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/3 June 2000

WCW Worldwide by Tanvir Raquib




What is up, worldwide masochists?

Sorry for not recapping last week's show. I was busy chatting away then to actually tape the damned show. Cubs Fan ALMOST didn't recap this show. So the only other person who actually recapped worldwide (that I know of) this past week was G.P. Ryan of Hats off to G.P. - you're a trooper, mah man.

Class is FINALLY over and boy, am I thrilled. Now, I can't think of any excuses to NOT recap worldwide. Darn it - dont'cha just hate that?!

I am inactively searching for a drummer in the New York City area for my wannabe folk-rock/rap group, "Third Rate Band". The name speaks for itself if you get my drift.

Much props to my Oracle buddy and onetime cult hero, Mr.T, for his very kind words at the end of his "The Music"  column. With the compliments I get, I appear to be a better writer than a recapper - so maybe I have a talented bone in my body!

Thanks to Jerry Root for the supposed indirect plug of my "On The Fence" column. You were talking about me, right, Jerry? (Pleasesayyes.)

Thanks to Patrick "Bob" Barker for saying that I'm very good at what I do. Tell me, Pat - what *am* I very good at? Writing about how urination, haircuts and posture actually has significance in pro graps?

Enough about me. If you want a good reason to hate capitalism, look to your heroes, Butch Rosser and Marvellous Martin. Follow their example! Fight the power! Fuck you, capitalism!

One last thing: [slash] rules someone's green earth - we've got some of the BEST DAMN PEOPLE on our freelancing staff! I'm just glad to be a very, very small part of this machine. So when do we sell out and get some advertising, CRZ? I wanna punch the monkey!!!! :) (I don't want you anywhere NEAR my monkey. - CRZ)

wCw worldwide - stop yelling at the green eminem!

"wCw worldwide sequence ready - Begin transmission now."

"...worldwide transmission complete..."

Our hosts for today's show are Scott Hudson and Bobby Heenan. Hudson runs down some quick to hype for this week's show before he sends us over to Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone, who are at the Arena Where They Taped Thunder...

Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone are with us at last. They run down this week's matches (which they always do). They then promptly send us over to "Mean" Gene Okerland...

"Mean" Gene Okerland with the Mamalukes. Vito corrects Okerland...they're the Paisans. Johnny the Bull says that they are back after meeting "the Boss" over at the County Jail. They're back to settle some family business, he concludes. Vito says that they're looking to get "the Boss" out of jail. Vito names some tag teams on the current wCw scene and ultimately states that they're looking to get the belts back where they rightfully belong. Vito mentions some Italian food that's "on the house" for Okerland. They leave to go eat out, apparently. This conclusion preludes another encounter with...

Tenay and Schiavone, who mention Okerland's fun time with the Mamalukes in the prior segment. They shill the PPV. Now buy it, you assholes! We never cast another physical glimpse of these two, so we go back to the studio where...

Hudson mentions that we now know of the Mamalukes' whereabouts. Hudson and Heenan talk about Kevin Nash's antics on wCw programming 2 weeks ago. This talk leads us to...

Clips (nitro).
Nash rises from a coffin! Jarrett and Flair are toast! Nash grabs a prop...err, I mean the title! Russo yells backstage! Lookie 'em nostrils flare! Nash makes a challenge to the Chosen Propholder! Russo referees - thus clusterfuck! Nash dominates! Running While Roided! Steiner with the Jesus Pose handcuffed! A humongous pigeon craps prune juice on Nash! Jarrett does New Jack impressions!

Clips (thunder).
Nash's music rains on Russo's parade! Goggles to accessorize! Nash attacks with Walking While Roided! Three Way Dancing tonite! Russo where's the pinstripes once more! Lord knows I give a shit! Running While Roided clotheslines Chosen Propholder! Nash powerbombs to win the prop! Who gives a shit? Me!

Commercials - that fat chick runs for once in the Vampiro T-shirt commercial. For wonderful sex:1-800-668-9749! CAAAAWL NOW!

Hudson hypes the Vampiro-Sting feud and the Human Torch match. Heenan recaps the Sting interview on Thunder. Hudson flicks his lighter at Hudson as an example of how hot it will be.

Clip (nitro).
Sting gets defensive! Tenay ain't Barbara Walters! I see fire!

Hudson says this will be settled at the PPV's Human Torch Match. Heenan recounts what Tenay felt during Sting's interview. Hudson shills that and next up, the card...

Commercials - I've NEVER seen Shaft. But I HAVE seen Good Times, What's Happening (the original and the sequel), Diff'rent Strokes and the Cosby Show!

Hudson and Heenan shill the PPV. Heenan's hatred for Hogan is much appreciated.

Commercials - that fat chick is still running...

It's "ask wCw" on worldwide.

Arn Anderson,
What wrestler had the most impact on your decision to become a wrestler growing up, and what person in the wrestling business had the most influence on your career after your decision to become a wrestler.

William L. Hardin
Rome, Georgia

Arn Anderson says that also being from Rome, Georgia, there wasn't much to do, so he imagines that William watches alot of wrestling. Anderson's hero growing up was Dick Slater, for his attitude and ring savvy. The most influenctual man in his career is obviously Ric Flair, he says.

Hudson and Heenan talk about Dick Slater and his toughness. Hudson asks Heenan who had the most influence on Heenan's career. Heenan says it was markmadden, CRZ' bestest friend in the entire world. Enough said. Let's go to the ring...

Funk does a screaming on the house mic - very much in the Brain Knobbs/Mike Awesome category. He's also wearing a see-through purple skirt. Guess he's the Droz ripoff in wCw.

Juvy does his Rock ripoff on the mic. Let's not go there, kay?

They circle - and both men quickly land "punches" on each other. Juvy staggers Funk and pushes him into the corner. Chop for Juvy. 10 Punch Non-Spot for Juvy. Crosscorner whip - reverse - Juvy with a back elbow. Juvy up top - hits a crossbody for 1. Juvy with a chinlock - Funk fighting his way up - Juvy with a headlock - Funk with some forearms to the guy and pushes Juvy to the ropes - Juvy with a shoulderblock. Juvy bounces off the ropes - leapfrog by Funk - Funk attempts a hiptoss - blocked - Funk ducks a clothesline - Juvy with a kick - Juvy with a bounce off the ropes and hits a flying headscissors, which results in Funk heading for ringside. Funk on the elevated entranceway - Juvy and Funk trade punches  - Juvy gains advantage as he leaves the ring - Juvy with a boot and chops. Juvy whips Funk into the outside ropes - reversed - Juvy backdrops Funk into the ring - Funk lands on his feet and gets his punch blocked - Juvy with a hangman. Juvy goes up top, but Funk lifts up his foot on the way downward. Funk with some punches - whip - Juvy ducks a clothesline - Juvy off the ropes once more - Juvy attempts another fying headscissors, but Funk hits a nice "face first powerbomb". Funk with some boots - covers for 2. Funk with some punches - covers for 2. Funk with a standing dropkick - covers for 2. Juvy will NOT be stopped, damnit! Unless your name is Vince Russo. Fans are giving Funk heat now - either they're saying "ASS-HOLE" or "FAG-GOT" at him. Funk picks up Juvy, but Juvy goes up and over him. Juvy with a boot and a Juvy Driver. Finally, THE JUICE *HITS* the Juvy Elbow. (3:41)

Commercials - I need sleep.

Riley and Harris come out to a familiar tune. I don't know what it is, but I've heard it a million times. Email me if you do.

Before the bell sounds, Vito attacks Harris. Vito with plenty of stomps and one throat chop. Hudson is up SLOWLY. Vito whips Harris to the ropes - clothesline. Vito tags in Johnny. They both whip Harris to the ropes - standing double axehandles to the chest from both men. They lay some stomps before Vito heads off to his corner. Johnny gets Hudson in the corner - punches - Hudson blocks one and hits his own punches. Hudson whips Johnny back into the corner - Hudson runs into a back elbow. Johnny with a spinkick - covers for 2. Tag in to Vito. They whips Hudson into the ropes - double backelbows. They proceed to stomp - this time, Johnny heads over to his corner. Vito with a stalling vertical suplex. Vito with a whip - Hudson with a sunset flip for 2. Vito with a running clothesline. Tag in to Vito. Vito sets up hudson for...the Jumping Top Rope Legdrop. Covers for only 2 as Riley breaks the count. Johnny with a scoop slam. Johnny misses the Jumping Crossbody. Tags for each partner - Vito and Riley at it. Riley with soem ducks and lands some punches and a quick dropkick. Whip by Riley - back bodydrop by Riley. Damn gum sticking to my lips. Grr. Riley with a chop - crosscorner whip - Riley misses the cartwheel elbow. Vito with a back suplex. Covers for 2 - Harris breaks this up, which brings in Vito. This can only mean one thing: TAG TEAM ANARCHY. From the opposite corners, the Mamalukes whip this week's jobbers into each other. The jobbers are resilient, as they doe-si-doe , but they miss clotheslines and both eat clotheslines from our gangster friends at the same time. WRESTLING IS FAKE! Well, duh. Vito throw Hudson out of the ring - Vito with some punches for Riley, who is slumping in the corner. Vito whips Riley into a Vito boot, which culminates into an Implant DDT. The rest is academic. (4:08)

Commercials - Blah.


Sanders comes out to a "Miserlou" ripoff. I gotta go see Pulp Fiction sometime. Hell, I haven't seen Star Wars yet. How old *AM* I? Anyhow, Sanders has a cool slacker gimmick which OWNS.

After some pre-match festivities, Crowbar attacks with punches. Whip by Crowbar - athletic back elbow. Crowbar with a umm...front chancery into a suplex. Help me out! Crowbar with a scoop slam. Crowbar with a slingshot into a crossbody. Sanders leaves the ring. Crowbar with a baseball slide onto Sanders. Crowbar seats a chair, but the seat is broken, so Crowbar slams it onto Sanders' back. Crowbar seats another chair and Sanders is seated on it. Crowbar back inside the ring - slingshot into a crossbody block! Nicely done. Crowbar with some punches on the outside. Sanders with an "average, not super" kick. Sanders runs towards Crowbar, who lifts him onto the elevated entrance. Noticing the height disparity, Sanders hits a BEAUTIFUL moonsault. Sanders with a punch and finally, both men are in the ring. The ref must've been on quaaludes not to count out Sanders, who had been outside for over a minute. Alas, the little things that make pro graps the way it is. Sanders with a snapmare and a quick kick to Crowbar's chest. Sanders looking for heel heat - he does a half second shimmy shake and hits an elbowdrop. Sanders with a whip - Crowbar ducks the clothesline and hits a Released German Suplex. Crowbar with some chops and punches - whips, but Sanders slips under while grabbing Crowbar's head - Pumphandle Suplex by Sanders. Why even plead with wCw to sign him? They want actors to be wrestlers, remember? 61 million in debt...hehe. Sanders slowly goes up top, which gives Crowbar the opportunity to crotch him on the rope. Crowbar with some standing kicks to Sanders, who is still crotched. There's a chop by Crowbar. Crowbar looks at the crowd as he goes up top - Frankensteiner by Crowbar. Crowbar with the Double Rolling Vertical Suplexes, followed by a Northern Lights for 2. Sanders tries a chinbuster (?), but Crowbar with a punch. Scoop slam by Crowbar. Slingshot legdrop by Crowbar. Sanders with a face rake. Sanders with some punches. Whip by Sanders - Crowbar up and over - Crowbar with a boot and again, Crowbar looks at the crowd for mroe than a few seconds. Crowbar hits a front suplex for the pin. *VERY* fun match for worldwide. I enjoyed it - makes the recapping more pleasant than a hassle, even if I'm slightly dizzy.

Hudson shills us the PPV. Heenan adds minor comments.

Thanks for reading this through. Now email me for the trouble I put myself through.


Tanvir Raquib
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission