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/24 June 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide recap for Saturday, 24 June 2000, and I'm one-half of your recap team, E.C. Ostermeyer.
My good friend and co-recapper Mr. Raquib being currently thralled in his pursuit of a suitable Venus, it devolves upon yours truly to do justice to this weekly Mulligatawney of blatant shill and rank commercialism.

And so...

Opening credits.
Terry Taylor still can't crack the launch codes, and the planet is safe for another week.

Looks like the WCW Merchandising Department has had a field day with the Command Central desk.

Your hosts for this week are Scott "Is My Resume Up-to-Date?" Hudson, and, sitting in for Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, is "Wrestling's Only Living Legend", Larry Zbyszko.
Hudson looks sharp in his Armani suit, and "Rush Limbaugh"(tm) Power Tie.
Larry looks like he just stiffed a caddy.

This week's post-mortem is The Great American Bash PPV, specifically Bill Goldberg's heel turn.

Poor LarryZ is finally, FINALLY at a loss for words, and seems to truly believe that the Apocalypse may at last be upon us.
Hudson says that Goldberg is now the hired gun for Eric Bischoff and Vince Russo, and that Goldberg only trusts the man who made him: Eric Bischoff.
LarryZ, despondent, sits with his head in his hands, as Hudson relates the destruction wrought upon the Millionaires Club, to whit:

Sting: set on fire by Vampiro, and hospitalized. (Or it may be his stunt double who's hospitalized. You never can tell these days.)
Status: unknown.

Ric Flair: Survives the PPV, only to get punked out and balded by Vince Russo and David Flair on the following Nitro.
Status: unknown.

Hulk Hogan: Survived the PPV, but not the following Nitro. Is currently hospitalized (read: "at Disney World with his family.")
Status: unknown.

Updates on these and more later on in the show, but right now, we go to Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone at ringside, and
BAM, there they are, with not a necktie between them.
Tony appears to have had a couple of cold ones between takes. Check out the goofy grin.
Tenay's got that "Viva Las Vegas" look in his eyes, again.

Sign in the crowd: "Hi, Mandy!"
So let me get this straight.
You left your GIRLFRIEND who could ROCK YOUR WORLD any time you asked her, to come sit four rows behind Tenay and Schiavone in an arena full of cranked up "wrasslin' fanz", and hold up a sign showing her EXACTLY where your priorities are?

Oh, Allan Funk and Mike Sanders will be out later to snarl at you for your entertainment.
Right now, here's "Mean Gene" Okerlund with the sports.
Mean Gene is flanked by Paisley and The Artist.
Ol' Iaukea looks like he's really getting into the whole "poofy shirt"- look.
That hat's a hoot, too.
And isn't our Paisley lookin' FINE tonight?
Corporal Cajun will be in action against The Artist, but Okerlund mis-identifies him as the "acronym" TAFKAPI. Paisley is quick to disabuse Mean Gene of this notion. The lovely lady also casts aspersions on the wrestling abilities of the "Misfits In Action", who will be along to cheer on Corporal Cajun, and demands that they be banned from ringside. Mean Gene doubts that Paisley's wishes will be honored. Although, if he were in charge... and Mean Gene takes a l-o-o-ng look at Paisley...!

Doesn't Iaukea/the Artist look a bit more relieved with his career on the move again?

Back to Tenay and Schiavone, who hand off to Hudson and LarryZ in the studio.
More on Eric Bischoff's "Big Surprise" at the Great American Bash.
Hudson say that, out of all the rumors and possibilities put forth as to what the "Surprise" would be, nobody even imagined that Goldberg would join the New Blood.
LarryZ says the "Internet Nitwits" have only themselves to blame, because, out of hundreds of possibilities zooming around on the 'Net, it was all a smokescreen, because nobody could possibly imagine what actually happened.

Footage from the PPV shows Goldberg giving in to the Dark Side, then shows Bischoff & Russo "introducing the new hired gun" on the following Nitro. Goldberg is encouraged to rage and snarl at the camera until he runs out of breath.
Kevin Nash comes out to fulfill his weekly contractual obligation of ten minutes of ring time.
Nash reminds Goldberg just WHO made him, and decides to kick his butt right now.
Nash gets "restrained" and Maced(tm) by the local constabulary, and does "Time-out" in the back of a cop-car. Later, Nash gets walloped by Goldberg, with Russo forcing Nash's nephew Hunter to watch the beat-down.
Footage from Thunder shows an enraged Nash dragging the squishy carcass of a thoroughly beat-up Jeff Jarrett to the ring, and calling Russo out.
Russo better get his ass out here RIGHT NOW, roars Nash, otherwise Mr. Jarrett will be learnin' how t' squeal like a pig!
Russo, undaunted, counters Nash by threatening to destroy Scott Hall's contract if he doesn't back off. (Hey, didn't he do just that back during the "Powers the Be" era?)
Nash, enraged, doesn't see Goldberg sneaking into the ring with all the stealth of a lame bull elephant, and gets waffled from behind. Jarrett and Goldberg punk out Nash while Russo eggs them on.

LarryZ still can't believe his eyes, that these lowlife scum can do what they can do, and sees a lot of trouble for WCW at the hands of the New Blood.


The end of Ric Flair's career is the next topic of discussion, as LarryZ says that Russo has, unfortunately, accomplished his goal of running Ric Flair out of wrestling.
"Instead of a gold watch to honor his thirty years in wrestling, WCW gave Ric Flair a free haircut!'

Footage shows Russo and Ric Flair in a fuss-fight on Nitro.
Flair ups the ante by making a "Career v. Career" match with Russo. And because Richmond needs a laugh, Russo also gets his head shaved if he loses.
Later, during the match, Flair's daughter Megan throws in the towel, effectively "retiring" Dad.
Russo and the New Blood celebrate by shaving Ric Flair's head, and, why not, 8-year-old Reid Flair's head as well.

LarryZ reiterates his dismay and disgust at the actions of the New Blood in this affair. "They are capable of anything,"

Former WCW World Heavyweight Champion and husband to the luscious Courtney Cox-Arquette in "Day Job Rides Again!"

This week's "Ask WCW" comes from Leo Jones of Jacksonville, FL, who wants to know " The Wall got his start in pro wrestling, and who he looked up to that gave him help!"
Cue The Wall, in total kayfabe heel mode, gives Bam Bam Bigelow credit for bringing him into the business. The Wall then gets a tad feisty, and starts busting on Rick Steiner and the "Two-Move Moron," Goldberg. He wads up and tosses poor Leo's letter away, saying, "Get this crap out of my face!" and stalks off.

Jimmy Barron stiffs the company for yet ANOTHER Road Report, this time from Charleston, WV where WCW Nitro will explode on July 3rd.


Match #1: Sean O'Haire & Mark Jindrak d. Mike Sanders & Allen Funk, (O'Haire diving top-rope headbutt/pin, 3:36)

We are live on tape from Norfolk, VA.

Funk grabs the stick and hollers that he wants to be known as "Angry" Allen Funk, and his partner is "Above Average" Mike Sanders. Funks say that all the boys in the back better start getting scared of this new powerhouse of pro wrestling, "The Real Enforcers!"
Mike Tenay says that Arn Anderson may have some input on that name Funk has chosen.
Meanwhile, Funk calls out any team that wants to get their asses kicked by "The Real Enforcers."
Sean O'Haire and Mark Jindrak make their entrance. Funk is disgusted, and wants a REAL tag team as opponents.
Action begins with a pull-apart in the center of the ring by both teams, which ends with Sanders and Funk getting a simultaneous back body drop from Jindrak and O'Haire. The Real Enforcers bail out to take a meeting, then Mike Sanders gets back in the ring...

...and gets nailed by a Mark Jindrak drop toe-hold. Whip to the corner, then Jindrak whips O'Haire into Sanders, and follows up with a cross-body block of his own.
Attempted cross-ring whip is countered by a pump-handle belly to back suplex by Mike Sanders.
Tag to Funk, whip to the ropes, double leapfrog by the "Real Enforcers", finished off with Funk hitting a spinning facebuster on Sean O'Haire.
Funk puts the boot in a couple of times, then does a springboard off the ropes and drives his right knee into O'Haire's forehead. Ouch! Tag to Sanders, who does some "jukin' and jivin' of his own, before planting his own right knee on the face of the prostrate Sean O'Haire.
Sanders takes some time to snatch some cheap heel heat from the crowd.
Funk spends this interval raging at the fans at ringside, and getting it all back, volt-for-volt.
Cover by Sanders, but no pin.
Whip to the ropes, and O'Haire does a float-over into a (sloppy) Sunset Flip (that Sanders completes for him), and gets a two count before Allen Funk is in to break it up.
Sanders is booing the crowd for a change, what a hoot. He boots O'Haire in the stomach, and then locks on a chicken wing cross-face. O'Haire won't submit, so Sanders whips him into the corner...
...which O'Haire converts into a back flip off the top turnbuckle right over the charging Mike Sanders.
Sanders sells the "Which way did he go!"-look real well, then tries another leapfrog again, only to have it blocked and countered by Sean O'Haire with a towering powerbomb .
Both men are down, and it's a race to see who tags first. O'Haire wins the race by a whisker, and it's Funk and Jindrak battling it out. Whoops, Sanders is a little slow in leaving the ring, and Jindrak decks him with a running clothesline. Scoopslam on Funk, standing drop-kick for Sanders, and
(Mike Tenay): "Jindrak's on fire!"
O'Haire tosses Funk over the top rope, while jindrak sets up Sanders with a tilt-a-whirl body slam.
O'Haire up top, and he nails Sanders in the ribcage with a flying headbutt "Swanton Bomb" thingie from the top turnbuckle.
O'Haire covers, hooks the far leg, and gets the win.


Match #2: Three Count d. Cassidy Riley & James Storm & Air Paris
(triple face-breaker/pin, 4:46)

Three Count comes out, each carrying a Green Circle o' Doom.
Tenay is making gagging and rupture noises as Shannon Moore, Shane Helms, and Evan Karagias get down and funky and "do this for the ladies. "
Their new music is cranked up on the PA system.
Some fans in the audience start having convulsions.
The lip-synching, if possible, is even worse than before.
Tenay is outraged at Tony Schiavone, berating him for tapping his foot along with the music.
"Oh yeah," fires Tony, "Who do you like?"
"ANYBODY but Three Count," declares Tenay, and I couldn't agree more.
Fortunately we are spared having to rip our own ears off by the timely arrival of Riley, Storm & Air Paris, who have come down to the ring to finish the job Kronic started last week.
Huge "Three Count SUCKS!" chant from the crowd starts off the action.
Schiavone tells Tenay to "go to the back and start throwing your weight around, and get Three Count banned from the show."
Tenay questions Schiavone's grasp of reality.
Cassidy Riley and Evan Karagias start off with a fast chain wrestling hold sequence, as Schiavone says that Three Count have been absent from WCW due to a heavy schedule touring all the great malls.
Tenay says Three Count did this to attract a crowd without charging admission.
Meanwhile, Cassidy Riley tries for a springboard off the center top rope, misses his footing, and falls face first into the mat. The crowd just loves it.
Karagias capitalizes by nailing Riley with a couple of knees to the midsection. Whip to the ropes gets reversed, and Riley drops Karagias with a hip-toss takeover.
Riley tags Air Paris, who lands a flying double axe handle on Karagias' left shoulder. Paris with a whip to the corner, followed by a snap mare takedown. Another whip gets reversed, but Karagias winds up on the wrong end of a big boot to the face when he tries to capitalize.
Paris bounds out of the corner, only to get scoopslammed by Karagias. Cover, but Karagias goes for the choke instead of the pin. Tag to Shannon Moore.
Moore misses a running clothesline, and eats an Air Paris running elbow coming back the other way.
Whip to the ropes by Paris.
Moore tries a reverse body scissors, but Paris hangs on and face plants Moore, instead. Lateral press, cover, 1,2, Moore gets a leg on the ropes.
Side headlock by Paris is broken by Moore. He whips Paris across the ring. Paris ducks two of Moore's running clotheslines, but gets nailed in the back of the head by an Evan Karagias' kick.
Moore grabs Paris in a fireman's carry, and Shane Helms hits a spinning neckbreaker on Air Paris.
Riley & Storm are trying to get some crowd heat going, as Moore wrings the arm of Air Paris.
Karagias climbs to the top rope and lands a diving Victory Roll that only gets a two count.
Paris gets to his feet, ducks a running clothesline from Shane Helms, but eats a big Helms' standing back kick right in the mouth.
Helms then does three running leg drops in quick succession, with some more "jukin' and jivin'" to cap it off.
Helms positions Paris, and lets Karagias nail him with a missile dropkick. Karagias with a snap mare, and a tag to Shannon Moore. Moore rebounds off the ropes and somersaults onto Paris' sternum. Moore does a big suplex, and then climbs to the top turnbuckle. Moore goes for the moonsault, but Air Paris isn't hanging around, and ducks away, leaving Moore nothing but canvas to land on. A groggy Moore tags in Shane Helms. Paris tags in James Storm, who gets going like a house afire. Storm disposes of Moore and Karagias, then counters Helms' countermove with a head-scissors takeover.
All six men are in the ring, but only for a moment, as Karagias dumps Riley over the top rope to the floor, and Shannon Moore shoves Air Paris through the ropes.
Moore drags James Storm off Shane Helms, then body slams him to the mat.
Helms picks up Storm, and all three members of Three Count do a triple face-breaker on Storm that's good for the win.
Post match, Karagias, Helms, and Moore do pose-downs for the ladies.

Buff Bagwell shills the WCW Mastercard.


Match #3: The Artist (w/ Paisley) d. Corporal Cajun (w/ Misfits In Action), (Artist DDT/pin, 2:04.)

Paisley demands that Corporal Cajun be the only one in the ring. Cajun says okay, as long as I get Major Gunns in my corner. Well, the crowd just LOVES that idea.
The bell rings just as the Artist sucker-punches Cajun.
Cajun recovers with a flurry of punches, and a high back-body drop. Whip by Cajun to the rope, but he telegraphs another back body drop, and gets a boot in the face from the Artist.
Cajun, undaunted, responds with a running clothesline that decks the Artist. Whip to the ropes by Corporal Cajun, but the Artist submarines through Cajun's legs, and lands three quick rights.
Cajun responds with a running elbow, and down goes the Artist again.
Mis-timed gorilla press by Cajun gets reversed and countered by the Artist grabbing Cajun's top-knot, and throwing him to the mat. Legdrop by the Artist misses, but a fall-away fireman's carry doesn't, and Corporal Cajun's on the mat.
An attempt to get to his feet is met with a Big Right Hand by the Artist, who goes for a lateral press and a cover, 1,2, Cajun kicks out.
Tenay and Schiavone are shilling for the "Bash at the Beach" PPV, as the Artist does a l-o-o-o-ong vertical suplex, only to have Corporal Cajun slither free, reverse, and do a quick roll-up for a pin, but not the win.
Whip to the ropes by Cajun gets reversed, then reversed back, then reversed again, and Cajun almost collides with the lovely Paisley, who's up on the ring apron just to get a better look at the action.

Cajun is only too happy to oblige if it's "action" Paisley wants.

The Artist charges in to break things up, but Cajun steps to one side, and collides (gently!) with Paisley, who goes down with a cute little "whoops!"
Cajun, smelling victory, does a Victory Roll on the Artist, and gets two and a half before the Artist kicks out.
Corporal Cajun lands three right hands to the Artist's jaw, with some Bourbon Street Blues moves, and a running clothesline thrown in for good measure.
His momentum carries him back within Paisley's reach, and the lovely lady promptly slaps the taste out of Cajun's mouth, big time!
Cajun's staggered by the paint-brushing from Paisley.
The Artist capitalizes with a top-turnbuckle flying DDT, and that's all for Corporal Cajun tonight, folks, 1,2,3!
Post-match, Major Gunns has some issues with Paisley.
"Pops" of the Misfits comes down to the ring, just in time to become part of the

(with apologies to Joey Styles...)

"Catfight! Catfight! CATFI-I-I-I-ght!"

The Artist is busy disentangling Pops from the clutches of the two Amazons, and Pops is just as busy re-entangling himself.
Pops is finally dragged clear, which he REALLY doesn't like, and HE squares off at the Artist.
The Artist wants NO part of this fight, especially with the rest of the Misfits backing Pops up.
And speaking of "pops", a lot of Major Gunns and Paisley keeps "popping" out, so the catfight turns into a "scrap-a-bit, pull-your-top-up-a-bit" session.

To quote the immortal Harry Carey, "Holy Cow!"

Afterwards, the Misfits celebrate in the center of the ring to the cheers of a VERY appreciative crowd.

Back to the studio, where Hudson and LarryZ repeat the "Portent of Doom" that is the rise of the New Blood, and Goldberg as the ultimate turncoat.

LarryZ gets the last word:

"The New Blood is looking almost invincible. (The loss of...) Flair has weakened the Millionaires Club. Who is going to stand a chance, if Goldberg is on the New Blood team? Goldberg has just made Benedict Arnold a national hero!"

Closing Credits.

Tanvir's back next week, so please keep your arms and legs inside the ride vehicle, and NO flash photography, please!

See y'all in two weeks.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission