BLAH

Isn't it scary that there seems to be something new every week to justify these update titles? Let's check the news.

THE BIG STORY:

• The big story this week has to be the forming of a new national wrestling promotion by the Jarrett family. According to the Torch, which gets full credit for this story, Jerry Jarrett is launching a promotion that will air weekly pay-per-views at a price around $10 a show.
  
  Jerry Jarrett, if you don't know him, is a former wrestler and promoter from Tennessee. He worked creatively with the WWF and WCW over the past ten years. He and a group of investors tried to buy WCW before the WWF got it, and every so often his name floats up in regard to a new wrestling group. And now he's starting one. Probably the biggest thing that can be said about him is that he was apparently chosen to run the WWF in Vince's absence if Vince went to jail during the steroid trial, so this ain't some dude off the street who used to work in a video store.
  
  He's also Jeff's dad, of course. Jeff Jarrett will be the co-owner and co-runner of the promotion, and will also wrestle... giving him the chance to really live up to that whole Chosen One gimmick. No other wrestlers have been signed to the promotion yet, but the Torch newsletter reports that several indy stars say they've been contacted. The wrestlers say they're being asked to work 26 dates, meaning the promotion will tape it's shows kinda like the WWF used to. One show will air live and the next week's show will be taped afterwards.
  
  The Jarrett's have reached a deal with In Demand PPV for the weekly PPV's to run, beginning on June 19. Each show will cost $9.99, but there will be packages offered at a discount where you can buy several shows at once, like they do with NFL and NBA games. The marketing for the promotion will be based on what's being called "unprecedented support" from the PPV and cable industries.
  
  

• Well, that sure is different. Weekly pay-per-view with no TV? That's crazy! They've already begun taking the "what makes you think people will pay for it" comments, which are valid. Comparisons are being made to the WWF having a similar idea several years ago for weekly PPV's, which didn't go over well with the cable companies and resulted in the TV show Shotgun Saturday Night. If the WWF couldn't do it, how could these guys?
  
  But I think you have to keep in mind the reasons why it wouldn't have worked for the WWF. They already had various hours of free TV during the week, not to mention monthly PPV events. The weekly PPV's would have been in addition to all that. But the Jarrett promotion doesn't have anything at all, they aren't asking fans to pay for one show when there's another one for free the next day. It's all or nothing.
  
  I'm not quick to dismiss their chances, and I hope they do really well, but obviously it's all going to boil down to their product. I think there's a solid amount of people who will buy their show once to see what it's like. But what if it sucks? Who's gonna buy it again? And even if it's good, how many people will continue to regularly support them?
  
  It should be interesting, at least.
  
  

• The nWo beat Rock and Austin! There was a bunch of gayness with HHH's dog! The board of directors gave Vince full authority over the WWF! Read CRZ's recap!
  
  Boy, that dog stuff. Whatever. At least Jericho didn't get a Pedigree in the dog poop. But I did enjoy the subsequent attack with Jericho using a sledgehammer on HHH's leg. Did you see Sgt. Slaughter helping Hunter backstage? Remember when they hated each other? Wouldn't it have been cool if Sarge knocked Hunter off the stretcher and went "talk about my wife, will ya!" and kicked his ass? I thought so.
  
  

• WrestleMania is this weekend! Here's the card:
  
  
  • Chris Jericho vs. Triple H - unified title match
  • The Rock vs. Hollywood Hogan
  • Steve Austin vs. Scott Hall
  • Ric Flair vs. Undertaker
  • William Regal vs. Rob Van Dam - I/C title match
  • Chuck & Billy vs. the APA vs. The Hardyz vs. The Dudleys - tag team title match
  • Kurt Angle vs. Kane
  • Edge vs. Booker T
  • Jazz vs. Lita vs. Trish Stratus - women's title match
    
    
  It looks like Christian vs. DDP will be added, too. And Dave Meltzer says we can expect Test & Mr. Perfect & Lance Storm vs. Rikishi & Scotty & Albert, perhaps on Heat.
  
  

• Well... starting off at the bottom, clearly Team Rikishi must win so that we can get the dance. Christian is a hometown boy, but he's also a heel, so it could go either way. But I'll go with Christian. Trish is a hometown girl and I pick her to win the women's belt because she RULES. When exactly Trish started to rule I don't know, but sure enough she does.
  
  Edge is also a hometown favorite, and I don't mean to imply that these people will win simply because it's their hometown. Trish will win because she's awesome and it makes sense, Christian will win because I dunno where it'd go if he just loses to DDP again. Edge, though, he'll win because it's his hometown.
  
  Kurt Angle should go over Kane, and I can only hope and pray that Pete Rose is involved this year. I was hoping they'd add a gimmick to this match, for some reason. I don't even know why, but it'd spice up the card. I guess they could do it with Edge/Booker instead and have a shampoo on a pole match or something.
  
  The tag title match is a pick ‘em... I say Chuck & Billy retain, but if not, the Hardys winning is fine. If RVD doesn't beat Regal then something is wrong. I don't think Undertaker's WrestleMania winning streak should end here, and Flair losing via Vince interference helps the split and Board of Directors stuff along, so Taker seems like the easy pick.
  
  Austin vs. Hall is tough... I really wanna say Austin, but the nWo should win something if they're gonna stick around, and it sure shouldn't be the other match. And with Nash there to get involved a nefarious finish should be easy. But I'm gonna pick Austin.
  
  HHH vs. Jericho isn't easy, either. A lot of people were suspecting a Stephanie/HHH reunion, but way too much has gone down for that to make any sense. And the way they keep teasing a Pedigree on Stephanie, she's gotta end up taking it sometime during the match. I hope Hunter wins to finally give us a title match with a happy ending, but I don't think this will be the last match on the show so I guess anything can happen. Still, I pick Triple H.
  
  I think Rock vs. Hogan will be the final match of the night. With Hogan pinning Rock on Raw, I say there's no way Rock will lose here. If it's the last match there's no way Rock should lose. Really, there's no way Rock should lose. I hope he wins. I pick the Rock. Yay Rock!
  
  

• The WWF was back on the Weakest Link this past Sunday. Kane won in a sudden death showdown against Buh Buh Ray Dudley, who was quite impressive throughout the show. As was Kane. I'll bet he's the first and only person with visible nipples to ever win the game.
  
  

• My main homey J tells me that the Wrestling Observer is reporting different buyrate figures for No Way Out than the Torch did. While the Torch says early numbers put the buys near 780,000, Meltzer says they were under 522,000. That figure would be, I think, somewhere in the 1.3 range... so still solid, but obviously not as good as the Torch's figure.
  
  We'll get to the bottom of this in just a few months, probably right around the exact time that it becomes irrelevant. Such is life.
  
  

Credit, as always, goes to the ultra swank Pro Wrestling Torch newsletter.


• Hulk Hogan has been getting nothing but positive reviews for his conduct backstage. He's nice to everyone and doesn't act like he's a big star.
  
  
• Harvard Chris was in the crowd at TV last week, but he's not under WWF contract and there are no plans to have him feud with Maven or any such thing.
  
  

• You might recall last week's Billion Dollar Booty update, in which I discussed the plan for someone to grab Stephanie McMahon and expose her so pictures could be taken. Well, I'm happy to report that we already have a winner!
  
  Thanks to Hunter from Connecticut, who risked life and limb to provide us with this shot of the Billion Dollar Ass Crack. I'm sure your check is in the mail.
  
  
  
  

• Hey, I won't be around next week! My lady friend and I are off to Nassau for Spring Break. Not the Nassau in the Bahamas, we're going to a Raw with a shitty crowd on Long Island. Ha HA, but seriously, folks.
  
  Since it is post-Mania week, however, and there should be plenty to talk about... I have acquired the services of a SPECIAL GUEST UPDATER for next Tuesday's report! This is SO BIG that I don't want to spoil the surprise. But you know him... you love him... you've dreamt about it, but you never thought you'd live to see the day! But next week, all your wildest dreams come true.
  
  I sure hope you'll come back! And I'll see you in two weeks.
  
  BYE
  
  

BLAH