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WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan

3.8.2

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Cruiserweight Ladder: 

Date    Wrestler
072102 Noble
072102 Kidman
080102 Mysterio
080102 Tajiri
071302 Shannon
072502 Chavo
071802 Hurricane
072002 Funaki

Perhaps I should find a better place to put that instead of wasting space at the start of a report, but that wouldn't be as fun. That does remind me, though...

Me Being Entirely Too Predictable: So, I watched SlamBall - kinda half paid attention to the post-RAW free preview, than watched the replay Saturday night (which would be after this, but you know the same show aired before it so I can pretend.) I was really bored with it on Monday but maybe because I was paying actual attention to it. I wondered many things (not the least of which: "they had footage from previous games? How does that work? This is the first show!") but I guess the concept's okay. You wonder what's gonna happen when even the wild breakaway dunks become passť, since that seems to be the draw - maybe they'll keep figuring out other stuff? It's the TLC curse.

It bugged me, that for all the talking about it being a Real Game, they didn't do a lot of Real Game stuff - like throwing graphics up of individual statistics. They were keeping track, because they had them when they wanted to hype one of their key players and for awarding the player/goat of the game, but otherwise they were just a myth. I did like what they were doing with the graphics they did, but it's those little things that make it seem more like a Real Sport, instead of some psuedo-Sport. I'd think it'd also build interest in the individual players - they can run all the halftime features about how great a guy they want, but there's no better way to show that he's backing it up than showing that he's got lots of points and lots of dunks.   

But then I tried that line of thinking before and it didn't get me for - the SlamBall website has bio info but no stats so far, so I suppose it's a lost cause.

They need to avoid those wide angle shots - there's a cartoonish aspect to the bouncing that makes it tough to take it seriously, and the tighter shots help speed up the game more, plus hides that they have about as much attendance as a hockey semi-pro team. I hope the NBA Jam people are making money off of this. Reggie Theus is perfect as the video game announcer - just because you know he'll run out of pre-written lines by game 10. And for the love of god, prohibit the three if people are gonna shoot that bad; maybe that's why they didn't show shooting percentages!

It's watchable, but nothing I'd go out of my way to watch or obsessively recap. Probably. I guess 1.5 rating for the first show (because of all the replays), and it settles down in the .8-.9 range.

You want Velocity results? Okay.

TV14DLV CC entertainment open - check out all the Triple H and Benoit Fireworks. Your announcers suck. (Cole and Leary.) 

Hardcore Holly vs Albert - Cole: "I love Hardcore Holly." Well, at least he's honest about it. They make fun of the Elvis guy mugging behind them during the live shot, as soon as they get to voice over. Circle, Albert goes right for the scissors kick (I guess - we barely catch it), but Bob moves.  Right, right, right, Albert with a right that misses, but a left clubs the back of the head. Hard into the corner buckle. "Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, two of the greatest workers in the business today" the WHAT? Albert with a right. Right. Corner whip, Albert charges into a Hardcore boot. Holly charges into an Albert smash. Splash, but Bob moves. Right. Choo. Right. Chop. Akbert throws him in the corner, right misses, Hardcore with a kick, kick, kick, right, chop, whip, reversed, clothesline misses, Albert with a scissors kick. One two no. Cole hypes the SmackDown Taping tomorrow all night, without actually saying the words "SmackDown! taping." Kick. Right. Rights but Hardcore has arms work to block - that only works till get gets knocked down. Boot choke, stomps, boot choke. Hiptoss out of the corner. Albert sets up - corner smash. Choke on the ropes. Cole says Albert's been much more aggressive in the last few weeks; I guess aggressive means "loses a lot." Slingshot into the second rope. One two no. Chinlock. Holly with rights - off the roes, right into a back elbow. Albert goes for the Vader Bomb, and this week his chin meets boots. Albert recovers, charges, gets a drop toe hold into the middle ropes. Flying forearm. Whip, reversed, the best dropkick in the business one two no. Cole calls Bob a former IC champion. Right. Chop. Chop. Corner whip, reversed, Bob rebounds into a press slam, but manages to fall behind. Waistlock, Albert to the ropes, Holly's rebounded back. But he's up quick - forearm to the back, lifting the legs, there's the Super Low Blow. Holly going all the way up - cross body one two NO. Holly's setting up - no, Albert ain't going up for the Alabama Slam, Albert with a forearm to the back. Albert with a powerbomb lift, but Holly punches his way out of it. ALABAMA SLAM! One two three. (4:29) That was quite impressive. 

Brock's trail of destruction later. And the newest switch next. 

During the break, Hardcore Holly had words for Loyd - and slapped him. Can you really blame him?

Mike Awesome vs Faarooq - I think they play the APA music really quiet to make it sound like the fans are really loud. Lockup, Faarooq's pushed in the corner, back elbow, back elbow. Right. Right. Kick. Corner whip, reversed, Faarooq charges in, Awesome gets a boot up but Faarooq catches it, spins him around, back suplex. Awesome grabs his head and rolls out , but Faarooq is out after him. Right. Smash into the stairs. Kick to the rings. Off the ropes, shoulderblock. Off the ropes, drop toe hold into the ropes. Awesome with a clothesline one two no. Slam. Going up. Top rope clothesline one two no. Stomp. Stomp. Right. Right. Right. Off the ropes, clothesline. Cole: "Seems pretty sure to me that SmackDown is the better show!" Choke on the ropes. Faarooq with a right, Awesome with an eye rake. Right. Forearm to the back. Camel clutch. Fans are asleep. I may soon join them. Sit down on the back. Back to the clutch. Cole thinks Brock would be the youngest ever WWE Champion if he won at SummerSlam. Awesome goes for another sit down, but Faarooq turns over and Awesome (supposedly) gets knees. Awesome with a right, blocked, Faarooq hits one. Repeat. Whip, powerslam, cover (but Awesome has his left arm up and pushing against Faarooq's head for some reason - that shoulder is clearly not down as a result) one two he kicks out. Slam, no Awesome goes behind, kick, DDT. Yelling. Stomp. Off the ropes, kick to the chest. "Get up! Get up!" Off the ropes, right into the spinebuster one two no. (3:53) Awesome goes to 0-2 in his return.  

Coming up, the newest members of SmackDown! And what's Brock been doing on SmackDown since he jumped?

JVC Brock F5 on Henry and Hogan of Two Weeks ago.

How we set up next week's main event. (8:05)

One Half of the Cruiserweight Tag Team Champions Billy Kidman vs Funaki in a Cruiserweight match - Cole: "I am not in to this threesome stuff!" k. Circle, Kidman with a hammerlock, back elbow, right, Funaki with a waistlock, back elbows by Kidman off the ropes, hip toss by Funaki blocked, hip toss by Kidman blocked, Kidman with the Cruiserweight flip out escape, ducks the clothesline off, the ropes, slides under, kick to the midsection, whip, Funaki goes for a bodyscissors but Kidman hits the face first powerbomb. One two no. Right. Whip, reversed, Marc Loyd is married, Kidman kips out but gets a kick to the midsection, and takes the super bump into the corner post, all the way to the floor. Funaki throws Kidman shoulder first into the barricade, for even more fun. Kidman thrown in, cover one two no. Armbar. Kidman in pain but not giving up - getting up, rights, corner whip. Charge in but no one's home - armbar takedown! Cover one two no. Cranking the bad arm. Stretching the bad arm around the ropes. Stomps. Cole: "Kidman's always near the number one contender spot for the Cruiserweight title" - he's right, you know. Stomps on the arm. Armbar, flipping him down, legdrop on the arm, armbar. Keeping it on for a while. Kidman battling up again with rights, kick, suplex, no, armbar takedown again! Feet on the ropes is rather blatant. Funaki to the apron - shoulder to the gut, shoulder - no, Kidman jumps up, and Kidman his a guillotine legdrop. There's the layout knee neckbreaker. Kidman trying to massage some life into that arm. Funaki up, right misses, Kidman with a right, right, right, corner whip, rebound clothesline. One two no. Slam, no, Funaki goes behind, kick is caught, enziguri is not. One two no. Kidman tries to escape a facelock, but it gets turned into a DDT anyone - one two no. Funaki deciding the best way to attack that arm is to go up - Kidman charge sup to charge him, rights, but Funaki pushes him down. Kidman up again - top rope 'rana! One two NO! That's sorta his move! Whip, reversed, Kidman goes for the Short Powerbomb but his arm hurts too much and Funaki breaks free. Kick to the gut, oh no powerbomb, there's the faceslam. Funaki does most of the work himself there, falling forward. Kidman positions Funaki - to the top, Shooting Star Pres. One two three. (5:29) I thought he didn't break that out on this show! No change to the ladder.

Up next, who jumped latest?

RBK Jericho jumps on Monday - this is shown because Jericho left SmackDown! I guess. (5:10) Hogan vs Brock! Rock vs Brock! Wow, the graphics for SummerSlam are unusually colorful and kinda ugly.

Backstage, Hurricane and Shannon Moore talk. Well, kinda. "Shannon, man, I just want to say I think you did really good, in that tag match against Chuck and Billy last week. We may have lost last week, but we got them again tonight. You know, don't feel any shame in losing against those guys, they are the former tag team champions, so they are, they're good, but I think that we can still take them. But what we got to do to, is keep our eyes - your eyes, and the Eyes of the Hurricane - on Rico. Don't let him distract us like he did last week. But more to the point, if he gets involved in any way shape or form, I say we skin those Alligator pants right off him. [handshake] Let's go." Hey, what does it say when they have Hurricane talk for you?

Billy and Chuck (w/Rico) vs the Hurricane and Shannon Moore - Marc: "Marc Loyd's stylist, with Billy and Chuck." Cole notes the similar hair styles. Shannon's 195 pounds, if I'm doing basic match right. I haven't noted it before so there you go. Recap of Billy and Chuck being mad because the tag team belts have changed show - hey, why don't they just jump shows and go after them? Hurricane and Billy to start - Hurri-pose. Lockup, Billy with a kick, jab, turnbuckle smash, jab, whip, clothesline misses, Hurricane with a spinning headscissors. "Japanese Shining Wizard!" One NO Billy ain't going down to that move. Cole talking about what a great athlete Billy is. Whip, reversed, Back elbow misses, Hurricane with a kick, legs are caught so Hurricane reverses to a bodyscissors bulldog one two Chuck breaks it up with an elbow drop that hits Bill. Shannon in - double Billy corner whip, Billy is crotched and dropped in the Tree of Woe, with Hurricane doing groin stomp. Shannon kicks Billy in the opposite corner. Shannon whips Billy, drop toe hold, and Chuck's face meets Billy's groin. Double Hurri-pose! Shannon is asked to leave the ring - Chuck gets in a clothesline on Hurricane when he's not looking. Billy grabbing himself, makes it to his corner for a tag. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Cole says "Chuck Palumbo", overhead belly to belly suplex. One two no. Run back first into Billy's corner - Tag out. Chuck with rights form outside while Billy kicks. Talking about Billy's rodeo scholarship. Hanging suplex - no, wow, Jackhammer. Billy doing one of his old solo poses. Tag to Chuck, elbow drop. One two no. Off the ropes, elbow drop one two no. Sleeper by Chuck. One arm raise. Two arm raise. Three - no, thumbs up! Up to his feet, elbowing out, Chuck with a forearm to keep him down. Discus punch is ducked, right, right, right, corner whip, reversed, Chuck charges in t0 a boot (catching Chuck right on the chin) - Overcast! Announcers have forgotten the name of that move already. This is his chance to make the tag - can he? Shannon is only 22? He's younger than me! That doesn't seem right, considering how long he's been around. Tag to Billy, tag to Shannon - ducks the clothesline chap shot for Billy - clothesline, clothesline, clothesline, off the ropes, flipping swinging neckbreaker. Going all the way up - corkscrew moonsault bodyblock one two Chuck breaks it up. Hurricane up, right fur Chuck, double whip , double backdrop. Double clothesline to take him out. Double clothesline to Billy but he ducks it - Rico pulls Hurricane out, and Hurricane punches him down. Rights for him, but back in the ring, there's a Fameasser on Shannon one two Hurricane back in to break it up! Whip, reversed, HURRICHOKESLAM! He's not even surprised anymore. Rico in - Rico thrown out. COVER HIM. Oh no, he's gong for the cape. Hurricane going up - PLANCHA ON RICO! Well that was neat but I don't think it'll help. Back on the apron - Billy up and snapping his neck over the ropes. Stomp to Hurricane. Billy going up? Doesn't seem to be a wise more - he's crotched. Shannon going up with him - top rope 'rana? Well, before he can do it, Chuck's back in, so Shannon jumps for the 'rana on him, but Chuck blocks, pulls him back up, turns him around - Billy top rope clothesline and that's it one two three. (6:27) Hurricane tried to make the save, but was just short. I think Hurricane and Shannon need a Plan C. 

Confidential is next! Listen to them change history! That's it.

The Cubs Fan
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