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/wrestling /worldwide /4 March 2000 |
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/wrestling /worldwide /4 March 2000 |
WCW Worldwide by Tanvir Raquib |
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MainBLAH |
Ladies and Gentlemen, you have been
interrupted from your daily [slash] patronage for a special, extremely late
edition of....... THE WCW WORLDWIDE RECAP SHOW starring Tanvir Raquib and his special guest: Vince McMahon Tanvir Raquib: Folks, we've been blessed with the appearances of key figures in World Championship Wrestling, past and present, but now, I bring to you probably the most prixed guest in the threee week existence of our show! Yes, we're planning on having an existence longer than WXO, but I've had so much college work that I put it on the back-burner. However, I have reclaimed my spot here for this opportunity to interview a man who I have watched since the age of 6, a man who best the Feds at their own game, and a man who I suck up to even more than Jim Ross ever has, Vince McMahon! Vince McMahon: Wow, what an introduction! <slips something into TR's pocket> But not as much of an introduction will be to the XFL when it premiere next spring to a channel near you! TR: <pull somethin out of his pocket, smile turns quickly into a frown> So how's Martha Hart doing??? <uncomfortable silence in the room> ... ... VM: <tucks something into TR's pocket> TR: <checks pocket, smiles> So what does the X in XFL stand for? VM: Well, it stands for X-citing, or X-treme or X-tracurricular! Might I add that the XFL will be coming to a TV near you! TR: So how's life in the WWF? VM: Oh, business couldn't be better! The fan wants to see the greatest athletes in the world every single Monday, Thursday and Sunday night, and soon, you'll be seeing the next generation of superstars next spring - the XFL premieres in 10 months and the establishment is shakin' in their boots! TR: What do you think of WCW? VM: Well, Billionaire Ted can say and do what he wants - but the WWF continues to break the rules - much like the XFL will be breaking the rules next spring - THE XFL IS COMING! WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT THE NFL DOESN'T WANT YOU TO SEE!!!! TR: <counting> 100.....150.....200.....250....oh, uhm...so Vince? Umm, are you suprised at the success of your children, Shane and Stephanie, are having on RAW? VM: Not at all, Tanvir, you see I know I've raised two exceptionally bright individuals and I'm not afraid to put them out on TV.......JUST LIKE I'M NOT AFRAID ON PUTTING THE XFL ON A TV NEAR YOU!!!! TR: Okie, time is running a little short...we've gotta get to some matches...is that okay with you Vince? VM: Yes, it's okay with me....just like it's going to be OK with everybody when the XFL premieres! 10 MONTHS! GET EXTREME WITH THE XFL! TR: Take it away, production! We are welcomed by Scott Hudson and Larry Zybysko. They let us in on the SuperBrawl result. Zybysko comments that he liked James Brown appearing. We see a SuperBrawl 2000 video package basically giving us all of the highlights from the show. Zybysko and Hudson praise Sid quite a bit. Zybysko says Jarrett is still a tough opponent. Next up: Total Package and his fued with Hulk Hogan and Jimmy Hart.
TR: So Jarrett didn't make the right decision going to WCW, now did he? VM: We at the WWF pride ourselves with quality entertainment and when someone doesn't want to be a part of that, we move on. Jarrett id what he thought was the right decision. I have no problems with that. TR: What were your thoughts on WCW's SuperBrawl pay-per-view? VM: <with a growl> I don't watch Turner's stuff EVER. <uncomfortable silence> ..... ....
TR: Soo, why don't we get to the action shall
we? And don't forget about watching that good ole XFL!
We see clips of Nitro: Flair
dissing on Hogan and putting himself over.
Hogan
responding to Flair by saying that a steel cage match is on for
tonight.
Flair and Package beat on the womanly Hart and bring him out to the
ring.
Hogan saving his bitch (Hart,
if you may ask).
Flair
and Package kicks Hogan's ass.
- Dillenger tries to be a hero but gets punked as well.
Hudson says we'll see Hogan fight back
at Uncensored. Zybysko predicts that Hogan will get his revenge.
Next up: The Jarrett-Sid
feud/rematch at Uncensored.
TR: Well, Vince, what are your thoughts on
this particular angle?
VM: Well, I made Hogan one of the biggest
stars ever in the industry. And Hart made alot of money because I gave him alot
of exposure. And Lex.....well, he did headline SummerSlam! But basically, this
doesn't touch our programming.
TR: Not even Bossman - Albert vs.
Tazz?
VM with a stern look on his face.
TR: <with an uneasy smile> Not that that
feud isn't bad. Bossman, Albert and Tazz are all great performers of the highest
ability! They deserve their spot!
VM: There ya go. And don't forget -
TR: The XFL is coming soon!
VM: Say, do you want a job with WWF.com? I'm
sure you could do a better job than what's that guy's name?
Someone off camera: Lucas, Mr.
McMahon!
TR: Let's talk about that off the air please,
the show is still paying my bills. As long as CRZ keeps those nickels coming my
way.....
VM: CR-who?
TR: This "website personality". Don't mind
him, he just feuds with obese commentators and such. But nevertheless, he never
pisses about deadlines, only about people stealing his material!
VM: Haha...I've gotta meet that guy! WCW's
been stealing my stuff for years!
TR: Hehe....I can see my audience dwindling by
the line, Vince. Let's get back to the show.
VM: Sure thing, but don't call me Vince. If
you want to be employed by me, that is, the name is Mr. McMahon. Not
VKM or any other name, got it?!
TR: Uhmm..sure, Mr. McMahon. Take it away,
production!
We see clips of Nitro:
Jarrett's self-redeeming interview stating his rematch clause for
Uncensored.
Sid's screaming interview with Mean Gene.
Hudson says the nWo is dead, but
Jarrett is still conniving. Zybysko says Jarrett has protection, even with the
dying of the nWo. Both guys shill Uncensored. Sell it to me ONE MORE TIME!
Next up: The Dustin Rhodes heel
turn.
TR: Mr. McMahon, what do you think of this
Sid-Jarrett rivalry we see?
VM: Hehe, that's a good one.....rivalry. A
rivalry is supposed to be a battle of the titans for the soly supremacy of
sport; what we got here is a battle of the also-rans; the guys who couldn't cut
the mustard. But fortunately, all of you at home can get your fix for sports
entertainment by tuning to the WWF and the greatest damn thing ever, the
XFL.
TR: So you're not really impressed by this
feud, are ya?
VR: Not at all. The only thing I'm impressed
with is myself, the WWF and THE XFL, AMERICA'S NEW HOME FOR SPORTS
ENTERTAINMENT!
TR: So what about the demise of the
nWo?
VR: You know, it's been so long since Hall and
Nash left. They started that stable for Turner's company and they made good
money doing it too. But WCW got cocky. They decided they could put on anything
they wanted to and everything would come out great. But it just doesn't happen
that way, now does it?
TR: I guess not, Vince.....I mean, Mr.
McMahon. Let's go back to highlights from Worldwide!
We see clips of Nitro: In backstage
interview, Funk disses Dusty in front of Dustin.
Hudson says Funk is okay, but the war
is on. Zybysko says Rhodes is making a bad mistake messing with a legend like
Funk.
Next up: Exclusive Matches just
for Worldwide folk like you and me!
TR: That Terry Funk is one crazy guy, isn't
he?
VM: Exactly. Subjecting yourself to a feud
with Dustin Runnels.....please....it's a ratings killer.
TR: Do you wanna specify on that a
little?
VM: Well, gee....no one's gonna take that guy
seriously. Do I have to go back to his "Goldust is dead"
speech??
TR: Mr. McMahon, I was just wondering if I'm
"in the loop" with the WWF or not.
VM: Hmm....everybody wants a piece of the WWF!
Man oh man, you want a job. I'll give ya a job. You're a recapper aren't
you?
TR: Yes, as a matter of fact, I'm the official
recapper for CRZ.net.
VM: I'll give ya a job recapping RAW for
WWF.com. You gotta be a bit more kayfabish though.
TR: I dunno...something inside me wants to
keep my online credibility. Plus who else is gonna recap Worldwide for
CRZ?
VM: Hehe....you think that through. And all of
you at home, the XFL IS COMING TO A TOWN NEAR YOU!
TR: Let's go to the matches while I think this
through.
MAESTRO (w/ Symphony) vs. DEMON (w/
kickass theme)
Lockup - side headlock by Demon for a while -
Maestro with some punches, whips Demon to ropes- shouldblock by Demon- Demon to
the ropes- armdrag attempt by Maestro - blocked - hiptoss by Demon - kicks and
forearms by Demon - crosscorner whip - avalanche by Demon - Maestro whipped to
ropes - armdrag by Demon - kick - nice vertical suplex - kick, punches to back -
slams Maestro's head to mat for 10 count - Symphony plays some rap music -
Maestro's going crazy! - Maestro with punches and equally non-wrestling related
stuff - there's the sleeper also known as the Coda!
YOUR WINNER:
Maestro in 2:45
MAMALUKES (w/ Disco Inferno) vs. LANE and
IDOL
Mamalukes in first. Lane and Idol rush into ring. Idol pushed off ringside
by Johnny. Lane in, however - whipped - double axehandles by both Mamalukes -
stomps - gorrilla press into face first slam by Johnny - Tag to Vito - they whip
Lane into ropes - elbow to Lane's gut - Johnny with boot to head - Vito with
neckbreaker - Vito whips Lane to ropes - chop to Lane's throat - tag in to
Johnny - whips Lane into ropes - sunset flip attempt - Ref holding back
Vito - Idol saves with boot to Johnny's gut and DDT - cross corner whips Johnny
- Air Hardy (Lane springboards off Idol's back) - Idol taunts Vito, who Ref
holds back - whips Johnny to ropes - punch from Lane - kneelift from Idol -
legdrop by Lane - cover by Idol for 2 - Vito saves - Idol with 2 consecutive
vertical suplexes - covers for 2 - Vito saves again - Miss Hancock is out -
she's dancing on the table again - Lane seems distracted - Vito with the Implant
DDT on Idol - cover for the pin.
YOUR WINNER: Mamalukes in around 3:00
VM: Yes, what is it? Just remember that I don't give people time to think
about this, but I think you're just what we need.
TR: I've decided to stick with CRZ and Worldwide.
VM: What the fuck?!
TR: CRZ doesn't edit. He just colors my text and besides, maybe I'll work
for the corporate juggernaut known as WrestleLine.
VM: Fat chance that'll ever happen. I paid you to ask me softball after
softball question. I thought you were bought and paid for!
TR: Uhmm...I just try to leech off some cash
from my guests every once in a while. Bill Busch gave me a Goldberg t-shirt and
I hawked it off for 5 dollars to some dumb kid. Russo was flat broke, though. So
don't be too upset with me. Besides, I gave you an outlet to plug the
show.
VR: <mutters> Speaking of
plugs.........THE XFL IS TAKING OVER! THIS IS NO SISSY PANTY-WAIST GAME OF
FOOTBALL! 10 MONTHS TILL THE XFL LAUNCHES!!!!
TR: Thanks for your time, Vince, I'd just like
to let all of you know that I enjoy the criticism and keep those emails coming
my way!
Fade to Black........
Tanvir Raquib |
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