WWE Velocity by The Cubs Fan
TV14 DLV Entertainment CC Open...
Green lines lead to fast highway driving
Fireworks. Your announcers are everyone hates Marc Loyd and TBD - Cole had something better to do, so Marc has a special guest, he just doesn't know it yet. Hey, it's Lita (w/no neck brace - but really old Forceable Entry ad). Isn't she a RAW person? Maybe it's the whole inactive dealio they used with Benoit. "I heard you needed a friend!"
Mark Henry vs Mike Awesome - Loyd, showing why he's now the #2 interviewer on SmackDown!, does not immediately ask what's up with Matt. Lita says she's feeling better than she did three months ago, but she's still far away. Awesome goes after Henry from behind - axhandle, right, right, right, right, whip, reversed, Henry leapfrog, Awesome with a body smash, Henry back off the ropes and rebounds with a clothesline. Press? I guess Awesome eyeraked him on the way up - we were looking at the back of Henry's head so it's tough to tell, though Mark is grabbing his face. Kick, right, right, right, chinlock? I guess. Whip, Henry with the body smash. Press? No, Henry with an elbow in the back. Right, right, off the ropes, into a bearhug. Now Awesome fights off, off the ropes, right back into it again. Awesome's got to rethink his strategy. Awesome clears out with rights, off the ropes, and right into a powerslam one two no. Corner whip, Henry's pumped, charge into Awesome's boots. Running double foot stomp to the chest by Awesome. Stomp, stomp, legdrop one two no. Rights to the head. Henry's head on the second rope, off the ropes, Awesome with a running knee to the neck. Awesome to the second rope - clothesline one two no. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right blocked, Henry with a knee. I think Loyd actually remembers when the Harydz were feuding with Brock. Whip, there's the press finally. Splash but Awesome rolls out of the ring. Lita sounds likes like she's being fed lines. Doesn't help that she kinda sounds flat and emotionless. Awesome with another double stomp to the midsection and he's going up - top rope splash hits! One two NO. Now Lita mentions Awesome's history in Japan so you know no one fed her that. Awesome goes for a powerbomb but Henry's too big, and he backdrops out. Corner whip, clothesline. Running powerslam, one two three. (3:59) You know, it's probably unfortunate that Awesome is being booked by the same guy he walked out on with no notice.
Lita and Marc talk - Marc actually asks what she's doing here, being a RAW person and all. Lita says Stephanie invited her, and she decided to come - it doesn't mean that she's necessarily on the SmackDown! side, she's just visiting.
Still to come - Brock vs Rock hype. But next, Rey Mysterio is in Kurt Angle's (bald) head.
Tobacco is Whacko Mysterio bloodies Angle of Two Weeks Ago
Let's look at the graphic - Kurt vs Rey at SummerSlam. Lita adds an extra vowel to Rey's name, but reminds us that Rey Mysterio (and other lucha guys like him) were the reason she got interested in wrestling in the first place. Kurt needs to be on his toes at SummerSlam - he wasn't quite that on SmackDown! (5:32) This leads right into the video package for the match. (1:42)
Up next - Tajiri vs Fuanki in a rematch of Funaki's upset last week. In fact, let's go right to the Lugz FUNAKI WINS FUNAKI WINS of Last Week just in case you forgot.
SummerSlam Video package - why do they have the matchup graphic (instead of the individual ones) for HBK/HHH? HBK did get a new video clip, thought so. YOU CAN'T WRESTLE ANYMORE. Is this a new, slower, more mellow version of the song? Think so. No long stretch of silence during the Eddie/Edge match. (1:50)
Tajiri (8) vs Funaki (7) in a cruiserweight match - Tazz still hasn't gotten Funaki new tights. Funaki has words for Marc Loyd! Professional rivalry, surely. Lita: "Personally, I like Funaki...I think he's cute, actually." "You think Funaki's cute?" "Yea, I think he's cut. Maybe, the fact that he's maybe the #1 Interviewer on SmackDown! adds to the attraction." Tajiri wants a bow, Funaki wants a handshake, Funaki opts to compromise and gets kicked upside the head. I hope you've learned your lesson for the day. Chop, whip, hiptoss no Funaki reverse to a fireman's carry , headlock, Tajiri shoots him into the ropes, Funaki back with a shoulderblock to knock him down. Funaki off the ropes, over, Tajiri tries a leapfrog but Funaki stops and hits him with an open hand slap. Funaki charges, hiptoss by Tajiri, but Funaki hangs on and bounces off the ropes in mid-move, turning it into an armdrag. Lita, in the midst of a response about the Tajiri/Jamie/Nidia relationship ("I try not to think about it to much") calls it innovative. Funaki with a dropkick, right, corner whip, reversed, Funaki kips up and behind, waistlock, German Suplex but Tajiri lands on his feet, Funaki's clothesline is ducked and Tajiri hits the reverse thrust kick. Lita adds depth to this match by figuring Tajiri might be jealous of the relationship of Funaki and Nidia's relationship of late. Stomp, turnbuckle smash, rights in the corners, biting. Marc says that Nidia and Jamie might be holding a make out contest at the World during SummerSlam. "I think they're constantly involved in makeout contests, I didn't know there was a special one that was possibly going to be going on." Funaki out of the corner, and into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Jumping knee drop one two no. Snap mare, surfboard. Talking HBK/HHH - Lita picks HBK. Funaki turns it around, kick, whip, reversed, sunset flip but Tajiri's not going down - in facet, he's crawling right out of the ring, pulling Funaki to the apron and hitting an elbow to the head. Tajiri yells - top rope moonsault no one home! Funaki bulldog one two NO. Whip, reversed into a short something, Funaki's kicked, it's caught, Funaki's enziguri hits. Loyd is talking about "best friends fighting" in regards to that SummerSlam match but misses the easy segue to Matt and Jeff. One two NO. Stomp. Corner whip, charge, Tajiri kips up and goes for the Tarantula but Funaki grabs the legs and pulls him into a powerbomb one two NO. Lita talks about the friendship being off when you get thrown through a glass window, and for a second I think he's talking about a different best friend. Funaki pulls Tajiri up, roundhouse kick is blocked, Funaki goes for the Flying Leg Rollup (last week's winning move) but it's blocked and Tajiri with a La Majistral one two NO. Tajiri with a kick, corner whip, charge, Funaki kips up, he starts to go for the Tarantula but realizes it's not gonna work, so he switched over to a sunset flip, but Tajiri rolls through and hits the dropkick to the head. Tajiri loading up - KO Kick one two three. (3:54) The ladder does change.
Still to come, Chuck vs "a man I totally respect" Hardcore Holly. Lita tries to get him into trouble. Next, Rock vs Brock.
Lita and Matt talk about the huuuuuge main event. Lita: "Will he become 'the Big Thing'"? Graphic. (2:35) Lita: "This is a match I almost don't want to watch" because she thinks Brock is gonna beat the crap out of the Rock, I think. Marc tells us not to wait to hear about this one from our friends.
Next - Chuck vs Hardcore Holly. "So what exactly is it that you don't like about Bob Holly? I mean, I think he's a pretty nice guy."
Chuck (w/Billy & Rico) vs Hardcore Holly - Rico walks over to the desk to (off microphone) show off his fashion and make fun of Lita's hair. Lita starts to respond, Rico gives her The Hand, and Lita finds it hilarious. "Uh oh!" "Here's your buddy!" Marc kisses up, but actually Bob's more worried about the three guys he's got to deal with here. Billy and Rico both distract Bob leading to Chuck's attack. Forearm, right, corner whip, Bob kips up, Chuck catches him over his shoulder - snake eyes, discus punch! Pushing Bob chest first into the corner, shoulder to the back, shoulder to the back, shoulder to the back, shoulder to the back. Distracting the referee so Billycan get a right in. Cover one two no. Lita points out that Benoit has a lot to lose in his title match - the IC Title, and having to deal with Stephanie complaining about him losing the IC Title. Stomp, stomp, stomp, sit down on the back. Chuck takes his time following up, and Hardcore just stands up under him, getting Chuck on his shoulders - electric chair suplex. Chuck fell hard on his neck, not the straight back bump. Marc tries to start trouble for Lita by getting her to pick one side or another in that IC title match - Lita wisely opts not to pick. Bob with a right that misses, Chuck with a back suplex one two no. Marc does use the discussion to FINALLY segue into "what's up with that wacky Matt Hardy?" talk - only took him forty minutes. Lita says Matt's been very supportive of her with her neck injury, so she's reciprocating by being very supportive of him and his move to SmackDown! Chuck pushes Bob chest first into the ropes, and hits him with a forearm. Repeat. Billy must've done something to really tick off a front row group of fans. Chuck tries it again but Bob comes back with a right. Chuck with a right. Bob with a right. Chop, chop, chop, right is blocked - Chuck with an overhead belly to belly suplex one two no. Lita talks about Matt and Jeff, that match vs RVD, and Matt "costing [Jeff] the loss", but assures us that they'll always be brothers, regardless of their singles career. Chinlock with a surfboard. Now just a chinlock. Holly with rights to get free, but Chuck takes him down with a back elbow. Push in the corner, right, right, right, right, Chuck is warned about the closed fists, Bob with a right, right, right, Chuck with an eye poke. Overhead belly to belly is blocked twice - reverse full nelson over belly to belly suplex. "Hardcore Holly with the Gas Mask into a..." "The what?" "The Gas Mask into the [long pause - knocking on the table?] suplex there." Both slow up - Chuck with a right, Bob with a right. Chuck with a right, Bob with a chop, chop, chop, off the ropes, clothesline, backdrop. HOLLY 'RANA! It's as great as ever - one two no. Whip, Bob with a slam, Chuck slips behind, whip, reversed, Best Dropkick In The Business One Two No. Lita: "You say that now - I've always thought he had a great dropkick." Whip, reversed into a Chuck powerslam one two no. Chuck says that's it, he's tapping his leg, Jungle Kick is caught, Bob grabs both legs and load him up into an Alabama Slam - but Rico is over to yank Chuck off. Bob looks at him while Chuck grabs the ref to keep him from watching - Billy attacks from behind, the One And Only! [Lita knows the name! But says it really quietly] One two three. (5:42) Lita sounds less than excited. She always sounds less than excited, though. Oh wait, Bob's up and he's not happy - Chuck pushing him in the corner wasn't a good idea - right for Billy, right for Rico, right for Chuck. Jim Koredras slows down Bob from getting more, but he still wants to get them. Rico is scared of the ring, Chuck is stomped, now Billy and Rico are over and they're punch him - now playing the part of the Big Valbowski, Randy Orton. Ring is cleared, and someone gives him a microphone. "Hey! You guys want to come out here and gang up on Hardcore Holly? How about this - seeing as the odds have now become even, why don't you come down here and take your beating like some real men?" I think Chuck figures out that Randy's math is bad. Billy, Rico and Chuck discuss. "Let's go, let's go" and they start to walk away - then turn and rush the ring. And get leveled. Everyone is cleared out of the ring - and we'll take a break.
When we comeback, the fans are entertaining themselves with a "Rico Sucks" chant, but it looks like we've settled into...
Billy (w/Chuck & Rico) vs Randy Orton (w/Hardcore Holly) - While Hardcore plays games with Billy from the outside, I should probably slip in here that Lita got better as the show got along, though she still sounds subdued at points. Marc says the sides are even because he can't count either. Lockup, Billy pushed in the corner, Randy with the clean break and he gets pushed for it, so Randy punches him. Billy covers up in the corner. Randy breaks and Chuck checks on him. Let's take a moment as Chuck gets it all sorted out. I'm starting to think that Randy only exists as a segue to talk about the Rock. Kick, jab, turnbuckle smash, right, right. Choke in the corner - Billy takes four. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Chuck goes in chest first and comes out into an armdrag. Hiptoss. Off the ropes and Billy just throws him out, Randy's jaw hitting the apron on the way down. Chuck doesn't help the situation with a punch. Bob argues with the ref instead of helping Randy thrown in, snap mare, chinlock. "I think the fans think there's a lot more padding out there than there really is." One arm raise. Two arm raise. Third - it says up. Elbows out, Randy off the ropes into a dropkick. Now Bob is in because he's mad his move was stolen - the chase is on but Billy ends up on the inside again and Bob is held outside by Korderas. Cover one two NO. Turnbuckle smash. Right. Corner choke. Lita says Matt had a great time at the Fozzy concert he went too, but the crowd on Monday didn't seem to agree. Billy with a bite in the corner. Randy with a kick, kick, corner whip. Billy takes forever setting up the corner splash - so it misses. DDT! Both down now and slow up. Both up at the same time - Billy punch is blocked, Randy's is not. Repeat. Now Billy with a knee, corner whip, charge in but Randy slides up and out of the way - down with an inside cradle one two no. Right. Right. Right. Corner whip, reversed, Chuck charges into a kick - second rope bulldog one two NO. Randy going up for his feared top rope cross body - Korderas distracted by Bob and Rico on the floor, and Chuck pushes out Billy out of the way to take the bullet for him! Lita thinks that was sweet. Now Bob is in while Korderas is warning Rico - clothesline takes Rico out of the ring, head into the steps. In the ring, Billy's setting up for the Fameasser, but the ref is still watching Rico - Bob in with the Alabama slam, Randy covers one two three. (6:06) Lita says it was fun being here.
See you at SummerSlam.The Cubs Fan
Email the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville