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/wrestling /worldwide /2 December 2000 |
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/wrestling /worldwide /2 December 2000 |
WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 2 December 2000. Produced for your enjoyment and information by the Bobby Heenan Defense Fund. Opening credits. Terry Taylor hacks into Santa's databanks, and changes everybody in Palm Beach County, Florida from "Nice" to "Naughty." Your hosts are Scott "All-I-want-for-Christmas-is-Heenan-back" Hudson, and Wrestling's Only Living Legend Larry "Fat-chance-Hudson" Zbyszko. Hudson says that we've got the Professor's Pick this week along with "exclusive Worldwide action." Additionally, "Ask WCW" has a good question for CEO Ric Flair. "We are all wondering what Ric Flair's gonna thnk up next, " says LarryZ, " but NOBODY knows what's going on in the mind of the Nature Boy." Bill Goldberg cuts a promo for the Muscular Dystrophy Association, specifically the charity softball game that WCW participated in. Bill flubs his lines with style, and recovers nicely. We get a nice close-up of a grimy Goldberg forefinger, (NOT middle finger! This is Goldberg we got here, not Stone Cold!) Commercials. This week's Professor's Pick comes from the mid-90's. Mike Tenay does the background on the match by showing a short biopic of the American Males, Scotty Riggs and Marcus Alexander "Buff" Bagwell. Tenay sets the Wayback Machine to January, 1997. The power struggle between WCW and the New World Order had reached critical mass. The NWO promoted their only PPV event, "NWO Souled Out." Former American Males partners and WCW Tag-team champions Buff Bagwell and Scotty Riggs square off at the packed-to-the-rafters Five Seasons Center in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Pick of the Week. 1997 NWO "Souled Out" PPV Marcus Alexander Bagwell d. Scotty Riggs ("Buff Blockbuster" finisher/pin, 7:05): Your ringside announcers are "Big Sexy" Kevin Nash (You might know him as Ted DiBiase, even if E.C. didn't ;-) - CRZ), and ol' Eazy E himself, Eric Bischoff. The wrestling ring's got a huge "NWO" logo on it, go figure. Sweet Mother, would you just LOOK at the number of NWO shirts being worn by the fans at ringside? Ah, the good old, bad old days. Buff's having trouble getting his jacket off over his biceps, and has to have help. Buff finally slithers out of the jacket and rewards the fans at ringside with a pose-down. Scotty Riggs doesn't think much of Buff's stealing some cheap heel heat, back-flips him off the ropes, and we're underway. "There will be fines levied for that little infraction!" intones Bischoff. Running clothesline by Riggs, and Buff bails out to regroup. Buff's selling the effects of the clothesline, hollering at Mr. Cameraman and the fans. "If he (Riggs) is not gonna wrestle, I'm leaving'!" yells Buff indignantly. The referee stops the match to explain the rules to Scotty Riggs. Nash opines that they don't have THAT much time! Buff gets in a boot to the gut, then headlocks Riggs. "Now I'm gonna wrestle," syas Buff with a nasty laugh. "Pole cam" shot (remember those?) from just over the ring, gets a good look at a cross-ring series that ends with Buff getting hammered in the short ribs, then getting a double dropkick to the noggin. Blatant chokehold by Riggs, which gets broken up by the referee. Riggs starts pounding on Buff, but that gets broken up by the ref. who says Riggs is using a closed fist. Riggs gets waffled from behind by Buff, who then bounces Riggs' noggin off the far turnbuckle. Closeup camera shot of a young lady faning herself with an NWO sign. "Looks like she's a little "warm", doesn't it?" chortles Nash. Buff's got Riggs in a "camel clutch" rest hold. Riggs builds a power surge, with a small number in the crowd clapping along, and Buff adding the theatrical facial grimaces. Buff ends the power surge by sitting down hard on Riggs back. Bischoff says that Buff doesn't want to just beat Riggs; he wants to make sure Riggs never asks for a rematch. Crowd's chanting "Bagwell sucks!", though Bischoff hears it as "Break his back!" Riggs finally powers out and scoopslams Buff, who recovers and tries for a vertical suplex. Riggs counters the suplex with a DDT and a cover, but no pinfall. Buff tries a swung fist at Riggs' head, that misses, and gets an Atomic Drop in return. Front kick to Buff's gut gets caught, but Riggs follows up with a nasty enziguiri that levels Buff. Cross-corner whip by Riggs gets reversed, but Buff gets a foot in the face when he does the charge-in. Buff staggers back, then tries another, gets the same result, and down he goes. Riggs collars Buff, goes up top and nails an Acid Drop. Standing dropkick, then another, flattens Buff. Pin attempt by Riggs gets nothing. Cross-ring action, and Buff slams Riggs with a cross-body block and a cove, 1,2, no! Buff does some more pose-down action, only to get a reverse slide and a pin attempt that only gets two. Short powerbomb attempt by Riggs works, but just barely. Lateral press by Riggs, 1,2,Buff gets a shoulder up. Riggs sets Buff on the turnbuckles and starts pounding him, softening him up for a superplex. Buff jabs Riggs off with an eyepoke, then nails Riggs with the (first-ever!) "Buff Blockbuster" for the pin and the win. "Beautiful angles and excellent camera work!" cackles Bischoff, and for once, I have to agree. Whatever happened to that bunch of professionals, anyway? Where'd they all go? Tenay concludes the spot by saying that Marcus Alexander Bagwell was in transition into the character of "Buff" Bagwell of today. Hudson agrees, and adds that Buff's career's been on a roller coaster since then, most recently the angle with his mom, Judy Bagwell, and his possibly being the father of Stacy "Ms. Hancock" Keibler's baby. Tenay then inaugurates the "Pick of the Week" polling program where the fans get to select which match will be Tenay's "Pick of the Week." Log onto http://wcw.com and choose from the following matches: 1) Starrcade 1996: Hulk Hogan v. Roddy Piper. 2) Uncensored 1996: Col. Parker v. Madusa (Man v. Woman.) 3) Road Wild 1997: Steiner Bros. v. Nash/Hall for the WCW Tag Titles. 4) Fall Brawl 1997: Lex Luger & DDP v. Scott Hall & Randy Savage (w/Liz) 5) Clash of the Champions 1997: Hall & Savage v. Lex Luger & DDP Scott Hudson is clearly disappointed. "No "Sharks", no "Big Josh", no Joe "Nighthawk" Coltrane? What's up with that?" grouses Hudson. "No chance to vote for them. Only the elite matches," retorts Tenay. "Jeez, no Coltrane! The guy was so over..." muses Hudson. Tenay gives HUDSON The Look. Commercials. Time for "Ask WCW." Our question this week comes from Nate Jones of North Manchester, IN. "Lot's of great matches at the N. Manchester Armory back during the days of the territories, Legend," says Hudson. LarryZ just grins and shakes his head, thinking of the good old days, I guess. Mr. Jones' question is for CEO Ric Flair: "Who is the most influential person in your career." Over to the Nature Boy, who says that's got to be the most difficult question he's ever been asked. Flair mentions Dusty Rhodes, Dick Murdoch, Bruiser Brody, Ray Stevens, Nick Bockwinkel, saying they all had a great influence on his career. Flair says that each and every day that he went into the ring, he wanted the crowd to see the best match of his career. In the 80's the matches that preceded his were incredibly hard to follow and improve upon. But, because he wanted to be the best, he gave his best every time he climbed in the ring. LarryZ wins five bucks from Hudson by betting that Flair would infer that Flair himself was his own biggest influence. LarryZ then shills for Goldberg's new book, along with the "Ultimate Guide to World Championship Wrestling," a big ol' coffee table book that must weigh ten pounds or more. "Look at this idiot, Jeff Jarrett," says LarryZ, idly thumbing through the book. "Boy, without that guitar..." Commercials. Footage from the WNNX "99-X Charity Softball game for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. Bill Goldberg and Buff Bagwell were in attendance, along with the likes of Atlanta Braves' Tom Glavine and Gervase from the "Survivor" show. (Remember that show?) Hudson asks why LarryZ wasn't at the game. LarryZ retorts that he needs a lot of advance notice, as he's golfing, and tee times are tough to come by. "I would help out the kids and do it for free, but I need notice!" says LarryZ. "Did I hear the word "free" in there?" asks Hudson. "I think I'd better have a talk with myself," says LarryZ. Footage of the softball game is shown, with Bagwell and Goldberg much in evidence. Buff's wearing the "Buff is the Stuff" top hat to good effect. Lots of film cuts and other montage effects, ending with a big donnybrook at the pitcher's mound. Goldberg and Bagwell's team lose by a score of 9 to 3, but they help raise over $100,00 for the Muscular Dystrophy folks. "Goldberg looked pretty great out there," says Hudson. "Goldberg's one of these guys that could do just about anything if he put his mind to it," responds LarryZ. Commercials. Match #1: Sgt A-Wall d. Ian Harrison (Chokeslam through table/pin, 4:47) From the Manchester "News" Arena in Manchester, England (which was HOW many weeks back?) Ringside announcers are Tony Schiavone and Mike Tenay According to Schiavone, Harrison, (a lookalike for Scott Steiner,) has the in-ring attitude and intensity of Sid Vicious. Collar and elbow tie-up, and A-Wall gets shoved into the corner, then pasted with a Big Right Hand of Harrison. As A-Wall recovers from the blow, Harrison tries on some cheap heel heat from the crowd. Collar and elbow, stuff in the corner, Big Right Hand once more. Tony says he wants to see if Harrison has "the viciousness of Sid Vicious?" Scoopslam by A-Wall, but a follow-up elbow drop gets nothing but canvas. Wild swing at Harrison's head that misses by a mile, by Harrison sells it lie he just got clobbered big time. The two trade punches and wallops for a bit, then A-Wall gets clotheslined by Harrison. After more jawing with the crowd, Harrison rocks A-Wall with a couple of hits to the head, then tosses him into the corner. A-Wall hits a power surge and comes roaring back with punches and chops of his own. Harrison's all wobbly on his feet by this time, but stops the barrage with a rake to the eyes. Blatant choke across the middle rope by Harrison, until referee Slick Johns on breaks it up. A couple more punches, and then Harrison powerslams the big man to the mat. Reverse chinlock by Harrison slows this match down, but A-Wall powers out with a flurry of elbows, forearm shots and closed fists. Cross-ring whip, Harrison ducks a Big Boot, rebounds off the near-side ropes and the two collide at mid ring, and go down in a heap. We get almost to a count out, but A-Wall gets up at eight, and charges right at his opponent. Harrison's no fool, and hauls down on the top rope, sending A-Wall outside to the arena floor. Double axe-handle off the rig apron rock s A-Wall, and he next hot-shots A-Wall's head off the steel guardrail. As A-Wall's down on one knee at ringside, Harrison sets up a table in the ring. As A-Wall crawls back into the ring, he gets a toe of Harrison's boot ground into his ear. Cross-ring whip by Harrison, but A-Wall reverses it, and he catches Harrison by the throat on the rebound. Chokeslam through the table, 1,2,3 and this match belongs to Sgt. A-Wall. We go back to the studio, where Hudson catches LarryZ with the new WCW Magazine. The one featuring the "Women of WCW." "I'M just reading the pictures!" says LarryZ, who suddenly gets a big smile on his face. Commercials. Match #2: Norman Smiley d. Kwee-Wee (w/ Paisley) ("Norman Conquest" finisher/submission, 3:22) From the "sold-out London Arena" (says Tenay) from way back when. As Kwee-Wee and Paisley vogue their way to the ring, Schiavone says that WCW has recently banned Kwee-Wee from wearing any "Kwee-Wee Dust" (read "glitter") into the ring, apparently because it gets everywhere and stays in the ring for the rest of the match. And man, if you've ever had sparkly glitter just EVERYWHERE you know how bad that can be. Itches like crazy, too. Sheesh! Let's compare "glitter to what you'd find in an ECW ring. In an ECW ring, you find, not glitter, but blood! Which would you rather have to deal with the rest of the night? Paisley's wearing thigh-high pink glitter boots, and very little else. Gotta love those Brits. All they have to contend with is the Lord Chancellor's office, while we Yanks have to put up with the likes of PTC. Norman Smiley comes to ringside. Tony says that he's got a big following in Great Britain, and that the crowd response to the tour in the UK and in Australia was great. "It makes you feel great about the job you're doing," says Schiavone. They don't know you like we do, Tony. As the match opens, Smiley's whipping up the crowd into a frenzy of support. Headlock by Smiley that Kwee-Wee wiggles out of, only to get cinched into an armbar. Cross-ring whip by Smiley gets reversed by Kwee-Wee who tries a snap mare on Smiley. Smiley holds on and rolls through the snap mare attempt, then snap-mare Kwee-Wee again. Big Wiggle time as Kwee-Wee slowly gets to his feet. Whoops, Kwee-Wee cracks, and we get "the Angry Allan" persona who proceeds to beat the hell out of Norman Smiley. Cut to Paisley, who's hollering at Kwee-Wee/Alan to calm down. Cross-ring whip and a back body drop setup by Smiey. Kwee-Wee does a Sunset Flip, and tries to power Smiley into it. Smiley struggles for balance, then falls to the mat. Sunset Flip/ cover by Kwee-Wee, but Smiley clicks his heels together with Kwee-Wee's head between them, and escapes. Smiley with a big wiind-up and a scoopslam on Kwee-Wee. Thesz Press by Kwee-Wee on Smiley, who's trying to duck the punches that are raining down on him. Cross-ring whip by Kwee-Wee, but Smiley reverses it, misses with a clothesline, swings and misses with a second clothesline. Kwee-Wee tries for a leg-scissors takedown around Smiley's waist, but Smiley blocks that move, and does his "Doin-it in the butt, an' smackin' mah bitch up" move, with the crowd just cheering like crazy. After this, Smiley face-plants Kwee-Wee on the canvas. Paisey's up on the ring apron, hollering abuse at Smiley, who goes over to give her some back. This distracts Smiley long enough for Kwee-Wee to sucker-punch him from behind. Kwee-Wee's got Smiley against the ropes, just puttin' the boot in for a bit. Cross-ring whip by Kwee-Wee gets reversed. Smiley leapfrogs Kwee-Wee, then goes for a Victory Roll and gets a 2-count. Kwee-Wee tries for some offense, but Smiley just shakes of the blow, and hammers three forearm shots right on Kwee-Wee's noggin. Reverse slide with locked elbows by Smiley, but Kwee-Wee's got the better leverage, and it's Smiley's shoulders that get pinned, 1,2, Smiley kicks out. Smiley double underhooks the arms from the front this time, but modifies the Pedigree, by lifting Kwee-Wee into a vertical suplex-like position. After holding him there, Smiley powerslams Kwee-Wee. (If he'd have finished the Pedigree from that position, he'd have probably killed Kwee-Wee.) Lateral Press, 1,2, Kwee-Wee powers out. As Smiley pulls Kwee-Wee to his feet, Kwee-Wee nails him on the ear with a boot to the head. Kwee-Wee tries for another cross-ring whip, but Smiley blocks it and locks on his "Norman Conquest" finisher. After a couple seconds Kwee-Wee taps out. Your winner: Norman Smiley. Instant replay shows Smiley's application of the "Norman Conquest" for the win. Post-match, Paisley's trash-talkin' Smiley as he leaves he ring. She then goes to help Kwee-Wee. Back to the studio, where Hudson says that the last match had a classic old-school style wrestler in Norman Smiley facing "whatever Kwee-Wee is." "'Whatever Kwee-Wee is', is an apt phrase," says LarryZ. "Just don't make him mad!" Scott Hudson's still having trouble with LarryZ's attitude about the charity softball game. "It's all about money with you, isn't it? Think about the little people for once!" LarryZ: "Okay-y-y!" Shrugs noncommitally. Hudson shills for "WCW Magazine, and the upcoming Starrcade PPV. Closing credits. We got less of the "Entertainment Tonight" foolishness, and more in-ring actionn on tonight's show. If WCW are going back to the old format, why not bring Bobby Heenan back and do it right? What do you fans think? Let me know. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author |
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