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/29 July 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide Report for Saturday, 29 July 2000.

We open he show with Terry Taylor, hopped up on RumpleMints(tm), busting up his Sega Dreamcast(tm) after freaking out on the "Seaman"(tm) program.

You in-studio hosts are Scott "Ask-Me-About-Herbalife"(tm) Hudson and professional wrestling's Only Living Legend, Larry "But-I-Wanta-Put-My-Putter-In-The-Hole" Zbyszko(tm)...

...and then my TV goes off as a thunderstorm knocks out the power.

After five minutes, the power comes back on, and we are treated to footage of Lance Storm changing the US Title Belt into the Canadian Title Belt through deft use of an adhesive sticker.
Storm then invites a very zaftig young lady into the ring, and sneakily insinuates that it's not her fault that she's as big as she is, and it's our society's fault she doesn't have the money for membership in a gym to work off those extra pounds.
Needless to say, this brings out Mike "I Luvvum BIG!" Awesome to defend the lady's honor and excess tonnage. Lance Storm gets tossed around like a Frisbee for about thirty seconds before he bails out, leaving Awesome in the ring to bask in the cheers of his BIG ringside fan club.

LarryZ says that "Lance Storm is a man who cannot be underestimated...Some people think he's disgracing the US Title, but I think it's just an expression of pride."


We come back, where the topic is the swath of destruction that Scott Steiner has cut through WCW's roster. Footage shows Steiner applying the "Steiner Recliner" to Bill Goldberg, while WCW Commissioner "The Cat", in his role as guest referee is hollering at him to break the hold. The Cat's efforts get him a punch in the face from Steiner. The Cat bails out, as WCW Heavyweight Champ Booker T. bounds into the ring to whomp on Steiner. Goldberg re-enters the fray, and tries for a two-for-one spear on Booker T and Steiner. Booker T wisely leapfrogs the spear, but Steiner catches the full force right in the gut. Goldberg gets to his feet, only to get a Harlem Sidekick right in the head.

Out comes Kevin "Here's-My-Obligatory-Contractual-Weekly-In-Ring-Appearance" Nash.
Jackknife powerbomb Goldberg.
Jackknife powerbomb to Steiner.
He gives Booker T a look and stalks off.

Back to the studio, where the "Three-Way Dance" Match at the "New Blood Rising" PPV is shilled.
Goldberg, Steiner, and Nash will all be vying for the shot at the World Heavyweight Title at "Fall Brawl", the NEXT Pay-Per-View! We learn that, during Hudson's interview, Nash was just brimming over with confidence. LarryZ opines that Nash had better be brim-full of confidence top get into the ring with two men the likes of Goldberg and Scott Steiner.


It's "Ask WCW" time again. This week's question gets "Karnaked" once again by LarryZ, who divines the answer, "learning wrestling holds." Hudson gives him a look and continues.
The question is from Darren Siegal from West Hartford, CT, who wants to know "How has Buff Bagwell changed his wrestling style since his neck injury?"
We go right to the horse's mouth with this one, Big Buff Daddy hisself, who says that the toughest thing he had to accomplish during his recovery was regaining his in-ring confidence. With everybody behind him, Buff has come back stronger and better than ever. "Oh, and the girls just can't get enough! Still! Ha-ha-haaaaa!"

Time for some in-ing action, I think, and we head over to the arena, and your ringside hosts. Tony Schiavone and Bobby "the Brain" Heenan.

Match #1 Rick Steiner d. James Black and Cassidy Riley, Handicap Match, (Bulldog from the top turnbuckle on Riley/pin, 1:51)

Looks like Tony was right last week about James Black being James Black and not James Storm, as the chyron would have had us believe. They've fixed the chyron this week to reflect this.
Heenan says they could have sent Steiner over to the Gulf War, and he could have found Saddam and dragged him back to WCW all by his lonesome. "He never gives up, and neither does his brother!"
James Black and Cassidy Riley, two WCW Power Plant grads are apparently going to double-team Steiner, who opens the action by countering a James Black charge-in with a Big Left Hand to the noggin. Cross-ring action has Black trying a leapfrog over Steiner, getting caught in mid-air and powerslammed hard on the mat. Steiner drops the elbow across the throat for good measure, then covers, but pulls Black up off the mat before the ref can count three. Steiner sets, and does a belly-to-belly suplex that tosses into his corner from halfway across the ring!
Black tags in Cassidy Riley, who immediately runs headfirst into a big Rick Steiner, and down he goes. Cross-ring whip by Steiner is followed up with a stiff clothesline across the throat, and down goes Riley. Steiner takes a coupe of moments to bark at the crowd, who all obligingly bark right back at him. Belly-to-back suplex by Steiner sends Riley nearly out of the ring from the force of the thing. There's another. Black tries to make the save. He gets a boot to the stomach and a cross-ring whip from Steiner that sends him way over the top rope and down to the floor at ringside.
Steiner then picks up Riley, inverts him like he's going for a powerbomb, but then rams him gut-first into the turnbuckles. Ouch!
Another Big Right Hand to Mr. Riley's noggin. Then Steiner climbs to the top turnbuckle, and does a bulldog that drives Riley's head into the canvas. Cover, and a pin.
Post-match, Steiner regales us with his stick skills, and "If you don't like me... (all together now, class) BITE ME!"

Match #2: Norman Smiley (w/Ralphus) d. P.W. Douglas, ("Norman Conquest" submission, 4:05)

Douglas comes to the ring in full-on kayfabe heel mode, jawing with the fans lining the ramp.
Smiley and Ralphus come out to a bigger crowd pop than HHH gets over in the WWF. The place is just going nuts! Ralphus is still wearing that red "Just Say No To (down arrow)" T-shirt that's two sizes too small for him.
Collar and elbow tie-up, and then Smiley does, believe it or not, Tony's favorite wrestling hold, the full armdrag, (with a twist, no less.)
Douglas reverses it into a short chicken wing, but Smiley elbows his ay out of the hold, then locks on the armdrag again for, (no kidding!0 and ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN! Schiavone must be in 7th Heaven by now. Smiley continues to work on Douglas' left arm, cinching in the twist, and applying a judicious use of boot leather to Douglas' armpit at the same time. Douglas powers up to his feet, tries a cross-ring whip on Smiley, sets up for a back body drop, but is 90 degrees out of position. Smiley rolls across Douglas' back, grabs him around the neck and flips him to the mat. Another armbar takedown, and Smiley decides it's "Wiggle Time!"
Tony and Bobby discuss just what Ralphus brings to this tag-team, and even what his title is supposed to be. "Lackey" would be my guess.
Douglas, meanwhile has shifted the bout's momentum back his way by countering a Smiley cross-corner whip than nailing Smiley with a Big Right Hand. Douglas with some cross-ring action, but Smiley reverses and sets up for a monkey flip. Douglas slams on the brakes, grabs Smiley upraised feet, and nails Smiley's in-seam with a Big Right Knee! Ouch!
As Smiley rolls away clutching himself, Ralphus is shown hollering encouragement from ringside. Tony says sometimes you see stuff on TV and you don't know what to say. Heenan says that HE knows just what to say, but he's on television! Big scoopslam by Douglas, and Smiley's in real trouble now. Douglas, after jawing with some fans at ringside, locks on the small package, gets a one count, but Smiley grabs the ropes to break the hold. Douglas stomps on Smiley's chest, then grinds his boot into Smiley's neck, using the ring rope for some extra leverage, before the referee forces the break. Douglas hoists Smiley up into and through a towering suplex, and goes for a cover,1,2, no!
Douglas has Smiley in a reverse chinlock as the crowd's hollering "Nor-man! Nor-man!"
Smiley powers out of the chinlock, tries a running clothesline, but meets Douglas' own clothesline coming the ropes, and down he goes again. Douglas is still jawing with the fans at ringside. Scoopslam by Douglas, who then heads up top, and aims a top-turnbuckle double-axehandle at Smiley's forehead. Douglas tries to swat at Ralphus, but the "Man in Red" ducks just out of reach. Smooooth, Ralphus! This, of course, allows Smiley to recover, and mount a comeback. Boot to the face, elbow to the jaw, cross-ring whip, misses with a clothesline, but not a scoopslam of his own.
Looks like it's "Wiggle Time!"
Douglas partially recovers while all this is going on, and kicks Smiley in the breadbasket. Smiley shakes the kick off, whips Douglas into the ropes and locks on his "Norman Conquest" submission, causing Douglas to tap out. Post match, Smiley and Ralphus do the "Double Wiggle" in the ring, while the crowd goes wild!


Back to the studio, where Hudson and LarryZ give a brief rundown on the "New Blood Rising" PPV card:

Booker T. v Jeff Jarrett for the WCW World Heavyweight Title.
Sting v. the Demon.
"Four Corners" Tag-team match for the WCW World Tag-team Titles, with Kronic defending their Titles against Perfect Event, the MIA's General Rection and Corporal Cajun, and Power Plant grads Mark Jindrak and Sean O-Haire.
Shane "The Franchise" Douglas (w/ Torrie Wilson) v. Billy Kidman.
Three Way Dance for the #1 World HW Title contender's spot between Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Bill Goldberg.
Rip-Off-The-Camo (ROTC) match between Major Gunns and Ms. Hancock.
Three Count v. the Jung Dragons, in a double ladder match.
More matches to be announced as they are signed.

Match #3: Billy Kidman d. Skip Over, (reverse crucifix takedown/pin, 5:00)
Kidman can really turn on a crowd, as can Skip Over, (aka Elix Skipper.) We've got two of the fastest cruiserweight aerialists in WCW squaring off in this match, so it should be a good one.
Kidman opens with a go-behind, and a waistlock, but Skip counters with teo right elbows to the head and escapes. Skip with a rebound off the ropes and a boot to Kidman's noggin. Skip shoves Kidman into the ropes and runs into a Kidman back body drop. Skip does a float-over the top rope, and lands on the ring apron. Headbutt through the ropes to Kidman's gut, then a leap back over the top rope into a flying head scissors that spins Kidman to the canvas! Wow! the crowd really liked that one. Kidman recovers, and tries a rebound off the far ropes. Skip's waiting for him, but the swung fist gets ducked as Kidman submarines between Skip's legs. Skip tries a cross-ring whip of his own, only to have Kidman convert a float-over into a flying head scissors of his own, that brings the crowd to it's feet and hollering like crazy. Kidman's whip attempt gets blocked when Skip over hangs on and knees Kidman in the breadbasket. A powerbomb attempt by Skip gets countered by Kidman somersaulting through the move and forearming Skip's head twice. Kidman rebounds off the ropes, trying for a cross-body block, but Skip does a freakin' BRIDGE that neatly avoids the Kidman's hurtling body, and Kidman winds up flying through the ropes to the ringside floor. Skip busts a move in the ring, then, as Kidman groggily gets to his feet, tries a cross-ring leap over the top ropes to the floor...
...and as Kidman ducks to one side, Skip over stops himself in mid-somersault over the ropes, and levers himself back into the ring!

Heenan's hollering :"Did you see THAT?!" to Schiavone, who can only make gurgling noises.

Skip Over steps through the ropes to the ring apron, only to get clipped on the right knee by Kidman, tumbling him to the ringside floor.
Kidman with a whip that sends Skip into the steel guardrail at ringside. Kidman tosses Skip Over back into the ring, then stomps his nose with a big boot. Kidman's backing Skip into the corner, and opens up with a flurry of kicks and punches that collapse Skip in the corner. Cross-corner whip by Kidman gets converted by Skip into a two-rope stair climb and a back-flip nearly to the center ring. Skip with a big belly-to-belly suplex that nearly sends Kidman into the near corner. Skip ratchet's up the right knee, and drops it across Kidman's forehead. Cover, 1,2, no! Skip goes for a series of stomps. Then starts jawing with the audience. Back to business, as Skip applies the reverse chinlock to Kidman. Kidman powers up and out of te chinlock, with the help of the fans cheering him on. Two elbows in the gut and Skip breaks the hold, but doesn't lose his man, as he grabs a handful of Kidman's hair and slams him back to the mat.
Skip tries for the cross-corner whip, only to get it reversed by Kidman, slamming him chest first into the turnbuckle stack. Kidman compounds the hit with a short clothesline that sends Skip to the mat. Kidman drags Skip's body to the far corner, goes up top for the "Shooting Star Press" finisher, but Skip's there to shove him off the ropes, and kidman sits down hard. Skip punches Kidman twice in the breadbasket, goes for a double wristlock, and flips Kidman off the top turnbuckle in a huge powerslam. Cover by Skip, 1,2, and a half, Kidman kicks out!
Skip tries for another belly-to-back suplex, but Kidman does a floatover and nails one of his own. Kidman with a cover, hooks the far leg,1,2, Skip gets a shoulder up!

"Great match!" crows Heenan.
"I agree with you wholeheartedly," says Tony Schiavone.

Kidman with a whip to the far ropes, Skip reverses coming back, boots Kidman in the stomach to double him over, then nails that "Bottle Opener" knee-driven neck twister of his...

(Schiavone: "What was THAT?!" Heenan: "Ooooooooh!")

...and Kidman's kissing canvas!

Skip's hollering for Kidman to get up, while Heenan's hollering, "No! Don't let him up! Stay on him! Whoops, lost him..." as another suplex attempt gets reversed by Kidman into a powerslam. Double-hooked Schoolboy press by Kidman, but only a two count results.
Kidman's attempt at a running bulldog gets reversed, and Skip Over nails Kidman to the mat with a dragon suplex variation, and a cover, 1,2, Kidman kicks out!
Skips jawing to the referee, arguing about the long count
(Heenan: "Don't argue with the referee, Skip. They won't listen!")

Another attempt at the dragon suplex gets reversed by Kidman, who reverse crucifix's Skip Over and drives his head into the mat. Cover,1,2,3!
Kidman wins, but Skip Over gets one big round of applause for putting on a great match.

Sweet mother of... now David Arquette's got a freaking "Best of..." commercial, showing all the "high points" of his 1-800-CALL-ATT commercials!

Match #4: Perfect Event d. Mark Jindrak & Sean O'Haire. (double-team face-buster on O'Haire/pin, 5:05)

Well, now, here's one-half of the "New Blood Rising" PPV's Four Corners Tag-team match!
Whoever wins tonight's tag-team match will develop some momentum towards the big bout at the PPV.
Jindrak and Chuck Palumbo open the match, as Heenan's making jokes about Jindrak's name. Cross-ring whip by Jindrak runs into a Palumbo shoulder block on the way back, flattening Jindrak. More criss-cross ring action, as Jindrak does a huge leapfrog over the charging Palumbo, then nails him right in the beezer with a big right elbow. Tag to O'Haire, who promptly goes for the pin with a cover,1,2, no!
Snap suplex by Palumbo, and a tag to Sean Stasiak, who arrives in thering only to get a vicious-looking clothesline from Sean O'Haire!
O'Haire drags Stasiak to the Wrong Part of Town, tags in Jindrak, and together they double-team a towering front body slam. Stasiak recovers, just, and manages to reverse a charge-in by Jindrak into a powerslam. Stasiak with a boot or tw on Mark Jindrak, then picks him up for another powerslam, but Jindrak powers through the move, and lands on the ring apron.
Jindrak climbs back over the ropes, only to get a charging Chuck Palumbo squarely amidships. Jindrak bails out, as Stasiak wallops on Sean O'Haire in the corner. Palumbo drags Jindrak back in the ring, then goes for a cover, but only gets two. Stasiak and O'Haire are brawling outside the ring, with O'Hairwe getting the worst of it when Stasiak rams him into the ringpost.
Action back in the ring where Stasiak and Palumbo double-team Jindrak for a bit, ending with Stasiak and Palumbo doing a pose-down in the ring, and soaking up the cheap heel heat. Gorilla press by Stasiak gets followed up by a massive flapjack on Jindrak. Cover by Stasiak, 1,2, O'Haire's in to break it up.
Stasiak and Palumbo then bounce Jindrak back and forth between them, doing an atomic drop apiece. They then do a mean-looking double-team combination of a (Stasiak0 side Russian legsweep, propelled by a (Palumbo) standing side kick, and Jindrak hits the canvas hard! Cover by Palumbo, 1,2, no!
Whip to the ropes by Palumbo on Jindrak, followed by a sleeper hold. Jindrak spends about a minute in the sleeper, then elbows his way out of it, does a cross-ring whip on Palumbo, then nails him with a scoopslam.
Now it's a race to see who can tag in first, a race won by Jindrak, followed by Palumbo a split second later.
Sean O'Haire charges into the ring and just starts walloping everybody. Clothesline for Stasiak, clothesline for Palumbo, standing side kick for Stasiak, spinning heel kick for Palumbo, and a running forearm sends Stasiak over the top ropes and down to the floor. Tag by O'haire to Jindrak, who charges at Palumbo. Forearm smash by Palumbo stuns O'Haire. Cross-ring whip gets reversed by Jindrak, and then converted into a powerslam. O'Haire's going up top, but Stasiak leaps to the ring apron to whack O'Haire's right knee with the pec flexor, knocking him off the top turnbuckle and into the ring. Jindrak's leaning over the top ropes, swiping at Stasiak. He therefore doesn't see Palumbo's standing side kick that sends him clear over the top ropes and down to the floor at ringside.
Stasiak climbs into the ring with Palumbo, as O'haire's writhing on the mat clutching his knee. Big double-team face-buster by Perfect Event on O'Haire, and Palumbo gets the pin, while Stasiak does a pose-down.

Back to the studio, where Hudson and LarryZ shill the "New Blood Rising" PPV once more.

LarryZ has the last word: "

Jeff Jarrett may be the "Chosen One" for Booker T, but Booker T must ask the question, is Jarrett the only one he should be thinking about?"

Closing credits, and we're done.

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission