Justin Shapiro



Hahahahaha. No.

POP QUIZ, SHOTHOT: What were the three most important developments from last week's Raw?

1a) Ric Flair and Jerry Lawler show up.
1b) Steve Austin returns to the babyface role.
1c) Chris Jericho pushed as a strong heel.

Follow-up question: What were the three biggest negatives with last week's Raw?

2a) Lack of wrestling.
2b) Lots of turns in one episode.
2c) Vince McMahon's ass.

Third of three questions: Which one of those lists received the proper follow-up this week?

1a) Flair did a couple backstage segments and a 20-second interruption promo.
1b) Austin drank a lot of beer, then stood in front of Vince's ass for 10 minutes and lowblowed him.
1c) Jericho cut a really strong promo, then got pinned by a DDT and punked out.

2a) 21 minutes of wrestling. Six matches. One good.
2b) The Undertaker turned heel.
2c) Oh ho ho.

They fooled me, Jerry. They fooled me, Jerry.

This WWF regression (That was the name of the cologne, right? No, the rap CD.) to 1999 is pretty disturbing. Don't get me wrong, there are few things I love more than pee and asses, but P&A wasn't responsible for the WWF doing high TV ratings, Steve Austin was. 1999's Attitude (that's the cologne) didn't serve any purpose except putting heat on the company, and the negative stigma among advertisers that the WWF picked up in '99 is still haunting them today and is partly responsible for the cancellations of Nitro and Thunder and the inability to get TV for the WWF-owned WCW. In 2000, the WWF almost completely eliminated the risque elements that were inappropriate for pre-Generation X and suffered no decline, because the angles were good and the Rock was hot. (As a ticket-seller, I mean. Having sex with the Rock would negate and destroy all the handsome qualities that make him so loveable, or so I hear.) The company's priority should be writing logical storylines, resuscitating its titles, building towards matches and making people want to see them, and keeping its characters consistent, which means cutting back on the number of turns.

Cutting back on the number of ah yes.

Turning the Undertaker in a horrible angle a week after the big shake-up is, um, ill-advised, whether you look at it from the standpoint that he's popular or from the standpoint that he doesn't bump. If I see Rock or Austin headlining PPVs against the Undertaker, I will die right here in my shoes. It's just ... it's just, no. I'm looking at it from the standpoint that it sucked. Everything about it sucked.

Except for Vince dancing around slapping his ass with the cowboy hat.=20 That was ridiculously funny. Vince and cowboy hats have that special magic together, from Vince strutting around in a cowboy hat in Texas after WrestleMania saying "Yeah I'm a real Texan" to Vince getting the cowboy hat as a present from Austin to Monday night's ass-slapping skip.

Raw did a 4.4 rating, down from last week's 4.8. Suggestions: More Ric Flair, more Steve Austin raising hell, more matches, less Vince, less ass.

Vengeance PPV on December 9: Steve Austin vs. Kurt Angle for the WWF Title
The Rock vs. Chris Jericho for the World Title
WWF Champion vs. World Champion

puzzle-piecing based on Smackdown tapings:
Rob Van Dam vs. The Undertaker
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy
Kane and The Big Show vs. The Dudley Boyz for the Tag Titles
Edge vs. William Regal or Test or uh Christian

Build-up for the show has been strange because the show is a week and a half away but everything has revolved around Vince's ass instead of Austin vs. Angle. Jericho and Rock have had good interactions, although I don't get Rock pinning him in the tag match. I don't know if they're unifying the belts to rid themselves of all things WCW or if the main event will end in screwjobbery (Triple H run-in?) to keep two belts around for an eventual split. The latter only makes sense if they're going to split soon, which I don't see how they can do before Mania. And I don't think the final is going to end up Rock and Austin either, 'cause they have to be saving that. Whatever happens, there's almost a guarantee, there's that word again, guarantee, of three great matches so yeah let's get that party started.

Well if it isn't the whack ass busta.

In always-exciting WWF financial news, the WWF fffffffffffffffffffffffffired 39 employees two weeks ago, the largest layoff in the history of the company. WWFE will save approximately $9 million on the employees, none of whom held titles or had the firing immunity privileges that would have enabled them to keep their jobs no matter how unpopular they were. Most of the cuts came in the internet department, which is merging with publications under Shane McMahon. Shane is supposedly off TV for some time to head the behind-the-scenes um stuff. According to my pretend dad, Shane has hush-hush heat among the wrestlers, or, as I don't like to call them, The Boys, for not wanting to do a humiliation firing after Survivor Series like his sister and for not selling the multitude of finishers he took in the main event when he came out on Raw. SummerSlam did a 1.11 buyrate, that show's lowest since 1997. Unforgiven did a .74, tying this year's Judgment Day for the company's lowest since May 1998. No Mercy did a .80.

                                   2000            2001
Royal Rumble			   1.58            1.35
No Way Out                         1.20            1.60
WrestleMania                       2.08            2.18
Backlash                           1.62            0.90
Judgment Day                       1.05            0.74
King of the Ring                   1.19            0.96
Fully Loaded/Invasion              1.04            1.63
SummerSlam                         1.40            1.11
Unforgiven                         1.50            0.74
No Mercy                           1.31            0.80
Survivor Series                    1.00            xxxx
Armageddon/Vengeance               1.15            xxxx
Look at Steve Austin pop those bizzity buys at Backlash and Unforgiven 2000.

Speaking of bizzity buys, here's a very special news update. My roommate at school MICHAEL STAMMCOFF recently sent Jeff Lynch some $600 in exchange for wrestling tapes, the majority of them taped in the island country of Japan. Isn't that CRAZY? $600. So now I have to watch Fujita get kneed in the face in shootfights and bleed from the face. More on this story as news breaks.



1. PWTorch.com reader Bob asks:

You just sit around and ask for ashtrays, can't you reach?

Justin Shapiro answers:

I see you kiss her on the cheek every time she gives a speech.

That is my song about Vince, ha ha!


2. PWTorch.com reader Elizabeth Huber asks:

Talk about something besides wrestling. Buyrates and drawing power and blah shut up.

Justin Shapiro answers:


I can't.

It's all I know.




I really like those Pittsburgh Steelers.


3. PWTorch.com reader Eric asks:

How was sexual intercourse with my girlfriend, Steven?

Justin Shapiro answers:

Alright, Will, just take your shirt off and tell us.


4. PWTorch.com reader Trevor asks:

Bring back Wrestling Observer Live.

Justin Shapiro answers:

There is no done deal right now, but there are negotiations that I'm cautiously optimistic about, far more than at any period since Eyada folded.


5. PWTorch.com reader John asks:

Here are some limericks that I wrote.

There once was a guy named Brent
Who took a big dose of stimulants
He grew fast and hyper, poisoned like a viper

Justin Shapiro answers:

And now his brain has a dent.

Justin Shapiro
[slash] Tuesday

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