/19 November 2000
|Urban Wrestling Alliance by jc||
To start, this is my first recap. Writing it has given me newfound respect for guys like CRZ who write these things. I'll probably blow a few calls, so feel free to write me to criticize, compliment, or act completely indifferent: firstname.lastname@example.org
UWA on UPN
aired 11/19/00 on UPN-69 Atlanta
Welcome to the Urban Wrestling Alliance, the U W A! I am your (decidedly NON-urban) recapper, jc.
UWA opens with a rap video (I think it's Jay-z, but I'm not hip to that kinda stuff, so I'm not sure) split-screened with a highlight package.
Just a quick setup here, the UWA ring is dark blue, with a black apron, ring ropes and turnbuckles. For a small promotion, the camera work is excellent, with exceptional clarity and great zooms and pans. The arena is under whelmed, to be sure, with a lot of empty seats showing in some shots. The heat is canned, for the most part. The workers generally bust ass, although the matches could run a little longer. The angles leave a lot to be desired, but let's not quibble...
Hey, is that DJ Ran? Nahhh... Here's Commissioner Alonzo Brown welcoming everyone to UWA. We'll be crowning new tag champs tonight! The commish informs us that it's DJ Ace. Ace encourages us to make some noise, and light it up in here... He introduces Money. Announcer John Watanabe informs us Monet was trained in Atlanta by DDP... Hmm. Money's pretty well built. He's Latino, I'd guess, with greasy hair, long side burns, and a funky goatee... He's wearing dark sunglasses (at night) black shorts, boots, and black tights under the shorts. Next DJ Ace introduces Estrada, another Latino, with his valet, Veronica. Estrada's wearing silver trunks, red boots and black kneepads. Veronica, yowza! She's wearing a pair of tight, shiny red pants (with front laces half-untied) and matching top. Looks like something Lita'd wear...
And here are our hosts, (the also decidedly NON-urban) "straight up" John Watanabe (he pumps his index fingers up and down three times as he says "straight up"). Opposite him is Cross (who gives us a modified version of the old Kriss-Kross stylin') (yeah, I know they sucked). Cross tries his best to ooze urbanness in order to make up for Watanabe's total lack thereof. I might need an assistant on these recaps to do the same thing for me...
Estrada gets in the ring and starts the war of words:
"Listen, glamour boy, I hope you got a lotta pictures, 'cause after today it's gonna be the last time that you see your little pretty little face." "Oh really? Well guess what monkey? This whippin' that I'm 'bout to give you, is dedicated to your girl" Veronica gets all 'uh-uh, i don't want that' with Estrada, wagging her finger back and forth at Money. Damn she's hot.
Was that a bell I just heard? Guess this is a match.
Money vs Estrada: Estrada goes after Money with a right, money ducks, kick to the gut, right, to the corner, whip to the opposite corner, Estrada up and catching the charging Money with a 'rana. A little showboating from Estrada. Refs wear all black here, BTW. Money up, Estrada walks over, jumps up and gives money standing 'rana. Watanabe calls it as an "estradarada", or some shit like that. Cover, 2 count. Estrada with a dropkick, Money swats it away and takes control. Money with a right, whip, elevates Estrada and dorps him to the mat. Watanabe says "oooh oooh" about 33 times. Money with another whip, Estrada ducks the clothesline, kick to Money's gut, Estrada off the ropes, jumping tornado DDT! Canned crowd pops for that. Estrada stops to gyrate like Val Venis used to, then hits an asai moonsault on Money. Sorry, Watanabe calls it as a "hecticsault", pointing emphatically to the action in the ring as he says it and then repeats it. Jeez, can't we just give a move ONE fucking name and leave it at that? "Old fashioned" right from Estrada. Someone ask Watanabe what a "new-fangled" right is, huh? Whip, Estrada goes for that standing 'rana again, but money powerbombs him instead. I still can't figure out who the face is here. Veronica looks crestfallen. And Big Aaron, who is apparently nursing an injury to his left arm, joins us. Watanabe sells Aaron as having the "best body in the UWA" Aaron's black, with a goatstache and a haircut which makes a point at the front. If that's actually called something, someone write in and let me know. He takes a seat at the announce position as his valet, Danielle, places a headset on him. Meanwhile, oh yeah, there's a match going on! Money's covering Estrada, for two. Money with a right. Aaron has a high voice for someone of his build. Money with a whip, Estrada grabs the rope to stop himself, and Money leaps over the top rope when Estrada ducks his charge. Danielle is so far number two on my list of UWA women. Verionica's got it all over her. Estrada off the ropes, baseball slide misses, Estrada tries that standing rana AGAIN, but Money just uses his momentum to propel him over head. BUT Estrada lands on the second turnbuckle, turns around, and nails a flying crossbody to the floor on Money. Aaron says that, if that was him he'd catch him in midair and bounce him like a basketball. Is that so? Well then... Estrada rolling Money back in, cover, 2 count. Chop for Money, again, gyration costs him this time as Money recovers and gives Estrada a chop of his own. And another one! and again! A couple of "Wooo!"'s can be heard. Whip, dueling ducking clotheslines, and double clothesline spot knocks both men flat as they both oversell and spin before landing. Ref's count gets to 6. Estrada with CRZ's patented "iblockyourpunchyoudontblockmine" (hereafter "ibypydbm" because I'm too damn lazy to retype that every time), again, right. Crowd is popping for Estrada, so I guess he's the face. Money staggers back, Estrada with a pose, crotch chop (that's SO 90's!) clothesline takes Money down. Back up, standing dropkick puts Money out between the second and third ropes. Estrada whip is reversed and Estrada ends up gingerly colliding with Veronica. She sells it like gunshot. Money with a cheap right to the back of the head. Back in the ring. Watanabe quotes Ken Patera: "Win if you can, cheat if you must". Estrada with a kick to the gut, off the ropes, bulldog (or, if you're Watanabe, "facebuster"). Estrada's going up! No, he's checking on Veronica. Money takes advantage wit a kick to the gut and a move which loks like Reno's Roll of the Dice, but going in the opposite direction. Watanabe calls it a corkscrew neckbreaker (what, no cute name for his FINISHER?) and that's enough to put Estrada out for 3. (4:46) Danielle smiles a lot over Money's win, and Aaron takes exception. "I was just smilin!". Aaron says he can beat em both together.
Going backstage, Money is with his boy, Black Rob. Money sez: "Mo money, mo problems" Black Rob is black. He says Money's rollin, yeah yeah. Recap package of that match and we go to...
Back from that, we get a recap package. Two big white guys in blue trunks are in the ring with an old title belt, telling a black guy up on stage that the belt is one his father lost to his father and he wants a tag title shot. (got all that?) Apparently the black guy is one half of the tag champs, and accepts. Then, to the action, our black team is clad in red trunks, and they win the belts. Er belt. They're calling the tag BELTS, but I only see one belt. Ok... Anyway two other black guys come out, who are identified by the spastic Cross as the Street Soldiers. They're wearing blue jerseys with the number 45 on the back and what looks like one of those thingies you put in a 45 to play it on a regular turntable. Hmm, 45, 45.... Ahh, I get it now! Anyway, the Street Soldiers come in, beat up the other team (who are identified as "The Black Legion") take the belt AND hijack the Legion's girl. Next, in a backstage promo, the Soldiers demand a shot at the tag titles. They refer to the belt they took as "an old federation belt". The Legion's girl is brightening up the room considerably, I must say. Later, in the ring, the commish demands the return of the girl and the belt. She runs away, and the Soldiers have a match against the Diaz Brothers (who are dressed in white coveralls covered with graffiti) I'm not sure, but I think they played rock/scissors/paper to determine who'd go first. Anyway the Soldiers beat the Diaz's with a swinging neckbreaker. The Soldiers, being the heels they are, refuse to have their hands raised by the ref. Then replays of another match in what appears to be a tag tournament. Billy Dee and Donovan (collectively 2D) with their respective women, against Blitz, two big white guys in blue trunks. Blitz wins. Hopefully, from here on out, I won't have to recap recap packages...
Back to this week's action, and here come the Street Soldiers. Apparently they now meet Blitz in order to get a tag title shot. DJ Ace intros Blitz: "And their opponents, these next two bad boys, are super bad as well. Give it up for the cats they call Bliiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttzzzzzzzzzz!!!!!" They've got Karen, a blonde clad in black. The two teams trade verval barbs, and there's the bell.
Blitz vs Street Soldiers: The Blitzer called "Luminous" starts by burying his knee to the guts of Soldier #1. Vertical suplex. Right, right, tag to "Bison". Double team in the corner. Then Bison gives Luminous a chop in the back. Luminous is understandably upset with this, and insists that Bison mend his ways. So Bison hits him. And Luminous hits back. Karen looks.. worried. They slug each other a few times, then Luminous blocks a punch and delivers a powerbomb. Now Luminous is back to #1, whose name we learn is Sideswipe. Luminous stomps Sideswipe out of the ring and pummels him outside of it. Meanwhile, #2 (id'd by Watanabe as Too Dope), who had apparently tagged in while we all weren't looking, sneaks over and pins the still-incapacitated Bison for the 3. (1:23) As I surmised, the Soldiers will now meet the Black Legion for the tag strap(s) at some point in time... tonight!
Moments ago, some guy came into the locker room and knocked some other guy's bible to the floow. The bible's owner took umbrage at this, and some shoves and harsh words were exchanged. Apparently these two meet, in the ring, NEXT!
DJ Ace confirms my suspicion by introducing the man they call, Deeeeaaaccconnnnnnnn!!!!! Deacon's about 300, 350, and wearing a baby-blue Lugz shirt, a pair of silver pants, and sporting a short dyed-blonde rug. And he's carrying... The Bible. Ah shit. I dunno, maybe he's here to be the Jake Roberts to some other guy's Steve Austin. Then DJ Ace introduces Little Jay, who is about Tazz's height. Jay looks like a used car salesman in his khakis, white shirt, and black suspenders. Seriously, he looks just like a sleazeball shrimp of a finance manager at a dealership I used to work for. It also looks like he, like said finance manager, has a Napoleon complex. Watanabe hypes Jay's work overseas and in Mexico. Jay's got some tender words to share: "You people shut your mouth and show some respect! It's a good thing you brought that bible, 'cause I'm gonna need it to give you your last rites!" The Deacon retorts: "I know you got more sense, just a little more sense than a peso. Alright? What you need to realize is that that book, is the full gospel." The canned cheering gets louder at those last 4 or 5 words. And now we have:
Deacon vs Little Jay: Deacon starts with a big right to put the little guy on his ass. Jay tries to lock up with Deacon and gets thrown back across the ring. "ibypydbm", again, right, right, whip off the ropes, kick to the gut, ties Jay's arm up and drops his face into his knee, and then a clothesline puts Jay down again. Watanabe mentions that the Deacon was trained by the late great Yokozuna. Was Yoko a Christian? I thought those island boys had some weird pagan thing going... But I digress. Deacon goes for another clothesline, but Jay ducks and nails Deacon with a superkick to the chin. Taunting the crowd. Jay off the ropes into a legdrop, again, going up top, missile dropkick! Taunting the crowd again. Takes Deacon to the corner, stompin', Whip out of the corner is reversed, and Jay ends up tied up in the tree of woe in the other corner. Running buttsplash! Jay's down. Watanabe with "'oooooh', repeat". Deacon with another buttsplash, this one to Jay's head. Ouch. Jay sells it like someone poured boiling oil on his head. Scoop, and a... sitout piledriver! (or "high impact manouvre" if you're Sch, um, Watanabe). Deacon to the second turnbuckle, legdrop, hooks the leg, 1,2,3... (2:06) Cross gets all "praise the lord" on us. And we go right to...
Another match! DJ Ace now introduces the man "who has no friends, he's only a friend to his DAMN self! Give it up, for Soloooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!". Solo gives DJ Ace some dirty looks, and DJ Ace is all "what? man fuggitchoo!". Solo's wearing the red/green/black camo shorts. Watanabe says that, rumor has it, this guy used to be a cop. Well shit, ya never know, do ya? Now we're supposed to "give it up for JB Showtiiiiiiiiimmmmeeee!!!". I think he's supposed to be a pimp. Black tights/top with a black glittery vest, with a white hat and shoes. It's funny, 'cause almost everyone has had a valet, but the guy with the PIMP gimmick doesn't? Anyway, JB's got words for Solo: "Solo, it's obvious, that Los Angeles, California (is that where this is taped? well golly gee!) and Showtime have something in common. We know that Solo sucks, Solo sucks..." and the fans get to chanting right along with him. Ah jeez is that WEAK. Solo's retort to that accusation of suckhood: "You know, while you and this stupid crowd were playing ghetto singalong, I was thinking, and I realized that you don't belong in the ring with me at all, you belong out there, with these street trash skanks, these ghetto thieves, and the rest of these perpetraters."
Solo vs JB Showtime: Lockup, side headlock by Solo, pickup, and a slam gets 2. Showtime's head to the buckle, whip out of the corner is reversed, JB running in, tossed over the top but landing on his feet on the apron, pulls Solo down by the hair. JB up top, missile dropkick! 1, 2, no! Chop by JB, again, whip, Solo ducks a back elbow (or a "clothesline" if you're Watanabe) and nails a flying elbow of his own. Cover gets 2. Picking him up, forearm to the back puts JB on his knees. Kick to the ribs. Picks him up, whip, scoop, spins around, big slam. Solo points at... the back of his left leg? I dunno. 2 count. Picks JB up again, whip is reversed, and a spinning heel kick by JB! Left, Left, little pose, big left puts Solo down. Canned crowd pops big for that pose and left. Whip by JB, reversal and a drop toehold drops JB's throat on the middle rope. Canned crowd "oohs" appropriately. JB's hating life right now. Solo picks him up slowly, then shoves him to the corner. Driving the shoulder into the gut once, then whips JB to the other corner. Charge in is met with JB's shiny white boot. And a bulldog on Solo! Watanabe calls that move like he's trying to educate the youth of America on wrestling moves and terminology. Whip by JB is stopped as Solo holds on, then drives his knee to JB's gut. Still holding his arm he pulls them both back and they bounce off of the ropes for what looked like some kind of weird Russian legsweep. Watanabe calls this a facebuster as well... Cross calls Solo a degenerate and an a-hole. Picking JB up, tying one arm up behind his back and dropping him face-first to the mat. Watanabe calls it the "excessive force". Whatever. 1,2,3 (3:25) Even though Cross don't like Solo, he likes that finisher. Cross says JB needs to get outta here with that bullcrap act, that wannabe pimp gimmick...
Now we have a heart-to-heart with our announcers. John Watanabe id's the locale for this taping as the Grand Olympic Arena in LA. This is the site of wrestling history, with matches such as Ricky Dozan vs Dick Byers "The Destroyer", Chavo Sr. vs Roddy Piper... Cross cuts him off and get all up in our area, tellin us to forget about the WWF and WcW, this is the new style...
We cut to backstage, where the commish is chillin. Solo comes by, and the commish asks how many people he's gonna destroy. His answer: "As many as it takes". Then he rolls his shoulders a coupla times and walks off...
After commercial, DJ Ace introduces, Smooooookkkkkkke!!! Smoke's a big blonde guy wearing a pair of Joe Boxers. Not the ones Chaz used to wrestle in, with the smileys... It's some other pattern. His chick's a redhead in a green dress. She gets no intro. His opponent is AJ, Action Jackon. AJ's the tallest guy we've seen tonight, might be 6'7" or 6'8", and he's wearing a pair of vertical stripe B&W tights. Hmm, maybe those make him SEEM taller... Some old guy in a wheelchair encourages AJ to "go kick that honky's ass!". Or something like that.
Smoke vs Action Jackson: What, no mike time? Lockup, side headlock by AJ, backed into the ropes and Smoke gets free. AJ off the ropes with a shoulder block to put Smoke down. Waiting on him, AJ off the ropes, jumps over Smoke, Smoke up, leapfrog, crossbody by Smoke gets 1. AJ with a right, whip, Smoke tries a sunset flip but gets a right to the temple instead. AJ picks him up.. and knocks him back down with another big right. Smoke's girl looks worried. AJ bouncing his head off the turnbuckle. Blatant choke in the corner. Canned crowd indicates we should boo AJ at this point. Whip by AJ, clothesline ducked, standing dropkick by Smoke! AJ outside. Cross says "AJ should get his big ass back in there." Watanabe says "yes, and the ref wants his big "A" back in there, as well". AJ jawing with the guy in the wheelchair. I hope this isn't like Hugh Morrus's "Pops" angle a while back. Smoke's woman consoles him, and Cross confirms my suspicions by saying "that's my pops, that's my grandfather man!". AJ knocks the old guy's wheelchair over, and Cross gets out of his seat and runs over. Meanwhile, Smoke's been takin a breather and sipping on a cocktail, and now climbs the top turnbuckle to deliver a huge plancha on the floor to AJ. Smoke's checking on the old man. Leave the old fart alone already! Back in, AJ with rights, whip and a clothesline. Whip to the corner, Smoke moves out of the way of AJ's charge and is eventually able to deliver a neckbreaker after both guys look over their shoulders for a moment to figure out just where the hell they were. Smoke hops up, peppering him with rights, whip, flying elbow, more rights, another whip, reversed, AJ drops his head and Smoke kicks him, then delivers the X-factor. 1,2,3! (3:17) Post match we learn that Smoke's girl is Vivian. She's shining brightly too, I might add... Post match, AJ gets up in Cross's area, but no blows are exchanged...
And here come the Street Soldiers. And right behind them are the Black Legion (Orlando and Marcus) with their chick (damn, everyone has a valet here).
Street Soldiers vs Black Legion: Brawl outside before the bell. Bell actually rings before anyone is in the ring. Orlando starts with Sideswipe. Orlando beating him in the corner. Whip to the opposite corner, clothesline! Again! Belly to belly suplex! Cover,1,2,nope. Tagging in Marcus. Double team in the corner for a moment. Whip off the ropes, spinning heel kick! Cover gets 2. Marcus fucks up and lets Sideswipe tag out unopposed. Too Dope misses with a wild clothesline, turns around to catch an attempted kick by Marcus, but Marcus hits the enziguri. Kick by Marcus, Watanabe makes an Antonio Inoki comparison. Heh. Whip to the corner is reversed, Marcus tries to go up and catch Too Dope in a rana, but gets a low blow instead. "Ohhhh!" Picking Marcus up, right elbow to the temple and tagging Sideswipe back in. Clubbin forearms put Marcus down once, twice, then a whip into a clothesline does it thrice. Cover, 1,2,no! Liberal crowd shots. Double team by the Soldiers. Marcus whipped to the corner, Sideswipe with a splash in the corner, Too Dope with a jawbreaker. It gets 2. Right, whip, going for a sidewalk slam but Marcus hits a 'rana out of nowhere. Too Dope's hardly phased, and he runs to Orlando with an elbow to taunt him. Doubleteam by the heels. Double pose over a prone Marcus, double elbow drop. 2 count. Right, right, clothesline puts him down. Another 2 count. Right, right, right, hard whip to the corner puts him down. Orlando again trying to come in. Too Dope puts him on the top turnbuckle, going for a superplex. Marcus blocks, DDT from the top! Double count goes to 4 before Sideswipe and Orlando get tagged in. Orlando's a house afire! Right, right, right, another Venis-like pose, and another right puts him down. Pulls him up, right, whip, powerslam gets... huh? Ohh, so Marcus is out there makin out wit that little hoochie, huh? Orlando tries to tag, Marcus is too busy gettin him some, and Orlando takes a forearm to the back from Sideswipe. Right, whip, flying elbow. 2 count. Another whip, reversed by Orlando, fireman's carry, DVD! 1,2,3 (5:48) Now Marcus gets in the ring and stomps the remaining Soldier on out, and goes to pose on the turnbuckle. Looks like Orlando's just gonna suck it up and not start any shit over this. At least not now, cause here comes the commish with the one damn belt. He announces them to be the UWA Tag Team Champions. But.... There's only one belt? Orlando, appropriately, gets the belt, since he did WIN and all.. He's also got the mike. He thanks the fans, then tells the commish the Black Legion is done, since his brother can't seem to keep his mind off of his hoochie at ringside. He gives the commish the tag team title back, and leaves the ring. His brother follows.
Now we get a recap package of past Soldiers/Legion matches, including their double-team finisher, called the blackout. One brother gives the other a falcon arrow onto a prone opponent. Hey, the rest of that video's coming up after the commercial.
And I was right, it is Jay-z!
After the commercials we get a recap package of the night's matches and the rest of the aforementioned video.
This was the first time I watched UWA's entire show, as earlier I'd only caught tiny bits and pieces. Overall, I'm impressed with the work ethic of most of the wrestlers here, other than possibly Deacon. I think I'm biased against him, though, because I hate Christianity gimmicks. They just don't work! As stated earlier, the camera work and production values were well above what you'd expect from a small, new promotion. Even the canned crowd noise wasn't overbearing. That said, John Watanabe may soon be nose to nose with Tony Schiavone for honors as my least favorite wrestling announcer. I mean, the guy calls moves when they're watching recap packages for the love of pete...Cross isn't too bad, but he doesn't talk that much, either. It'd be a different story if he did.
On a side note, I just knew Austin was going to do smoething to put HHH out for a long time... He needed a vacation, anyway. Guess we get to wait ANOTHER 3-6 months for the Angle/Steph/HHH blowoff... But, who's gonna be the FACE?
some other time...
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