Opening credits.

Light the pyro because WWE is on TNN! Total Velocity hits the airwaves! Announcers are Michael Cole and Al Snow, probably about as good a duo we can find in the fed...

TONIGHT: Stacy Keibler challenges Trish Stratus to a Bra And Panties Match FOR the WWE Women's Title. Why don't the guys ever wrestle for the World Title in such an obviously serious match?

TAJIRI vs. BILLY KIDMAN

Lockup, Tajiri goes behind, but Kidman reverses it and takes him down. Front facelock is applied, but Tajiri reverses and gets one of his own, before going behind and putting the headlock on tight. Al Snow decides that Tajiri and Billy Kidman have feuded for the Cruiserweight Title in the past, back in WCW. Come on Al - I expected more from you than that! Kidman escapes, but Tajiri gets a half crab and hooks Kidman's head with his leg at the same time. Kidman kicks him off, stands - delivers 2 kicks, and snapmares Tajiri back to the mat. On the ground, Tajiri works a hammerlock, Kidman tries to escape - stands - wrings the arm, but it's reversed, and Kidman's taken back down with an armdrag. The headlock is applied - and Tajiri yells at the crowd. Kidman stands - jawbreaker. That'll buy him a moment. He heads over - vertical suplex - cover, 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. Kidman puts on an armbar, but Tajiri kicks away, scoop slam, kneedrop - yell at the crowd! He fails to notice Kidman's on his feet, and he takes Tajiri down from behind. Tajiri isn't pleased - charges Kidman, but Kidman ducks, and off the ropes delivers a hiptoss. Tajiri up - Kidman heads over, there's a rana! Tajiri rolls out, Kidman heads up, but Tajiri takes a walk, and Kidman's back down. However he spots his prey - and the baseball slide dropkick is hit! Tajiri gets rolled into the ring - boot to the midsection - scoop and a slam. Kidman to the apron, slingshots himself over the top rope and hits the legdrop! 1, 2, Tajiri kicks away. Kidman sends Tajiri head first into the corner. Here's a whip, and a reversal - Kidman jumps over the charging Tajiri, but can't avoid the kick to the shoulder. Tajiri seizes the moment, and throws Kidman shoulder first into the ringpost - and Kidman hits hard! To the floor he goes, and we need to step aside with a commercial break. We'll be right back.

During the break, Tajiri apparently went out to the floor to break up the referee's count and throw Kidman in. Kidman's between the ropes when we return, and Tajiri kicks him in the temple from the floor! Tajiri stomps away, and starts to work over the shoulder. An armbar is put on, with the pressure on the shoulder. Kidman gets to his feet, gets momentum and shoves Tajiri off. Tajiri comes off the ropes - the hiptoss is blocked - Kidman puts his foot on Tajiri's head, spins around, and gets kicked in the shoulder! Kick, kick, kick all to the shoulder! Kidman is on the shoulders of Tajiri fireman's carry style - and Tajiri sends him over the top dragging the arm. On the mat, Tajiri puts on a bow and arrow! The referee sees the shoulders of Tajiri on the mat, 1, 2, Tajiri drops the hold and bitches to the ref. Tajiri turns and stomps on Kidman's shoulder again. The shoulder is draped over the top, and Tajiri hammers it. Here's a Kevin Nash choke with boot on the ropes. Armwringer, whip - Kidman hits a crossbody! 1, 2, Tajiri's up, kick to the head, kick to the head, off the ropes - double dropkick to the head! Cover, 1, 2, Kidman gets a shoulder up! Tajiri makes noise at the fans, and stomps on his head. Here's a slap over the back of Kidman's head, just to be a dick. Choke in the corner - referee orders a break. Whip - blind charge - Kidman sidesteps, goes for a backslide - can't deliver - and Tajiri hits an armbar takedown. Kidman fights back up out of the armbar, but Tajiri chops him in the corner. A whip is reversed - but Kidman charges right into a Tarantula...but no, it's shoved off. Kidman's arm is dangling over the top - and Tajiri sees it, dropping down to the floor with it in his grasp! The fans are really starting to get on Tajiri now, as he steps to the apron - leaps over the top towards the middle rope - springboard moonsault, but Kidman's out of the way! Kidman gets to his feet, and so does Tajiri. They trade punches, and Kidman gets the best of it - whips Tajiri, off the ropes, clothesline! 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. To their feet, Tajiri boots Kidman in the midsection, DDT! Cover, 1, 2, Kidman gets the shoulder off the mat...barely. Tajiri rakes his thumb across his throat signalling this one's over. Heh, cool. Go behind - Kidman escapes - Tajiri tries a rana, but Kidman hits a powerbomb!!! 1, 2, NO! Scoop is blocked, and from behind Tajiri kicks Kidman in the head! 1, 2, Kidman JUST shoulders out! So close! Tajiri goes back to kicking at the shoulder. Whip - reversed by Kidman - Tajiri tries a handspring elbow, but Kidman dropkicks Tajiri in the back!! Kidman comes to the apron, Tajiri kicks him in the midsection, and here comes the Tarantula. Tajiri breaks at 4...and oh fuck. Just incase an awesome match was kinda developing here, here's some Sportz Entertainment to cover it up, as Torrie Wilson saunters down to ringside. Kidman rolls Tajiri up, 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. Tajiri whips Kidman - but it's reversed - Torrie grabs his leg, Tajiri yells at her, Kidman from behind - plants him and covers. 1, 2, 3.

Time: 11:08

WHY WHY WHY do they tease me?

Last Sunday, Edge defeated Kurt Angle in a hair vs. hair match. Everyone was looking forward to seeing Kurt Angle bald on Smackdown! - but it seemed Kurt had other plans. Kurt comes down in a wig, Maven tells him bald is beautiful, Maven tries to take off the wig, Maven fails, Edge tries to take off the wig, Edge fails, and a tag-team match is booked. So we had a decent little tag-team match, Maven pins Christian to get the win, but we still don't see Kurt's new look.

HARDCORE HOLLY vs. BIG VALBOWSKI

Yes, his name is Big Valbowski now - Val Venis never existed. Lockup, Bob with the go behind takes Val down - tries a front facelock, but Val scoots around and puts on a hammerlock. Bob reverses with one of his own, but Val takes him down - applies a headlock - is shoved off, but takes Bob down with a shoulderblock. Off the ropes - Val slides under Bob's legs, then nails Bob as he bounds off the ropes with a clothesline. Into the corner, Bob boots Val in the midsection, and starts to chop away. Whip - Val leaps the charge, and chops away at the open Bob. Right - whip - boot to the midsection - overhead double arm suplex! Cover, 1, 2, Bob kicks out. Whip - Bob takes a back elbow, elbowdrop, Val comes off the ropes - kneedrop, and Val hammers away. The referee tells Val off for his shots - Val claims they were open handed, and when he turns Bob hotshots him onto the ropes. Belly to belly suplex, 1, 2, Val gets a shoulder up. Val is draped on the ropes - Bob picks him up by the legs - and kicks Val in the midsection while he's dangling! Clothesline, pickup, delayed vertical suplex, cover, 1, 2, Val kicks out. Val is whipped - Bob telegraphs the backdrop, and gets kicked in the mouth. Whip is reversed by Bob, Val gets a shoulder up as Bob charges - but Val comes forward right into a clothesline. Val stands - Bob comes off the ropes, and Val scoop slams Bob. Cover, 1, 2, Bob kicks out. Val ducks a punch, but turns to meet a couple more. Val is whipped off the ropes - shoulderblock hits Bob! Right, clothesline, whip - backdrop! Val wants more - here's a fisherman's suplex, 1, 2, kickout. Bob's back up, boot to the midsection, whip - it's blocked, and Val hits a What The Hell Is That? (Set in a belly to back suplex position - Bob is turned in midair and planted short powerbomb style. If this move has a name, please pass it along!) Cover, 1, 2, Bob gets a shoulder up. Val tries a scoop, but Bob slips off the back, rolls Val up, 1, 2, Val shoves him off into the ropes. Coming off - Val catches Bob and hits the spinebuster! Val's headed up - and the fans want a Money Shot. The Money Shot misses - Bob's up, Best Dropkick In The Business, 1, 2, 3.

Time: 4:23

Back to Judgement Day, Undertaker beats Hulk Hogan. So everyone (by everyone, I mean nobody) believed Hulk Hogan was going to retire. On Smackdown!, Hogan does indeed say goodbye, but Vince McMahon won't let him, saying if he tries, he'll sue his ass. So Hogan beats him up, and claims he won't retire until he kicks Vince's ass.

WWE REWIND: Deacon Batista tries to help Stacy win the Women's Title, but it's to no avail as Trish hits the bulldog and scores the win.

STACY KEIBLER vs. TRISH STRATUS (in a Bra and Panties Match for the WWE Women's Title)

Since WHEN does Jim Korderas get called on to referee title matches? Stacy attacks before the bell. Boot to the midsection, Stacy places the belt in the middle of the ring, scoop and a slam right on the belt. The referee runs the belt out of the ring, while Stacy chokes Trish with her foot. The referee wants a break which makes NO sense. Is a Bra and Panties Match no DQ or not? A second ago he allowed the belt to be used as a foreign object. Sorry, I'm nitpicking during a T&A match - go figure. Snapmare, Stacy tries to remove Trish's shirt - but Trish shoves her away. Trish hammers back with some rights and a chop - and kids, remember, WWE Confidential's up next! (Even though it should be on NOW at 11:02...) Trish tries Stratusfaction, but gets shoved onto the second rope, and hung out to dry in the Tree Of Woe in the corner. Stacy uses the chance to remove Trish's shirt. So while Stacy waves the shirt around, Trish comes from behind and yanks Stacy's shirt off. Trish hammers some punches - goes for a whip, but it's reversed, and Trish takes a spinkick. Stacy stands over her fallen opponent and slaps her right in the face. Stacy has Trish in a rollup position - and the pants are coming off. Here's a shot of Trish's ass - but wait, Trish rolls back the other way, yanks the skirt of Stacy right off, and we have ourselves a winner.

Time: 1:53

Stacy tries to stand and attack again - but Trish kicks her back to the mat. Trish poses with the belt, heads to the back, and we're out. Mean Gene's back - stick around, Confidential is next.