/15 July 2000
WCW Worldwide by Tanvir Raquib
It's me, Tanvir Raquib, doing what I do - wCw worldwide recaps. Why? Because it's a decent way to kill a few hours out of my boring summer life, that's why!
Hope you liked that last effort at a recap from a couple of days ago. That was me in "bitch mode", apparently.
I write for some Oracles site. Apparently, *I'M* an Oracle. Gee - and I thought just being a [slash] contributor would be my claim to Net fame. Ahh well.
Random note: My bass playing has picked up A TAD. Right now, it's all about timing and shit. My 2 finger walking motion is working quite well, thankyouverymuch.
wCw worldwide - i love you, aly.
Mike Tenay and Larry Zybysko appear on my screen. Larry has a different shade of hair color this week. Could this mean - why yes! - JUST FOR MEN! Tenay lets us in on that there will be 4 matches on this week's show. Zybysko throws in that the young guys have an opportunity to prove themselves TO THE WORLD! Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure. Let's see what's up in "the arena"...
...Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan tells us again that there will be 4 matches. Names like the Artist, O'Haire/Jindrak, Vampiro and MIA are thrown out. Now do you think those might be the people that will end up winning their respective matches? I mean they *are* hyping them on the show so... Anyways, Heenan's a big fan of Major Gunns. Let's take it up to...
...Mean Gene Okerland standing with Sean O'Haire and Mark Jindrak. Gene calls these guys the "Team of the Future". He asks them about their respective background. One thought that springs up in my mind is WHY THE FUCK would anyone give a shit where you played basketball or football at? So what if Farooq played football at Florida State? So what if Marc Mero won the New York State Golden Gloves? So FUCKING what?! (Guess I'm in bitch mode. Yay.) Gene and us get to learn all about what towns these dudes came from. Zzzzzz...
...umm...so we're back at "the arena". Schiavone and Heenan talk about this "Team of the Future" for a moment. Heenan says that one day, someone's gonna name an airport after Sean O'Haire. Ha ha ha...
Tenay and Zybysko talk about the Cat. Tenay is all "Cat makes things exciting", while Zybysko is all "bah...the Cat is a loon".
Cat Talks Bidness With Yung Dragons! Demonstrate for us, Cat! Patrick Barker Owns! Dragons Mean Business, Pussy! Bow Down to the Cat, Foo! Chosen One is Pissed - at the Cat! Cat Plays Matchmaker! Booker gets BANGED! No Interference! You Tell'em Cat! Re-start Dis Motha! Ref is Down! Cat Feels El Kabong!
Tenay says that Jarrett escaped with the title against Booker T. on Thunder. Cat was fair in this situtation, he says. Zybysko says Cat may be fair, but who really knows what his motivation is.
Commercials - Now I know I say this every week, but this chick really needs to lose some weight.
Tenay calls the laptop next to him a "Scootmaster 2000". Here's dat question for our "ask wCw" segment that we all know and love...
"Booker T -
I wanted to know how long have you been a wrestler, who were your mentors, and what is the bets match you ever fought?
Paul picked a good week to ask a question to THE NEWLY CROWNED wCw HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! Let's see what my hero has to say...
...but first, Zybysko bitches about the amount of questions. Somehow, this little interlude turns into something about Zybysko's match about Bruno Sanmartino (sp?). Let's get to the champ...
...Booker T says it's his 10th year in the sport, Scott Casey trained him and his favorite matches were during that great Best of 7 (actually, 8) against Chris Benoit.
Tenay remembers those Benoit matches. Zybysko notes that he beat up Scott Casey quite a few times around Tejas.
Tenay changes the subject by talking about his interview with Jim Duggan after Goldberg kicked his ass.
Clip (nitro? thunder?)
Duggan Has Emotional Problems! Well, geez, I coulda told him that years ago....ZzzZZzzzzzZZZzzZzz...this interview is SO boring...the people who actually recap this stuff word for word....geez....hey, doesn't CRZ do that kinda stuff? 6'3", 280 lbs - damn, that's a little chubby! Duggan will be here after RuBisch - you heard it from him! Cancer Sucks! HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Tenay says Duggan's got guts and courage. Zybysko respects what Duggan has done...whatever that means.
It's off to the arena where Tony and Bobby are standing by for our FOUR-COUNT'EM-FOUR MATCHES this week!
ASHLEY HUDSON vs. THE ARTIST (with Paisley)
Paisley looks FINE. Implants are NOT needed with this woman. She tells Hudson to "talk to the hand 'cuz you ain't the man!" Opening staredown - HEY, GUYS - THIS AIN'T WRESTLEMANIA! Hudson makes Artist flinch, but turns his back, which allows Artist to deliver the customary beatdown. Artist gets his whip reversed, into the ropes he goes - drop toehold from Hudson. Dropkick by Hudson. Hudson's 10 Punch Spot That Will Never Die only goes for 9 as Artist pushes Hudson off. Artist runs toward Hudson, but Hudson delivery a clothesline. Hudson with a punch and he whips Artist into the ropes. Hudson ducks early , so Artist takes over with a kneelift and an elbow to the back of the head. Artist whips Hudson into the ropes, but this time, Artist drops down to the mat too early, thus receiving an elbowdrop from Hudson. Hudson tries a scoop slam, but Artist goes behind and drops Hudson down to the mat by pulling down his head. Sorry for the long sentences, folks. Artist with a snapmare and a kick to the back. Artist whips Hudson into the ropes, but his backdrop get turned into an opportunity for a sunset flip by Hudson. Artist punches Hudson, but he gets rolled up for 2. Artist misses a clothesline, but hits a sidekick. Artist covers for 2 THREE CONSECUTIVE TIMES. Shiiiat. Artist with a weak spinebuster and a headbutt to the groin. Artist can't hit his finisher....on purpose (IT'S A WORK). Hudson gets a kick and a punch, then he whips artist into the ropes - backelbow by Hudson. Hudson whips Artist into the ropes again - this time, it's a back bodydrop by Hudson. Hudson with a punch and a cross corner whip. Hudsonw ith the Weakass Version of the Kidman Bulldog. Who's Rube Goldberg anyway? Hudson with the slingshot legdrop. Hudson covers for 2 - Artist stuck his leg over the bottom rope. Hudson with a punch and a cross corner whip. Hudson runs into an elbow to the head from the Artist. Artist hits the anticlimatic Jumping DDT for the pin, thus the win. (3:32)
So Paisley did NOTHING in this match for an extracurricular standpoint. Do I mind? Hell no. As long as she keeps her figure in tone and wears fine little outfits like on this episode, I will always consider her to be one of the top Valets in the Sport of Professional Wrestling.
Commercials - I didn't tape 'em.
SEAN O'HAIRE and MARK JINDRAK (w/ undeserved push) vs. CHRIS HARRIS and CASSIDY RILEY
Harris and Jindark in to start. They lock up and a side headlock by Harris. Jindrak pushes Harris to the ropes, but the shoulderblock is blocked. Jindrak looks away for a sec, which allows Harris to get a boot in. Umm...a whip by Harris turns into a whips by Jindrak which turns into a flying shoulderblock by Jindrak. It's a little bit more confusing than that. Tag in to O'Haire, who jumps over the rope VERY ATHLETICALLY. PUSH HIM BECAUSE HE CAN HOP OVER THE TOP ROPE, WCW! SO WHAT IF HE HASN'T PAID HIS DUES, RIGHT? Ha. Double whip by the Vanilla Rookies turns into a double leap frog which turns into a dropkick by Jindrak. O'Haire bounces off the ropes - shitty clothesline with kung fu mannerisms for full effect. Riley interferes and lays into him for a few seconds. Harris takes advantage with kicks and punches - he tags Riley in now. They cross corner whip O'Haire and lay a couple of kicks before Harris leaves the ring. Riley continues with a few kicks and a lot of good looking punches. Cross corner whip, which leads to Riley running into a boot to the face. O'Haire goes up top in one motion, like the very comparable Rob Van Dam. Riley comes in to attack, but O'Haire just HAS to be the flashy: he somersaults while landing on his feet. Oh, and he hits a sidekick to the head, as well. O'Haire turns around only to get clotheslined by Harris. Harris puts the boots to O'Haire and taunts Jindrak some so we can get the TWO ON ONE BEATDOWN~! Yeah! I can't think of anything to say about XPW right now, unfortunately. More nice heel double-teaming as they whips O'Haire into the ropes - Harris Brings On the Noise with the drop toe hold, while Riley Brings On the Funk with the guillotine legdrop. Harris covers for 2 as O'Haire throws him out of the ring because he's all 'roided up on hGh and andro. Oh, like he isn't? Harris spends no time getting up and going up top to hit...a top rope double axehandle! YEAH! Harris for only 2. More double team cheating tactics (boot on throat, punches, baiting Jindrak). Harris with a cross corner whip, but misses the Bronco Buster. O'Haire can't sell, so he casually walks over to tag Jindrak in, all the while, Harris is crawling his ass over to tag in Riley. THESE GUYS ARE GREEN. VERY GREEN. Jindrak beats down both men - athletic dropkick and all. Riley is alone in the ring - Harris got dropkicked or thrown out of the ring. Jindrak with a tilt-a-whirl slam on Riley. O'Harire finishes with his Seanton Bomb. (3:18)
Commercials - Zzzz...
RICK CORNELL vs. VAMPIRO
Cornell shoves Vampiro because he's got backstage animosity...just like everybody else. Vampiro responds with punches and a back suplex. Vampiro a punch, chop, punch and a headbutt. He's so deliberate. Vampiro with a whip, which Cornell reverses. Vampiro bounces off the ropes and receives a boot to the guy. Cornell bounces off the ropes and dleivers a punch to the head. Cornell with a punch and an UNUSUAL dropkick. mdb called me out on not noting Yang's walking dropkick once. Cornell's dropkick does the job, however - so he covers for 2. Cornell with a running clothesline, which sends Vampiro to the outside canvas. Vampiro pulls Cornell to the outside. Vampiro gets his whip reversed - Vampiro to the railing. Cornell runs forward, so Vampiro, quick thinker that he is, hits a running clothesline. Vampiro walks over to the commentary table and steals Heenan's pen. Vampiro "stabs" Cornell with the pen and throws it back to Heenan. Vampiro pushes Cornell back into the ring. Vampiro with the uranage for 2. Vampiro gets his crosscorner whip reversed. Cornell hits his usual "slop drop into a reverse Stunner" wCwSN finisher for 2! Three rewinds and all I can say is - DAMN! Vampiro somehow kicks out at 2. Cornell yells at the ref, but when he turns around, he receives a kick to the face. Nail in The Coffin by Vampiro seals the deal. (2:48)
"ANGRY" ALLEN FUNK, "ABOVE AVERAGE" MIKE SANDERS and "STYLIN'" SHANE EDEN vs. MISFITS IN ACTION (excluding Lt. Loco and Major Gunns)
I'm predicting this to be a squash. It's customary of me to totally slack on the last match of the show. So here's all I can gather after watching this match twice and fast forwarding through this once: everybody in MIA got their licks in. Sanders didn't get his ass kicked that much. The token jobber offense came from Sanders and Funk into the form of a boot to the gut/ knee lift combo. Eden got destroyed by a Major Stash delayed superplex and a General Rection moonsault to end this. (2:54)
Thanks for reading. Now email me and tell me sweet nothings (ONLY IF YOU'RE A CHICK!) or just tell me that doing this recap thing is actually somewhat worthwhile.
Peace out and don't forget to hate every single person who ever said a bad word towards you.
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