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/4 March 2000

WCW Worldwide by Tanvir Raquib




Ladies and Gentlemen, you have been interrupted from your daily [slash] patronage for a special, extremely late edition of.......
THE WCW WORLDWIDE RECAP SHOW starring Tanvir Raquib and his special guest: Vince McMahon

Tanvir Raquib: Folks, we've been blessed with the appearances of key figures in World Championship Wrestling, past and present, but now, I bring to you probably the most prixed guest in the threee week existence of our show! Yes, we're planning on having an existence longer than WXO, but I've had so much college work that I put it on the back-burner. However, I have reclaimed my spot here for this opportunity to interview a man who I have watched since the age of 6, a man who best the Feds at their own game, and a man who I suck up to even more than Jim Ross ever has, Vince McMahon!

Vince McMahon: Wow, what an introduction! <slips something into TR's pocket> But not as much of an introduction will be to the XFL when it premiere next spring to a channel near you!

TR: <pull somethin out of his pocket, smile turns quickly into a frown> So how's Martha Hart doing???

<uncomfortable silence in the room>



VM: <tucks something into TR's pocket>

TR: <checks pocket, smiles> So what does the X in XFL stand for?

VM: Well, it stands for X-citing, or X-treme or X-tracurricular! Might I add that the XFL will be coming to a TV near you!

TR: So how's life in the WWF?

VM: Oh, business couldn't be better! The fan wants to see the greatest athletes in the world every single Monday, Thursday and Sunday night, and soon, you'll be seeing the next generation of superstars next spring - the XFL premieres in 10 months and the establishment is shakin' in their boots!

TR: What do you think of WCW?

VM: Well, Billionaire Ted can say and do what he wants - but the WWF continues to break the rules - much like the XFL will be breaking the rules next spring - THE XFL IS COMING! WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT THE NFL DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!!!!

TR: <counting> 100.....150.....200.....250....oh, Vince? Umm, are you suprised at the success of your children, Shane and Stephanie, are having on RAW?

VM: Not at all, Tanvir, you see I know I've raised two exceptionally bright individuals and I'm not afraid to put them out on TV.......JUST LIKE I'M NOT AFRAID ON PUTTING THE XFL ON A TV NEAR YOU!!!!

TR: Okie, time is running a little short...we've gotta get to some that okay with you Vince?

VM: Yes, it's okay with me....just like it's going to be OK with everybody when the XFL premieres! 10 MONTHS! GET EXTREME WITH THE XFL!

TR: Take it away, production!

We are welcomed by Scott Hudson and Larry Zybysko. They let us in on the SuperBrawl result. Zybysko comments that he liked James Brown appearing. We see a SuperBrawl 2000 video package basically giving us all of the highlights from the show. Zybysko and Hudson praise Sid quite a bit. Zybysko says Jarrett is still a tough opponent.

Next up: Total Package and his fued with Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart.

TR: So Jarrett didn't make the right decision going to WCW, now did he?

VM: We at the WWF pride ourselves with quality entertainment and when someone doesn't want to be a part of that, we move on. Jarrett id what he thought was the right decision. I have no problems with that.

TR: What were your thoughts on WCW's SuperBrawl pay-per-view?

VM: <with a growl> I don't watch Turner's stuff EVER.

<uncomfortable silence>



TR: Soo, why don't we get to the action shall we? And don't forget about watching that good ole XFL!

Hudson says Ric Flair formed an alliance with Package. Zybysko comments that Flair was jealous of Hogan, so he was easy to pick up for Package.

We see clips of Nitro: Flair dissing on Hogan and putting himself over. Hogan responding to Flair by saying that a steel cage match is on for tonight. Flair and Package beat on the womanly Hart and bring him out to the ring. Hogan saving his bitch (Hart, if you may ask). Flair and Package kicks Hogan's ass. - Dillenger tries to be a hero but gets punked as well.

Hudson says we'll see Hogan fight back at Uncensored. Zybysko predicts that Hogan will get his revenge.

Next up: The Jarrett-Sid feud/rematch at Uncensored.

TR: Well, Vince, what are your thoughts on this particular angle?

VM: Well, I made Hogan one of the biggest stars ever in the industry. And Hart made alot of money because I gave him alot of exposure. And Lex.....well, he did headline SummerSlam! But basically, this doesn't touch our programming.

TR: Not even Bossman - Albert vs. Tazz?

VM with a stern look on his face.

TR: <with an uneasy smile> Not that that feud isn't bad. Bossman, Albert and Tazz are all great performers of the highest ability! They deserve their spot!

VM: There ya go. And don't forget -

TR: The XFL is coming soon!

VM: Say, do you want a job with I'm sure you could do a better job than what's that guy's name?

Someone off camera: Lucas, Mr. McMahon!

TR: Let's talk about that off the air please, the show is still paying my bills. As long as CRZ keeps those nickels coming my way.....

VM: CR-who?

TR: This "website personality". Don't mind him, he just feuds with obese commentators and such. But nevertheless, he never pisses about deadlines, only about people stealing his material!

VM: Haha...I've gotta meet that guy! WCW's been stealing my stuff for years!

TR: Hehe....I can see my audience dwindling by the line, Vince. Let's get back to the show.

VM: Sure thing, but don't call me Vince. If you want to be employed by me, that is, the name is Mr. McMahon. Not VKM or any other name, got it?!

TR: Uhmm..sure, Mr. McMahon. Take it away, production!

Hudson says after SuperBrawl, Jarrett tried to find a way to get Sid back. Zybysko agrees with Hudson's assessment.

We see clips of Nitro: Jarrett's self-redeeming interview stating his rematch clause for Uncensored. Sid's screaming interview with Mean Gene. Hudson says the nWo is dead, but Jarrett is still conniving. Zybysko says Jarrett has protection, even with the dying of the nWo. Both guys shill Uncensored. Sell it to me ONE MORE TIME!

Next up: The Dustin Rhodes heel turn.

TR: Mr. McMahon, what do you think of this Sid-Jarrett rivalry we see?

VM: Hehe, that's a good one.....rivalry. A rivalry is supposed to be a battle of the titans for the soly supremacy of sport; what we got here is a battle of the also-rans; the guys who couldn't cut the mustard. But fortunately, all of you at home can get your fix for sports entertainment by tuning to the WWF and the greatest damn thing ever, the XFL.

TR: So you're not really impressed by this feud, are ya?

VR: Not at all. The only thing I'm impressed with is myself, the WWF and THE XFL, AMERICA'S NEW HOME FOR SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

TR: So what about the demise of the nWo?

VR: You know, it's been so long since Hall and Nash left. They started that stable for Turner's company and they made good money doing it too. But WCW got cocky. They decided they could put on anything they wanted to and everything would come out great. But it just doesn't happen that way, now does it?

TR: I guess not, Vince.....I mean, Mr. McMahon. Let's go back to highlights from Worldwide!

Hudson compares the Rhodes - Funk fued as one of the great family fued in wrestling. Zybsyko says something as well.

We see clips of Nitro: In backstage interview, Funk disses Dusty in front of Dustin. Clips of Funk-Rhodes vs. Harris Boys. - This kinda sucks. - DDT for Funk by Rhodes. - Rhodes kicks Funk's ass basically. - Stretcher job by Funk. - Rhodes kicks his ass some more.

Hudson says Funk is okay, but the war is on. Zybysko says Rhodes is making a bad mistake messing with a legend like Funk.

Next up: Exclusive Matches just for Worldwide folk like you and me!

TR: That Terry Funk is one crazy guy, isn't he?

VM: Exactly. Subjecting yourself to a feud with Dustin's a ratings killer.

TR: Do you wanna specify on that a little?

VM: Well, one's gonna take that guy seriously. Do I have to go back to his "Goldust is dead" speech??

TR: Mr. McMahon, I was just wondering if I'm "in the loop" with the WWF or not.

VM: Hmm....everybody wants a piece of the WWF! Man oh man, you want a job. I'll give ya a job. You're a recapper aren't you?

TR: Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm the official recapper for

VM: I'll give ya a job recapping RAW for You gotta be a bit more kayfabish though.

TR: I dunno...something inside me wants to keep my online credibility. Plus who else is gonna recap Worldwide for CRZ?

VM: think that through. And all of you at home, the XFL IS COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!

TR: Let's go to the matches while I think this through.

Hudson introduces us to Maestro vs. Demon. Zybysko adds something, but does it matter after what he said about Spicolli? Also, Mamalukes (or Paisans) vs. Lane/Idol.

MAESTRO (w/ Symphony) vs. DEMON (w/ kickass theme) Lockup - side headlock by Demon for a while - Maestro with some punches, whips Demon to ropes- shouldblock by Demon- Demon to the ropes- armdrag attempt by Maestro - blocked - hiptoss by Demon - kicks and forearms by Demon - crosscorner whip - avalanche by Demon - Maestro whipped to ropes - armdrag by Demon - kick - nice vertical suplex - kick, punches to back - slams Maestro's head to mat for 10 count - Symphony plays some rap music - Maestro's going crazy! - Maestro with punches and equally non-wrestling related stuff - there's the sleeper also known as the Coda!

YOUR WINNER: Maestro in 2:45

We see clips from Thunder: Lane/Idol - Mamalukes Backstage Confrontation

MAMALUKES (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. LANE and IDOL Mamalukes in first. Lane and Idol rush into ring. Idol pushed off ringside by Johnny. Lane in, however - whipped - double axehandles by both Mamalukes - stomps - gorrilla press into face first slam by Johnny - Tag to Vito - they whip Lane into ropes - elbow to Lane's gut - Johnny with boot to head - Vito with neckbreaker - Vito whips Lane to ropes - chop to Lane's throat - tag in to Johnny - whips Lane into ropes - sunset flip attempt - Ref holding back Vito - Idol saves with boot to Johnny's gut and DDT - cross corner whips Johnny - Air Hardy (Lane springboards off Idol's back) - Idol taunts Vito, who Ref holds back - whips Johnny to ropes - punch from Lane - kneelift from Idol - legdrop by Lane - cover by Idol for 2 - Vito saves - Idol with 2 consecutive vertical suplexes - covers for 2 - Vito saves again - Miss Hancock is out - she's dancing on the table again - Lane seems distracted - Vito with the Implant DDT on Idol - cover for the pin.

YOUR WINNER: Mamalukes in around 3:00

TR: Okay, I've made my decision, Mr. McMahon.

VM: Yes, what is it? Just remember that I don't give people time to think about this, but I think you're just what we need.

TR: I've decided to stick with CRZ and Worldwide.

VM: What the fuck?!

TR: CRZ doesn't edit. He just colors my text and besides, maybe I'll work for the corporate juggernaut known as WrestleLine.

VM: Fat chance that'll ever happen. I paid you to ask me softball after softball question. I thought you were bought and paid for!

TR: Uhmm...I just try to leech off some cash from my guests every once in a while. Bill Busch gave me a Goldberg t-shirt and I hawked it off for 5 dollars to some dumb kid. Russo was flat broke, though. So don't be too upset with me. Besides, I gave you an outlet to plug the show.


TR: Thanks for your time, Vince, I'd just like to let all of you know that I enjoy the criticism and keep those emails coming my way!

Fade to Black........

Tanvir Raquib
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission