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WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan




Unimportant Questions: Does this mean that they eventually figured out what anyone watching the first Excess could've - that the show was boring and pointless? And why did it take so long?

Important Question: Do I start counting show numbers from Excess or Jakked or start over? 

TV14LDV (no S?) CC Attitude Entertainment.

Open, which goes something like this:

Green lines lead to fast highway driving
Velocity Logo
Drivers seat perspective (from the WWE racing car?)
Green lines
Driver cam in the WWE racing car (note the new logo on his helmet)
Green lines, panning up and left away
Exhaust pipes - they shoot out green
Green lines, panning up and left away
The Rock (in the ring, he's looking at someone making an entrance)
Velocity logo Racing (funny? - I forget the drag racing name scheme) Car 
Hulk Hogan posing in the entrance (to Backlash)
Velocity logo
Chris Jericho spins around on the stage
Green lines, panning up and left away
a Purple funny car (can't tell the logo)
Randy Orton with a flying bodypress for Lance Storm
Someone's green eye opens wide
One frame shot of the driver, getting ready to drive
Velocity Logo
Test - half light, half green (all similar are recycled Smackdown open footage)
Kurt Angle (I think), in half light
Lots of green lines
Hurricane poses while Crash (that guy who's on RAW) is out in the background
Torrie in darkness
More green lines
The side of a camera? 
Velocity logo
Triple H, on the apron, mid-entrace
Green lines to a Velocity logo
The Semi/Ambulance crash
Velocity logo
The second angle of the Semi/Ambulance crash
stock empty warehouse clips
Velocity logo, one letter at a time
Vince McMahon, on the stage, doing a Hogan "Roaring Lion" pose.
Green lines, panning up and left away
Triple H, throwing his arm s up in the ring
Random numbers on the side of the screen as we race through the green-ness to the darkness ahead
Val gyrates in the ring (and greeness)
Tire from the #59 STP car
Highway driving
Christian's pyro
More of the 59 car as it races away
Kidman gives Chavo an off the shoulders face first powerbomb.
Extreme close up of the Velocity logo
Triple H, in blackness
Green lines, panning up and left away
About two frames of Rikishi in the ring
Mark Henry (on the RAW stage)
Green lines to the Velocity logo
Another perspective on the logo
Undertaker and a rope
Random numbers on the side of the screen as we race through the green-ness to the darkness ahead
Christian, celebrating
green lines
Rock, in pain (I think)
Eye close up, super imposed over an eye chart (I think)
Stacy, in lingerie, waves the clothes over her head.
Angle spins
Benoit's ladder diving headbutt through a table from TLC3 - not enough to see the table, though
A couple frames more of Benoit's dive
Billy and Chuck
Billy and Chuck
logo - lots of angles on that
purple car, reverse angle
purple car

86 bits in :26 - you can play "who's not here who should be". What Blue and Black is to Smackdown, Green and Black is to Velocity.

Pyro, because they've got to pretend to try for a couple weeks. Your hosts are Cole (who breaks protocol and calls it "TNN") and Al. "Get ready to experience total Velocity, tonight!" Al: "I'm jacked to be here, Michael!" Then he notes the name change - I don't know if he meant to do that or not. Anyway, you might have heard, Torrie and Trish (who's not important enough to get the entrances - but we do get graphics) for the Women's Title in a Bra and Panties match. But to be totally different:

Tajiri (w/let's go back to two weeks ago) vs Billy Kidman in a Cruiserweight Match - It's announced as such, don't ask me why. I wonder if there's special rules. I wonder how Kidman feels about about Torrie? I'm hoping Al will ask but I don't have faith. Later on, that match we talked about and Val vs Hardcore. Tajiri poses, roll, circle, lockup, Tajiri with a waistlock. Al: "Are you missing your Thursday friend?" "Tazz?" "Yea." "[goes back to hyping things]" "I guess you could call me Mr. Saturday Night" "[continues giving background on this match]" Kidman with a go behind, takedown, headlock, Tajiri reveres to an armbar, headlock, moves on to his back, Kidman reveres to his own armbar. Al says Kidman and Tajiri had a feud in WCW over this title - I think maybe for this title (Alliance times), but not really in WCW - Tajiri did beat Kidman to win it the first time, back on October 22nd of last year. Kidman starts to get up, but Tajiri with a single leg takedown and a weird submission hold. It's a Half Boston Crab, but Tajiri's bending the leg around his own head, and sitting to the side of Kidman - the pressure is all on the leg. Tajiri then moves a leg in front of the shoulder on the same of the leg he's hurting, to put some weight on Kidman and prevent him from moving easily or turning it over. Al does not give a name but does explain how it's working. Kidman does manage to turn himself over and escape - maybe a little kick in there, Tajiri sells it like he got hit a bit in the face but I sure didn't see it. Kick, right, snap mare, chinlock, let's talk about Hurricane. Tajiri quickly reverses to a hammerlock, pressing it in, Kidman rolls out, up to his feet but still in an armbar, now he's rolling to reverse it and does, but Tajiri reverses it right back and armwhips Kidman to the mat, chinlock. Cole calls him the Japanese Buzzsaw but he's really not doing much of it here. Al guess Tazz as the possible Hurricane suspect somewhere up there, and Cole told him to stop. Jawbreaker escape. Snap suplex, cover one two no. Cole wonders what Tajiri thought of Torrie and Maven out on a date at Judgment Day. Nothing is said about Kidman. Armbar by Kidman.  Tajiri battling up, kicking free, slam, jumping knee drop. Tajiri celebrates in a very Funaki way - Kidman pulls Tajiri off the ropes and throws him to the mat. Tajiri escapes to the other ropes, Kidman waits for him, Tajiri up and charging, clothesline ducked, armdrag by Kidman, 'rana works and Tajiri slides out to rest. Kidman going to the top, but Tajiri walks to the other side of the ring and safety. Tajiri yells at the fans and gets a baseball slide dropkick. Kidman throws Tajiri back in - kick, slam, slingshot legdrop from the apron one two no. Al wonders about Tajiri and Kidman's possibilities as Hurricane's stalker. Kidman pushes Tajiri in the corner, kick, kick, kick, corner whip, reversed, Kidman kips up, Tajiri turns around and hits a hard snap kick to Kidman's left shoulder and then throws Kidman shoulder first in the post - Kidman falls all the way to the floor. Cole tells us they'll be back. (3:52)

Cole pegged that snap kick as "to the temple", trying to make Tajiri look better but missing the story in the process. That makes me wonder if they did the voice-overs live - certainly, if he had seen the match already, he would have known that Tajiri meant to not hit it as high as he usually does. Kidman immediately grabbing the wounded shoulder was the subtle clue that tipped me off. 

As we come back in, Tajiri has Kidman back in the ring, and is choking him on the bottom rope with a standing on the neck choke. Four count. Tajiri slides out, and kicks Kidman in the bad shoulder. We get a replay of the shoulder to the post shot (Cole again saying "kick to the temple"), and Cole tells us that during the break, Tajiri evilly...broke the 10 count so the match would go on. Stomp to the shoulder. Stomp to the shoulder. Armbar on the bad arm. Tweaking the shoulder. Hype for Mean Gene and Confidential. Cranking it in. Al: "I'm definitely interested in hearing Shawn Michaels' side of it. We've heard Bret Hart's side of it, over and over again, it'll be good to hear the other side of the coin." Kidman's finally battling back, getting the crowd behind and up to his feet - right, right, right, whip, hiptoss, Tajiri blocks it, Kidman with the knee and the flip out (because it's a Cruiserweight match! ah that rule) but Tajiri kicks him hard in the shoulder. And another! Kidman tries pushing Tajiri away with his good arm but Tajiri kicks him again in the bad shoulder. Al notices Tajiri's kicking "the arm", so if he and Cole can split the difference they might yet get this story. Want another? Sure. Push in the corner, boot choke (kinda) to the bad shoulder. You get the idea. Tajiri lifts Kidman up in a fireman's carry, walks to the middle of the ring, and throws him down forward, holding on to the left arm to further wrench that shoulder. Tajiri still holds on to the arm, flips Kidman to stomach first on the mat, and then twists the arm around his left foot. With that still going, Tajiri grapevines the legs with the his other arm, and holds them in for more pressure. Knees to the back, and now switching to the facelock  - hello, Bow and Arrow! It's almost like Jerry Lynn wasn't let go. Al gives us "a form of a surfboard" which is correct but not specific enough to get the 10 from the judges. Tajiri doesn't do as good a job in getting both of his knees in place, and one slips free. Worse for him is that he immediately is pinning himself one two let go. Tajiri argues the count, stomp to the bad arm. Oh, your referee is Mike Sparks. Kidman is stood up, arm is bent around the top rope and Tajiri punches the shoulder a couple times. They keep saying "arm" when they mean "shoulder", I think. It's annoying. Boot choke to the bad shoulder. Talking about Angle. Armbar, wrench. Whip, clothesline misses, Kidman with the cross body one no Tajiri bridges up, out, turns, hard kick to the shoulder (Cole: "to the temple"), hard kick to the shoulder, off the ropes, dropkick to the head! One two no. Hey, Tajiri, know how to do a finishing arm hold? That'd be nice. I mean, you can heart the WWE "pick a body part and work on it for 7 minutes" matches as much as you'd like, but I get annoyed when the finish has nothing to do with the story we've been telling up to it. Of course, Tommy Dreamer isn't in the match so maybe I'll give it a chance. Tajiri up and scowling. Posing. Scowl. Cole: "This guy is a moron." See, Cole wants a Code Red too. Stomp to the shoulder. Stomp to the shoulder. Slap! Boot choke to the shoulder. Al gives Cole heck for not respecting Tajiri's cultural differences. Cole: "But Torrie didn't look like she wanted to be treated that way!" Argh I hate that angle, in many different ways. Armbar, whip, charge but no one's home. Tajiri comes out with a clothesline but Kidman grabs the arm, backslide, but Tajiri escapes (because Kidman's shoulder isn't strong enough to hold him, maybe), armbar takedown! Okay, on an arm, we have an elbow joint, a wrist joint, finger joints, and a shoulder joint. We do not have an arm joint - it's tough to be hurting the entire thing at once. Wristlock, twisting to put pressure on the arm, and a knee to the head just for fun. Elbow drop to the shoulder joint. Push to the corner. Chop, corner whip, reversed, Kidman runs right into the Tarantula but Kidman escapes before it's even really put on, pushing Tajiri's legs off of him. Kidman tries to follow up on the apron, but Tajiri snaps the arm on the ropes as he falls to the floor. Tajiri is happy with himself. Going all the way up, quick second rope moonsault but Kidman dodges. Both men down - one two three four five six seven (Kidman's done an especially well job of selling that shoulder here at the end, even only pulling himself up with his good arm) eight nine - Kidman right Tajiri right Kidman right Tajiri right misses Kidman right right right whip rebound clothesline one two NO. Kidman instinctively pulls Tajiri up with into a front facelock with his bad arm, and Tajiri quickly reverses to a DDT. Cover one two NO. Tajiri signals - this is about it. Tajiri goes for a waistlock, back elbow back elbow back elbow and Kidman goes behind, back suplex but Tajiri lands on his feet, Kidman turns around, Tajiri 'rana but Kidman with a diving powerbomb! one two SHOULDER UP. Kidman trying to get the feeling back in the arm. Slam, no Tajiri slips out, Kidman's clothesline misses, reverse thrust kick to the head one two NO! Tajiri complains - that HAD to be a three count. Tajiri, a little annoyed, takes that out on Kidman's bad shoulder with a snap kick. Whip, reversed (with the bad shoulder?), handspring elbow (oh, Tajiri must've been suckering Kidman in) but Kidman dropkicks him in the back! Tajiri is hurting and on the apron - Kidman (who may have picked out his own body part to work, just a little late) is up first and over - but Tajiri greets him with a kick to the side. Tajiri sets himself, slingshot in to hook Kidman's upper body and hey, he's found a new way to put on the Tarantula. About time. It's an illegal hold - and he breaks it at four. Torrie is out and she's not wearing much - Tajiri is very distracted. Inside cradle one two NO! Well that would have blown. Torrie stands at the base of the ramp. We look at Torrie and miss how Tajiri regained advantage - but there's a whip, reversed, and Torrie grabs his leg. Tajiri reaches over the top rope to grab at her, and Kidman quickly comes from behind to grab him, spin and drop him in a face first powerbomb, then turning him over and sitting on top with a big leg hook with the good arm - one two three (11:20) Torrie cost Tajiri the match - and Kidman may be on the way to a cruiserweight title shot. Al speculates that Kidman owes Torrie and no one thinks that Torrie and Kidman, yea, they've forgotten about that.

Graphic - title match later on. Next, Angle on Smackdown.

Get the F out - limo ad.

At Judgment Day, these stills weren't stills - and then on Smackdown. (8:24) Wow, you can have 11 minute matches and 8 minute video packages - hmm, must mean a short segment later.

Tough Enough 2 finale. Maybe the live segment won't be terrible this time. Maybe.

Here's a Confidential teaser (the only place you can hear Chris Leary these days is in voice overs) - it's next.

Hardcore Holly (purple) vs the Big Valbowski - Al and Cole provide the backstory for this match - Val saved Orton from a Holly/Storm beatdown, so Hardcore wants some payback. Lockup, Hardcore with a waistlock and a takedown. Headlock on the mat, but Val turns it over and puts on hammerlock. Back up to their feet, Bob looking for a way to reverse and does, Val with a front heel trip, headlock, up, off the ropes, and a shoulderblock for Hardcore. Off the ropes, over, sliding under, and a clothesline for Hardcore. Hardcore in the corner, Val walks in and gets kicked, chop, chop, chop, corner whip, Val kips up and out, right, right, right, chop, chop, chop (not as good as Hardcore - or Regal's, which Cole brings up), right, corner whip, kick, double underhook suplex one two no. Whip, back elbow, elbow drop, off the ropes, knee drop. I am one more match away from declaring that the Val Special and saving myself some typing. Punches to the head on the mat. Val argues with the ref (Brian Heber) about possible closed hands, then turns right into a flapjack, dropping his left shoulder on the apron. Side belly to belly suplex one two no. Set on the ropes, lift up - super low blow. Clothesline. Setting up - big vertical suplex one two no. Whip, Hardcore puts his head down and gets it kicked. Right, corner whip, reversed, Hardcore charges into a back elbow, Val charges out into a clothesline. Off the ropes, into a (slow) press slam one two no. No hook of the leg. Bob misses a right, but blocks Val's right and hits his own. Right. Al and Cole have been hyping the TE Finale and are now onto the "look at last year's winners" part of their bit - they only mention Maven. Whip, clothesline misses, Val's hits. Clothesline with the other arm. Whip, backdrop. Val calls Hardcore up - there's the fisherman's suplex one two no. Val pauses to argue the count, Hardcore with a kick, whip, no reversed, Val's back suplex into a powerbomb. One two no. Slam, no Hardcore with a reverse roll up (and the tights?) one two no kicked away, Hardcore off the ropes and right into a spinebuster. Val says he's going up (while making an interesting hand signal) - pose, Cole: "and he missed with a big...[did we ever get around to changing the name of it? What do I say here? Oh no the pause is noticeable now, I might as well blurt it out] Money Shot!" Val up - and there's the Best Dropkick in the Business. One two three. (4:24) Hardcore's got a big ol' bruise on his cheek.

That match is later - but will Hogan retire?

Cole: "We're back on Velocity, having a gay old time on the new TNN." Someone just won a bet. Hogan stuff. (8:51) Okay, Lesson One: Don't watch this show live. The story we're going with here is that Vince thinks he can make money off Hogan, so he made him stay. No word on if Hogan really wanted to quit. Vince is a savvy businessman - that's why we have this main event. 

Snickers Cruncher Women's Title Match of Sunday

Stacy Keibler (Forceable Entry, vs Trish Stratus ( in a Bra and Panties match for the WWE Women's Championship - This is a rematch from the PPV, and for some reason Cole thinks that Vince has stacked the deck against Trish. I wonder when Trish will get new music. Cole says that everyone knows Stacy isn't a established wrestler ("like Trish") so he's trying to give her a better chance with these stipulations - why didn't he just do that at the PPV then? I don't think Vince thinks these things out, sometimes. Trish gets attack mid belt pose. Weak stomps, kicks to the chest. Stacy sets the belt in place, and grabs Trish by the hair - slam on the belt. Jim Korderas finnaly gets around to moving the belt. Turnbuckle smash. Boot choke. Is that a Peter Warrick Jersey? Hair mare. Pulling at the shirt, but Trish with a kick to push her away. Stacy tries a clothesline but misses, Trish forearm forearm forearm, weak chop. Confidential is up next - I think we actually turned the hour around here. Trish goes for the Stratusfaction, but Stacy leaves her crotched on the middle turnbuckle. Pulling her down to a lower Tree of Woe position. Stacy with a couple kicks and pull the shirt. "Stacy is halfway there!" "And so am I!" Stacy decides waving the shirt around her head is a good idea - Trish is up and ripping Stacy's shirt off from behind. Shirt throwing to her face. Forearm, forearm, forearm, whip, reversed, Stacy with her standing spinning heel kick. Standing over Trish and now slapping her. Now turning around to pull up Trish's legs and grab at her pants - and she starts to pull them off, to reveal a thong - but of course, she left her self right into position for Trish to reverse it like a roll up, and pull off Stacy's shorts. (1:54) Trish celebrates with a shirt - Korderas asks if maybe she'd like her belt back. Stacy is up and unhappy - slap is ducked, there's the kick to the head. There's the belt posing she wanted to do to start with. I think Cole sends it to a replay that we never get. Trish walks up the apron and celebrates - and we send it to Confidential.

I? Take a nap.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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