WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan
For no reason at all, here's your current WWE Cruiserweight ladder:
Date Wrestler 072102 Noble 072102 Kidman 071802 Tajiri 071302 Shannon 072502 Mysterio 072502 Chavo 071802 Hurricane 072002 Funaki
I figure Shannon and Mysterio might adjust a tad bit after they get more matches under them - perhaps tonight?
The Slammin' Saturday night promo has Rock and Benoit in it. I bet you don't see either of them in action on this show.
TV14DLV Entertainment Open CC - no, they haven't taken out Triple H or Benoit yet - I guess Triple H is no longer the man our opening revolve around. Fireworks. Your announcers are Cole and Loyd AGAIN; they'd like to know who Eric stole. I'm betting AL SNOW.
Billy and Chuck (w/Rico) vs Hurricane and Shannon Moore - Cole is still in whiny heel mood - hey, remember when Vic Venom did WWF Metal NY? Very similar. Hmm, interesting team there. If AL was here, I'd know we'd get at least a hint of a mention at 3 Count, but I don't trust these two dorks. Handshake! Wow, Shannon is short. I think right here, I'll say "hi" to those who may somehow be reading this on the "Sensational Shannon Moore" EZ board. As Billy and Chuck are pimped as former champions, I have to go run a check to see if these other two were - no. They were co-Hardcore champions but let's not remember that. Shannon and Billy will start, just so we can notice that Shannon is short. But impressive! Lockup, Shannon ducks it, forearm, forearm, forearm, whip, reversed, Shannon slides under but get a jab jab dance jab misses! Shannon off the ropes, Billy lifts him up (for a Samoan drop?) and Shannon gets a victory roll one two NO victory for you. Duck a clothesline off the ropes, Billy lifts him up so he might as well dropkick. Armdrag, armbar. Billy using the hair to get up, there's a right. Tag to Palumbo. Chuck charges into a drop toe hold. Float around into a headlock. Chuck tries to power out of it, ain't happening, pushing him into the ropes, blind tag by Hurricane, "Rico Sucks", Chuck misses on the clothesline, Shannon gets the ropes and slides out. Chuck is confused, Shannon tells him to turn around, and Chuck turns into the eye poke. Right right right, whip, reversed, clothesline misses again, Hurricane with the spinning headscissors. Hurricane almost poses - Shining Wizard, and Loyd calls it. Someone must've clued them in. One two big g kickout. Shannon with a right, reversed, Chuck with a back suplex but Hurricane lands on his feet - running neckbreaker one two no. Tag to Shannon, Right, double whip, double kick to the midsection, Hurricane whips Shannon out of the ropes, and gets out of the way so Shannon can hit a flipping swinging neckbreaker. One two NO. Forearm, forearm, off the ropes, Shannon charges and gets thrown outside. As Chuck busies Hurricane and the ref, Billy bets up Shannon on the outside. Chuck out - double biel in the ring. Stomp. The One and Only! One two NO Hurricane remember it was his finisher too. Tag to Chuck, hold for a right. Shannon with forearms, Chuck with a knee. Whip, slam but Shannon falls behind, flying wheel kick nails Chuck. Both men down - Chuck with a forearm to stop Shannon from making a tag. Powerbomb? 'rana! Tag to Hurricane! Tag to Chuck. Hurricane ducks a clothesline, running clothesline. Right. Right. Whip, reversed, Hurricane with a huge spinning DDT one two broken up by Chuck. Chuck with a corner whip, charge in to a boot, Hurricane to the second rope - Overcast! Now going up all the way, cross body on Palumbo! Hurricane gets up - and walk right into a Gunn jab. Shannon going up - top rope 'rana! Pescado onto Palumbo - but Chuck catches him (good thing he caught him, 'cause he would've landed on his head - Chuck's got him almost in Tombstone position) and dropping him headfirst on the barrier. In the ring, Hurricane tries for the Chokeslam, but Billy breaks the goozle, kick, off the ropes, CHOKESLAM! Hurricane can't believe he actually pulled that off! COVER YOU FOOL! Jungle kick, one two three. (4:51) The announcers really want to give credit for Rico distracting the referee so he never saw the chokeslam or Jungle Kick, but Hurricane never bothered to cover and he was letting interference go all match so it's a real stretch.
Still to come - your required Cruiserweight Title PPV rematch on Velocity, as Jamie Noble puts the title up against Billy Kidman. Up next, who's leaving Smackdown? We get little video clips of Angle, Hogan, and Jericho here.
Stacker 2 Slap of Last Sunday
Stephanie stole Brock - who did Eric steal? (5:04)
Tajiri vs Mike Awesome - Loyd calls Tajiri "the man with lightning feet." I think Mike Awesome has the same music he used to but I'm not really sure and I'm scared to be right, the more I think about it. Cole says Awesome brings an "awesome size differential", but I'm more thinking about that huge knee brace. Circle, Tajiri goes to grab the braced leg, and Awesome throws him away. Circle - kick to the bad leg! Kick kick. Whip, reversed, shoulderblock and down goes Tajiri. Awesome off the ropes, over, Tajiri tries a leapfrog on the next pass but he's caught and given an overhead belly to belly suplex. Tajiri comes up grabbing his shoulder - Awesome squashed him in the corner, awkward pause, knocks him down to the mat. Corner whip, charge in but this time Tajiri goes for the Tarantula. Unfortunately, Awesome's seen everyone reverse that lately and tries himself - turn, and face first powerbomb. Clothesline. One two no. Slam. Off the ropes, well normally the splash would get the knees, but Tajiri opted just to kick Awesome in the face on the way down. Cole says we can rule out Angle, Cena, Edge, and Rey. Tajiri goes to pick him up, but Awesome pushes him away. Right, big boot misses and it gets stuck on the ropes, so Tajiri kicks it. Dropkick to that bad knee. Tajiri holding that shoulder - stomp on the knee. Kick to the knee. Kick to the inside of the knee, elbow drop to the knee. Sitdown on the knee. Try again, but Awesome pushes him out of the ring with the other boot. Awesome tries a pescado, Tajiri runs away, and Awesome is reintroduced to the mat on the outside. Face first. That looked quite painful. Tajiri still grabbing his shoulder. Tajiri with a snap kick to the head while still on the apron, and I don't believe Awesome sells that. Tajiri trying to hook on the Tarantula, but Awesome is goofy or not really getting into to start all well. Tajiri only can grab one leg - maybe he's just trying to put more pressure on it like before. Slap to the face, off the far ropes and right into the (late) slingshot shoulderblock. One two kickout. Right. Right. Whip, short powerbomb one two NO. Really lax cover there. Whip, Tajiri comes back with a handspring elbow (a little short), Awesome catches him in a full nelson, tries for a slam but Tajiri some how gets a drop toe hold out of it. Kick to the leg, off the ropes, into a clothesline. Awesome yells something, then grabs Tajiri - running Awesome bomb? Nah, Tajiri slides off the back, kick to the knee, KO kick (delayed sell?) one two three. (4:10) That was certainly something. Still holding his shoulder. Noble/Kidman later! Jericho/Edge later!
Backstage, Rico is walking and talking to Funaki about the tag team match from earlier. Funaki pantomimes. They walk by Hardcore Holly, who makes fun of Rico's talk and points out how his team beat Rico's team. Somehow this turns into Rico and Bob having a match. Rico: "Is that a challenge?" Bob: [Intense stare - I will beat the crap out of you if you say anything stupid] Rico: "Fine, you're on." Funaki: [double thumbs up!]
Edge/Jericho highlights. (5:07) Kidman/Noble - NEXT!
JVC Mysterio Debut of Last Thursday
Billy Kidman vs Jamie Noble (c, w/Nidia) for WWE Cruiserweight Championship - Cole wishes he had Mysterio's entrance. Nidia apparently has a new tattoo on her stomach - she tries to show it to Kidman to provide the distraction, but Kidman has eyes in the back of his head - block, right, right, right, whip, hiptoss blocked, cruiserweight flip escape, clothesline is too high, Kidman with a spinning headscissors. Right. Whip, reversed, Noble charges in, backdropped to the apron, right knocks him off. Kidman with a baseball slide dropkick. Kidman throws him back in, but Nidia grabs his leg to prevent the follow up - big shoulderblock knocks Kidman all the way into the apron. Noble out, throwing Kidman back first into the barricade. Throwing him back in, one two no. Corner whip, down goes Kidman. Back suplex. I think Jamie's picked his part. One two no. Surfboard! Cole and Loyd don't know the name. I MISS YOU AL. Kidman up and trying to battle out of of it - it'd be cool if he hit the Kid Kamakize from this but we've long since forgotten he does that move - turning it, Noble turns it more, kick, slam, no Kidman goes behind, reverse roll up one two no. Kidman making like Shawn Michaels. Kick, whip, reversed into the Mike Sanders Was Fired-plex. Actually it's different this time. "Pumphandle Exploder!" Hey, whoever you are who's feeding name moves (Tazz?), can you mention to Loyd that Moore and Hurricane have a history? That'd be peachy. One two no. Abdominal stretch - he's gonna grab the ropes? No, Nidia helping out from the outside! Gets away with it. Let's try it again! Caught this time - Kidman hip tosses free but now his back really hurts. Kidman pulls himself up on the apron, hits a shoulder to the gut, Noble with a shoulder to the gut, Noble tries another but Kidman pulls up and hits a guillotine legdrop. Slingshot legdrop! But Kidman's too hurt to cover. Both are slow up - Nobel up first, right is blocked and Kidman hits his own. Repeat! Right misses, Kidman's kick is caught, Noble's right is blocked, Kidman goes back to hitting rights. Corner whip, rebound clothesline! One two NO. Kidman corner whip, reversed, Kidman with a kip up but Noble goes under and gets him on his shoulders - electric chair suplex! I think he's dead now. One two NO! Guess not. Jamie ripping off Kidman (ripping off other people) and going for the Acid Drop - but Kidman pushes him off - Noble with a kick, double underhook - no, Kidman's left arm doesn't get hooked as Kidman goes to a knee to block, so Noble works over the back with more forearms. Double underhook - no Kidman with a fireman's carry, then dropping Noble into a side backbreaker (actually, a neckbreaker the way he landed.) Is that enough? one two NO! Powerbomb? Noble goes for the face slam counter but misses - luckily, he lands on his feet anyway - kick, double underhook, no Kidman blocks again. Out, under a clothesline, short powerbomb! I think Loyd has a name for that but it gets drowned out. Nidia is immediately up on the apron because Kidman has the three count - Kidman lets go to get Mike Sparks attention - slap is blocked, Noble charges into Nidia - INSIDE CRADLE ONE TWO THREE! Sparks is saying two? Noble clearly didn't kickout till Sparks went for a fourth count there. I watched this over and over and it sure looked like three. I don't think Kidman can really win this match if a three count isn't good enough. Kidman with a right, corner whip, Kidman charges into a boot. Noble going up - Kidman dropkicks him to the floor! Kidman with a pescado to the floor. I don't think Kidman can really win this match if a three count isn't good enough. Noble gets a faceplant into the apron, then Kidman goes into to bring him in - suplex, no Nidia's got the leg one two three. (6:11) Well I guess it makes sense with the story but didn't they just do that finish? Al's not coming back till after Tough Enough? I don't think I'm gonna make it! Hardcore/Rico next.
Hardcore "Bob" Holly vs Rico (w/Billy and Chuck) - Rico has the same music, but his own video. So where's Val? "Billy and Chuck are former tag team champions as well - not quite Mark Henry and D'Lo Brown from the old days" - wha? I bet D'Lo's gonna be thrilled on Heat that he was a former tag team champion. Rico's hesitant to get in the ring, so Billy is in to take his place, or at least provide a distraction. Now Chuck and Rico are in the ring. Mike Chodia is your referee and now the bell is ringing - instant DQ? I don't think I'm that lucky - I think Billy and Chuck are just being ejected. Rico is less than thrilled. Rico should run too. Rico's trying to get them to come back. Now he's cornered. Now he's running, now Hardcore has him by the hair. Uh oh, right in position - super low blow. Clothesline one two no. Kick, kick, right, chop, chop, chop, corner whip, reversed, Rico runs into the boot. JUNGLE KICK! Stomp. Stomp. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Shoulder, shoulder, shoulder, shoulder. Chop. Telling the fans to shut up. Chop. Hardcore turns it around, right, right, right, right, chop, chop, eye poke by Rico. Turnbuckle smash. Kick, kick, kick, jumping kick! One two no. Knee lift, knee, knee, knee. "Now what do you think of that?" Cover one two no. Right, right, Rico with a kick. Whip, kneelift. Elbow to the head. Off the ropes, kick to the chest. Cover one two no. Cover one two no. Choke. Boot scrap. Slam. Going to the second rope - top rope - MOONSAULT misses! Clothesline by Hardcore, clothesline, whip, reversed, duck Rico's clothesline, best dropkick in the business one two no. Whip, reversed, head down too soon, so Hardcore will grab him - powerbomb. One two NO. Hardcore pulling him up, Rico with a slap, kick to the chest, armbar, step over, that's an interesting way to kick him the face. too bad he walked right into - well, an overhead belly to belly? Cole: "That's the old Gas Mask!" The Gas Mask was a full nelson, but it wasn't an overhead throw suplex. Cole scares me, though. One two NO. Wanna try an Alabama Slam? Whip, reversed into a quick powerslam one two no. Spinning kick, but Hardcore ducks - Alabama Slam. One two three. (6:09) Rico didn't look bad. Chuck and Billy are back - Billy slides by Hardcore, Hardcore clotheslines Chuck right into a Billy clothesline. Stomp down in progress Did Val get the night off? Hey, it's the Big Valbowski - Clothesline, right, right, right, kick, Hardcore clotheslines out Billy you, double whip on Chuck - Hart Attack! Hey Val, maybe you want to show up a little earlier next time.
That's it. Randy Orton, ex-con, next on Confidental.The Cubs Fan
Email the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville