WWE Velocity by cfgb
[Slash]Wrestling is three years old (and several days into it's fourth!). A
little less than three years ago, a friend of mine told me to check out a
site called Wrestleline, citing it's writers being the best online today.
While many of the writers didn't inspire me to think differently about the
product I was watching, or capture my attention - one man stood out among
the crowd. That guy was...Downtown Dave!
All smarky humor aside, CRZ wrote Nitro recaps like I'd never seen before. A thorough analysis of the show (and occasionally commercials) was the norm, and on my screen Tuesday morning. Nobody paid more attention to tiny details, and were able to exploit them and make me laugh.
It took awhile to come around, but I eventually found the ability to string together words and put my thoughts to paper. There was only one place I knew I wanted my stuff being posted, and that was [Slash]. CRZ had built a community of intelligent writers (who'd I name off but I *know* I'm gonna forget someone key and I really don't want to forget showing everyone that love!) who were consistent and entertaining. I suppose his style attracted similar types. CRZ blazed the trail that so many of us have followed years later.
In turn, I would like to express my gratitude to the man who's provided us with literally HUNDREDS of entertaining reports and hours of reading material. He's produced more material on this site alone than thousands upon thousands of authors will in their lifetime. That's dedication.
So here's to a great fourth year - where we can expect many of the same fantastic recaps from the man who started the detailed craze. The quality of the site continues to improve - and with the great writers he has on board - there's no reason for [Slash] NOT to be the first site you check out every single day.
And with that - I'm late.
Attitude - Entertainment - WW!
Recycled DX pyro blows the roof off - Michael Cole and Al Snow waste no time in hyping...
TONIGHT: In a PPV rematch that could only be settled on the WWF's 3rd string show - The Hurricane takes on Jamie Noble for the WWE Cruiserweight Championship.
TAJIRI vs. BILLY KIDMAN
We haven't seen this one since Velocity's debut - but some big changes have been made since then, most notably:
a) Kidman's tights got lamer
With that aside, we'll see what we can't do with these two. Tajiri kicks Kidman in the ribs, takes him down, and gets a series of 1 counts. Kidman comes back with a sunset flip that scores a 2. Irish whip is reversed - Kidman tries a leapfrog in the corner, lands on Tajiri's head - and hits a rana. A dropkick floors Tajiri - and Kidman's right on him with a plancha. The followup is not successful - as Kidman winds up sent face first into the steps. Back in - Kidman gets chopped like a government celeri. The Tarantula is blocked - but before Kidman can get any shots in Tajiri kicks like a mofo to keep his momentum going. Over the top - and this time the Tarantula works. The break is at 3 - right into a cover, 1, 2, Kidman kicks out. Tajiri snapmares Kidman and works a headlock. Kidman fights to his feet and knocks Tajiri down with an enzuigiri. They trade punches - Kidman hits a rana - and takes over with a couple clotheslines. Kidman grabs Tajiri - to the second rope - there's a tornado bulldog, into a cover, 1, 2, Tajiri kicks out. The springboard clothesline is ducked - and Tajiri counters with a kick to the face for 2. Handspring elbow's no good - and a short powerbomb has Kidman back in the driver's seat. Not for long - there's a rollup, 1, 2, Kidman kicks out. Tajiri tries a powerbomb of his own - but learns a lesson taught by CRZ eons ago. Kidman covers, 1, 2, he'sgotitno. Kidman goes to the second rope - Tajiri shoves the referee out of the way - Kidman leaps and meets the green mist face first. A kick to the head follows - and that's it.
The Rock has a Hilarious Moment. On this occassion, the camera man is apparently a homosexual.
Next week, Rocky returns.
BOB HOLLY vs. CHAVO GUERRERO JR.
"How'dya like me now?" Well since you ASKED..... Can Chavo's moderate Velocity success continue? Bob wants a handshake, Chavo doesn't show the proper respect, so Bob sends him back to OVW where he belongs. That is to say he slapped him. Chavo comes back with a couple of kicks and a headlock. Bob gets all stiff and stuff, so Chavo sends him over the top rope to the floor. A swinging dropkick drops Bob - and a slingshot plancha finishes that set off. Back in we go, and Chavo's in command. Chavo tries a headscissors takeover - but winds up catapulted for his trouble straight into the turnbuckle. Poor Chavo hits hard off a backdrop, and Bob follows it with a belly to belly - which scores an easy 2. Chavo comes off the ropes - and walks right into the Fourth Nicest Dropkick In The Business - and Chavo kicks out at 2! Michael Cole can't possibly measure the heart of Chavo Guerrera. That's all good - but I'm concerned about the guy in THIS match. Bob tries an Alabama Slam - but Chavo hooks the ropes - and gets kicked in the midsection while hanging on. Bob follows with a powerbomb and that's good for 2. Chavo is whipped to the corner - tries a leapfrog, but lands on Bob's shoulders, who turns him around and tries another Alabama Slam - but that slippery Chavo rolls down the back in a sunset flip getting 2. Chavo leaps onto Bob's shoulders, hammers away - but gets turned around and finished with an Alabama Slam, and I don't like it one bit.
WWE EIGHT LEGGED FREAKS REPLAY: Edge and Hulk Hogan win the Tag-Team Titles, and are definitely Real Americans!
ALBERT vs. ROB CONWAY
Hey, Conway's back! And I guess that trick knee's healed - good for him. Conway poses for the fans - and Albert shoves him off the apron. That's not real sportsman like. Conway slips right back into the ring through Albert's legs (he's a sneaky one) and hammers away to kick this one off. Albert though is TOO POWERFUL and picks Conway up on his shoulders. Conway avoids the snake eyes - climbs the turnbuckle and starts a 10 count. Only 4 connect before Albert tosses Conway aside. Conway keeps at it though - and clips Albert at the knees. A dropkick hits, cover, 1, 2, power kickout. The bicycle kick appears to spell the end of Conway - but Albert's decided to be a dick and pick him up. Conway gets tossed to the floor and meets Albert's ruthless aggression. Back in, Albert covers - but only gets 2. A YAAAAAAAAVALANCHE is followed by a bearhug. Michael Cole begs the question, what exactly does the bearhug do? According to Al, it cuts off your wind - so there you go. Conway tries to escape but gets driven into the turnbuckle. Another YAAAAAAAAVALANCHE is met by a drop toe hold - and Albert hits the middle turnbuckle face first. The flying jalapeno does Conway no good - but a tornado DDT does! 1, 2, Albert kicks out, stands, tries a Baldobomb, but gets his eyes raked - and superkicked for good measure. But it isn't long before a whattaclothesline takes him down - and a backbreaker seals the forgone conclusion.
Cole: "Conway, one of the impressive young rookies."
The Rock has a Hilarious Moment. Trish Stratus' ass is NOT kissed by Vince - but Rikishi's is.
WWE 1-800-CALL-ATT REWIND: The Kliq has a reunion at King Of The Ring.
LAST MONDAY: Shawn Michaels rambles, and rambles, and rambles, FINALLY offering a spot in the "family" to Triple H.
MARK HENRY vs. CHRISTIAN
We're getting 5 matches this week it would seem.
Q: How can you tell Christian's not jobbing this week?
Crowd: "USA!" The announcers find it deplorable the Canadians would interrupt the Fourth Of July celebration to degrade America - though if you want to get technical, they DID do it on the second - so I give the boys props for being classy enough not to bother America on their birthday. Henry places Christian on the top rope and pretends to cry. Christian retaliates by pulling on Henry's arm - which of course has Henry throw him right over the top. Henry then from the floor gorilla presses Christian on to the top rope - catches him again - and gorilla presses him from the top of the stairs back into the ring. Christian with "the great equalizer" but Henry has no balls and hammers away. Christian leaps to the top - and connects with a clothesline. Into a cover, 1, 2, Christian gets thrown right over the referee. He's had enough and gets a chair. The referee gets rid of it - so Christian goes to the top - is caught - but he slips away and runs into the wall known as Henry. Another charge - this time he's elevated WAY into the air - then covered for 2. Mark Henry steps ON Christian to get to the ropes - appears to be going for a Banzai, but Christian rolls away. He gets a chair - the referee is looking the other way - and gently taps Henry in the head. This sets off what must be an aneurism or something, 'cause Henry's in a bad way - leaving Christian a chance to roll him up (with feet on the ropes) for the pin.
Back to Smackdown! - here's some highlights from the World Title match between Kurt Angle and The Undertaker. The fans live have informed me via chants that it was bullshit.
Here's more highlights! Jamie Noble bought a trailer, and got him some.
JAMIE NOBLE (with Nidia) vs. THE HURRICANE (for the WWE World Cruiserweight Title)
Noble sends Hurricane to the buckle, and works over the ribs of Hurricane with some shoulderblocks. Hurricane comes back with a forearm and hammers away. Fireman's carry takeover - pose - Nidia on the apron - Hurricane hits a big kick - covers - but the ref is talking to Nidia. Noble takes out Hurricane's leg and kicks at the thigh area. The leg is grapevined - and Hurricane isn't feeling so good. Noble scoops up the knee and drives it to the mat. Next - he drapes the leg over the ropes and kicks at it. Single leg atomic drop - anklelock - and I smell some psychology. Hurricane manages to roll over from the anklelock into a package - 1, 2, Noble kicks out. Noble goes right back to kicking at the leg - drop toe hold - and he applies the spinning toe hold!!! Leg on the ropes - Noble drops down. Hurricane punches to avoid a dragon screw legwhip - but gets the leg kicked right out from under him in the process. Noble puts on a figure four variation - and applies the pressure. Hurricane chops out of the hold - but Noble takes him right back down again. Hurricane kicks away - hits a sunset flip - 1, 2, Noble just kicks away. He hits a neckbreaker, followed by a powerslam to score 2. Into the turnbuckle - Hurricane clotheslines Noble - goes to the second rope and hits a blockbuster! 1, 2, still not enough. Confidential is next! Noble is backdropped to the floor - and hit with a springboard somersault plancha! Hurricane rolls back in - pulls Noble to the apron - tries a suplex, but Nidia trips Hurricane, Noble into a cover, 1, 2, Hurricane JUST kicks out - even with Nidia holding his foot. He complains to the referee - tries a Chokeslam - but Noble takes him down and applies the Trailer Hitch for the win.
That was about **1/4 if you're keeping track at home - best match on this show in some time. The Rock returns on Thursday, make sure to tune in - and we'll see you next week!