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I Steal Forks From Restaurants

There's not a lot of news this week, but we'll check it just the same.


    So wait a minute. Billy and Chuck are ACTUALLY GAY???? This whole time I thought they were two regular straight guys who'd been caught up in hilarious misunderstandings and innocent situations that looked strange when taken out of context! Well I'll be a monkey's uncle.

    Regardless, this wedding business sure seems to be getting a lot of attention, don't it? Newspapers and TV and whatnot. I saw about 30 links on the Torch site to feedback about the angle, although I didn't read any of it since Torch feedback makes me wish my eyes would heat up to a sizzling blue-hot temperature and thus explode so that I can be spared from seeing any more.

    But I really don't think this whole angle is going to reflect positively on the gay community and change the stereotypical portrayals of homosexuals in wrestling, just because Billy & Chuck don't run around like flaming queens the way past "gay" characters have, as I've seen suggested. I also don't think it's going to result in some big ratings jump for the show as it seems some are expecting/hoping. Is the 18-24 male demographic really going to be drawn in by two dudes getting married?

    I just hope it's funny, assuming that's what they're going for. I would guess that the whole thing will be a vehicle to turn Billy & Chuck face, but who knows? I thought the way it was handled on Smackdown was somewhat amusing... Billy accepting and the two of them jumping around and giving each other manly hugs. When the day comes that I'm goaded by my stylist into popping the big question to my partner in and out of the ring, I'd hope for at least a kiss or something.

    Then Mark Henry shaking their hands while D-Von protested. You see, the GOOD GUYS are tolerant and accepting of a same-sex union, the BAD GUYS are the ones with the problem. Who says children can't learn valuable life lessons from professional wrestling programming?

    In some actual news about the upcoming nuptials, Dave Scherer of 1bob says that WWE contacted the Honky Tonk Man about taking part in the ceremony. Honky once managed Billy, as you may recall, but he's taking his son to a tournament and had to decline. So unless he sells out on his kid, Honky won't be there.

    Also offered a spot was Road Dogg, who apparently has been calling WWE looking for work. Scherer says Johnny Ace offered Road Dogg the spot and a chance to possibly patch things up with Vince, but Road Dogg had such a bad attitude that the deal was pulled off the table and now there's no interest in him at all. But we can all look forward to seeing him under the Bullet mask in TNA, I'm sure.

    Hopefully they can get Bart Gunn, wouldn't that be grand? And Butterbean too! And Chyna, she and Billy were always close. And Sunny, her bad influences caused Billy to turn on Bart (and thus MEN) in the first place. And the guy who wrote his "Ass Man" theme, you know they've gotta be tight.

Let's jump into some news!
  • Due to WWE financials not being where they'd like, Vince and Linda won't give themselves giant bonuses this year. Did you know Vince gets paid a cut of the PPV profits like a wrestler when he wrestles? Well, he does!

  • Austin filed for divorce from Debra. According to documents they stopped living together and it specified that Austin owned specific property that wouldn't be part of the "community estate" which would have been divided between them. With Austin dropping the divorce proceedings, this is all moot.

  • Kurt Angle did an interview with a newspaper and talked about how awesome Rey is. He referred to Angle/Lesnar as the most anticipated match in the company's eyes, and that he wants to stay away from Brock for a while. He's hoping they fight at WrestleMania.

  • Jesse Ventura was on Larry King and said he'd consider returning to wrestling after his term as Governor, but just as a commentator "where it's safe".

  • Brock and Shelton Benjamin's wrestling coach did an interview about the two. He mentioned that the two may soon be fighting each other on TV.

  • Tommy Dreamer crying after his loss to RVD was legit. A wrestler said Tommy's an emotional guy because he lives for wrestling and he saw the match as the symbolic end to the hardcore style on a national basis. "He's just one of those former ECW guys who really believes in what happened in that Bingo Hall years ago".

  • The Raw world title angle wasn't anything last minute, as there were cable previews for Raw that mentioned it.

  • Tough Enough 3 went to Iceland and got covered on some local newscasts. Wrestling isn't shown on Icelandic TV, so the video package that accompanied the story had clips of the Nasty Boys, Scott Hall, and clips from Ready to Rumble.

  • The main event of a recent house show in Wisconsin was Hurricane & Shannon & Kidman vs. Chavo & Jamie & Tajiri. The semi-main was Matt Hardy vs. Funaki. The main guys like Angle, Edge, Benoit, and Brock all wrestled before intermission and left, apparently either to let them get an earlier flight to Smackdown or to get back to their hotels earlier.

  • They've been doing promotions at the house shows where fans get their heads shaved and the one who looks most like Kurt Angle gets a seat upgrade. Or on Raw shows there's spinaroonie contests. Apparently neither is all that exciting.

  • Rock was gonna maybe be on Raw the night after SummerSlam but it was decided against, in great part due to fear that he'd be booed out of the building. Rock pals say he wasn't upset with being booed, but he was concerned with how it'd be taken by non-wrestling types who don't know how finicky wrestling fans are.

  • Edge has been getting notably huge pops at house shows lately.

  • Low Ki got into a backstage altercation with Candido and Tammy at a recent indy show. Tammy came up and said to Low Ki that he'd taken the seat she'd been sitting in. Low Ki looked at her and then turned his head away to ignore her. So Tammy took off her flip-flop and smacked him on the back to get his attention! And Low Ki was all "bitch no you didn't!" and she was all "nigga please!" and a verbal altercation got underway. Wrestlers had to keep them apart.

    Then Candido came in and talked with Low Ki, who told Chris that he respects him but he needs to keep Tammy in line. That pissed Candido off and the rest of the locker room had to get between those two. Then later Tammy and Low Ki went at it again, with wrestlers again having to get between them. That time Low Ki threw a chair at Tammy that just missed her and hit someone else, but the guy wasn't hurt.

    The general consensus was that Low Ki was in the wrong, as there's an unwritten rule that guys usually give up their chairs for ladies. Sources say Tammy wasn't trying to take advantage of such a rule, she really had been sitting there. Plus, there's a respect factor, where if someone who's been in the business longer than you says you took their seat, you should let them have it back.

    "Low Ki has major issues," said some guy. He went on that Low Ki has blown up like this several times, but promoters don't do anything because Low Ki is considered the new "wrestling god of the internet". The source told another story about Low Ki telling another wrestler to "get out of my locker room" a fw months ago. "He has gone on record saying that he doesn't care how long people have spent in the business. He thinks it's all about who's on top now, but what is he on top of?"

  • There's lots of talk that WWE has shown interest in signing Malice from TNA.

  • Bob Ryder said on the TNA site that the satellite deal TNA signed was not in violation of their agreement with In Demand, unlike what the Torch said a few weeks ago.

  • Joel Gertner made his stand-up comedy debut on August 28th at "Stand Up New York".

  • Sting returned to the ring for the first time since the last Nitro. He was part of a free wrestling show in Omaha that was held as part of a religious convention. Ted DiBiase, the LOD, and Terry Taylor all appeared and talked about their religious beliefs, but DiBiase played a heel and threatened Taylor with being put through a table by Ted's team of brutes. That set up Sting's appearance and Ted gave him the option of going through the table for Terry or signing a big money contract that let Ted be his manager. Sting went through the gimmicked table and then fought off DiBiase's team.

    After the match Ted invited fans who want to give their lives to Jesus to get into the ring with him. About 150 people tried to get inside the ring, which then collapsed.

  • XPW debuted at ECW Arena, the first time they've run anywhere outside California. Head booker Shane Douglas beat Terry Funk in the main event, which was actually stopped by the athletic commission due to a cut Terry got on his arm from a broken beer bottle. He got 20 stitches after the show.

  • Tough Enough Darryl debuted for the NWF in a match against "The Hardcore Homosexual". Darryl told fans after the show that he doesn't have aspirations beyond the indy level and just hopes to work occasional indies on weekends to earn extra money.

  • The Sandman was stripped of his UWF Pro Wrestling title and removed from the talent roster. UWF put out a statement saying it was based on "outside affiliations that deem conflicts of interest with the UWF as well as issues concerning his professional conduct with UWF personnel and locker room activities".
    Of Curb Your Enthusiasm! This Sunday! Only 4 months until Oz!
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