/23 September 2000
WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer
This is the "WCW Worldwide" report for 22 September 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' Flop Mop hisself.
Opening credits. Terry Taylor has fun sittin' in with the NORAD folks. NORAD! It's not just for the Apocalypse any more!
Coming to you live and on glorious videotape from the old fallout shelter underneath Lenox Square Mall in Hot-'Lanta Gee-Ay.
Your hosts are Scott "Look-I-told-you-to-SHUT-UP-Madden" Hudson, and Bobby "Yeah, SHUT UP Madden!" Heenan.
Heenan makes the "okay" sign.
And the rest of us are hopin' you're feelin' better, too, Ms. Heenan.
The gnomes from "WCW Merchandising" have had a field day with the broadcast booth. There's loads of WCW stuff just all over the place!
We open the show with Scott discussing Nitro of two weeks ago, where Hacksaw Jim Duggan retired, "passing the torch" to General Rection of the Misfits. "It was an emotional time for all, Brain, when Hacksaw Jim Duggan hung up the boots."
"Yeah, and he hurt his back real bad when he did that," said Heenan, "because he still had his feet in 'em!"
Hudson's making gargling noises.
"It's very nice when a veteran retires, " continued Heenan, "What a nice gift! Here, I want you to have my flag and my piece of wood. Enjoy yourself! Nothin's too good for the Major, the General, the Colonel, I don't know who..."
More on this later as we head to the ring and Mike Tenay, Tony Schiavone, and (God help us!) for the sixth week in a row, Konnan!
Somebody get Carlito here a coat and tie, will ya?
Tenay hollers out the card for tonight, as the crowd behind the announcer's table gets WAY loud and raucous!
Over to "Mean Gene" Okerlund, who's got three of the "Natural Born Thrillas" for bazoo-flap time.
Yikes, Reno's jock strap looks REALLY binding and uncomfortable! Chuck Palumbo looks like he wants your lunch money.
Mike Sanders, as usual, will do the talking. He characterizes the current NBT winning streak as a "streak." Over to Reno, for a question on just how devastating his finisher, the "Roll of the Dice" is. Reno, a soft-spoken individual, puts in a good word for the newest NBT member, Johnny the Bull. Oh, and Big Vito hits like a girl.
Chuck Palumbo gets to sneer at Paul Orndorff, and says that NBT's are gonna take care of his Power Plant goons tonight.
Back to the studio, where Hudson's still going on about Jim Duggan.
Heenan takes off his watch.
"I guess it was an emotional time back in the locker room, when the WCW "Powers That Be..."
(no, not THAT "Powers That Be", the REAL Powers That Be!)
"... presented Duggan with a gold watch."
(Heenan holds up his...gold Rolex Oyster Perpetual? WOW!)
"As they presented him with the watch, Duggan held it up (holds watch to the side of his head) and said 'WOW, is this MINE?!'
Stifled giggling from the camera crew is heard.
Hudson: "Aw for cryin'..."
Heenan: "His other eye was watchin' a fly."
Sounds of suppressed mirth from off-stage.
Heenan slips the watch back on, and looks smug.
Hudson: "Leave it to you to make fun of Hacksaw Jim Duggan! The man battled cancer and won!"
Heenan: "I'm not making fun of the man. OR his illness. What I'm makin' fun of is...he's Duggan! He's your blue-collar humanoid! Being!"
Heenan looks at his watch again. He does a big double-take, and then he takes it off once more. He checks to see if it's working.
Hudson gives Heenan "The Look." Again.
Footage from Nitro shows Duggan's tearful passing of "Old Glory" and his trademark 2 x 4 to General Rection, who's sniffling a bit himself. Out comes Team Canada to bust up the festivities.
Lance Storm gets Rection in the "Maple Leaf", but Duggan shows the ref. that Rection's hand is under the ropes. Storm waffles Duggan from behind, but Duggan recovers in time to wallop Storm with the 2 x 4, and Rection gets the win.
Next, we get "That 70's Guy" Mike Awesome offering to "massage that stress" right out of Major Gunns, who starts moaning like a porn star, really "enjoying" Awesome's "Big...Strong...Hands!" a little TOO much!
This brings out Team Canada to shut things down. Or rather, Elix Skipper is out to shut Mike Awesome down at Lance Storm's request.
Can you say "squash casserole?" Out comes Rection and the rest of the MIA's to free Major Gunns. Challenge match is set up. Rection asks Duggan for help. Duggan agrees, hollering "USA! USA!"
Cut to the dressing room, and a flag-draped, kayo-ed Duggan. Action in the ring, as Rection body-slams Skipper against the ring-ropes, (yeowtch!). Rection goes after Lance Storm, but gets flagstaff-waffled by Skipper, and winds up in Storm's "Maple Leaf." Duggan hobbles to the ring, but he's too late to save Rection, as Team Canada wins, and Lance Storm gets to "keep" Major Gunns.
Back to the studio, where Scott Hudson wonders what it will take for Lance Storm and Team Canada to give up Major Gunns back to the MIA?
Heenan has a good eye for talent, apparently acquired by people-watching in hotel lobbies and airports.
Heenan thinks Major Gunns has eyes for Lance Storm.
Hudson pooh-poohs that idea, and calls into question Heenan's supposed eye for talent.
Heenan retorts that okay, he's wrong, Major Gunns doesn't want to hang with a handsome stud like Lance Storm; she'd rather pal around with a bunch of losers calling themselves "Misfits!"
Hudson thinks we haven't seen the last of Hacksaw Jim Duggan.
Heenan sticks his thumb up and goes "Ho-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!"
Hudson asks if Heenan sat on something.
Heenan says no, but seems to sniff something in the air.
"Do you own a monkey, Scott?"
Buff Bagwell. The man, The Legend. The way of life. The Mastercard. Get yours before the Franklin Mint takes this scam over, makes it the "Buff Bagwell Commemorative Mastercard," and jacks the price up a thousand percent!
EA Sports presents "WCW Halloween Havoc", 10/29. Sting and Vampiro do mime impressions.
Castrol GTX says that, unlike your girlfriend, your car never gripes about you leaving the seat up!
Local commercials block.
Rednecks in La-Z-Boys. Some are actually wearing shoes, too. Must be time for Fall.
Local car dealer tries to save a buck by with a "do-it-yourself" commercial, and looks laughably amateurish in the process. I've seen webcam geeks produce better stuff than this!
"Good Morning America" promo.
No thank you. That much saccharin is bad for your health.
It's time for "Ask WCW!"
Hey, looks like the show's ancient Apple PowerBook is back in business!
Hudson is blocking Heenan's access to it, just in case Bobby "brought his tools" again this week.
Our question this week comes from Andrew Smith of McCalla, Alabama, who wants to know if Bobby "The Brain" Heenan had ever "considered writing a book about your life in and out of wrestling?"
Since Mr. Smith is from Alabama, Heenan wonders aloud if Mr. Smith can read?
And if he can, what would he read, since there are no books in Alabama! Heenan starts giggling at the implausibility of it all.
"Is THAT your final answer?" asks an outraged Scott hudson?
"Hahahahahahoohoohoo yes, yes haahahaha!"
"Oh boy, that's just a GREAT answer, Brain, and I ...?"
At this point Chad Damiani, the editor of "WCWdotcom" walks onto the set.
Hudson, "seeing as how we're on the AIR, and all!", introduces Chad to us folks at home.
Damiani, startled, looks up and sees the camera as if for the first time.
Heenan's giving Damiani the stink-eye look.
Damiani hands a "press release" to Hudson and asks him to talk it up about how "WCWdotcom" is changing it's image, and there's a new Major Gunns picture site up and running, plus a whole lot of hot news and other big changes.
"But that's not why I came out here."
"No, I came out to ask a question of you..."
"MISTER Heenan?" Hudson is flabbergasted.
Damiani is nervous as a supplicant ambassador before a throne.
Heenan, surprised at the unexpectedly fawning and servile Mr. Damiani, puts the stink-eye away.
"Mr. Heenan, " says Damiani, " You're a respected personality in the wrestling business."
Bobby, considering this, assumes a lofty, knowledgeable air.
Sort of like Pontius Pilate.
Hudson's mouth is hanging open.
"I mean, sir, you've been a wrestler, a manager, an announcer, a journalist, and a...er..."
"Famous broadcast personality," prompts Heenan.
"...famous broadcast personality, thank you, sir! And what I want to know; what the tens of thousands of wrestling fans who email us each week want to know, is the answer to the one question that you, sir, so far, have refused to give..."
Heenan looks thoughtful, and maybe a little wistful.
Hudson's really in the dark about this one.
Damiani, gives a quick, almost fearful look at Scott Hudson.
"...W- why do you let Scott treat you with such disrespect?"
Now Hudson's wearing the stink-eye.
"It's the question that we get about this broadcast, and I just want to ask it myself!"
Hudson is dabbing away imaginary tears.
"Well, I...he...I don't let him disrespect me or push me around...see...(candidly) Look, I'm trying to help the guy. He's new to this...
(Now Hudson is doing the Chevy Chase "mouthing-all-the-words"-bit to Heenan's blather.)
"...and I just try to take a step back and let "The Light' shine on him for a while. That's just the kind of guy I am."
"You are an amazing man, Mr. Heenan," gushes Damiani.
"Welllll, yes I... uh... y'know, with your kind of brains, you could go right to the top of this company, here at WCW!"
Hudson nearly gets whiplash rounding on Heenan for THAT one!
"Really? ME?!" says Damiani.
"Sure. I've got a meeting downtown for a meeting with Ted and some people, and I was wondering if..."
"Ted? Ted TURNER?!" Damiani is impressed.
"Well, yeah, he'll probably be down there, too. And I was wondering if
you could give me a lift? Do you have a car or something?"
"Can't we just take your limo," asks Damiani?
Hudson sits back, real interested to see how Heenan will get out of this one.
"Well, I, uh, I was going to get one today, but there was this wedding in town, and you know, they were all booked up, can't get a one! So I was wondering if you..."
"Well, I've got an Escort..." says Damiani.
"...then maybe you could just leave her here, and we could take her car?"
"Well, I could..."
"Look, go get the car and we'll go right downtown..."
"Yeah, but don't come in the building, just stay in the car, and I 'll be right out front when we're done here."
"Right, got it. Thanks, Mr. Heenan, and uh, oh yeah, great column this week, Scott."
Scott nods, if a bit perfunctorily.
And off Chad Damiani goes, eyes shining, trailing clouds of enthusiasm and unabashed hero-worship.
"What was his name?" asks Heenan.
"Chad Damiani," retorts Hudson. "Man, you guys are a pair to beat a full house. You ought to get a room!"
"Hey, I needed a ride. I GOT a room," chuckles Heenan.
"Bobby "the Brain" Heenan here is gonna take Damiani on a rocket ride all the way to the top of WCW!" says Hudson. "Hmmph!"
Heenan expansively cracks his knuckles, a big grin on his face.
"I may even let him buy me lunch!"
"That'll be the day!"
Match #1: Cpl. Cajun & Sgt. AWOL d. The Frog & Marty Garner, (AWOL w/ chokeslam on Garner/pin, 5:38)
The match opens with Cajun and Garner tying it up in the middle of the ring. Some cross-ring action, and Cajun nails Garner with a clothesline. Elbow drop to the back of the head, and Garner stays down. Tag by Cajun to AWOL, who gets in one massive Right hand across Garner's back, before Garner scrambles away, and tags in the green-haired Frog, who walks right into a big boot from AWOL. Dragged to his feet, Frog gets a power surge and starts chopping away at Sgt. AWOL, though he might as well be hitting him with a feather for all the good it's doing. Frog steps up and boots AWOL in the gut, only to get powerslammed by the big man. Garner leaps in to save his partner, and the two of them do a double-team number on AWOL, only to get a double clothesline by the big man. After tossing Garner out of the ring, AWOL starts to work on the Frog. Two punches and a boot to the gut, then AWOL gorilla-presses the Frog and tosses him over the top rope and onto his partner. Tag to Cpl. Cajun.
Cajun gets tired of waiting for his opponent, and goes outside to toss the Frog back in the ring.
Cross-corner whip by Cajun gets reversed by Frog, who then does a nice two-rope springboard into a Bulldog, that even Konnan liked. Cajun's "away with the birdies" for a bit. Frog does a slow cover, but only gets a one count before Cajun kicks out.
Tag by Frog to Garner, and the two double-team a standing elbow shot on Cajun. Cover by Garner, 1,2, no! Elbow drop, and then a flying cross-body drop from Garner. Cover, 1,2, not this time.
Garner chops Cajun across the throat, then unexpectedly locks on a reverse chin-lock. Wrong move, as this gives Cajun time to recover, which he does, follows up with the "Bourbon Street Blues", and tags in AWOL again. cross-ring whip by Cajun, and garner eats a whole lot of AWOL boot coming back. AWOL tries for the chokeslam on Garner, but the Frog leaps in to break it up, only to get chokeslammed hinmself. AWOL then chokeslams Garner, and gets the pin for the win.
Match #2: Lt. Loco d. Shannon Moore (w/ Three Count) (spinning DDT/pin, 3:41)
Moore and the rest of the "boy-band" try to do their act, but get interrupted by Lt. Loco's entrance.
Konnan says he's very impressed with Lt. Loco's family, an old and honored one in lucha libre.
Cross-ring whip by Moore, but Loco does the go-behind and hooks the waistlock. Moore escapes, and ducks the big boot, but runs into a series of chops from Loco. Cross-ring whip by Loco, and Moore tries for a flying headscissors, but Loco hangs on and hotshots Moore across the top rope. Moore staggers around, only to get a double dropkick from Loco that spins him out of the ring.
Moore recovers a bit, then does a roll-over right over the top of Lt. Loco to re-enter the ring. Criss-cross ring action ends with a Loco clothesline on Moore.
Cross-corner whip by Loco gets reversed, and Loco sets up for the back body drop, only to have Moore stay in control and land on the ring apron. Moore clotheslines Loco, then goes up top and hits a spinning hurancanrana that takes Loco to the mat. Loco crawls to the outside, and right into the Wrong Part of Town, as Evan Karagias and Shane Helms are there to beat the stuffing out of him.
Several forearm shivers by Moore and a cross-corner whip, finished off with a flying hip-check in the corner. Choke hold by Moore gets waved off by the referee, allowing Lt. Loco to toss Moore in the corner and chop big chunks out of the Three Count alumni. Moore recovers, golottas Loco, shoves him out of the ring, and into the waiting arms of his teammates on the outside, who proceed to beat the stuffing out of him.
Karagias and helms then roll Loco back into the ring, Moore lands a forearm shot, and a knee to the gut. He tries for a standing hurancanrana, but Loco reverses it into a powerslam. Loco then clothslines Karagias and Helms off the ring apron, only to get clotheslined himself. Moore whips Loco into the corner, but runs into a big boot on the charge-in, and Loco nails him with his spinning DDT finisher for the win.
Match #3: Natural Born Thrillers: Reno & Chuck Palumbo & Mike Sanders (w/ Sean O'Haire) d. The Power Plant grads: Steve Sharpe & Robbin Rage & Kevin Northcutt, (Palumbo w/DDT-Facebuster finisher on Sharpe, 5:10)
We find out from Konnan that "The Cranberries" are the "Natural Born Cranberries" who "look like some outa work male strippers." The "Jabronies" are anybody still in the WCW Power Plant.
O'Haire likes Konnan's shirt, and may take it off of him later on. Tenay pleads for the both of them to be nice and take the high road. Fat chance!
Match begins with the NBT's charging the ring and jumping the Power Plant grads. O'Haire takes a couple of shots at Konnan, one of which involves the NWA's Mike Rapada and Kentucky Fried Chicken. A couple more barbs tossed back and forth between the two regarding how one should "get over" in the business.
O'Haire says that the Thrillers are "taking on some Year 2000 version of the Village People." "You got the Genie Guy, the Biker Guy, and the In-line Skater Guy..."
Konnan says that with what the NBT is offering this week, you got a Surfer, a Bum, and a Punk.
We get some semblance of order restored, and Chuck Palumbo squares off against Steve Sharpe. Cross-ring whip by Palumbo on Sharpe gets a sneaky double-team set-up by NBT Mike Sanders, but Sharpe sees what's coming and nails both NBT's with a double clothesline.
Tag by Sharpe to Robbin Rage, who tosses Palumbo into the Wrong part of Town, and the three Power Plant grads get in on the beat-down.
O'Haire says that Robbin Rage is "a bad man, and he looks forward to getting a piece of him real soon."
Snap-mare by Rage and a cover, but only gets a two count. Rage drags Palumbo to his feet, but Palumbo's playin' possum, and face-busts Rage on the canvas.
Tag to Reno, who starts working Rage over real good. Cross-ring whip gets reversed, and Rage kicks Reno in the gut, then tries a weak-looking spear that Reno sells like he just lost a major organ.
Tag by Rage to Northcutt, who nails Reno right in the kisser with a standing heel kick. Cross-ring whip gets reversed, and Reno nails Northcutt with a clothesline. Tag to Sanders, who slaps Northcutt around, then double-teams with Reno to pinion Northcutt as Palumbo goes up top for the Jungle Splash. Northcutt ducks down at the last possible second, and Palumbo nails both his partners with a double clothesline from the top turnbuckle. Northcutt tags in Sharpe, but not before kicking Palumbo in the face. Sharpe's a house afire, with punches in bunches for the NBT. Cross-ring whip on Palumbo, but Sanders nails Sharpe with an elbow. The attempt by the NBT to triple -team Mr. Sharpe brings in Messrs. Rage and Northcutt, who drag Sanders and Reno out of the ring, as Sharpe sneaks in a small package and almost pins Palumbo, but Sanders breaks it up at the last possible second.
Sharpe is tiring, but he gets in two more forearm smashes on Palumbo, then tries for a bulldog. Sanders grabs his foot, causing Sharpe to stumble forward, and right into Chuck Palumbo's combination DDT into a Facebuster finisher that looks painful as all get out!
Palumbo gets the cover, 1,2,3, and the win!
Halloween Havoc PPV promo.
Back to the Studio, where Hudson shills for the Fall Brawl results due out on next week's show.
Hudson asks Heenan what became of his new best friend, Chad Damiani? Heenan says he told Damiani to wait in the car.
"He can't wait in the car AND come inside at the same time. He's not a real bright guy, and has to take it one step at a time..."
"He's the editor of "WCWdotcom!" he can't be THAT dim!" says Hudson.
Heenan's dialing the phone. "I just want to see if he's still out there."
(to the phone) This is Bobby Heenan..."
Hudson: "This may take all day..."
(to Hudson) "What's his name?"
Hudson ( with a roll of his eyes): "Chad Damiani."
"...is Chad Damiani out there? He's driving a '71 Pinto with a big gash in the side."
"How many police cars?"
And you folks wonder why I like recapping this show so much!
See you next week.
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