Bischoff channels the spirit of Michaelangelo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle! Funk begins the hilarity! Bischoff needs Just For Men. Damnit, no exclamation mark. Okay, here's one: good god, it's the Mamalukes! Damn Hoodlums! He wins - who cares?!

 

Commercials - fat chick running for Vampiro t-shirts.

 

ask wCw spot:

For Shawn "The Perfect One" Stasiak, where did you begin training and why did you become a wrestler?

Alfred Parsard

Brooklyn, NY.

 

Stasiak gives a "heel" answer for Alfred. He basically says it's in his blood. Baaaaaah. Check out Stasiak's hair - it's artificial!

 

Hudson and Heenan back to annoy me. Particularly, Heenan and his "comedy".

 

It's time to move on.

 

It's time to break on through to the other side...

 

Tenay, Mike and Schiavone, Tony greet us...or something.

 

Lockup - Candido with a side headlock and a boot. Candido with an arm wring - Daniels with some acrobatics into his own headlock - Daniels pushed into the ropes - shoulderblock by Daniels. Daniels back into the ropes, ducks a leapfrog - Candido bounces off the ropes - Candido slides under Daniels - Daniels bounces off the ropes now...Candido lifts up Daniels, who brings him down with a snapmare into a headlock, which Candido counters into a head scissors. Daniels powers out - both men up and Daniels with yet another headlock, which Candido counters again with a head scissors. Daniels powers out ONE MORE TIME. Daniels AGAIN with the headlock; this time for 2. Is this psychology I'm seeing? SOMEBODY'S creaming their pants over this. Candido powers himself up slowly...both men into the corner, they break, but Candido with the standard de facto heel cheap shot forearm to the gut. Chop, punch and another chop from Candido. Candido with a crosscorner whip - Daniels reverses - Candido with the Flair Flop. Daniels with a baseball slide - Candido ducks, so Dnaiels slams Candido's head into the canvas. What's this? SPLITLEGGED ASAI MOONSAULT by Daniels! Daniels with some punches, Candido with a few of his own - Candido grabs a chair and swings it - Daniels ducks and kicks Candido. Daniels picks up the chair, which had dropped, and WHAM! You guess. I just lay the hints. Daniels pushes Candido back into the ring. Daniels with some punches - Daniels whips Candido - Candido ducks a clothesline, bounces off the other ropes - Daniels with a backelbow - Daniels bounces off the ropes, but runs into a SWEET spinebuster for 2. Candido with the delayed vertical suplex. Candido with the second rope legdrop. Candido complains. Candido with a whip - Daniels ducks a clothesline and bounces off the other ropes - Daniels ducks another clothesline and pushes Candido into the corner using his shoulders. Daniels sits Candido up top - Daniels with a punch - Daniels with a huracanrana. Daniels runs into the corner, jumps onto the second rope, then hopes onto the top rope and hits a TOP ROPE MOONSAULT. Daniels is hurt, thus no cover. They exchange some punches, Candido bounces off the ropes - more punches. Daniels with the advantage, so he whips Candido - back bodydrop. Daniels whips Candido once more - leg lariat. Daniels with a "punch" and a crosscorner whip - reversed by Candido - Daniels in the corner. Candido runs into a boot. Daniels with a Tornado DDT, but Candido counters with a Northern Lights suplex for 2. Candido goes for a kick - Daniels grabs the leg - Candido misses the enziguri. Daniels with a kick and THE PEDIGREE THAT HHH WISHES HE COULD DO.

 

Folks, it was great. A pedigree at first, but Daniels lifted him up in that position while keeping the underhook and ended it with a WICKED front suplex. Now THAT'S talent.

 

Daniels gets some heat from the crowd for that move, as he should. Daniels with a slop drop into a spinning neckbreaker for 2 - Candido with the foot on the ropes. Daniels bitches to the ref. Daniels with a whip - Candido bounces off the ropes - Candido up and over and hits a piledriver a la Balls Mahoney. Candido signaling the end. Candido up top and hits the diving headbutt for the pin, thus the win. (6:08)

 

Commercials

 

Allen Funk and Mike Sanders enter the ring first. Hoo boy...Funk's got the mic. Funk delivers the "Brian Knobbs" mic skills because someone has an axe to burn. Anyhow, Funk does have something to say: they have dubbed themselves the Reinforcers. Something or another about Arn Anderson. BTW, where is Arn? They also have cute nicknames for themselves: Allen is "Angry" and Sanders isn't "Average" anymore...he's "Above Average". I guess I should take the "average" moniker for myself, for obvious reasons...

 

Hudson and Williams enter looking to brawl. Funk and Sanders get the advantage with punches. They whip Hudson and Williams into the ropes, Hudson and Williams both duck clotheslines and bounce off the ropes - clotheslines by Hudson and Williams. Take a look at that sequence...seems a little too contrived for me. Our Reinforcers take a short breather outside. Williams in the ring now with Sanders. Quick droptoe hold by Williams. Tag to Hudson. They whip Sanders into the ropes - double hiptoss - Hudson and Williams bounce off the ropes together and hit a double elbowdrop on Sanders. Hudson with kicks and a punch - crosscorner whips Sanders - Hudson runs into a kick to the face. Tag into Funk - Sanders whips Hudson - Hudson bounces off the ropes - Sanders with a punch to the gut and Funk with a kneelift - covers for 1. Funk with very "Angry" stomps - covers once more for 1. Funk with a scoop slam - covers again for 1. Funk with a kick - tag out to Sanders. Funk with a snapmare - Funk bounces off the ropes - kick to Hudson's chest. Sanders bounces off the ropes - shimmy shake and a kneedrop. Sanders with a "cobra clutch" (?), but Hudson fights it and gets up despite it. Hudson positions himself out of it, but receives a forearm. Sanders misses a short arm clothesline, however. Hudson takes advantage by bouncing off the ropes and hitting a flying forearm. Tag out by both men to their respective partners. Williams with clotheslines for both his opponents - dropkick for Funk and a spinning heel kick for Sanders. It's that "crosscorner punch thingy that happens in every tag match", this time with Williams on Funk and Hudson on Sanders. Hudson and Williams try to crosscorner whip their men, but they both get reversed - Hudson and Williams realize this and spin around, but receive dropkicks from Funk and Sanders. If I would EVER want to take something out of wrestling, it would be this scenario...it's way too contrived. Funk clotheslines Hudson out of the ring. Sanders with a JawBreaker2K on Williams. Funk with a piledriver for the pin, thus the win. (2:44)

 

Commercials

 

The bell rings, but no one wants to wrestle. Vampiro's stretching his groin, while Crowbar crouches by his lonesome. Now, they both walk around the ring. NOW, they lockup - they bounce around the ring in that position; off corners, ropes and such. Finally, they halt at a corner - clean break by Crowbar. They stall once more - Crowbar looks toward the crowd. Come on, guys! Locking up again - Vampiro pushes off - locking up AGAIN - they are back in the corner - they break. Vampiro pushes Crowbar, so he pushes back. Crowbar with a headlock - pushes Vampiro, who bounces off the ropes - Vampiro goes for a shoulderblock, but no impact. Crowbar runs into the ropes, but his shoulderblock does nothing as well. Vampiro pushes him and tells him to bring it or something to that effect. Crowbar bounces off the ropes - onto the other ropes - leapfrog by Vampiro, who bounces off the ropes and delivers a spinning heel kick to Crowbar. Vampiro tries a crosscorner whip, but that gets reversed. Crowbar goes for a monkey flip, but Vampiro lands on his feet and hits a clothesline. Vampiro and Crowbar exchange chops - Vampiro takes his shirt off now (Cue 40 year old women screaming like 14 year old girls at an NSYNC concert) - they exchange chop once again. Vampiro walks away, but comes back quickly with a full fledged chop. Crowbar with a boot and a chop. Crowbar bounces off the ropes - Vampiro catches him and hits a Uranage. Vampiro looks toward the crowd and covers for 2. Vampiro throws Crowbar outside the ring, but Crowbar holds the top rope while outside the ring. Crowbar's head is sticking underneath the bottom rope. Get the picture? Didn't think so. Crowbar hits a really contrived headscissors takedown to the outside from this position. Crowbar with some kicks and grabs a chair. Crowbar slams the chair on Vampiro's back and also nails a punch and kick. Crowbar opens up the chair, seats Vampiro on it and puts a sleeper on him. Crowbar with a punch as well. Crowbar back into the ring - pescado on Vampiro! Crowbar with some punches. Crowbar grabs a chair and gets on top of the apron. >From there, he throws the chair on Vampiro's back. Crowbar now inside of the ring - he goes for his pipe, but Referee Billy Silverman won't have any of this! NOT IN HIS RING, DAMNIT! Crowbar loses this battle, so he goes to check on Vampiro. Sly as he is, Vampiro nails a chairshot on the unsuspecting Crowbar. Vampiro throws the chair into the ring as he gets in himself. Vampiro with a front kick and a vertical suplex. Vampiro goes up top and hits a top rope clothesline. Vampiro covers Crowbar for 2. Vampiro whips Crowbar, who bounces off the ropes and delivers a kick. Crowbar with a punch - fireman's carry into a Death Valley Driver. Nice - Crowbar covers for 2, however. Crowbar with a punch - whips Vampiro, who bounces off the ropes - dropkick by Crowbar - covers for 2. Crowbar with a scoop slam. Crowbar goes onto the outside apron and hits a slingshot legdrop. Crowbar misses the People's Quebrada (complete with Cocky mannerisms!). Vampiro with the chair that he brought into the ring...fucking ECW...Vandaminator by Vampiro. Vampiro looking toward the crowd...he's symboling for something. Could it be the end? Why, yes! Vampiro, in fact, DOES hit the Nail in the Coffin for the pin, thus the win. (6:51)

 

Back to the studio, Hudson and Heenan talk about Great American Bash...yadda yadda yadda...they end it mercifully.

 

Thanks for reading. Email me and I'll email you back. God, that sounds way too desperate...

 

Anyways, Big Ed gives you the hookup next week to deliver the goods. Rest assured, I'll be back in 2 weeks to fulfill my tagteam duties...

 

Until then,