Hi, I'm Tanvir Raquib and recapping this week's WCW Worldwide. Okay, I know some (well those of you who didn't ACCIDENTLY click on the link) would like to know exactly what would possess me to actually recap the horrible weekly syndicated program known as Worldwide. Actually, I do like watching professional wrestling and it's very much a hobby of mine to watch not only the athleticism aspect of it (of the likes of Dean Malenko and the Berzerker) but also the entertainment aspect of it (especially when I have those chronic recollections of Bad News Brown and Mantaur).

But the real reason is that I'm willing to cut through all the crappy two week old Nitro footage just so I can savor that precious 3 minute Elix Skipper-Allan Funk match. (or Evan Kourageous - Erik Watts)

However, I'm here to serve YOU the reader, not to sefishly rant about myself, I'm ONLY a Worldwide recapper.

Hey, I didn't mean that! I like this gig! On with the show!

Taped on my Godzilla vs. Gigan and Fuji T-120 tapes on Sunday, January 09, 2000

Rated TV-PG For Your Syndicated Viewing Pleasure

TONY SCHIAVONE and BOBBY HEENAN discuss the nWo.

Let's go back to Thunder
BRET HART gives heel interview to fans.

Later on That Night
GOLDBERG responds to nWo. Damn, those "Goldberg Sucks!" chants are LOUDER than I thought they were. Goldberg finishes his interview out with "Who's next? Who's left!"

Later on That Night
JEFF JARRETT gets a note from the POWERS THAT BE. Schiavone mentions "Russo and Ferrera" in the voiceover. IT'S A TRAP, JEFF! Goldberg chokes Jarrett in that "fake white brick office" and gives a threatening message for Jarrett to give to Hart.

Later on That Night
KEVIN NASH and SCOTT HALL talking. Hall leaves to go to a dressing room , I suppose. Goldberg attacks Hall in the dressing room. Then, all of the sudden, we're in the shower as Nash gets attacked almost simultaneously by Goldberg. Oh, cmon, Bill, you could've AT LEAST let Nash wash that shampoo out of his hair FIRST. Cue those cameras pointing at a prone Hall put through a table and a "Psycho" wannabe shower scene only with shampoo (instead of blood) going down the drain with Nash's hand in the frame.

Later on That Night
Goldberg runs in after nWo beatdown on CHRIS BENOIT during Bret Hart-Chris Benoit match. Goldberg gets to Jarrett first, but we have to build this feud up to the pay per view so Hart gets to run away. So at Goldberg chase after Hart! Goldberg's JUST close as Hart's limo speeds off, leaving Goldberg the opportunity to bash up another limo's windows. ( WOOHOO! It's IN COLOR this time! Isn't this TVPG? What's up with that? It's too hot to show it on color on Thursday at 10 but it's perfectly OK to see blood on Sundays at 1? What about the children? )

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Both guys discuss what has transpired and talk about Goldberg's injury as a result of his temperment. Heenan somehow mispronounces "Powers that be."

Commercials

Battledome "Real warriors, Real Competitors, Real Pain." Sundays only on UPN 9!

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Schiavone talks about SCOTT STEINER's swerve on Nitro.....

Let's go back to Nitro
We come to see Steiner give his "retirement speech." Steiner says the doctors say he has a degenerative disc in his back and needs another surgery and fusion. He also says the doctors told him to retire. Crowd chants "Scotty!" really LOUD. Steiner continues on by saying the toughest thing is not to wrestle with his brother again and asks us to say a prayer for him. Cue the nWo music. Hart tells Steiner to "getting his stinking ass out of the ring" and the nWo doesn't have time to deal with a washed up nobody like Steiner. He also tells Steiner that he was never good anyway. Steiner leaves as they throw Steiner's wheelchair out of the ring.

Later on That Night
SID VICIOUS and Benoit are fighting with the nWo in the ring. Steiner coming down the aisle. Benoit/Sid clean house. Vicious chokeslams Jarrett. Powerbomb attempt by Vicious foiled as Steiner pastes Vicious with the bat! I see an nWo shirt! "This is the biggest con of all!" says Schiavone. The nWo throws Vicious into a nearby car at ringside as they drive somewhere backstage. Hart runs runs away to get a monster truck. Some nice camera shots to help Vicious get out of the way as "Bret Hart" runs over the car.

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Schiavone confirms our worst fears by telling us Sid Vicious is okay and will wrestle at Souled Out. Both guys talk more about the nWo, saying they are dangerous and mean business.

Commercials

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Schiavone and Heenan talk about TANK ABBOTT. Schiavone talks about his UFC past and how Abbott's a force and a man we have to watch closely. Heenan rambles more about the dangerous nature of Mr. Abbott.

Let's go back to Thunder
We get to see the whole match (Tank Abbott vs LA PARKA). Tank mauling Parka wirh punches and elbows. Parka thrown out of the ring as Abbott follows. Parka tries a chairshot but Abbott's REAL TOUGH (I guess) so he lands one punch to Parka and Parka's down! Abbott shows no mercy as he stomps on my favorite luchadore. Ref calls for bells but Abbott's pissed as continues to stomp and stomp. Security comes out. Abbott knocks out DOUG DILLENGER this time! (Yes!)

Forward to Nitro
We're in the middle of ABBOTT vs SHANE this time. Abbott mauling Shane with punches to his back and stomach. Elbows to the head by Abbott! Knockout punch by Abbott! Security comes in and Abbott proceeds to leave the ring.

Later on That Night
We're in the middle of JERRY FLYNN vs. BRET HART. Jarrett interferes which leads to SharpShooter by Hart for the win. Jarrett and Nash continue with batshots to an uconsicious Flynn. Spray paint time for Flynn! As the nWo leaves, we see Abbott pass by them as he walks to the ring. Abbott picks up Flynn to show his respect and admiration for Flynn......only to KNOCK HIM OUT AS WELL! Hmm.....Abbott's got some kickass music.

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Heenan talks about the beauty of suckerpunching someone who is handcuffed.

Commercials

Damnit! Tape change!

Luckily, we're still in commercials.

Those Valtrex Herpes commercials are real appropriate for your Worldwide audience right, UPN 9?

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Schiavone and Heenan hype Souled Out. Heenan tells us (and Bret Hart) that "Sid will make you wish you never had this match." Schiavone tells us it's almost time for our DOUBLE MAIN EVENT! Yes!

Commercials

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan Schiavone and Heenan tell us again it is time for our double main event with SCOTT HUDSON and MIKE TENAY standing by.

FRANKIE LANCASTER vs. JERRY FLYNN
I've liked Flynn for 2 years. He's got that cool heel mannerism with the fans, especially his "shake hand only to wipe sweat" routine. THERE IT IS! K ILLER! Lockup. Flynn with a kick, clothesline, punch. Lancaster to the ropes, Flynn misses spinning kick, Lancaster off the other rope, foreram lariat by Lancaster. There's another lariat and dropkicks. (Reminds me of Hardcore Holly, he's got the most beautiful dropkicks in sports entertainment, ya know.) Flynn stalling outside now. "JERRY SUCKS!" chant by the crowd. Flynn in the ring now. Flynn kicks Lancaster's leg. Double cross chop (?) to throat by Flynn. Lancaster to the ropes and a clothesline by Flynn. Kneedrop and taunts by Flynn. Punch to the face by Flynn, covers, foot on the rope. Flynn with kicks to stomach, rakes his face. Lancaster to the ropes, Flynn with chop to shoulder. Lancaster makes some weak punches, Flynn punches back HARDER, slaps Lancaster's face, back-kick, "Kevin Nash foot to the the throat spot". Flynn delivered rapid kicks to midsection, whips Lancaster to other turnbuckle, misses bicycle kick. Lancaster kicks, punches, backdrops Flynn, punches. Flynn to the ropes, ducks clothesline, kicks Lancaster, belly to belly suplex by Flynn, spinning back kick to Lancaster's face, covers, 1,2,3.

Your winner at 3:28, JERRY FLYNN.

Commercials

We're back with Scott Hudson and Mike Tenay

DISORDERLY CONDUCT vs. FIT FINLAY and BRIAN KNOBBS (Hardcore Rules Match)
Oh, man this is gonna be hard to call. Knobbs brings in the plunder. Finlay and Knobbs proceed to throw trash cans, cookie sheets, trash lids into the ring. Knobbs in the ring as both Mean Mike and Tuff Tom beat down Knobbs with a cookie sheet to the head. Finlay enters and beats down both Conduct members with a kendo stick. Knobbs gets hit in the head with a cookie sheet. Somewhere in this mess, Finlay throws Tom out of the ring, gives kendostick shot to Mike. Knobbs hits Mike with a trashcan, trashlid, and a cookie sheet. Finlay whips Tom into guardrail, slams Tom's head into cookie sheet, throw him back in. Knobbs hits Tom with trashcan. Mike now with a trashcan to Knobb's head and back. Finlay with trashcan for Mike's head. Tom with a cookie sheet for Knobbs and Finlay. (Spread the wealth!) Finlay wedges a trashcan between the turnbuckle and slams Mike (I think) into the trashcan. Knobbs with a trashcan for Mike's head. Mike now with a trashcan for Knobb's head. Finlay sticks the kendostick on Tom's throat while standing, throws him out of ring. Knobbs throws a trashcan at a prone Tom. Finlay whips Mike to opposite turnbuckle, kick's Mike in the BALLS!, clothesline. Knobbs on the second rope with the trashcan, splash right on Mike's torso, covers, 1,2,3. The crowd is LOUD!

Your winner at 2:32, FIT FINLAY and BRIAN KNOBBS.

We're back with Schiavone and Heenan
Schiavone hypes Souled Out and we're out......

Well, this week's Worldwide wasn't bad at all. Especially for you really curious types who were pissed off witht he black and white treatment WCW gave that Goldberg incident on Thunder a couple of weeks ago. Thanks to crackhead WCW production, it's pefectly okay to see Goldberg's blood spill all over the front of the limo on weekend syndicated programming that usually runs here from 1-3 pm here in New York. (It's flexible here, but I guess they finally found a permanent spot for Worldwide.)

Anyways, I had a blast recapping Worldwide and I'll see you next week!

Freelance recapping RULES!