped, with the rosters being split as a result of a draft stemming from Vince and Linda's divorce dividing the assets. Those plans were dropped on the assumption that the WCW name was box office poison and that the brand needed to be rebuilt. Well, now the WCW brand is dead, so the name of the second promotion is up in the air. The idea is still to have a draft, which theoretically slots anyone after the first six picks as nobodies but doesn't matter at this point because there are only about six guys who aren't treated like interchangeable parts.

WWF FIRES GUERRERO

I received word late from the WWF late last night that Chavo Guerrero was officially let go by the Alliance in a rehash of the Misfits in Action formation. Sources told me that Vince McMahon made the decision to reject Chavo's request for a WWF contract.

WWF FIRES GUERRERO

Eddy Guerrero was given his release last night after being arrested for a DUI early Saturday morning. Guerrero, who is awesome, had recently completed rehab and was set to come back to WWF TV after working some HWA dates. Really sad. Eddie came back too soon from his car accident four years ago, and the injuries kept piling up after that, and when you're hurt all the time, you, well, take painkillers. Can't wait to see the totally rehabilitated Guerrero gets re-signed by the WWF after wrestling Chris Benoit at next year's Brian Pillman Show.

Like William Regal, you see.

Oye, mamacita.

WEAKEST LINK

WWF on The Weakest Link was a rip-roaring hoot until the novelty ran off about halfway through. Hunter, the Smartest Man in Wrestling, won it over Stephanie. Everyone was an absolute DELIGHT, proving my theory that everything in life is better when there are wrestlers invovled. Some day I will tell you the story of the time I hung out with wrestlers at the airport. Can you say ... Mark Jindrak?

SURVIVOR

Surv1vor Series and its stupid card is the 10-man elimination tag with Rock, Jericho, Undertaker, Kane, and the Big Show against Austin, Angle, Van Dam, Booker, and Shane-o Mac, although they kind of teased Show as questionable after the beatdown.

Test vs. Edge, IC Title vs. U.S. Title. The Intercontinental Title has changed hands five times since InVasion. The United States Title has changed hands five times since InVasion. Edge is a 3-time IC champion who's combined reigns probably total about two months!

The Dudleys vs. The Hardys, WWF vs. WCW Tag Titles in a cage. The WWF Tag Team Titles have changed hands six times since InVasion. The WCW Tag Team Titles have changed hands four times since InVasion. Booker T. and Test jobbed both sets of belts to the Hardys in a span of two weeks! I guess they could do the Hardys split here. Then they could run Jeff Hardy and Edge vs. Matt Hardy and Christian until the end of time.

Why are they unifying the belts if the champs from one side are going to be gone next week?

Tajiri vs. Regal should be good but dude, why did you already run it on TV? You pathetic bunch of losers.

WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?

Kevin Nash is a tall lazy dickhead genius. Remember that he tried to convince Booker and DDP not to take buyouts so that the WWF would have to buy out their contracts if they wanted to have any recognizable WCW names for the invasion. Well, Booker and Page are suckers, or suckas, or marks, I guess, because now Page is buried and Booker is just another guy, while Nash's value is through the roof.

FOLEY IS / THE CO-MMISSIONER

I thought Mick Foley's promo on Raw was great, albeit a bit scary for two reasons. For one, it's always weird when a company does interviews where they point out how bad their own show sucks. And for two, Mick just sounded so disgusted to be in the role of the guy who graduates high school but keeps coming back. (I did that last year. I was homesick.) J.R. and Heyman really ought to suck it for their "lots of chairshots" and "stupid" comments.

Notice how they're not really cutting down on the number of belts, they're just getting rid of the WCW titles? Can't they kill the Euro and Hardcore belts? X-Pac has been taken off the active roster due to (surprise) more neck problems, so I assume the WWF Light Heavyweight and WCW Cruiserweight titles are just going to disappear (along with half the roster when they start cuts - poor Raven).

XTREMELY WCLOUDY FUTURE

I totally nailed most of the XWF roster last week because I am cool. Hulk Hogan and Kevin Sullivan are writing the TV and plan on running house shows main evented by Jeff Jarrett vs. Buff Bagwell, which I think was a WCW World Title Tournament quarterfinal in 1999.

Scott Steiner is being advertised for the WWAS Australia tour, which doesn't make sense a) if he's going to file a lawsuit against Time Warner for a career ending injury and b) since the WWF was supposed to have a lot of intererst in him.

ALL NEWSFACTS AND TIDBITS CREDIT DAVE MELTZER

BUY THE OBSERVER.

Justin Shapiro
[slash] Tuesday

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