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/10 June 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




I bet you all are looking for your ol' buddy Tanvir Raquib, aren't you?

Well, he and I got together last week and decided to tag-team on the WCW Worldwide recap.
Ergo, you get me this week, and him next week. And some weeks, we may BOTH be here, double-teaming the heck out of this show.

And so, with out further ado...

This is the WCW Worldwide recap for Saturday, 10 June 2000, and I'm one half of your recap team, "Big Ed."

First off, congratulations to the New Jersey Devils for winning the Stanley Cup in double overtime. Congrats also to the Dallas (ex-Minnesota North-) Stars, in putting up one heckuva fight. ABC Sports was kind enough to show the whole thing in its entirety, right down to the award ceremony and Cup-kissing skate-off afterwards.

Which explains why our recap is joined "already in progress" at 12:40 AM Sunday morning.
Your hosts are the sartorially splendid Scott Hudson, in a slightly rumpled "Armani" suit.
Sitting in for the inexplicably absent Bobby Heenan, "Wrestling's Only Living Legend," Larry Zbyszko.
Larry looks like he's just been hustled off the fourth tee.
The WCW Worldwide set appears to be a personal fiefdom of WCW Merchandise. The announce desk looks like Booth #6A at my local flea market, the one with all the WCW "collectibles" and the in-bred clerk with four teeth.
Zbyszko, looking at all this merchandise, is mentally shaking his head.

Hudson is busy shilling for, and specifically, the "Ask WCW Anything!" feature.
Shem Reyes from Monterey Park, CA is the lucky question-asker this week, and wants to know if wrestlers get to choose their own entrance music and ring attire?
LarryZ says "NO!"
Scott decides to get a second opinion...
...and here's good ol' Jimmy Hart with the answer, where it is revealed that every new wrestler has a hand in choosing his own entrance music at a recording session in Tampa, FL. LarryZ says that when HE walked out the pace was chanting "Lar-ry!" so loud you couldn't hear the entrance music anyway.

Hey, what is with the constantly moving camera angles on this show? Mr. Cameraman probably gets more mileage than a marathon runner. All I know is that I'M getting motion sickness from this foolishness.

Match #1 Skip Over d. Mike Sanders (Missile Dropkick/pin, 3:28)
(Taped 6 June 2000, Buffalo, NY)

WCW Power Plant action from two of the best!

Mike Sanders wants to be known as "Above Average" Mike Sanders, while his opponent looks suspiciously like Elix Skipper. Sanders doesn't wait for the bell and gets in a couple of punches on Over. Whip into the corner has Skip climbing the turnbuckles and doing a backflip off the top. Series of snap mares followed by a whip into the ropes, and Sanders slides under the bottom rope to the outside to jaw with some fans. Whoops, bad move, as Skip does a huge pescado onto Sanders, driving him into the floor mats at ringside.
Skip Over rolls back into the ring and celebrates, as an incensed Mike Sanders slowly climbs back through the ropes.
Drop-toehold by Skip, and Sanders is eating canvas. Skip does that double-cocked knee drop of his, goes for the cover, but fails to get a pin as Sanders kicks out.
A whip by Skip is countered with by a baseball slide from Sanders through Skip's legs. Sanders hangs onto Skips hand as he does so and does a pump-handle version of a German suplex. Sanders with a boot to the chest, a snap mare, and a big boot to the chest again. Sanders sets for the Fist of Stone move, and drives it into the forehead of Skip Over. Sanders sets Skip in the corner, and there's a couple of chops, ("Whooo!" goes the crowd.)
Sanders takes to long mugging to the crowd and Skip tosses him into the corner for some payback chops of his own.
Whip by Skip Over gets reversed, and he ends up in the opposite corner. Sanders vaults over the ropes to the ring apron, then vaults back in with a flying head scissors takedown followed by a running clothesline that levels Skip.
Sanders takes some time to jaw with the fans, then goes for the reverse chinlock. He then converts this into what looks suspiciously like a Tazzmission "kata hajime" thingie. Sanders spins Skip out like a human yo-yo, then hauls him back with a short-clothesline. A second attempt gets ducked, and Skip does a quick belly-to-belly suplex. Both men are down, and referee Billy Silverman is doing the ten count.
Sanders is back up first, but Skip gets a punch to the breadbasket in first. This starts them trading punches to the head, which Skip wins with a Big Right Hand, followed by a double dropkick boot to the face. Big back body drop by Skip sends Sanders to the mat. Skip with a wristlock, a boot to the face, and that "Bottle-opener" back of the knee to the neck move of his, (Tenay says it's called the "flip-mold leg drop" or something) and Sanders is down. Skip to the top turnbuckle, Missile Drop-kick levels Sanders, Skip goes for the cover, hooks the far leg, 1,2,3. Post-match, Skip Over celebrates with some dancin' moves.
Very impressive, fast-moving match from both of these two pros.

By golly, it's great to be recapping matches like this again!

Wendy's. Hot and juicy. Am I the only one who sees this as funny?
"Perfect Dark" vidgame promo. Another clone lookalike. Sheesh!
Motel 6. Perfect for renewing "old acquaintances" from your class reunion. Structurally sound, impressive bedding. And the walls are soundproof.
Valvoline. 'Nuff said.
Factory Direct Furniture Outlet. Where Motel 6 gets their room appurtenances.
Army National Guard promo.
TV evangelist tag-team Kenneth & Gloria Copeland's "Believer's Voice of Victory" shill.

We're back just time to see a vidpromo for the upcoming Hogan/Kidman match at the "Great American Bash" PPV.

Yeah, like Hogan's EVER gonna retire!

Oh well.
Back to more action.

Match #2: Kronic d. Shane Eden & Air Paris & Allen Funk; Handicap Tag-team match. ("High Time" double chokeslam finisher/pin, 4:18)

Funk starts his schtick with the microphone, but he's interrupted by Kronic's entrance music.
Bryan Adams looks to be half in the bag already. Brian Clarke does the "four-two-oh" on the way to the ring, but doesn't change his "game face" at all, and gets a huge pop from the fans.
Eden, Paris and Funk all could use a lil' 4:20 action right about now.
Especially Funk, who's dancing agitatedly around the ring, daring Adams and Clarke to "come git some!"
What follows is a Pier Six brawl, with Brian Clarke booting Funk over the top rope, Brian Adams walloping Eden and Paris around the ring. There goes Eden over the top rope. Adams throws Paris to Clarke, who promptly tosses him over the top rope as well.
Clarke's not done playing yet, and goes outside the ring to throw Air Paris back in for more fun and games. Adams grabs Paris, and clouts him a good one. Eden and Funk try to climb back in the ring, but are scared off by Clarke going "Raaaahhhhh!' at them.
Hey, I'D take a step back if somebody the size and demeanor of Brian Clarke went "Raaaahhhhh!" at me!
Gorilla press by Bryan Adams, then Air Paris gets some unscheduled "frequent flyer miles" when Adams tosses him WAY over the top rope and onto Eden and Funk at ringside. The crowd's on it's feet cheering to beat hell.
At ringside, Eden and Funk are busy clutching various parts of their respective anatomies. Paris is "doin' the chicken", with all the requisite twitches and convulsions. Adams and Clarke are lounging against the ropes, gazing at the carnage they've caused.

Funk helps Paris to his feet, and starts back toward the ring. All except Shane Eden, who wants no part of another beating at the hands (and feet) of Kronic. Air Pairs ain't havin' that, and motios angrily for Eden to get his butt back in the ring.
First in the ring is Allan Funk, who's ear-dragged over the top rope by Brian Clarke. Clarke with a boot to the gut, and a chop (insert "Whooo!" where appropriate.) Another boot to the gut, followed by a whip to the ropes, but Funk submarines between Clarke's legs, and does two standing double drop-kicks on Clarke, who no-sells both of them. The third attempt by Funk gets blocked, and then shoved to one side by Clarke. Clarke then picks up Funk, tosses him into the far corner, and proceeds to "stomp a mudhole" in him.
Whip to the far corner, followed by a massive flying shoulder block that levels Funk. Clarke manhandles Funk into the Wrong Part Of Town, then tags in Bryan Adams, who promptly hip-tosses Funk all the way across the ring.
Funk with a tag attempt, but Air Paris ain't havin' THAT either!
Funk IS havin' that, though, and swats at Paris' hand for the tag in.
Adams motions for Paris to come on in.
Paris very reluctantly enters the ring, then tries a quick assault on Adams. He ducks under an Adams' Big Right Hand, rebounds off the ropes, but gets snagged andf sent through a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Adams.
Tony Schaivone says that "Air Paris has been grounded!"
Adams with a whip to the ropes, but Paris rebounds, ducks under a swung fist, rebounds off the far ropes, goes airborne, and tries for the Sunset Flip takedown. Adams staggers, regains his balance, then uses both hands to grab Paris by the head and drag him to his feet. Adams spins Paris around and into a full nelson (Tenay: "Adams is just TOYING with him!") then flips Paris around, and into a massive powerbomb. Adams goes for a cover, but referee Charles Robinson only gets a one count before Eden and Funk are in to break up the pin attempt.
This brings in Brian Clarke, and the Pier Six is on again. Adams wallops Shane Eden then stuffs him into the far corner, while Clarke sets up Funk with the pump-handle takeover, and then nails him with the Meltdown. Air Paris is in to get Bryan Adams off Shane Eden, but Adams whips Paris across the ring, gorilla press, Facebuster! Adams rolls Paris out of the ring, then motions for Clarke to help with the double team on Eden.
Whip to the ropes, and Eden eats a boot to the stomach, then gets nailed with Kronic's signature "High Time" double chokeslam. Clarke with the cover, 1,2,3.
Post-match, Mike Tenay says that the former tag-team champs are back on track.
"Pulp Fiction" treatment for the Nitro Girls.

Buff Bagwell enjoys all the finer "things" in life that he can get with his own personalized WCW Mastercard.
You know, "things" like exotic vacations, good food, great clothes, beautiful women with suppressed gag reflexes, that sort of stuff.
David Arquette in "Day Job: The Sequel."
Dubbed-by-the-Clinton-White-house-as-a-mass-murderer Philip Morris says today's kids who are "hip" and "cool" and "with it" don't smoke cigarettes.
TOBACCO cigarettes, at any rate.
Folks, are y'all thinkin' that the Big Tobacco Companies may be gearing up to convert from tobacco to HEMP as a cash crop?
"Shaft" promo. Hey, there's Richard Roundtree! Can you dig it?
"Perfect Dark" vidgame promo. Again.
Castrol GTX says that, unlike your girlfriend, your car thinks a little gas is a GOOD thing!
Local, low-budget, dumbass commercials.
WCW Nitro cologne. Because you too, want to smell like the WCW locker-room, don't you? DON'T YOU?!
Hilarious Motel 6 promo.
Corn Nuts starring Winky the Crow.
Targon: the Smoker's Mouthwash. Get your soon-to-be collectible bottle, because if Philip Morris' own anti-smoking campaign (q.v.) succeeds, this stuff will disappear quicker than an Al Gore campaign promise.
Bubble Yum promo's got a punk-ass dancing duck. Who thinks up this stuff?!
"WCW Battle Arms" promo.

Match #3: Shane Douglas d. Chris Harris. (very sloppy Cradle DDT/pin, 3:09)

Douglas comes out glaring, and is immediately jabbering away at the fans, all of whom are giving it back to him volt for volt. Shane gets in the ring, and grabs the microphone.
"Cut the music!" First off, you in-bred little jackasses can sit right down, because I've got something to say to the Wall!"
Mike Tenay: "Tell the world!"

Crowd: "Booooo!
You suck, Douglas!
Franchise THIS, pretty boy!"

(Now, now...!)

"Hey, big man! I'm sorry, sorry that your ass is next to get "franchised" at the "Great American Bash!" I don't wanta have to kick your tail up between your cheeks, I just gotta do it, because I LOVE kickin' ass!"

Douglas has some words with Chris Harris, then wallops him with the microphone.
Douglas is having a great time "putting the boot in" on Chris Harris, then drags him to his feet, only to knock him down with a big body blow across the back.
Douglas does it again, but must have hurt his hand, because he's "shakin' the bees" out of his right hand.
Douglas does a series of roll-over suplexes, then picks Harris up high, hold him there a good fifteen seconds in a show of strength, then whams Harris into the mat with a big suplex finisher.
Douglas goes to the ropes and starts glaring at the crowd, all to get some cheap heel heat.
And boy, does he get it!
Douglas then picks up Harris, pushes him into the far corner, and lands a short "bionic elbow" on him.
A punch to the midsection, but Harris has had enough, reverses Douglas into the corner and starts in with punches in bunches. Harris with a whip into the corner, but Douglas rebounds with a running clothesline that drives Harris to the mat.
Douglas goes back to jawing with the fans, then whips Harris into the ropes. Harris rebounds, ducks a Douglas clothesline, rebounds and does a waistlock on Douglas, Douglas with the go-behind and a shove into the ropes. Harris hangs on, Douglas loses the hold and falls down, Harris with a run-in, and Douglas does a powerslam leveling Harris. Chris Harris is slow to get to his feet, only to be levelled by a double dropkick from Douglas.
There's another one!
Douglas clotheslines Harris over the top rope.
Both men out of the ring now, and Douglas whips Harris into the steel guardrail, then hot-shot's him across the next on top of the same steel guardrail.
Some more mugging to the crowd by Douglas, who then tries for a flying elbow drop from the ring apron on Harris.
Harris steps aside and uses Douglas' momentum to send him crashing into the steel guardrail. Harris with a punch to the face, and another whip into the steel guardrail, further staggering Douglas. Harris drags Douglas over to the ring, starts bouncing Douglas' head off the canvas four or five times, then rolls him back in.
Harris up to the top turnbuckle, HIGH cross body block on Douglas and a cover, 1,2, Douglas gets a shoulder up!
Both men on their feet, Douglas gets a couple of wild swings that don't connect, Harris gets a couple of swings that DO, plus a Reverse Atomic Drop on Douglas that gets the "Oooooooohhhh!" reaction from the crowd.
Harris with a running clothesline and a cover, 1,2, Douglas kicks out! Harris does a whip to the ropes and a Big Boot to the chest of Shane Douglas.
Another whip to the ropes, and Harris sets for the back body drop, but Shane Douglas counters, has trouble setting, but finally nails a very sloppy Cradle DDT for the pin and the win.

Back in the studio with Scott Hudson and Larry Zbyszko, who both shill for the PPV some more. Hudson touches on the "Big Surprise!", LarryZ says that, no matter what they get their grubby little hands on, Bischoff and Russo are capable of ruining ANYTHING!
Hudson mentions "Great American Bash" about four more times, and we are done.

My good buddy Tanvir will be here next week to do the recap thing.

Y'all take care now, and I'll see you in two weeks!

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission