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/wrestling /worldwide /22 July 2000 |
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/wrestling /worldwide /22 July 2000 |
WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the "WCW Worldwide" report for Saturday, 22 July 2000. We open the show with the usual high-tech futuristic thingie opener. Terry Taylor accidentally wanders onto ZDTV's "Gamespot" set and gets grabbed by a frenzied Kate Patillo, who drags him behind an old "PacMan" videogame screaming "Why, Leo? Why? Didn't I give you EVERYTHING??!!" Ahem... Looks like the WCW Merchandising "elves" were on Crack this week. Would you LOOK at the pile of toys and stuff all over the announcers desk?! Is that a Goldberg "Bopp-it" doll? Folks, make no mistake, no matter what you believe, or may have heard, it ultimately IS the money! Your in-studio hosts are Scott "Dear-Hair-Club-For-Men..." Hudson, and Wrestling's Only Living Legend, Larry "Hey look, I just made a 'water hazard!' {zip!}" Zbyszko. LarryZ opens by applauding Booker T for becoming the new WCW World Heavyweight Champion. "We used to have in WCW, the "Chosen One", a "paper champion." We now have a champion we can be proud of, a champion made of stone!" Over to ringside, and Tony Schiavone and another "Living Legend", Bobby "The Brain" Heenan. They have to shout over the very noisy, cheering fans. This week's matches feature Cruiserweight Champ, MIA's Lt. Loco vs. former champ The Artist. Heenan is very enthusiastic about this match, since, "if the 'Misfits in Action' are around, that means Major Gunns is around, and if Major Gunns is around, I want to be around! Don't you want to be around, Tony?" It's over to "Mean Gene" Okerlund, who's interviewing tag-team champs Kronic. Jeez Louweez these guys are BIG! Either that, or Mean Gene has shrunk. Okerlund says that Kronic will be facing four men in a handicap tag match tonight. Brian Adams says that, first off, Gene needs to set the hairpiece on the back of his head loose, because the "shaved look" is "in", now. Oh, and no problem squashing whoever they're up against this week. Four's not enough; they could face twice that many and still squash 'em. Bryan Clarke's got problems recognizing just who the "Misfits in Action" are, not to mention Mark Jindrak and Sean O'Haire. Or former tag champs Sean Stasiak and Chuck Palumbo. "Lissen, Gene, as far as the competition goes, after we roll you, smoke you, toke you, and put you out, you'll realize why Kronic are the World Champions!" Back to Tony and Bobby at ringside, where Heenan waxes poetic about how devastating Kronic is as a tag team. Tony says that we can also expect to see Buff Bagwell in action on tonight's show. Back to the studio, where Hudson and LarryZ continue their discussion of what Booker T's winning the World Heavyweight Title will mean for WCW. LarryZ thinks it's great that a wrestler who's risen through the ranks, worked hard, and "paid his dues", has risen to the top spot in his sport all on his own. Unlike certain members of the "New Blood" who are trying to do it the easy way; whining and complaining how they want to be stars, but they don't want to put forth the effort. "Well, they've got to earn their shot at the Title, and earn it just like Booker T did." Footage of Booker T's rise to prominence in WCW is shown, ably narrated by "da Perfesser" himself, Mike Tenay. Commercials. What looks like the lovely "Symphony", the former Ms. Ryan Shamrock, decides to do some jogging through the cemetery, and meets a strange man with paint on his face. Oh, and buy a Vampiro T-shirt. Because your destiny is beyond your control. Buff the Stuff shills for the huge money pile that is MasterCard. Greyhound. "Ride the Dog." Save a buck or two. Juicy Fruit gum makes you psycho-kinetic. Says so right here...hey, now, TV don't lie, do it? Do it?? The former WCW World Heavyweight Champion, David Arquette in "Day Job Rides Again!" 1-800-Free-Love promo. Or is that spelled p-o-r-n-o? Hey, them ain't no Girl Scouts, buckaroo. Nope, looks like the home ec. class at Swamptown Bible College. Back to the studio, where LarryZ's ragging on Jeff Jarrett. "He was the "paper champion", and he proved me right! Without the power of the pen, Jeff Jarrett is not championship material." (Well, he did a great job of keeping us fans interested in WCW, when the promotion was going through a bad patch just recently. Thanks, Jeff, we fans all appreciate what you've done.) Footage from Nitro in Jacksonville shows Booker T's "coronation' as Heavyweight Champion, his recognition of his wife's role in helping him get to the top, his reconciliation with brother Stevie Ray, and his beat-down at the hands of Scott Steiner. Footage is shown on the angles involving Booker T, Jeff Jarrett, Scott Steiner, Goldberg, Buff Bagwell and Kris Kanyon Commercials. Same old same old. Back to the studio, where the Vampiro/Demon angle is discussed, including the "Graveyard Match" from the 'Bash at the Beach" PPV. LarryZ: "The Demon's body may have come out of that grave, but Vampiro left his soul six feet under." Footage from Nitro shows Vampiro "claiming" the Demon's soul for himself. Appearance of the "Dark Apparition," (aka Sting) who does the beat-down on both of these guys. "New Blood Rising" PPV promo. Jimmy Barron stiffs the company with another cheapjack Road Report. Is he deliberately using an old "Mayberry" -type candlestick phone to get that cheap phone sound? Hey, Jimmy, this is the DIGITAL AGE! Sheesh!. Oh, Nitro's in Cincinnati on the 31st. Commercials. This week's "Ask WCW" question is from Mark Holling of Oakland, CA... but LarryZ does his Johnny-Carson-as-Karnak impression, and gives the answer: "Watching Bruce Lee Movies," to the question before it's asked. Hudson gives LarryZ a look, then gives Mr. Holling's question, "I was wondering what exactly is The Cat's Karate background? Is he really a three-time world Karate champion?" LarryZ: "Hey, it WORKED!" Hudson gives him another look. "Let's ask the commissioner himself." And lo, it is true. Yikes, Miller won the "Battle of Atlanta" tournament in '97 AND '99? And the "Bluegrass Tournament" in Kentucky in '98"? And he's had a black belt in Aikido since 1978? New-found respect all around, please. This is no "goof guy" running the show here, no matter what he may be like backstage. Not only that, Miller's a very quiet, self-effacing man when he's "on the stick" for real. I am VERY impressed! Hudson and LarryZ shill for the upcoming "New Blood Rising" PPV some more. Now for this week's in-ring action. Match #1: Buff Bagwell d. "Above Average" Mike Sanders, ("Buff BlockBuster" finisher/pin, 3:10) Sanders jumps the gun by walloping on Bagwell before the bell sounds, just hammering away with punches and kicks. He gets Bagwell on the mat and goes for the blatant choke-hold to give Buff Daddy a rest. Both wrestlers back to their feet, with Sanders continuing to kick and punch at Bagwell. Sanders with a snap mare takedown followed by a knee to the beezer, and Bagwell goes down. Sanders does some Road Dogg "jukin' 'n' jivin'" before returning to the task at hand. Bobby Heenan says "Don't waste your time, sir, knock off Bagwel!" Sanders doesn't heed the Brain's advice, and starts imitating some of Bagwell's signature stylin' and profilin' moves. In mugging to the crowd, Sanders doesn't see Bagwell recover and get to his feet. The crowd does, and there's a collective "OH-oh!" from the fans. Sanders turns, and gets clobbered by Bagwell. Right, right, right, and a whip to the ropes, and a towering back body drop staggers Sanders. There's another, followed by a Big Right Hand to the face, and down goes Sanders again. Bagwell then shows Sanders some REAL stylin' and profilin', to the plaudits of the fans at ringside. A cross-ring whip gets countered by Sanders, who submarines between Bagwell's legs, while holding onto Bagwell's wrist. BIG pump-handle splash on bagwell, and Sanders is back in charge of the match again. Blatant choke-hold across the second rope by Sanders, who then rolls Bagwell into a Cobra Clutch submission hold. Bagwell powers out (with help from the fans going "Buff! Buff! Buff!") reverses, and nails Sanders with a DDT. Cover, 1,2, no. Cross-ring whip by Bagwell into a cross-body block. No cover, as Bagwell's too busy mugging to the fans. Cross-corner whip by Bagwell gets reversed, and Bagwell gets rammed back-first into the corner. Ooops, Sanders' run-in gets him a boot in the face, and down he goes. Bagwell with a corner plancha, and a cover, 1,2, not this time. Undeterred, Bagwell goes up onto the top turnbuckle, and nails a groggy Mike Sanders with his "Buff BlockBuster" finisher for the pin and the win. Commercials. Nothing more to see here, folks. Move along, please. Move along. Match #2: WCW Tag-team Champions Kronic d. Mike Rapada & James Storm & Corey Williams & Air Paris, "Four-on-Two Handicap" tag-team match, ("High Times" finisher on Rapada/pin, 3:28) Schiavone mis-names James Storm as "James Black" during the introductions. Sigh. Or, it could really be "James Black" and the WCW Production "gremlins" have been messing with the chyron again. Double sigh! Well, now, looks like they cleaned out the WCW Power Plant for this one. It's also good to see Brian Adams and Bryan Clarke getting over big-time with the fans; they've both had a hard row to hoe to get where they are today. Clarke holds up a fan's sign that says "Smokin' Kronic = High Times," and it's a question of who's got the bigger grin on their face, Clarke or the fan. Jumping right into the action, Williams and Rapada punk out Adams, while Paris and Storm go after Clarke, and all before the bell rings. 20 seconds later the ring is cleared except for Adams and Clarke, with three of the Power Plant Boys tossed into several different zip codes. Only poor Air Paris is left with these two behemoths, and promptly gets a huge gorilla-press from Brian Adams. Paris then picks up some unwanted "frequent flyer miles" when Adams tosses him high over the top rope, and onto his compatriots out on the ringside floor. Ringside now looks like the aftermath of Pickett's Charge. "So strong, so strong," says Bobby Heenan. "I haven't seen a tag-team as big and as strong as these guys come down the pipe in a long time!" Corey Williams gets the tag from Air Paris, but is shaking his head vehemently "NO!" about going in the ring. His team-mates are hollering at him to get in there, but not having much success at it... ...and then Brian Adams hauls Williams over the top rope and powerslams him to the canvas. One full-nelson powerslam later, and it's "good night" Mr. Williams. Storm leaps into the ring, to save his partner, and gets a boot in the gut and tossed over the top rope by Adams. Williams' turn again, as Adams unleashes a Big Right Hand, then tags in Clarke, who whips Williams in to the near corner, and starts putting the boot in, big time. There's a chop ("Whooo!") and another ("Whooo!"), and then Clarke rolls Williams in a hip-toss with such massive hang-time that it fetches Williams up against the far ring ropes. Williams tags in Air Paris, who wants no part of Kronic, now or ever. He gingerly climbs through the ropes... ... and gets nailed by a towering Bryan Clarke-powerbomb that probably set off seismographs all over the country! Cover by Clarke, 1,2, Storm ducks in to break up the three count. Paris crawls to his corner, tags in Rapada, who charges into the ring, and gets a big boot in the gut for his pains. Sledgehammer blows from Clarke's Big Right Hand drive Rapada into the Wrong Part Of Town, and in comes Brian Adams to deliver a big boot to Rapada's gut. Cross-ring double-team whip by Kronic on Rapada sets up a stiff Kronic double-team shoulder block that drives him to the canvas. At this point, Rapada's team-mates try to make a gang-save, only to all be tossed over the top ropes once again by Adams and Clarke. Fall-away powerslam by Adams on Storm. Kronic then double-team Rapada again, and unleash a devastating "High Times" finisher. Adams makes the cover for the pin and the win. WCW Worldwide Replay (Now with patented "FuzzyVision(tm)" effects!) shows the devastation wrought upon the Power Plant grads by Kronic. Nitro.Girls.Dot.Com.Promo. Get out your bookmarks, please. I wonder how (former Nitro Girl) Whyspyr and Shawn Michaels are getting along? Commercials Match #3: Lt. Loco (w/ Major Gunns) d. The Artist (w/ Paisley), WCW Cruiserweight Title defense, (Tornado DDT/Pin, 3:57) Schiavone says that Paisley is one talented lady, and makes a point of praising her microphone skills. Heenan's busy praising her other, more visible attributes. I think some WCW announcers better update their resumes, post haste. There will be a New Kid on the stick. REAL soon. You heard it here first. Loco opens the match with a flurry of right hands that drives the Artist back to the ropes. Cross-ring whip gets reversed, but the Artist misses with a right cross, and gets a double mule kick from Loco that knocks him to the mat. Another springboard off the ropes for loco, ducking another right cross from the Artist and nailing what Schiavone calls an armdrag takeover, but is really a front somersault bulldog. Artist charges into a high front body lift that Loco converts to a faceplant. The Artist crawls to the corner, with Paisley hollering encouragement from the outside. Loco pulls The Artist out of the corner, but The Artist drags the referee between them and sucker-punches Lt. Loco in the face over the referee's shoulder. The blow apparently landed on the taped-up forehead of Lt. Loco, and is causing him some serious pain. The Artist seems to be off his game tonight, as he misses a simple hip-toss that Loco sold anyway. Paisley's hollering at the crowd to "Shut up!" Cross-ring whip by The Artist is countered by Loco doing a flying headscissors that nearly gets them both into trouble when The Artist drops to the mat too soon, almost dislodging Loco. The Artist rolls outside the ring to shake the stars out of his noggin. He takes his own sweet time about getting back in the ring, too, stopping to argue with several fans at ringside. Paisley leans in and gets her two cents worth in, as well. Back on the ring apron, The Artist is bodily hauled over the top rope by the impatient Lt. Loco. Gathering momentum from a rebound off the near ropes, Loco gets caught in mid-leap by The Artist... ...who promptly hot-shots Loco across the top rope... ... only The Artist doesn't quite set the move properly (top rope across upper chest is correct), and Loco takes the hotshot across the FOREHEAD instead! Yeowtch, that's GOTTA hurt! The Artist slowly gets to his feet, as does a groggy Lt. Loco. The Artist gets in a couple of elbows on the back of Loco, then does a sloppy fall-away belly-to-back suplex. Cover by the Artist, 1,2, No! Cross-ring whip by The Artist gets reversed and Lt. Loco goes for a Victory Roll, but gets only two as The Artist kicks out. With a double dropkick to Lt. Loco's knee, the Artist regains the momentum of the match. The Artist drags loco to his feet, then knocks him down with a Big Right Hand. This starts the two trading blows, with Lt. Loco getting the upper hand. Whip to the ring ropes and the Artist eats a BIG back body drop. Loco with a Big Left hand and a whip into the corner, followed by a chop ("Whooo!"), and a right cross of his own. A cross-corner whip gets reversed (sloppily) by The Artist, whose reversal doesn't have enough "oomph" to get Loco all the way to the corner, so he trots the last two steps, sells the rebound, then does a leaping clothesline that flattens The Artist. Loco heads for the near corner, and cinches The Artist up in a headlock, but that gets countered when The Artist picks loco up and sets him on the top turnbuckle. Paisley interferes, as she and The Artist shove Loco off the turnbuckle to the ring apron. This brings Major Gunns into the fray, and The crowd goes crazy, Schiavone goes crazy, And Heenan goes REALLY crazy! All we need is Joey Styles hollering "Catfight! Catfight!" The Artist is first on the scene to break up the ladies' fracas. (Crowd: "Boooooooooo!" Heenan: "Let 'em fight!") Paisley slinks off to the corner, while The Artist has a very animated conversation with Major Gunns, and sticks his finger right in her face. Well, Major Gunns ain't havin' any fingers in her face, so she slaps it away... ...and promptly boots him one right in the "in-seam!" Lt. Loco takes advantage of the Artist's, ummm, "discomfort", and launches a Tornado DDT from the near corner that drives The Artist head-first into the mat. Cover by Lt. Loco, 1,2,3! Post-match, Major Gunns and Lt. Loco celebrate at ringside. WCW Worldwide Replay gives us the highlights. Back to the studio, where Scott Hudson and LarryZ discuss Booker T, and what the future may hold for the World Heavyweight Champion, and the Title itself. LarryZ gets the last word: "Booker T had better watch out for Jeff Jarrett, who was once the World Champion, if only as a "paper champion, and wants to be the World Champion again. Booker T had better beware the New Blood." Scott Hudson shills for the PPV, saying "...it's all gonna hit the fan at 'New Blood Rising'!" Closing credits. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author |
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