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/18 November 2000

WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer




This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 18 November 2000.

I'm your recapper, ol' E.C. hisself.

Opening Credits.

Terry Taylor targets Palm Beach County, Florida with an orbital mind control laser.

Your hosts this week are Scott "Where'd-the-Brain-go?" Hudson. Sitting in for Bobby "The Brain" Heenan is Wrestling's Only Living Legend, Larry Zbyszko.

Hudson starts right off by shilling for the "WCW Mayhem" PPV. WCW better be pushing this PPV HARD to have any chance at beating the just-finished WWF Survivor Series PPV.

"Diamond Dallas Page is back in World Championship Wrestling! Your thoughts, Legend?"
"My thoughts should be obvious!" says LarryZ. "Diamond Dallas Page! Just saying the man's name can give you...goose bumps! Nice to see him back. The reaction of the crowd when he walked out; he was full of adrenaline and happiness! You could see it written all over his face. And I'm glad to see how he stood up to... the BattleDome crew."

Footage from Nitro at the United Center in Chicago, IL shows Page's re-debut to thunderous cheering from a hot Chicago crowd. "...the hardest working Three Time! Three Time! [crowd: 'Three Time!'] WCW World Champion! I'm back, and I'm JACKED!"
(Suddenly notices the BattleDome crew seated at ringside.)
"Hey! Where'd THESE jacked-up monkeys come from?"

DDP calls out Buff Bagwell, The Cat, and Rick Steiner.

As you can imagine, things went rapidly downhill from this point.
Massive pull-apart across the ring apron, with WCW Security garnish.
Mark Madden is shrieking "C'mon, Cat! Make these boys famous!"
DDP (hollering): "WCW: One. BattleDome Queers: Nothin'!"

"WCW stood their ground against the BattleDome players!" says Hudson.

LarryZ: "You said some interesting words, Scott: 'Have I seen guys like the BattleDome guys?' Diamond Dallas Page got it right. These guys...are actors! They have no business in the wrestling ring, because wrestlers can take guys who are 'put together'... and take them apart!"

"You actually believe that, it looks like!" says Hudson, impressed.
"I've been doing it for YEARS!" grins a smug LarryZ.


We come back, and the topic is the developing feud between the Natural Born Thrillers and their erstwhile "Coach", ol' Big Sexy himself, Kevin Nash.
Hudson compares Sean Stasiak's life to a balloon that you let the air out of. It goes all over the place. "Stasiak's life is almost a soap opera," says Hudson.

"Anybody's life could be a soap opera, " retorts LarryZ. "Kevin Nash as a shepherd bringing in a flock of sheep had better be careful because these aren't exactly sheep he's dealing with. What he's got there are wolves...wearing a big blotch of fur."

I think LarryZ's wandered a bit.
"Wolves in sheep's clothing" was what he was trying for.

Footage from the Chicago Nitro has Nash critical of Stasiak's crummy attitude and work rate. Agreement from the Natural Born Thrillers. Near adulation, in some cases.
Something clatters to the floor offstage.
This prompts Nash to say "Pick that up!"
Poor Pamela Paulshock's got to reach WAY up to hold the microphone for Nash to speak.
Stasiak arrives, all apologetic and cringing. "I want to prove that I'm still a part of this team."
"Take a hike!" sneers Nash. "Tell your story walkin'!"
Later, Mr. Cameraman moves backstage. Stasiak's opponent Reno is discovered under a pile of artfully placed debris. Stasiak wins the match by default. This is similar to his previous match with Chuck Palumbo, where it was Palumbo that was beat up backstage.
Further along in the evening's festivities, Nash is busy squashing Booker T, when Stasiak enters the ring, and helps Nash set Booker T for the Jackknife Powerbomb. As Nash goes for the pickup, Stasiak pastes him one in the mush with a brass-knuckled right hand. Nash is out like a light, and Booker gets the win, again, with a little help from Stasiak.

"What the hell did Stasiak just dooooo!" shrieks Madden.

Footage from Thunder. NBT's and Nash in the ring, preparing to administer the Mother of All Beat-Downs to Sean Stasiak.
Mike Sanders: "Sean, I don't think YOU'RE the one who's gonna be S.O.L. tonight."
Whereupon Chuck Palumbo socks Nash right in the kisser. The rest of the NBT's pile on, and I'm just howling like a butcher to see ol' "How-many-days-are-left-on-my-contract" and "minimal-number-of-required-appearances" and "integral-part-of-the-Gang-of-Three-that-booked-this-company-into-the-toilet" Kevin Nash finally getting his.
I'm just sorry that this whole angle is designed to get Nash a face turn.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing!" hollers Tony Schiavone.

"He never saw it coming!" says Scott Hudson.
"Well, you know, I got no sympathy for Mr. Nash," says LarryZ, "Nash has always been a cool-cucumber type of character, sashays out, the shepherd bringing in the sheep.
And then all of a sudden, this happens to the man...who was one of the founders of the New World Order. The most back stabbing organization of all time! He must really be hot, because he didn't even see it coming. The same thing he started, years ago."

Wow, LarryZ's right!
Talk about irony! Ol' "Big Sexy", the master of the back stab and the cheap shot finally gets his, and from his own students!
THAT'S good scriptwriting!
I am impressed!


We come back, and it's footage of Jimmy "Mouth of the South" Hart's challenge to any and all disc jockeys across the USA to meet him in the ring for their yearly beating on Monday Nitro.
Oh, and he IS the man who knocked out Andy Kaufman.

From the Chicago Nitro, Hart runs his mouth about Chicago deejay Mancow, who promptly appears to stuff an old gym sock in Hart's mouth with his fist. Out come Three Count Minus One to the rescue. Shane Helms and Shannon Moore clobber Mancow, and Hart piles on after an appropriate juncture, screaming abuse in Mancow's face from about three inches away, in a vocal pitch only dogs can hear.

Back to the studio.
Our "Special Guest for This Week" is Jimmy Barron of WNNX in Atlanta (That's 99X to you and me!! - CRZ), who is out to answer Hart's challenge as well.
This is the guy who used to do the WCW Road Report, and kept losing his cell phone.

Apparently, his unfortunate injury at the hands of Kanyon, way back when, has forced him to discontinue the Road Reports indefinitely.

Mr. Barron has an answer to Jimmy Hart's challenge. Barron has been taking a lot of flak from people who stop him on the street asking him, "Why haven't you taken care of Jimmy Hart?"
As for Andy Kaufman:
That was back in the '70's and Hart was, what? 45 years old?
Back then!
So, Barron accepts Hart's challenge. Even though he's not a wrestler, and has never trained as a wrestler, Barron will do whatever it takes to shut Jimmy Hart up.

It's time for "Ask WCW". This week's question is from Mr. Henry Meltzer of Birmingham, AL who asks Tony Schiavone "What was the most memorable match you have ever called?"
Over to the "Tonester," who says that he has two: Starrcade, 1993 in Charlotte, NC, where Ric Flair put his career on the line and won the WCW World Heavyweight Championship from Vader. The other was in 1989 at Madison Square Garden, NYC, where Hulk Hogan faced the Big Boss Man in a steel cage. "I'll never forget that moment!"

Hudson has a surprise for Mr. Barron.
LarryZ has just emailed him from off-stage saying that he would be happy to conduct a little wrestling clinic for Mr. Barron on tonight's Worldwide show.


We are back, and down on the studio floor, with Scott Hudson, Jimmy Barron, and LarryZ.
It's time for "LarryZ's Wrestling Clinic."

According to LarryZ, to be a wrestler:

1. You gotta be in shape.
"Well, I'm in pretty good..." says Barron flexing a bicep.
"Yeah, sure you are," says LarryZ, patting Barron's little potbelly.

2. You got to analyze your opponent . Though Jimmy Hart isn't big, he knows a lot of tricks.
3. The most important part of wrestling is the human game of chess. Barron's got a puzzled look on his face. LarryZ demonstrates a wristlock, a hammer lock, and an armbar takedown on Mr. Barron. "It looks easy, " says LarryZ, "but it takes YEARS of practice. Just like golf. (LarryZ's favorite subject.) As Lee Trevino said, 'You gotta hit a million golf balls to get good,' wrestling holds are the same way.

"You got anything 'high impact'?" asks Barron, clearly impressed.
As am I, with LarryZ's teaching ability. (Ain't NOTHIN' like learning from the pros!)

"Ohh! Yeah! The Spear. Let's try this one!" Says LarryZ.

He positions Barron gently, then says

"Don't move!"

LarryZ backs up a couple of paces.
"Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute! Hold on there!" hollers Barron, staring Awful Danger in the face for the first time.
LarryZ stands up, smiling.
"Maybe I'm not ready for the Spear just yet!" says Barron.
"Yeah," says LarryZ, grinning broadly, "maybe you're not!"

"Let's try something else, Jimmy. Stand your ground, but not squarely to your man. Stand sideways so he doesn't have a straight shot at you (Overhead camera shot of LarryZ and Barron standing sideways.) Let Jimmy Hart come to you. Don't follow him into the corners. He'll be mouthing off. Say something about his mother. As soon as he shoots his hands out, BAM! Grabs his wrist and twist, roll into your man (applies an armbar) and put your weight right above his elbow, (this forces Barron to his knees) and keep leaning on that elbow..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, would you let me up, please?" says Barron, who's clearly in some distress

"...Jimmy Hart will be SCREAMING..."

"Yeah, Legend, oww, would you let me up, PLEASE?" Barron is tapping out.

LarryZ lets Barron up of the mat.
"See, it's very elementary, but the good moves always are! Now, you got to practice... let's say, with Scott Hudson over there!"

Barron rounds on Hudson, eager to try out what he's learned.

"Hey, hey, now, wait a minute!" says Hudson, seeing something coming that's WAY worse than anything Heenan ever pulled on him.

"C'mon, Scott, help the lad out. Be a pal," says LarryZ, grinning nastily.

"Well, I'd love to, but my sciatica..." Hudson clutches his hip, then catches a glimpse of Mike Tenay out of the corner of his eye.
"Hey, here's Mike Tenay, I'm sure HE'D be glad to help you, Jimmy!"

Hi, guys," says Tenay, walking onstage, "Time for my segment?"
Barron jumps him, and does a wristlock into a hammerlock combination on Tenay
"What the...what are you DOING, Jimmy? Owww! Let go of me!"

LarryZ, nodding approvingly, disentangles Mr. Barron from Mr. Tenay.
"You know, you're not that smooth, Jimmy, but practice it.
You got the heart to go against Hart."

"Wow, what a line!" says Hudson.

"What the heck is WRONG with you, Jimmy?' hollers Tenay, clutching his shoulder.
"I was just practicing, Mike..."


We come back. Tenay's at the announcers table, holding his shoulder.
"The EMT's have just left..." says Hudson.

"You got any MORE surprises for me?" says a clearly provoked Mike Tenay.
"We're gonna give you a truss later," says Hudson, "and we'll have the Professor's Pick of the Week as soon as he calms down.

Hudson then relates that new CEO Ric Flair has reigned in Scott Steiner's temper by decreeing that, if Steiner puts his hands on anybody other than his match opponents, he "loses his spot" (must mean "contender" status) in WCW.

Over to Mike Tenay for the Professor's Pick of the Week, sponsored by 1800-COLLECT.

The date: July 7,1996
The place: the sold-out Ocean Center in Daytona Beach, Florida.
The event: Bash at the Beach.

Though much of the attention of the fans was focused on Hulk Hogan's formation of the N.W.O.
But the opening bout of the PPV, between two cruiserweights, nearly stole the show. The Cruiserweight Division had just been re-established at WCW some four months prior to Bash at the beach, so it was still anybody's gm as to who would be the WCW Cruiserweight Champ.

Pick of the Week: Rey Mysterio Jr. d. Psicosis, (top-turnbuckle Hurancanrana/pin, we saw about 7:55 or so )1996 Bash at the Beach "curtain-jerker."

Your hosts at ringside are Tony Schiavone (to fill space), Mike Tenay (for wrestling knowledge), Bobby "the Brain" Heenan (For mischief and comic relief), and The American Dream, Dusty Rhodes (to keep everybody in line. Think of it as 'Papa Dusty' driving down the road with the rest of the 'kids" in the back seat. Now THERE'S a disturbing image.)

Dusty says that Psicosis and Rey have been looking forward to this match ever since their wrestling school days in Mexico.
Rey offers his hand to Psicosis, who's quite resplendent in full luchadore regalia.
Psicosis responds by slapping Rey up side his head.
Heenan says that Rey's haircut makes him look like Demi Moore ("GI Jane", remember?)
Tenay says that Rey/Psicosis is one of the hottest feuds in lucha libre, thoiugh referring to it as a feud doesn't do it justice.
Psicosis dives in for a front waistlock, but Rey drops back and monkey-flips Psicosis through the ropes and to the floor at ringside.
Tenay further elaborates on the history between these two luchadores, saying that the rivalry goes back eight years and more.
Rey's quickness stands him in good stead, as his front leg takedown drops Psicosis to the mat, where Rey slaps on a reverse toehold, then converts it into a half-crab.
Psicosis trries to free himself from the half-crab, and succeeds with a toe-hold of his own, that drops Rey face-first to the mat.
Locking the reverse toe-hold, Psicosis kneels on Rey's back, then rolls him over into a Crossbow that would have done Mil Mascaras proud.
Heenan says it's anybody's guess who will win the match, as Rey flips off Psicosis's knees for a cover and a 2-count, becayuse both men know each other, and both are so evenly matched.
As Rey converts an armbar by grapevine-ing the right arm of Psicosis, Tenay says that both luchadores wrestled in Mexico City only the night before, and had flown into Daytona Beach just three hours prior to the match.
Can you say "jet-lag?"
Rey converts the grapevine into a cross arm-breaker. Psicosis slips the arm-breaker attempt, ties up Rey's legs, and rolls him face down on the mat, slapping on an armbar of his own.
Tenay has a brief primer about the lucha libre wrestlers. The masks are an integral part of a luchadore's in-ring persona. As such, the masks represent and identify the character, much as a super-hero's mask or costume would identify him. Many fans wear their favorite luchadore's mask both to display their allegiance and to pay honor to his exploits and his career. The sale of the masks at the arenas far out-numbering sales of any other souvenirs.
Psicosis locks on a leg-scissors across both arms. Rey slips his right arm free, and rolls Psicosis into an Indian death lock. Psicosis crawls to the ropes and Rey is forced to break the hold.
"I guess you wouldn't be able to purchase one of those masks at a bank or a 7-11 or something, would you?" says Heenan.
"Would you just stop, please?" sighs Schiavone.
"Believe it or not, they actually sell the masks on the streets in Mexico," says Tenay.
Test of Strength between Rey and Psicosis. Rey tries a monkey flip out of it, but Psicosis keeps the knuckles tightly locked, then yanks back on Rey's hands. Rey breaks the grip, leg-scissors Psicosis' body, then breaks loose, trying for another monkey flip.
"Look at that!" hollers Dusty.
Rey and Psicosis break into a rapid cross-ring exchange of flips, float-overs and go-behinds, that ends when Rey's moonsault misses, and he gets nailed by a spinning heel kick from his opponent, tumbling Rey through the ropes and out to the floor.
Rey lands up against the steel guardrail, and tosses a steel chair out of the way.
He gets to one knee...and gets a tremendous suicide dive over the top rope by Psicosis that hits him right in the head. Both luchadores wind up jammed against the steel guardrail, and are real slow getting back up.
Fade in to later in the match, as Psicosis is groggily climbing back in the ring.
Rey is still laid out on the floor. Psicosis goes way up top on the turnbuckle stack, and hits a towering senton from the top turnbuckle, mashing Rey into the floor at ringside.
"That's called a 'Call for the Bladder,' says Heenan.
Dusty says that any time there's a high-risk move, both wrestlers take a great deal of punishment because of it. To reach stardom here in WCW, Psicosis has to pin Rey Mysterio, Jr.
Psicosis rolls Rey back into the ring, then nails him in the back of the head with a buzzsaw enziguiri kick that would make Yoshihiro Tajiri proud.

"Where do you get all these names...?" Heenan asks Tenay.
(Cover by Psicosis, 1,2, no!)

"...Do you read walls?"
'Well, actually, Brain," says Tony Schiavone, "sometimes, if you don't know the words...

Ah ha!
Guilty as charged, Tony Schiavone.
I always knew he didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about.
At last he has the brass to admit it on national television.
You stand convicted out of your own mouth, sir.

"Rey really studies his vocation," says Dusty.
"He's a plumber?" says Heenan.
Camel clutch-style hold by Psicosis, who compounds the pain by tearing at Rey's mouth.
"Look, a 21-year old kid with no teeth!" says Heenan, who then adds that Psicosis should go for the pin ASAP, because he took everything out of Rey with that top-rope senton.
Psicosis tries for a high vertical suplex on Rey, but rey snaps his legs forward, and snap-rolls Psicosis across the mat. Rey charges after Psicosis, who steps aside and shoves Rey into the ring-ropes. Rey does his swing-around through the ropes thingie, gets a back elbow from Psicosis, then does a cartwheel, winding up a-straddle Psicosis' shoulders.
Rey nails a spinning flying headscissors. Psicosis rolls out to the floor, then climbs back up on the apron, only to get a flying double-dropkick from the middle rope that tumbles him back to ringside once more.
Psicosis slowly gets to his feet and climbs back up on the ring apron. Rey vaults up to the top turnbuckle.

"What can they possibly do next?" muses Schiavone.
"Watch this..." says Dusty, as

Rey hits a spinning hurancanrana from the top turnbuckle, that spins Psicosis offthe ring apron, and both luchadores wind up in a heap on the floor.
Schiavone mis-calls the move as a "modified Frankensteiner."
Typical, no?
The crowd's on his feet, cheering. Tony says that if there had been a mistake, that move could have been fatal.
Dusty says that this match is worth the price of admission.
"Great way to kick off the PPV!" says Tenay, and boy, is he ever right!

Rey rolls Psicosis back into the ring, cover, 1,2, Psicosis gets a shoulder up.
Cross-ring whip by Rey gets reversed, and Psicosis shoves Rey into the ropes.
Rey counters with a springboard off the ropes into a double drop kick that staggers Psicosis. Rey leaps to the top turnbuckle, and does a HUGE double drop kick that spins Psicosis under the ropes and out to the floor again.

"They haven't been using much of the ring! They've just been passing through," laughs Heenan.
Rey goes out to the ring apron, then hits a twisting Asahi moonsault that squashes Psicosis to the floor. Unfortunately, rey also hot-shotted his left knee on the steel guardrail coming down.
'An Asahi hiplock? What're you talkin' about? says Heenan.
"Bottom line," says Dusty, "is that Rey may have crashed and burned on that move. Whether he can get up or not, I don't know!"
"Is this bein' seen live in Bosnia?" asks Heenan.
"I don't know Brain. It's a wonder that Mysterio can even stand!" says Tony Schiavone.
From the ring apron, Rey motions he's gonna end this thing, then springboards off the top rope. Psicosis sees what's coming, blocks, and then powerbombs Rey to the mat.
Lateral press by Psicosis, 1,2, Rey gets a shoulder up.
"How do you beat these guys?" asks Heenan, as Psicosis picks Rey up, going for another powerbomb, then elects to run him stomach-first into the turnbuckle stack. Psicosis climbs the turnbuckles, setting Rey up for "Splash Mountain."
As they plummet off the turnbuckle, Rey slips through the move and nails a huge hurancanrana on Psicosis. Rey staggers over, hooks the leg, and gets the pin and the win. (7:55 or so.)
"In the words of the late Mel Allen, 'how about THAT?!" crows tony.
"Holy cow! in the words of Phil Rizzuto," says Heenan, "or as Harry Carey would say, 'I'll have one!"

Back to the studio, where Tenay says that Rey and Psicosis stole the show with their spectacular match. The next night, on Monday Nitro, Rey Mysterio Jr. would win the WCW Cruiserweight Title for the first time. Rey Mysterio opened up doors for so many wrestlers who normally would not have had the opportunity, because of their size, to have a chance to perform in WCW.
Hudson asks if Tenay can get him an introduction to Eva Savalot? Tenay says no way, I'm keeping her for myself.
Next week, another Professor's Pick.
"The Shark! Right?" asks Hudson.
"No, it's from 1996's Bash at the Beach again. DDP against Buff Bagwell. Thought they are now on the same side, it wasn't always so, and that's my Professor's Pick for next week!"
"You've got that... are you mad again?" asks Hudson.
"You got any more surprises for me?" growls Tenay.
"A truss. You want a truss?"
"And where's Zbyszko! He's supposed to be watching my back!"
"Nabisco? Oh, ZBYSZKO! I can't help you with that one!"


We come back, and Hudson is recapping this week's WCW Worldwide to Larry Zbyszko.
"...and The Living Legend got Jimmy Barron to tap out!" crows Hudson.
"That's not an accomplishment to be proud of," sneers LarryZ, " a French poodle could make Barron tap out. I just wanted Jimmy Barron to know at least one thing before he meets Jimmy Hart, because Hart is so-o-o-o-o sneaky."

Yeah," says Hudson, "Hart better not write checks with his mouth or Zbyszko will cash them!"

Hudson announces four new matches for the "WCW Mayhem" PPV:

1. Buff Bagwell v. Jeff Jarrett.
2. Crowbar v. reno v. Big Vito in a "Three Way Dance" for the WCW Hardcore Title.
3. Filthy Animals v. Boogie Knights, in a "Three on Two" Match.
4. Geneal Rection v. Lance Storm for the WCW US/Canadian Heavyweight Title.
5. Lex Luger v. Goldberg with Luger trying to end Goldberg's streak.
6. Booker T v. Scott Steiner (w/ Midajah) in a "Caged Heat" match for the WCW World Heavyweight Title. The "Caged Heat" match includes a straitjacket suspended over the cage.
"If Scott Steiner can get a straitjacket on Booker T," says LarryZ, "that will be the end of his (Booker T's) career!"
7. DDP will join Kevin Nash to face the Perfect Event, Chuck Palumbo and Sean Stasiak, along with the rest of the Natural Born Thrillers.

"Late breaking news about 'Mayhem' will be right here on WCW Worldwide!" says Hudson

Closing credits.

Well, do you fans like the new format or not?
Please let me know, okay?

See you next week.

E.C. Ostermeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications
Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission