Semi-impressive Techno-thriller Opening Sequence. Terry Taylor's laptop gets the "ILOVEYOU" virus, and dumps his entire porn-pile files onto the "AL GORE 2000" site. Along with a "smiley face" and the message, "Thanks for sharin'. Love, Bubba."

The studio has been assaulted by the WCW merchandising elves again. Your hosts are the slightly hung-over Scott Hudson, and "Wrestling's Only Living Legend with a Scratch Handicap in Golf" Larry Zbyszko. Hey, LarryZ's wearing the old-style WCW logo'ed PGA Masters'- green golf shirt. WAY COOL! And it could be a subtle protest on his part about the current state of affairs in the "new" WCW, too. Well, it could be. Everybody does something for a REASON, doggone it!

How was it Frank Herbert described human nature in "Dune"?

"Wheels within wheels within wheels!"

A superb writer, with a monumentally great first book. The rest of his stuff was too "Sixties eco-preachy" and blah, and that includes "Hellstrom's Hive," too. "Dune" the movie was so bad it's now a cult favorite. Wanna have some fun? Get the uncut version, with all the psycho-gore Harkonnen stuff in it, and watch it while snuggling with your lady. Then watch her reaction when the psycho-gore stuff comes on. If she gets into it, you're dating a FREAK, and you'd better go hide all the straps, belts, and sharp objects you possess.

Sorry, drifted off topic.

Hudson and Zbyszko shill for the then upcoming "Bash at the Beach" PPV. Hudson decries the depths to which Bill Goldberg has sunk, as evidenced by the past week's Nitro and Thunder. LarryZ asks rhetorically if Jeff Jarrett's paper championship will survive Hulk Hogan, and will Scott Hall's career be in the hands of Kevin Nash or Bill Goldberg?

Over to the ringside colleagues Mike Tenay and Tony Schiavone, who talk about the upcoming WCW Hardcore Championship match between Big Vito & Johnny the Bull, and shoot it over to "Mean Gene" Okerlund, who's with Johnny the Bull and his trainer, Terry Funk.

Mean Gene says that Johnny the Bull will be facing "Above Average" Mike Sanders tonight as a warm-up match for his big Hardcore Title shot against Big Vito at "Bash at the Beach." Terry Funk decides to show "Mean Gene" how well he's trained Johnny the bull" and demands that Johnny turn his back on him. johnny refuses, and continues to refuse, even when Funk gets REAL nasty about Johnny doing what he's told to do. "See what I'm saying, Gene, he's a smart boy!" says a proud Terry Funk. Also on tonight's show, Shane "The Franchise" Douglas against The Wall.

Back to the studio, where LarryZ says that Big Vito's going to have to fight for his title, because "Johnny the Bull's" got "Terry the Funk" in his corner, along with all of that experience that Funk has in winning Hardcore matches.

Footage from the 7/3 Nitro in Des Moines, Iowa, shows the match between "Hacksaw Jim Duggan and Goldberg, with Goldberg just destroying Duggan in the ring. Kevin Nash clobbers Mike Awesome, becoming a finalist, and Scott Steiner wallops Buff Bagwell to become the fourth man in the "Four Corners" match for Jeff Jarrett's WCW World Heavyweight Title. The match is a four-way brawl, with Jarrett retaining the Title, and Goldberg punking out Nash, then showing Big Sexy the remains of Scott Hall's contract. LarryZ heaps scorn on Goldberg, citing the squash of Duggan, along with his actions against Nash during the "Four Way" title match.

Commercials.

Jeff Jarrett's preparation for his Title defense is discussed. Footage from the 5 July Thunder show in Lincoln, NE is aired, showing Jarrett withstanding an assault by an outraged Horace Hogan. WCW Commissioner, Ernest "The Cat" Miller comes out to say that if Horace wants a title shot at Thunder, he's got it. Footage from the match shows poor Horace having trouble with the referee, who's trying to grab the steel chair that Horace has, thus allowing Jeff Jarrett to hit his "Stroke" finisher by driving Horace's head through the chair and getting the win.

Back to the studio, where LarryZ does some sleight-of-hand with Hudson's format schedule sheet to illustrate just how much of a paper champion Jeff Jarrett is. Hudson is very impressed with LarryZ's legerdemain skills. LarryZ just sits there and smiles.

Commercials.

Hudson shills the PPV some more, specifically the Jarrett/Hogan match, and the Nash/Goldberg match for Scott Hall's contract, Buff Bagwell vs. Shane Douglas, Scott Steiner vs. Mike Awesome for the US title. LarryZ says that Awesome is big, fast and tough, but Scott Steiner owes him a whuppin', and that he's on the most level playing field that Big Poppa Pump is gong to get. The Perfect Event also defend their tag-titles against Kronic. LarryZ starts to do the disappearing act again with more of Hudson's fomat sheets to illustrate his point, but Hudson grabs them away from LarryZ and starts smoothing them out. The "Wedding Gown" match between Ms. Hancock and Daffney Unger is discussed. "Two lovely beauties fighting for the affections of David Flair," says LarryZ. "Personally, I think they both need glasses!"

The last minute addition of the Kanyon-Booker T. match to "Bash at the beach" is discussed.

Commercials.

The "Ask WCW!" segment this week has a question from Brian Gross from Durham, NC, who asks Disco Inferno (aka "Dim Shady") How he got started in pro-wrestling, and has he ever done any acting. DI/DS, doing a really bad "homeboy" act, replies that he had a hard life growing up, what with car-pooling to private schools and all, so when he arrived in WCW, he just took over, and as for acting, "didn't you see "Ready to Rumble", boy? All those cameos I did? Man, you stupid!" LarryZ's got the REAL story on how Disco Inferno got into wrestling: "He carried the bags from the trunk of a car to an arena for somebody, because he didn't want to buy a ticket. Then, once inside, he hung around, and hung around, until finally somebody noticed him. And he should be an actor and do commercials, because sooner or later he's gonna get murdered!" Hudson's cracking up about this, and sends us to the ring for some wrestling action.

Match #1 Crowbar d. Jason Wheeler, (slingshot tope con hilo/pin, 4:42)

Wheeler's got a size (300+lbs.) and power (think "gorilla on steroids.") advantage over Crowbar, along with a "Spuds McKenzie" black spot over his right eye. Tenay and Schiavone are still shilling for the PPV as we get underway. Crowbar goes for an early advantage on Wheeler, who counters with a stiff shoulder block that levels Crowbar, followed by a series of vicious punches that slump Crowbar against the ropes. (Head-grab snap mare by Wheeler is miss-called a "hairpull takedown" by Tony Schiavone.) Two massive right hands by Wheeler, and a cross-corner whip sends Crowbar on an unscheduled flight into the far corner. A charge-in by Wheeler is countered by Crowbar with a float-over, and Wheeler collides full-force with the turnbuckle. Crowbar seizes the initiative with a dropkick to Wheeler's chest followed by a flurry of right hands about the face and head. There's a chop, ("Whooooo!" goes the crowd), and another ("Whooo!") and Crowbar's on fire now. Cross ring whip on Wheeler sets him up for a jumping double dropkick to Wheeler's big ol' head. Crowbar's elated by the crowd cheering him on, and pulls Wheeler to his feet. Wheeler responds to this kindness with a boot to Crowbar's breadbasket. Wheeler tries to toss Crowbar over the top rope, but Crowbar skins the cat, and levers himself back over the top ropes to the ring, while Wheeler's catching some cheap heel heat from the crowd. Crowbar sneaks up behind Wheeler, and face-plants him into the canvas. He then slingshots into the ring from the ring apron, then does a moonsault from the second rope, then goes for a cover, hooks the far leg,1,2,NO! Crowbar with a whip to the corner, followed by a running knee lift. A cross-corner whip sets up a Crowbar hurancanrana attempt. Wheeler sees it coming, blocks the move, and powerbombs Crowbar to the mat, then follows it up with a big legdrop. Wheeler does a snap-mare, and then follows it with a neck-snapper, and then a headbutt to Crowbar's in-seam, (and that should negate any action Crowbar was anticipating in the "Daffney department.") A whip into the ropes, but Crowbar anticipates the back body drop, and counters it with a spinning neckbreaker that drives Wheeler to the canvas. Two chops from Crowbar are followed by a cross-ring whip, which Wheeler counters with a sit-out version of an Atomic Drop. Nonchalant cover by Wheeler only gets two, and prompts a blatant choke hold by Wheeler that the referee breaks up. Scoopslam by Wheeler sets up for a nicely done second-rope pescado. Crowbar sees what's coming, however, and rolls away, leaving Wheeler to eat a whole lot of canvas. The finish comes after two running lariats by Crowbar, followed by a flying elbow, a scoopslam, and a legdrop between Wheeler's "uprights". Crowbar then does a slingshot tope con hilo over the top rope, then covers for the pin and the win

Commercials.

Match #2: Johnny the Bull (w/ Terry Funk) d. "Above Average" Mike Sanders, in a "No DQ" match, (chair shot to the head/pin, 4:11)

Terry Fun starts whipping the crowd into a frenzy by doing some cheerleading for his protégé. Sanders is sporting some facial foliage, I see. Johnny the Bull is quick to establish dominance as we start things off. Sanders is spending more time on his back than he is on his feet. Gorilla press by Johnny on Mike Sanders, followed by a towering face plant. Johnny goes over to confer with Funk, who tells him to sidekick Sanders in the head, which he does. Johnny the nails Sanders with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Johnny tries a cross-ring whip, but Sanders hangs onto Johnny's hand, and then submarines and nails the Bull with a pump handle suplex that hurls Johnny out of the ring. While on the outside, the Bull is walloped by Funk three times with a steel chair, probably to get his attention. As Johnny is recovering from this impromptu on-the-job training, Sanders nails him with a moonsault from the apron that drives him into the floor. Sanders tosses Johnny back into the ring, then goes for a cover, but only gets a two count. Funk's hollering at Johnny to get up, as Sanders goes for another cover, and another two count. Sanders snap-mares Johnny to the mat then drills him in the chest with a mean-looking front kick. Funk's hollering at Johnny, as Sanders drops a big elbow across the Bull's forehead. Sanders with two boots to the gut, then a cross-rope choke-hold that he takes to the max before the referee breaks it up. A cross-ring whip by Sanders gets blocked by Johnny, who then reverses it into a Victory Roll, but only gets a two count. Sanders responds with two running elbows, followed by a whip and a Sunset Flip attempt that Johnny counters before referee Slick Johnson gets there. Another whip by Sanders, and another flying elbow takes Johnny to the mat. Cover by Sanders, 1,2, Johnny kicks out! Another pin attempt by Sanders gets the same result. Sanders tries for a submission hold, looping Johnny into a cross-face chicken wing that looks painful as all get out. Funk's got the crowd hollering "John-ny! John-ny!" Looks like the Bull's fighting his way free of the hold, which he does, nailing Sanders in the noggin with a jumping enziguiri kick. Funk tosses Johnny a steel chair, (No DQ, remember?) and he promptly nails Sanders with a chair shot to the head. Slick Johnson is there to make the count out, and Johnny the Bull is your winner. Post-match, Funk and Johnny have some words, and a shoving match, and then a hug.

Commercials.

Match #3: Shane Douglas d. the Wall, (running elbow/pin, 4:24)

Crowd: "YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!"

Douglas: "Lincoln Nebraska, "The Franchise" does NOT SUCK!"

Douglas then goes on to say that he was planning to take it easy on Buff Bagwell at "Bash at the Beach", but because of the "You suck!" chant from the Lincoln fans, he's "gonna beat him from pillar to post, and all over Daytona...and it's all...Your... Stinkin'... FAULT! And YOU people will know, just like the rest of WCW will know, what it means to have your ass "Franchised!"

I swear, Shane Douglas can get a crowd mad at him just by breathing the same air they do! Douglas is THE best guy on the stick in WCW, bar none!

The match begins with Douglas walloping The Wall from behind just as the bell rings. Douglas rains punches and kicks on The Wall, with no apparent effect, since The Wall counters with a flurry of punches of his own. Wall with a cross-ring whip on Douglas, followed by a very sloppy boot to the chest that Douglas sells like a pro, rolling across the mat and dropping to the ringside floor. Douglas is selling he busted his nose on the roll-out. The Wall ain't buyin', however, and starts in with a couple of chops. Douglas gets I a couple of chops of his own, then they start trading chops back and forth. The Wall does a cross ring whip followed by a BIG gorilla press. Douglas slithers out and goes for a Sunset Flip, pulling The Wall off balance. The Wall, teeters and totters, then drags Douglas to his feet for a chokeslam with a Big Right Hand! Douglas, sensing Awful Danger, put a thumb in he eye of The Wall and escapes. Standing double dropkick from Douglas sends The Wall into the ropes, where a Douglas running lariat sends him over the top rope, and down to the floor. Douglas gloats a little too long near the ring apron, and gets ankle-grabbed and dragged out of the ring by The Wall. There's a whip into the steel guardrail by The Wall, who follows it up with a punch in the throat. (Shane Douglas is selling the daylights out of these moves!) Both men back in the ring, where the crowd wants a table, The Wall wants a table, and Douglas wants a time out! What he gets is a lot of big boots in the breadbasket, finished off with a massive right hand that lifts him almost over the ringpost. Cross-corner whip by The Wall gets a desperation reverse by Douglas, who charges in, only to eat a big boot. The Wall climbs to the second rope for a pancake splash and a cover,1,2, but Douglas kicks out. Cross-ring whip by The Wall, who follows up with a spike DDT, and Douglas is groggy. Another attempt at a cross-ring whip by The Wall gets countered by Shane Douglas with a DDT of his own. Douglas goes way up top on the near-side turnbuckle, and tries a top-rope flying elbow, but The Wall counters by cinching on a real tight choke hold, followed by a massive chokeslam. However, The Wall is too pooped (or hurt) to cover Douglas, and only goes for the pin after a couple of deep breaths. He fails to get the three-count when Douglas kicks out at two and a half. Scoopslam by The Wall, who positions Douglas in the near corner, then goes up to the second rope for a springboard splash. Douglas, however, has other plans, and gets both knees up in time to meet The Wall's gut coming down. Oooof! Douglas then tries his signature "Pittsburgh Plunge" finisher, but The Wall's too massive for full extension, so it's a "Pittsburgh Sploosh" instead. Now it's rest period, but only for a moment as Douglas rares back and nails The Wall with a running elbow from the far corner. There's a cover, Douglas hooks the (simply huge!) far leg, and gets the win.

Back to the studio, where Scott hudson reminds us that Shane Douglas meets Buff Bagwell at the "Bash at the Beach" PPV. LarryZ gets the last word on the subject, when he says that Douglas had "better be in the best shape he's ever been in when he faces Buff Daddy in the ring. And Buff Bagwell had better realize that The Franchise beat The Wall tonight, not easily, but he beat him nevertheless, and that Shane Douglas is one tough and competent opponent!"

Hudson shills for the PPV one last time and that's all for this edition of "WCW Worldwide."

Tanvir's at the controls next time, so I'll see you in two weeks (Hey E.C., Tanvir didn't write last week. Are you SURE? - CRZ)