WWE Velocity by cfgb
Light the pyro because Velocity is on the air. Michael Cole and Al Snow are with us for the next hour, and apparently doing SCTV impressions.
MARK HENRY vs. THE GODFATHER
I don't think I've seen The Godfather since about the week after the Royal Rumble. But then, I didn't get Metal because I was too cheap to order The Score. Crowd: "We want hoes!" Lockup, Henry shoves Godfather right back down to the mat. Mark Henry pretends to cry for some reason - so I guess I'm behind on my Metal storylines because I don't get it. Michael Cole does though. Godfather ducks a clothesline and lands a series of rights. He tries a whip but can't budge Henry - and winds up thrown into the corner for his troubles. Scoop - Godfather slides off the back, ducks a clothesline - and winds up on the shoulders of Mark Henry again. Henry points to the crowd - and here comes a running powerslam. Nice tribute to Davey Boy Smith. The crowd digs it. Godfather's had enough of this, and walks around the outside of the ring. Mark Henry picks him back up onto the apron with one hand - but Godfather's got the presence of mind to catch him off guard and connect with a jawbreaker. Godfather's back in quickly and kicks at Henry's knee. Godfather drops an elbow on the knee and stomps away. Henry is sent headfirst to the turnbuckle. The whip attempt is reversed and Godfather winds up in the opposite corner. Henry wanders over - and there's a thumb to the eye. Chop to the throat, and Godfather chokes Henry with his boot to the throat. Whip is reversed - Godfather ducks a clothesline and comes off the other side with a shoulder tackle. Cover, 1, 2, Godfather is thrown off and out of the ring! Godfather gets in, tries a kick, but his foot is caught and he's clotheslined. Whip - Henry meets Godfather with an elbow to the head. Godfather's draped across the middle ropes - Henry charges - Chocolate Mousse!!! Back in - whip - Godfather hits the corner. Another whip - he hits the corner and falls to the mat. Henry wants Godfather to get to his feet, and catches him with a bearhug. That's enough for Godfather who's arms are flailing about.
WWE REWIND: Triple H Pedigrees Hulk Hogan at Backlash - but Undertaker's in with a chair and Hogan wins the World Title.
Last Thursday, Undertaker offered Randy Orton a shot at the World Title. Orton got in a fair bit of offence, and kicked out of some trademark moves, but in the end Orton found himself on the receiving end of a chokeslam and gets pinned. Post match Taker went to give Randy Orton his customary "young punk beatdown" but Triple H made the save and beat the crap out of Undertaker. Triple H then promised that the first chance he had at the title, it'd be over for Taker.
Later that night, Triple H fought Test. Lance Storm's interference was to no avail, but then Undertaker showed up and when Triple H took his eyes off Test he took a boot to the face and wound up pinned. Undertaker returned the earlier beating and left him lying.
ALBERT vs. HUGH MORRUS
Velocity is brought to you by Burger King, 1-800-CALL-ATT, and Hungry Man - a whole pound of food Booker T loves.
Hugh's gone back to the shaved head look. Hugh goes to lockup but takes a boot to the midsection and gets knocked to the ground. Hugh ducks a clothesline and fires back. The whip is reversed and Hugh gets run over with a clothesline. Shove to the corner, and Albert chops away. Hugh reverses and hits some of his own. Here's a whip to the opposite corner - Albert comes out of it with a clothesline attempt that is ducked and Hugh gets a forearm to the head. Off the ropes - a clothesline has Albert staggering. Another attempt, Albert ducks and goes into the ropes himself. He's caught coming off with a powerslam, 1, 2, Albert kicks out. Albert comes back with a punch to the throat and he sets Hugh on the top rope. Morrus manages to shove Albert back to the mat - leaps - but Albert's up and hits him coming off with a bicycle kick. Albert backs up and takes a breather before coming back and looking mean. Albert gets some shots to the small of Hugh's back. In the corner Albert hits the kidney punches, and Hugh falls face first to the mat. Abdominal stretch is applied - and Albert being a good heel uses the ropes for leverage. The referee misses it the first time, but catches him on the second try. Albert argues with the ref - turns - and finds himself meeting a Hugh Morrus right hand. Both guys come off the ropes on either side and it's Hugh hitting the shoulderblock to knock Albert down. Off the ropes again - and this time a clothesline takes him out. Hugh ducks a clothesline - catches Albert in the waist lock - but Albert elbows away, tries another clothesline that Hugh ducks - and again catches him in the waistlock hitting the German suplex this time! Cover, 1, 2, Albert gets the shoulder up. Albert is dragged to the centre of the ring and Hugh heads up...big elbow! 1, 2, no! Hugh again says he's going up - but I'm begging him to reconsider since I've never seen him hit two consecutive top rope moves before. He does anyway - No Laughing Matter and Albert rolls away. Darn. Hugh gets to his feet in the corner - Albert charges and Hugh gets a boot up to stop him. Albert charges again - this time Hugh sidesteps and Albert hits the corner hard. Out of it he comes - Albert ducks the clothesline and catches Hugh. Baldobomb, that's it. 1, 2, 3.
Michael Cole: "I think both men were winners in this match." Ummm, no, that would have required Albert's shoulders to be down. Now Cole's going on about Albert being a bully. WHO has he bullied tonight Michael? Or recently?
BURN OF THE NIGHT: Hulk Hogan wants a one on one match with Vince McMahon, so Kurt Angle attacks Hogan from behind and knocks him out.
Back to Smackdown! and we take a peak at the cage match. Kurt escapes, but the referee is bumped, which leads to some trademark Hulkster cheating - in this case putting Kurt back in the cage. Kurt almost escapes again, but takes the X-Pac crotch on the cage door and is dragged back in. A spear finishes it for Edge. After the match, Hogan wants to pull off Angle's wig, but Kurt runs away. After the cameras turned off Hogan and Edge did some classic Hogan poses.
Backstage, Torrie Wilson's sipping water when Stacy Keibler bumps into her. Stacy wants to know what's going on with her and Maven, and Torrie suggests dating someone less than three times her own age might be a foreign concept. Stacy doesn't care for that and Torrie brings up Dawn Marie's name, telling her that competition may be on the horizon.
Here's a look back on Smackdown! where Torrie gives Maven a good luck kiss. Tajiri spies the kiss and attacks Maven, breaking his leg. Maven's out for 4 to 6 weeks.
Over to Tough Enough 2, where Lillian Garcia welcomes Stacy Keibler and The Coach to announce the winners of the competition. The first winner is Linda, and the second is Jackie. The guys look a tad pissed, especially Jake who was just standing up to accept the award when he realized Stacy said Jackie.
REVEREND D-VON (with Deacon Batista) vs. VAL VENIS
I've finally figured out what it is about D-Von that annoys the piss out of me. It's his striking character resemblance to Brother Love - except for the money part. "Oh my brothers and sisters, the Reverend D-Von along with the Deacon has come to the Great White North, oh yeah. Before I commence with tonight's sermon, I'm gonna have the Deacon go amongst and collect for the D-Von building fund. Because you see, oh testify, I see a lot of impurity. Oh I see a lot of fornication. (You do? In the crowd?) Oh I see a lot of sinners. Deacon, go out there and collect. You see it is my job to bring you to the light, which I will. Because you see you're all so weak. If I see it, then I know the man upstairs does. It says it right here in my sermon, long is the way and hard that out of Hell leads up to the light. Oh yeah. So please be generous, because remember a dollar today means salvation tomorrow." Deacon actually scores some paper money - which in Canada's at least a $5. "Wait a minute, whoa, you see good people the D-Von building fund works in US currency. So if all, so if all you got is that Canadian discount money, then I suggest you donate twice. Oh testify."
D-Von doesn't care much for Val's posing and hammers in some shots from behind to kick this one off. He stomps away in the corner and chokes Val with his knee. Here's a whip, and D-Von hits the clothesline. Another whip is reversed - D-Von comes off the ropes and Val catches him with a back elbow. Here's an elbowdrop, back to his feet quickly, off the ropes, kneedrop. Val punches at the forehead of D-Von. D-Von is sent to the corner and Val chops. Stomp, knee to the midsection, whip is reversed - Val ducks a clothesline, and both guys hit clotheslines simultaneously. Crowd: "We want tables!" Both guys are up - Val gets the knee to the midsection and whips D-Von. It's reversed - D-Von tries a hiptoss, but it's reversed and Val hits one instead. D-Von charges, and meets another hiptoss. Another charge, another hiptoss. Val kicks at the back of D-Von's legs - comes off the ropes and chops him. And we suddenly need to take an ad break.
We're back and Val's got D-Von in some sort of leglock. D-Von's tapping like mad, but the referee has his attention on Deacon Batista who's hopped onto the apron. Val heads over, but D-Von clubs him in the back with a forearm. Here's a whip, and Val hits the corner chest first. Right, whip - Val hits the corner, comes out a tad and takes a dropkick right to the cranium! D-Von poses, then goes back to stomping on Val. To the floor, here's a backbreaker style submission with Val wrapped around on the ring post. D-Von gets back in - Val stands and fires some rights. D-Von is whipped, and he comes off the ropes hitting a back elbow. D-Von goes for the cover, 1, 2, Val puts his foot on the ropes. Forearm to the back of the neck - and D-Von delivers the last rites for Val. Powerbomb is set up - but Val backdrops D-Von. D-Von charges Val - but Val elbows him in the jaw. Another charge - this time he takes a Stun Gun! Val and D-Von both get up - and Val blocks D-Von's punches while hitting his own. Whip is reversed - Val ducks a clothesline and hits a shoulderblock. Here's a couple of clotheslines, boot to the midsection - beautiful neckbreaker! 1, 2, D-Von kicks out. Boot to the midsection - fisherman's suplex with a bridge, 1, 2, D-Von kicks out again. D-Von's in the corner, Val charges and tries a monkey flip, but D-Von sidesteps and Val's perched on the second rope. Here's a neckbreaker from there! 1, 2, Val gets a shoulder up! A reminder, Confidential's on as soon as this match is done. D-Von heads up to the top rope, but Val cuts him off. He climbs up - D-Von gets some kidney shots and sends Val to the mat. D-Von stands, flying headbutt misses! Val wants D-Von to get up - and hits the Blue Thunder Bomb! (Thanks to everyone who e-mailed me to let me know. Michael Cole apparently thinks it's a spinebuster.) 1, 2, D-Von's out. Val goes to charge D-Von, but D-Von gets an elbow and Val accidently knocks down the referee. D-Von comes forward - he takes a boot to the midsection, but Val's whip is reversed and coming off the ropes Deacon trips him up. Val turns to give him crap and takes a money box shot right to the skull. D-Von heads over, cover, 1, 2, 3.
Don't go anywhere, Confidential is seconds away.