You are here




The balls will never read

Ji Ya, Ji Ya, Ji Ya, I made it out of clay! And when it's dry and ready, oh Ji Ya I will play!

    What a bloody barbaric brutal main event! What a fantastic WWE tag team title match! What a tremendous episode of the Curb! That wasn't on the PPV, but it deserves a mention.

    That tag match, whoa nelly. It was something. If you love the star ratings, it's already been given ***** by Wade Keller of the Pro Wrestling Torch. I don't yet know what the Wrestling Observer's Dave Meltzer gave it, but I'm sure it's right up there. Justin Shapiro, sex columnist for The Campus, gave it ****3/4.

    And that main event. Whoa doctor, put me to bed, I've seen enough to know that I've seen too much. I can't ever recall seeing a match where someone bled that much. It was bloody, it was violent, and it gave you that warm feeling inside to see Taker doing the clean job to the rising young star, which is then quickly replaced by the odd sensation of knowing that you're glad the good guy lost and that maybe just maybe you should cancel all your newsletter subscriptions lest you turn into the sort of retching ass goblin you hate most. Was that last part all one sentence? Impressive.
    Want to know what brought on the whole necrophilia thing? I'll let you in on it. Promise not to tell, though. Someone from WWE watched FARM SLUTS.

    While I'm thinking of Raw I'd really like to mention the main event and, specifically, the delightful commentary of Jim Ross. Maybe the whole corpse fucking thing pushed him over the edge, but he really seemed to just cut loose with all his ripping on HHH and Flair and whatnot, and it made for an entertaining listen. Who can forget the delightful "what an idiot!" exchange when Flair went to the top rope. Or discussing Hunter's world title "that he was *GIVEN*... without wrestling a *MATCH*... *FOR IT*." Or the insightful "He sniffed her panties! How long did he rehearse that?" What a guy.
    Here is some news!
  • WWE officials admit talks have taken place with Lennox Lewis, but said the story in a UK tabloid that broke the news was grossly exaggerated. Odds of it happening are said to be less than 50%, but it's more than just a remote possibility. It would supposedly be a legit fight.

  • Michael Hayes was moved to the Raw writing staff and Bruce Pritchard was moved to Smackdown. Bruce still works out of his home for most of the week because his wife is sick, but he does attend most of the TV tapings. A few wrestlers like that Raw guy Ed is a wrestling fan. Raw guys were happy that Hayes came over, since he's a "wrestling guy" and "it should be obvious to anyone who watches the shows that none of the Raw writers have ever ben in the ring before". Lots of Raw wrestlers are hoping that Terry Taylor is put on the Raw writing staff for similar reasons, but Terry is friends with Heyman so he might end up on Smackdown.

    The general feeling from Raw guys is that Brian Gewirtz is not worthy of being the top writer, although most think he's good at doing comedy and would still be valuable, just in a lesser role.

  • More than one person thinks that Michael Hayes did his best to get Vince worked up about the Chavo/Rikishi match (where Chavo used the camera while they're trying to stress more wrestling) in order to try ruining Terry Taylor's trial run as an agent. Terry set up that finish.

  • There's growing sentiment that WWE needs to hire younger agents. Wrestlers are questioning whether the current agents can relate to the current in-ring style. The other side of the argument is that the agents have been around long enough that they've seen it all, so they know a good match when they see it.

  • Juvi was given a tryout at the Smackdown tapings in San Diego. He turned off officials by cramming way too many spots into his match. It was said to be so bad that agents asked him how someone could wrestle for so long in America but have no understanding of what the style here is like. Juvi tried to claim nervousness but nobody was buying it. They tried blowing him off by saying Vince was still leery of Juvi's drug history, but he didn't take the hint and volunteered to take drug tests.

    Even though Heyman used to be a big fan of Juvi's a few years ago, most consider his chances of getting a job offer to be highly unlikely. But on the bright side, he's still real and he's still de juice.

  • Konnan was also backstage in San Diego and was seen talking with Brock and Taker.

  • Some wrestlers are taking great satisfaction in the fact that Bischoff doesn't get special treatment. He dresses with the wrestlers and doesn't get limo service. He gets along with a few wrestlers that he had problems with before, but overall he's still disliked and considered untrustworthy by most of the locker room.

  • Brian Gewirtz being the most unpopular person on the Raw side of the roster has gotten some heat on his comic book buddy Hurricane, since the two of them are tight.

  • Jeff Hardy is said to be looking better physically than he did a few months ago, despite the concerns some people had when he showed up late for shows the other week.

  • HHH told Flex Magazine about his rise from a 125 pound 14 year old weakling to a shreded 210 pound 19 year old Teenage Mr. New Hampshire.

  • Guido and Spanky have signed. Guido was long considered one of Paul Heyman's favorite employees. Spanky was trained by Shawn Michaels and will be doing a previously scheduled tour of Japan before starting.

  • JR and Lawler were both on the sidelines rooting on their teams last weekend. The Sooners beat Texas, but Lawler's Browns lost to Pittsburgh. Lawler doesn't seem to be over Stacy Carter yet, as recent web updates of his have discussed trying to contact her on her birthday and how their divorce isn't final yet. Friends say he's still in love with her and that they spent some time together recently in an attempt at a reconciliation.

  • Tommy Dreamer married Beulah last weekend. They had dated while they were both in ECW and had continued after she left to go back to school, but they broke up and Tommy dated Francine for quite a while. Francine is likely taking the wedding situation very hard.

  • JR reported that Rey's knee has been giving him trouble. Those who know say it's worse than what Rey is telling the office.

  • Pat Patterson suffered a shoulder injury during the attack by Rosey and Jamal. They've quickly gained a rep for not taking care of their opponents, but initial word from the locker room was that they weren't being blamed for this one.

  • Jericho did an interview and referred to the Kane murder angle as the "drizzling craps". He also talked a bunch of shit on Larry Zbyszko for the "living legend" lawsuit stuff.

  • Undertaker's groupie Tracy is Tracy Dali, a critically acclaimed B-movie actress.
  • Curt Hennig showed up in poor shape, but had a good attitude and good enthusiasm. He sees TNA to be a chance at many paydays, rather than your typical one shot gig with a small promotion, so he's giving the impression that he wants to earn his keep. They might not have the budget to bring him back every week, although with Hall having to be Mr. Mom they can just pay Hennig what Hall would have made.

  • Chris Jericho's aforementioned interview also discussed the Sean Waltman Torch Talk and he confirmed the stuff about thanking Sean for helping him learn the"main event style".

  • TNA is on a budget freeze until the new owners finalize their majority ownership of the company. Nobody is getting raises and production expenses are locked in until everything is signed. It's supposed to be from a matter of days or a week or two until everything is final.

  • Russo remains a major contributor to storylines and dialog, but Jerry sets the course for the major storylines each week.

  • On the Oct. 9th show Low Ki and Mortimer Plumtree discussed the Torch's story of the Low Ki/Tammy Sytch incident backstage at an indy show, taking up valuable TV time so Low Ki could deny it.

  • On Jeremy Borash's column at the TNA site he mentioned that the blonde TNA girl at the Oct. 9th show was a member of the US figure skating team.

  • Borash, Road Dogg, Truth, Jarrett, Ron Harris, and ref Scott Armstrong appeared on camera during the shooting of Chris Rock's movie after last week's show.
  • Watch out, the WWA is back! Andrew McManus is planning to hold some more overseas tours. The WWA website lists dates for late November and early December in Ireland, England, Scotland, and Switzerland. Among the advertised wrestlers are Scott Steiner, Sid, Ernest Miller, Carl Ouellet, AJ Styles, Disco Inferno, Alan Funk, Brian Lawler, Buff, Stevie Ray, Sabu, Crowbar, and Nathan Jones.

    WWA also had a presence at the M-One concert series in Australia that McManus promoted. Garbage, Billy Idol, Goo Goo Dolls, Midnight Oil, and Nickelback were among the groups that played. Scott Steiner wrestled Nathan Jones in between musical acts on the different shows on the tour. Disco, who took over Borash's head booker duties, worked as an announcer for the live crowd.

  • Goldberg said on his site that he doesn't have a meeting scheduled with WWE. He said he's got more All Japan matches in December, but didn't mention dates.

  • Joanie Lauer lost to Masa Chono in the Tokyo Dome on the 14th. Afterwards Chono put her over his knee and spanked her.

  • Longtime NWA/WCW promoter Charl Murnick died on the 13th after having a heart attack three days earlier. He and his family promoted events and helped run the NWA/WCW territory with the Crockett family for over 40 years.

  • Savio Vega is booking for Victor Quinone's AAA promotion in Puerto Rico. He's had a successful booking run, as AAA is now in a vicious feud with Carlos Colon's WWC, which had been the top promotion in Puerto Rico for many years. Savio is developing an Eric Bischoff like reputation among members of his locker room, though.
    See above!
LINK OF THE WEEK: - apparently the new WWE Divas Undressed DVD gives you this link for super secret exclusive pictures from the lingerie magazine. Although the ones I looked at were already in the magazine! Oh Dios Mio!
[slash] wrestling

Mail the Author

Comment about this article in Wienerville



Design copyright © 1999-2002 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright © 2002 by the individual author and used with permission