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WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan




Cruiserweight Ladder: 

Date    Wrestler
072102 Noble
080302 Kidman
080102 Mysterio
080102 Tajiri
071302 Shannon
072502 Chavo
071802 Hurricane
080302 Funaki

I guess, if you think about it, Noble/Nidia vs Kidman/Torrie was a "cruiserweight" match, but no it wasn't.

TV 14 DLV Entertainment - 

Earlier tonight: Backstage, Rico and Marc Loyd are exchanging hair care tips. Hardcore Holly shows up, scares Loyd, and "You two look like you deserve each other on Saturday Night." He's a married man, Bob. So this leads to Rico and Holly having words. Rico obviously learned from Kwee-Wee. Bob says he's leaving, than actually shaves a bit a hair of the back of Rico's head - Rico notices as Bob leaves and isn't too pleased.

- open. Hey, updated! I'm not gonna transcribe this week because they'll probably have to change them again next. They put off changing them for so long, they don't have to take out Benoit. That's pretty sweet. Fireworks. 

Chavo Guerrero (Jr.) vs Tajiri in a Cruiserweight Match - I still wonder how Chavo feels about Eddie jumping - I guess the writers don't care. Your announcers are Marc Loyd and, hey, Cole looks odd this week - no wait, that's Tazz. Cole stuck around on this show a lot longer than I actually thought he would, but it was obvious they were prepping Loyd to take over the last few weeks. If Cole's back next week, we never had this discussion. Oh, Cole's in Australia, never mind all that. Tazz, showing his Saturday night TV watching habits, says he thought they fired Loyd a couple weeks ago - I think he may be getting Marc confused with Chris Leary. He does bring up Bob slapping him last week, but maybe someone just handed him a card. Tazz tries to stir something up between Loyd and Holly. Oh yes, the match. Circle. Lockup, Tajiri goes for the single leg takedown but Chavo blocks, Chavo headlock, Tajiri escapes into an armbar, front facelock, Chavo with an armbar into a front facelock, Tajiri with an armbar and a crank. Marc expects some high flying action, which is confirmation that he's a dork. If you needed it, I dunno. Tazz says so too so maybe I'm the dork. Nah. Chavo rolls out of the armbar, gets his own, short clothesline is ducked, Tajiri with a waistlock, steps in front for a snap mare, armdrag, armdrag is blocked by Chavo, headlock takedown, Tajiri with the leg scissors reversal, break, stare off. That's your much above average WWE chain wrestling open. None of the holds mean anything but it was better. Chavo and Tajiri have words - Chavo pushes Tajiri down but Tajiri kips up in one motion, Chavo's right is ducked, Tajiri's back thrust kick is not. Kick to the chest. Whip, Tajiri with his head down, Chavo tries a sunset flip but Tajiri isn't going - he gets the ropes, and pulls himself out of the ring. Elbow to Chavo's jaw, and he's out of the ring. Apron smash. Tajiri sets up - big roundhouse kick is missed, and Tajiri's foot hits the post! That's different. Chavo is on that leg and stomping. Tajiri thrown in halfway - foot into the apron. Back in - stomps to the foot. Tajiri comes back with rights to the midsection, but a spin kick is caught - bodyscissors rollup one two NO. Chavo up and grabbing the bad foot - elbow smashed into as they go to the mat. There's a half Boston, with a lot of yank on the foot. Switching into the crank over the neck, pulling that foot as far as possible. Now back more into a normal half Boston, but Tajiri's getting the ropes. Now the whole leg is in pain - Chavo stomps it. Toehold! Tajiri kicks him in the head with the other leg. Chavo with a kick to the back leg as Tajiri recovers the corner. Now bending his leg over the ropes for one two three he lets go. Grabbing the leg away, but Tajiri leg pushes him away. Chavo charges the corner again, and right into the Tarantula. One two three four he breaks it and Chavo grabs the bad leg - now pulling him out of the ropes (still there from the Tarantula) by that leg. Chavo's back is bugging him too. Chavo charges - tilt-a-whirl backbreaker! Whip, reversed into a short dropkick to the knee! I didn't know you could do those kinda of things, but Chavo can. Kick to the leg. European Uppercut. Right by Tajiri. European Uppercut by Chavo. Right. Right by Tajiri. Chop by Chavo. Right by Tajiri. Right. Right. Right. These rights are actually open hand slaps, or Tajiri punches are awful because he doesn't close the hand. Corner whip, reversed, short clothesline is ducked and Tajiri hits a German suplex bridge, one two NO. He couldn't hold him because of his leg. Tajiri painstakingly going up - moonsault, Chavo moves, Tajiri lands on his feet, oh that wasn't a good idea. Tajiri with a kick - over the shoulder backbreaker drop. Covering one two NO. Stomping the good leg. Now stomping the bad leg. It's tougher when he's facing down, you see. Corner whip, reversed, Tajiri charges and gets backdropped onto the apron, Chavo turns and gets kicked in the head, Tajiri going up again very slowly - Chavo stops him up there - big beal. Now Chavo going to the second rope, flying axhandle (sure) meets green mist! That was sneaky at all, Tajiri! (5:43) Tazz points out that hurting the leg doesn't stop him from using the mist. Anyway, the story is that Chavo's strategy was sound and Tajiri didn't think he'd win, so he put a stop to it. This match does affect the ladder. Tazz offers to mist Loyd.

Still to come, highlights from the Six Man Tag, and the Hogan/Brock match.

Foot Locker Velocity/Smackdown Continuity of Thursday

Rico (w/no one) vs Funaki - So the story is that Rico is Marc's hair stylist. Tazz: "There's Rico. Styling." Hey, weren't Rico and Funaki hanging out backstage together a few weeks ago? What happened? "So now you like Rico's mouth? What's going on? This is a family show!" Marc tries to cite a previous Funaki match...and forgot who he's faced recently. (I think he wanted to bring up the Kidman match.) Circle, lockup, Funaki with a waistlock, Rico with a facelock, Rico with headlock, Funaki with a wristlock, but Rico with an armbar, Funaki with a small package one two no. Rico with a single leg takedown, cover of zero. Break, face off, Rico claps. Tazz is so sick of Funaki's tights, he's going to buy him new ones. Rico with a bow! Funaki's like "whatever", and then decides he might as well bow - Rico clotheslines him to the mat. Stomp. Turnbuckle smash. Kick to the midsection. Uppercut - watch Funaki jump while selling it. Corner whip, reversed, Funaki with a hiptoss. Armdrag. Dropkick. Rico sucks chant - Rico takes a breather on the outside. Now he has words with Funaki from outside of the ring but Jim Korderas isn't letting Funaki out - so Rico rolls back in and promptly gets stomped. Should've thought that better. Begging off in the corner - Rico wants a timeout. Now he wants a handshake - NO FUNAKI DON'T DO IT! DON'T DO IT! He did - and hit a kick! Better than I give him credit for! Right, right, right, corner whip, no same corner, Funaki charges in but gets flapjacked on the corner buckle - SUPERKICK! Is that his finisher? He's fooling around and not covering. I guess it's only a thrust kick then. Stomp, stomp, choke on the middle rope. His finisher hast o be that spin kick, right? Armbar, to hold him for a kick to the midsection, kick to the midsection, kick to the head, let go for a dropkick, one two no. Funaki with a right, right, Rico with a spinning back kick. Rico with a, um, we're calling that a step over mule kick to the head. One two NO? It's tougher to set up, but more distinguishing than the spin kick even Stacy Kiebler uses. Rico with a slam. Elbow drop. Running elbow drop. Rico checks Funaki's arm - it drops. Again - it drops again. "Now I got him!" Rico decides this would be a good time to go up - MOONSAULT but the pool's empty! Rico misses a clothesline, Funaki with a right, right, corner whip, reversed, Rico charge in but no one's home - bulldog! One two NO! Funaki with a kick, it's caught, enziguri is not. Inside cradle one two no. Whip, reversed, hiptoss into a neckbreaker - he stole that from Shannon Moore and/or Matt Hardy. One two NO. You're no Matt Hardy, Rico. Rico going for a powerbomb, backs up while he has Funaki lifted  (?), so Funaki uses the top turnbuckle to push off and escape. Rico charges - big back drop. It was more of a mini press. Rico with a right that misses - there's the standing spin kick one two three. (4:32) As a kicker, he's better than the Cat. Mark is happy for Rico. No explanation of where Billy and Chuck are.

Still to come, Brock vs Hogan.

Lugz Aborted Angle/Cena match of Last Thursday

And here's some highlights from that six man tag. (5:08)

Still to come, Brock vs Hogan.

Mike Awesome vs Bull Buchanan - oh yay. Circle. Lockup. Awesome pushed into the corner. Bull with a right, right, right, right, whip, clothesline is ducked and Awesome with a missile shoulderblock. Awesome clotheslines him out of the ring. Pescado isn't really caught (Awesome's feet hit first) and Bull manages to bang his head into the barricade anyway. Awesome throws Bull in - Bull with a knee when Awesome is on the apron and some punches - neck snap on the ropes by Awesome. Awesome going up - top rope clothesline! Cover one two no. Awesome with a right, whip, head down so Bull kicks it. Waistlock but Awesome elbows out. Corner whip (they look really staged here), Awesome charge sin but no one's home and Bull hits a clothesline to the back of his head. Stomps in the corner. Bull doesn't have the totally shaved head look now - he's got what I guess is a mohawk, but it looks puffy and unmanaged, and kinda makes him look older. Reverse neckbreaker, one two no. Rights to the back of the head/neck. Corner whip, reversed, Bull with the walk up and turn flying clothesline - he actually hit it! Cover one two no. There needs to be a match between Bull and Johnny. Justin gave me that line, but he said it better. Chinlock. Awesome elbows out. but Bull pulls him down by the hair. Kicks to the back. Forearm to the back. Bull throws Awesome out, following him out, Awesome walks around groggily. Throwing him into the stairs. Bull back in, waiting for Awesome to get up - Bull charges, but gets knocked won by the slingshot shoulderblock. Awesome wins the battle of punches - back suplex. Awesome with a clothesline. Awesome going up. This match is kinda slow, for the high impact moves. Taking his time on the top rope. Taking plenty of time. There's no way he's gonna hits this- yep, splash misses. There was a TVPG logo that popped up for a half a second during that, odd. Rights by Bull, corner whip, reversed, Awesome charge into boots. Bull pulls himself up to the top rope rope - there's the top rope legdrop. One two three. (4:42) Awesome has yet to win in his return. That can't be an accident by this point - you decide if it's an angle.

Up next, Brock vs Hogan.

There's a September 1st WWE House show as Allstate Arena - they never mention the "Brand". They single out three wrestlers: RVD, Trish, and Booker T. There's more highlights of RAW guys, but no true main eventers - do they not know for sure who will be where by then and don't want to advertise people who will move? Can we take this to me those three aren't moving? Who knows.

The Fire Still Burns ("Slow Chemical" by Finger Eleven) (:35)

Here's your "live announcers talk vaguely about the main event" bit, setting up - Brock vs Hogan clips. (8:25) Check out those cheesy SummerSlam graphics! Also, Triple H vs Shawn Michaels - did they airbrush the nWo logo off that shot? Up next, Hardcore.

The Rock is Getting Ready (:22) - oops, maybe that was just a local PPV ad. Who knows. Who cares. Right.

Hardcore Holly vs Albert - Hey look, rematch. Tazz tries to get Loyd in trouble. Bob's looking at the desk, and doesn't notices Albert coming in - clothesline takes him out. Head into the steps! Right, right, Over the shoulder but Holly falls off and pushes him into the post. Chop, chop. Both in, belly rings.  Bob with a kick, whip, reversed, Albert with a press slam into a powerbomb. Cover? Well, not right away but sure one two no. Turnbuckle smash. Kick. Open hand slap. Right, no it's blocked and Bob with his own, right, chop, chop, whip, reversed, Albert puts his head down and it's kicked. Bob off the ropes, under a clothesline, into a boot. Albert with a gutwrench into the the Chavo into the over the shoulder backbreaker drop. Albert goes to the outside - elbow with Bob on the apron. Boot to Holly's head on the apron. Kick on the apron. Albert back in - slingshot into the second rope. Cover one two no. Albert pulling Hardcore to the apron again as he goes out - forearm to the apron. Getting a running start, and running into boots. Wow, I don't want to be that close to Albert's hairy back, thanks camera dude. Bob with chops on the outside, and Albert back in. Bob with a kick, best Dropkick in the Business one two NO. Push in the corner, right, kick to the midsection, chop, chop, corner whip, reversed, Albert charge in but on one's home - Bob with a big clothesline one two NO. Hardcore going up - but Albert to the ropes to crotch him. Bob falls in the ring, and Albert is getting ready - Baldo Bomb? but Hardcore punches his way out. Off the ropes, into the Scissors Kick one two NO! Albert can't believe that - you'd think he'd be used to it by now. Push to Mike Choida, Choida pushes back, inside cradle one two three! (3:38) Hardcore wins again, but Albert isn't happy - forearm and he's thrown through the ropes, ramp side. Albert with a whip - no Bob reverses it and Albert goes into the steps. Bob is happy, he's won even after. Albert's a really big Funaki now, isn't he. Is he walking towards the desk? He IS walking towards the desk. He's got a sinister grin on his face. He's going right for Loyd. Loyd is backing off. Tazz is as much help as usual. Taking off his headset - now pulling out from behind the desk by his shirt collar. Is Hardcore going to do something to him here? Here's Rico, here's a SUPERKICK! Loyd's saved. Oh man, Loyd's shirt got unbuttoned in the mess, that's no good. Rico offers a handshake, Mark takes it - shake, and Mark gets slapped in the face again. Wow, it's great when they do things no one but they get. Chris suggested they were booking an angle just for me so I just want it made clear that they I'm not looking for stories that don't make any sense and/or Marc Loyd's chest in my Velocity action. Speaking of, here's replay.

That's it. Yay.

The Cubs Fan
[slash] wrestling

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