BLAH

Hi! How are you? Splendid! Let's check the news.

RAW:

• Why yes, that WAS me covering the first half hour of the show in CRZ's recap! It was kinda neat to do, but I don't know if I'd be saying that if I had to do the whole show. Forget about two shows in one week. Or two shows in one NIGHT back when Nitro was on. Wow. Z, I don't know how you do it.
  
  I liked last week's Raw better, but this show was okay. The opening stuff was good, I liked the main event, and the middle stuff jumped all over the scale. It just didn't seem as exciting as last week. We finally got to hear from Eddie, which I liked. And Bradshaw had a good promo after having a solid one on Heat, too. You go, hoss! JR doing an in-ring interview with Triple H was pretty "old school", as they say. Whoever "they" are. I think the last time they did that, HHH broke JR's arm.
  
  I thought the stuff with Lita and Paul Heyman was really bad. Paul was trying but Lita was just like "stop that, Paul". What a range of emotions! And who carries around that much underwear, anyway? Two weeks ago I wondered where Lita was due to her absence on Raw, and it turns out she was missing TV to film the finale of the show Dark Angel. I've never seen that show, but if Lita is the sort of talented thespian that they're after, it does not bode well. Hey, maybe next season they can get Shawn Stasiak in a recurring role.
  
  

• The World Wrestling All-Stars had a PPV this past weekend. Here's the quickie results:
  
  
  • AJ Styles over Nova
  • Jerry Lynn over Chucky
  • Tio over Puppet in a hardcore midget match
  • Brian Christopher & The Cat over Stevie Ray & Buff Bagwell
  • The Funkster over Quebeccer Pierre
  • AJ Styles over Jerry Lynn for the WWA cruiserweight title
  • Sabu over Devon Storm in a cage match
  • Midajah over Queen Bee in an evening gown match
  • Scott Steiner over Nathan Jones for the WWA title
    
    
  I happened to catch this show and... wow. The production is so awful, but I could look past that if the product was in any way redeeming. But it's not. The opening of the PPV featured Jeff Jarrett arriving and promising he'd find some way to get involved in the main event, but he was nowhere to be seen for the rest of the show. The ring announcer didn't even know the name of the company. They never told us why Sid was now the commissioner and why Bret wasn't. There was an evening gown match with no evening gowns. And the matches, with the exception of Lynn/Styles and Sabu/Storm, were miserable.
  
  If you're curious, according to the Torch the last WWA show bombed with about 15,000 - 20,000 buys. And as bad as that show was, I can't see it having inspired more people to order this one.
  
  

• The WWF has Backlash this Sunday! Here's the lineup:
  
  
  • Triple H vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan - Unified title match
  • Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. The Undertaker (special referee Ric Flair) - #1 contender match
  • Rob Van Dam vs. Eddie Guerrero - I/C title match
  • Kidman vs. Tajiri - Cruiserweight title match
  • Billy & Chuck vs. Al Snow & Maven - tag team title match
  • Jazz vs. Trish Stratus - women's title match
  • Kurt Angle vs. Edge
  • Bradshaw vs. Scott Hall
  • Brock Lesnar vs. Matt Hardy
    
    
  That looks to be 5 matches for the Raw half and 4 for Smackdown, so maybe a match will be added to even things out. Chris Jericho has nothing to do yet, but I don't think they should throw him into something just so he can have a match. But he should have a role on the show, maybe doing commentary for the main event or something.
  
  The card looks solid to me. I would think that Angle/Edge, RVD/Eddie, and Tajiri/Kidman should all be decent at the very worst. Austin and Taker usually always pull out something worth watching. The main event should be... interesting, if nothing else. And CRZ already made the good fallaway slam jokes for Hall/Bradshaw.
  
  
• If you're wondering why Kane isn't on the card, he apparently tore his bicep this weekend and will be having surgery shortly. Why's he gotta be copying Nash like that? The rumor before the injury was that Kane would team with Bradshaw against Hall and X-Pac.
  
  
• In other injury news, it was reported on Dan Patrick's radio show that Goldberg broke his arm during a celebrity car race after his car wrecked. But he wasn't hurt in the crash, apparently he got upset with his gear shifter and started pounding on it so hard that his arm broke. Simply stunning. Cars 2, Goldberg 0. But word coming out today says he might not have been hurt that badly after all, possibly just hurting his wrist some.
  
  
• The Rock hosted Saturday Night Live this past weekend, which I found to be pretty disappointing. Not because of Rock but because the stuff just wasn't funny. But I do love that Brian Fellow. HANG UP THAT PHONE! That bird better pay he doesn't screw up my credit.
  
  
• Everyone's favorite chubby nude vixxxen Tammy Sytch was interviewed in the Winnipeg Sun last week and had some interesting things to say. Namely that she plans on returning to the WWF and has the "perfect idea" to do so. I dunno what that idea is, but I'll bet it involves EATING.
  
  
• Hooray for me! My cable system finally got UPN this week, so I'll be able to see Smackdown for the first time since 2000. A local FOX channel played Smackdown early Sunday mornings before dropping it once a local UPN station popped up. And 2 years later I finally got that local station. UPN~~~~
  
  

• In another slip down the slide of credibility, 1wrestling has now started daily "hotline" style updates for it's paying customers. And in the grand tradition of 900 hotline plugs, they're plugging the juiciest, most inside, oh so scandalous teasers to sucker people into paying. For example, their first plug promised THE TRUTH on who the Rock was talking about when he referred to other wrestlers being jealous during his appearance on Unscripted.
  
  Now, from what I saw of the show, Rock mentioned that he thought he got some "vibes" of jealousy from guys in good positions. Not that there were incidents taking place, but that he'd gotten some "vibes". Am I to believe that the Rock privately told 1wrestling.com about his vibes? Because I can't really see any other way for them to know "the truth" on the matter. But that tease looks downright credible next to the one for today's hotline update, which looks like Mean Gene himself wrote it. It's a sad state of affairs.
  
  
• In some actual news being reported on the site, apparently the 2002 Brian Pillman Memorial Show has been canceled. The HWA's responsibility as a WWF development territory, as well as the loss of several staff members who usually worked with the event, are being cited as the reasons for the cancellation.
  
  
• Dave Scherer says there are rumors that Chris Benoit will be making his return this week, perhaps at Backlash.
  
  

• I don't know! Every time I tried logging onto his site, it asked me for a password.
  
  But I have heard that the Observer newsletter had a story about Chris Benoit perhaps being managed by Arn Anderson once he returns. Arn is working as an agent on Raw, but could be moved to Smackdown to be with Benoit. Apparently there was once thought of having Paul Heyman with Benoit, but that may not be likely now due to Heyman's association with Brock Lesnar.
  
  

All credit goes to the Pro Wrestling Torch newsletter. It's a bad sum-bitch.


• When Austin came back from his little vacation, he quickly put to rest the rumors that he was upset with the nWo members. He made sure Hall and Nash knew that he had no problem with them. Austin's issues with Vince that exploded around Mania have been building for a while, but they appear to be patched up.
  
  
• A lot of people were surprised when Nash showed up for Raw after his surgery. It was assumed that he'd miss that week to recover. For some people his arrival made up for his being late to Smackdown a few weeks ago.
  
  
• Stephanie McMahon is still backstage, doing backstage type things. She wears a lot less make-up now that she's not on TV. See, folks, this is the kind of hard-hitting insider news that only the Torch can bring you.
  
  

• I warned you. Ain't he a STUD?
  
  
  
  

• Buh bye.
  
  

BLAH