THE WESTMINSTER DOG SHOW STILL PISSES ME OFF
It's week two of Tuesdays with Me here on the /slash. Thanks to everyone
for making last Tuesday's update the most read news update of the
week. No Way Out is this Sunday. Here's the card as of now:
Let's check the news.
Boy, as we were heading into the wedding business I found myself thinking
"oh man, is this going to be gay". I mean, the magic phone with Linda, how
could it be anything BUT gay? And yet somehow they pulled it off. I dunno,
HHH telling Stephanie off and destroying the set and taking out Vince was
COOL if you ask me. Yeah, you go boy.
An equally fantastic development was the announcers saying "Godfather-lite"
and discussing how his turn to the legit hadn't really worked out. Surely
this can only mean a return to scantily clad ho's and the catchphrases we
know and love. Pimpin' ain't easy, but it's necessary.
The rest of the show kinda drug on. Stacy Kiebler is hot but she's not the
ideal opponent for these bikini or lingerie type matches. There's just no
mystery as to whether anything will pop out, cause there's nothing TO pop
out. Get Trish in there with Torrie so we can hope that maybe the tape
won't be able to hold everything in place. And I can only imagine the
industrial strength duct tape that Stephanie had to use to keep those
watermelons inside her dress. Good LORD. She's gonna be a hunchback in a
If I had to guess I'd say maybe a Regal/Edge match will be added, and a tag
title match of some sort. Based on Raw perhaps a three team affair with
Spazz, the Dudleys, and Booker & Test. And maybe throw in Billy & Chuck for
some hot 4-way action.
- Chris Jericho vs. Steve Austin - undisputed title match
- Triple H vs. Kurt Angle - #1 contender match
- The Rock vs. The Undertaker
- Rob Van Dam vs. Goldust
And the nWo will be on hand, eatin' fruit and bein' cool. If you haven't
seen it yet, nwo.wwf.com takes you to a nifty little sub-site with bios of
Hogan, Hall, Nash, and the nWo as a whole. Here's a sample:
Nobody knows more about injecting poison into a sports-entertainment
company than Scott Hall.
I'll bet that's not all he knows about injecting! HaHA! Get it... cause
he's a... ugh leave me alone.
For everyone with illegal DirecTV, and for the 3 of you who still pay for
it, you'll be able to see No Way Out too. The two sides have finally
reached a deal, although no specifics have come out yet. The problem was
that DirecTV was wanting a bigger cut of the pie, a 60/40 split instead of
50/50, and the WWF refused. I think the WWF giving in would seem pretty
unlikely given the position they've taken on the issue, but one never knows.
Matches have been announced for the WWA's next PPV on the 24th.
In addition, superstars as Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, Bret Hart, and the
Macho Man are scheduled to attend. And as a special gift to CRZ, Mark
Madden will be making his return to the broadcast booth to call the action
with Jeremy Borash.
- A Cruiserweight Survival Match with AJ Styles, Tony Mamuluke, Shark Boy,
Low Ki, Chris Daniels, and Nova
- Devon Storm vs. Sabu
- Eddie Guerrero vs. Psychosis vs. Juvi
- Disco Inferno vs. Grandmaster Sexay
The WWF is putting out a new CD sometime in March. It sounds like WWF the
Music meets WWF Aggression, with several used-for-TV themes combined with
several specially made songs. Among the highlights are the Disturbed
version of Austin's theme, Edge's song by Rob Zombie, and RVD's new music...
then there's some crap. But it sounds decent.
Kevin Nash is suing WCW, or what's left of it inside AOL/TW, for royalties
he's owed. The greedy sumamabitch. Apparently other wrestlers are getting
ready to file similar suits, so this un-interesting story may only be
Speaking of Nash, he and Scott Hall have already been sent to the minors.
In a matter of speaking, anyway. The two of them and X-Pac are training at
the HWA facility in preparation for their in-ring returns. I'm sure they
think they're above Kronik on the pecking order, but they might want to
consider remembering the way to the building. Just in case.
There were two stories this week regarding Terminator 3, one saying that
Scott Steiner had an audition for the movie and another saying that Arnold
wants Chyna to be in it. Steiner I could believe, but has Arnold actually
SEEN Chyna lately? She's not quite the intimidating force she once was,
what with her big boobs and drastically reduced body mass.
Of course, the same goes for Arnold, so what can you do.
Undertaker and Kane will be on America's Most Wanted this Saturday,
helping with a feature on someone "wanted for the stabbing of a young WWF
fan and the murder of his father". This is so awesome. Why haven't I seen
this mentioned anywhere else? Man, when Taker and Kane are on the case, you
know you're fucked.
Credit for some of these tidbits go to the always in-style Pro Wrestling
This isn't really news, but have you noticed Wade being all queer and
taking shots at the RVD/Goldust angle? "WAH Van Dam wasn't a part of
Goldust's past, the WWF lied to us all." Wade, you ass. You ASS. Didn't
Goldust say THIS in one of his promos (transcript by CRZ):
I like the way you have no idea what it is you're about to be dealing with.
Right now, you're so joyous - so enthusiastic. Here's lookin' at you, kid.
Because one day you'll look back on all this period in your life and
remember how happy you were - how life was simple back then - before the
pain - before the suffering - before your life was forever altered by the
name you will never forget..(inhales)... Goldussssst.
Now wouldn't that suggest that Goldust didn't have any sort of past with the
guy? Yeah, I think so. Piss off, Wade.
Kevin Nash has pitched the idea of hiring Disco Inferno for the WWF
writing team. He's also suggested Mark Madden as a possible commentator
once the split takes place. If this worries you, take solace in the fact
that Hogan wanted them to hire Jimmy Hart and that hasn't happened, although
Hart claims the WWF made a strong push to sign him but he was just too loyal
to his XWF pals. Suuure.
Scott Steiner had a physical scheduled for earlier this week at the WWF's
request. They were expected to make him an offer if he passed. Supposedly,
he passed it easily.
CLOSING OF THE
That's all I got. Until we meet again.
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