Urban America Pro Wrestling - 01/28/02

They're advertising the religious shows, that's untypical. 

WJYS, 62 AND 34. Why am I watching these commericals?

UAPW Open

One Half of the UAPW Tag Team Champions Cassius (w/Carnage & Neo Blackman) vs Eddie "Don't Call Me Pete" Cruz - Wow, I'm glad I didn't bother to recap this match last time, because we're getting to start all over again. Your announcers Rico Steele and the Evil Commissioner. Rico advances some story about Eddie having border problems trying to get to a recent event - what, the cops wouldn't let him into Indiana? He should consider that a favor! Evil Commissioner is all offended by whatever Rico's trying to suggest (which isn't clear - typically the story is that Evil Commissioner helped stop him but Rico's trying to say Evil Commish was helping him, I think.) Cassius attacks before the bell with some non-interesting stuff - oh there's a corner whip that backfires with a Cruz clothesline. Snap suplex chained into a snap suplex chained into a front suplex - didn't Crowbar do that? Cover but the referee is easily distracted by Neo Blackman. Cruz goes out to chase Neo and get suckered into a clothesline from Cassius. Choke with the bandana, which the ref doesn't DQ him for. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, clothesline. Stomp. Whip, jumping back elbow (I guess, not a good camera shot), cover one two no. I guess that was an attempt at an atomic drop - either that or he couldn't get up for this back suplex on the first try. Evil Commissioner talks about just seeing Riot beat GQ, thought it happened two weeks ago our time. GQ will NEVER get a shot at the UAPW Title. NEVER. NEEEEEEEEVER. NEEEEEEEEEEEVER. Neo's choking Eddie on the ropes. Whip, clothesline misses, scissors kick by Cassius. Pin him one two no. One two still no. One two STILL no. Cassius argues about the referee not counting to three. Neo's yelling at the fans and they've started a loud "Neo sucks!" chant. Lots of kids in the audience. Corner whip, charge in but Eddie gets an elbow up, duck a clothesline, kick, Pedigree. Eddie...doesn't cover because he knows his next spot is to go argue with Neo on the apron (I can't think of another reason.) They argue while Carnage sneaks in the ring. Is he going to give Cassius the belt? No, he's just going to whack Eddie with it. The ref looks at Carnage about three different times during this, as Carnage pretends to sneak out of the ring, and doesn't call for a DQ. This is such a joke. Oh, Cassius' arm fell on top, one two three. (4:38) Fans aren't thrilled. I'm not thrilled. More beatdown by 2000CC as Neo yells at (more like pays off) the ref. Hey, Rudo Cortez is finnaly here, what took you so long? "You can cheat during the match, you can use your superior numbers against my partner, you can even hit him with your title belt in full view of the referee, but when you get to stomping on him after the match, you've gone too far!" Announcer talks about the fans being behind Rudo but I think they're just back to the Neo Sucks chant.

The Riot Act: Riot defuses an argument with his baby - his 2001 Rookie of the Year trophy. His guest is UAPA Evil Commissioner, who's all evil and stuff. Nice spelling, Mr. Graphic Person. How is a white guy commissioner? Evil Commissioner is happy with his champions - Willie's UAPW Champion, 2000CC as tag champs and 9Mil as InnerCity champ. Evil Commissioner can name all of two faces. Riot tells us to watch - you never know when something will happen.

Poker Face vs Blade - GQ is your color commentator for this match. He will NEVER get a UAPW Title shot. NEEEEEEEEVER. NEVEEEEEEEEEER. Wow, what a deep roster that generic nipple pierced guy has to wrestle twice. Poker Face and Blade hug, oh how nice. Lockup, armdrag by PF. Circle, Lockup, battle for leverage around the ropes, clean break by Blade. Lockup, again into the corner this time it's Poker Face's turn to be making the break but he doesn't so Blade just shows him away. He's got the muscles. And nipple rings. Lockup, slam no Poker Face can't get him up (Poker Face is a cruiserweight but Blade's all of 260) so Blade turns into a press slam. "seven, eight feet in the air!" Lockup again, Poker Face push in the corner, now he's pushed away. Perhaps, Poker Face, you want to try something else? One guy does a Poker Face chant, that's always funny. Lockup, push in to the ropes, whip, Poker Face hits a clothesline but Blade's not going down. You know, it's tough to take Blade as a "Big Guy" when his tag team partner outsized him by a significant amount. Maybe Poker Face has no strength. Off the ropes, clothesline he still isn't going down. Third try but this time Blade flips him with a clothesline of his own. Corner whip, corner elbow. Hiptoss out of the corner. Cover one two no. Open hand slap, chop, corner whip, charge into a back elbow (weird delayed sell.) Poker Face charges out right into  a powerslam one two no. No leg hooked there, just two hand pressed on the chest. Off the ropes, elbow drop. Elbow drop. Blade goes up - flying elbow drop but he misses (mostly by himself.) Forearm to the back, forearm to the back, forearm to the back, forearm to the back, right, right, discus slap. Cover one two no. Hammerlock, corner whip, drop toe hold, and Poker Face puts on a modified Rocking Horse, I guess. No submission, he lets go and goes back to the forearm. Whip, reversed, Blade misses with a clothesline and Poker Face hits a German suplex one two three. (5:34) German suplex, but the clotheslines don't work. OH NO it was the crappy "pinned your self while the other guy got his shoulder up (on the side the camera isn't on)" German suplex ending. Poker Face isn't happy with that decision but Blade wants a handshake and gets it. Let's stare at the ring while nothing is happening.

Danny B. Good vs 9-Mil for the UAPW Innercity Title - The kids are really into Danny B. Good. Lockup, no 9 with a knee, elbow, elbow, turnbuckle shot, punches in the corner. Corner whip, reversed, 9 with the WOW Crossbody one two no. Battle of kicks and punches, which 9 Mil wins, whip, hiptoss blocked and DBG hits his own. Armdrag. Dropkick. One two no. Turnbuckle smash. Snap mare. Head snap. Good yells to the crowd, who yell back. Slam. Off the ropes, legdrop, legdrop, legdrop. One two NO! That move never works. Turnbuckle smash. Corner whip, corner clothesline. Corner whip, corner splash. Corner whip, corner splash but no one's there. Good pounds the mat to get the fans to clap. 9 mill with a whip, reversed, face crusher by 9 Mil. 9 Mil sets up - stalling on the apron, slingshot legdrop one two NO! That's his move, apparently. Knees and chokes on the ropes. 9 Mil reaches for something in the apron, right in front of the fans - THE POWER OF THE PUNCH. One two three. (3:36) The international object is hidden before the referee raises the arm. The fans saw it, even if we never got a good shot. Evil Commissioner conducts an interview that adds nothing.

That's it.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling