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WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 30 December 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' E.C. Opening Credits. Terry Taylor finds a very, uh, "personal" use for that pressure washer he got for Christmas. Your hosts this week are "The Perfesser" Iron Mike Tenay and... Aw, for cryin' out loud! Not content to befoul Nitro and Thunder with his presence, poor little inoffensive WCW Worldwide is afflicted with Tony Schiavone this week. It's gonna be a long, dreary program, folks. Tenay appears to be hunkered down, determined to get through the next sixty minutes with as little collateral damage to his reputation as possible. Tony attempts a dig on Tenay by asking if Tenay's "traveling partner", Scott Hudson overslept? Tony's apparently been given the responsibility of making road assignments, and is already drunk with power. Tenay gives him the "Look." You know, that facial expression he's developed during his "Shoot Interviews" on Thunder, where only the lower half of his face smiles. The effect of which is positively reptilian. Tony, sensing he's on shaky ground, segues quickly to what's on tonight's show; a review of Starrcade, and something called "Remember When?" First up, we get highlights from the Starrcade 2000 PPV. Only we don't get video footage. Oh, no. We get the doggoned SLIDE SHOW foolishness again, supposedly hitting the high spots of the show. Briefly: General Rection retains the US Heavyweight Title with a Chavo-stooged DQ over Shane Douglas. Jeff Jarrett and The Harris Boys won their contest against the Filthy Animals. The Insiders took the Tag-Titles from the Perfect Event. Goldberg beat Lex Luger, despite interference by Buff Bagwell. Scott Steiner, to no one's surprise, beat Sid Vicious to retain the WCW World Heavyweight Title. Oh, and Terry Funk's the new Hardcore Champ. As we go to commercial, we get to go "Behind the Scenes at WCW Worldwide." Arty shots of the floor crew, a sound board with bouncing ASA's, and the famous "Wall of Monitors" up in the booth. Hey, guys, howza 'bout a tour of WCW Post Production? I wanna see how they made those "bendy" 2x4's that Hacksaw Jim Duggan used. Commecials. The topic of discussion is Scott Steiner's defense of the WCW World Heavyweight Title since Starrcade, and CEO Ric Flair's response since the PPV. Footage from Nitro of two weeks back shows Ric Flair equaling ratings, as he sets up the Three Way Dance for the WCW World Heavyweight Title at the upcoming WCW Sin PPV. We get a #1 Contender's Tourney for Steiner's first opponent, and a "mystery opponent" of Ric Flair's choice as the other. Steiner, to put it mildly, is not pleased with the situation. Steiner throws a temper tantrum in the ring, and then backstage with Jeff Jarrett. Footage of the Tourney shows Lance Storm winning a wild contest against Rey Mysterio Jr., while Jeff Jarrett nails Mike Awesome with a guitar shot. Jarrett wallops Storm in the final to become the #1 contender. Steiner's not happy with THAT situation, either, despite Jarrett's assurances that he's "got Steiner's back." Steiner's also peeved at Ric Flair, and pursues him backstage, only to get walloped by the Mystery Opponent in a hallway. Back in the studio, where Tony and Mike puzzle over Scott Steiner and Booker T taping "The Jersey" for the Disney Channel. Tenay can't quite get his mind around the juxtaposition of Scott Steiner and the Disney folks working together. Tony gets positively "wet" in his introduction of Mike Tenay, who's hosting the new "Remember When" segment. In an inauspicious beginning, the first "Remember When" is Alex Wright, a young wrestler who was backstage at the 1994 WCW tour in Germany, when there was an opening in a match, and Wright was tapped to fill it. Wright. Though still a teenager, impressed WCW enough that they offered him a contract. His first appearance on US TV was on January 1995's Clash of the Champions XXX, where "Das Wunderkind" was matched against Bobby Eaton. Footage shows Wright entering the ring, and doing his signature dancing moves. Ringside announcers Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, Tony Schiavone, and Eric Bischoff get all hissy over whether or not Wright is actually dancing. Tony asks if Heenan would show 'em how it's done on "WCW Saturday Night", to which Heenan replies that he might. Bischoff tells us fans that the sight of Heenan dancing is reason enough to tune in to the "WCW Saturday Night' show. Heenan retorts that he was gonna show off his moonwalk moves, but now his feelings are hurt, so no moonwalk. Ah, memories! Eaton and Wright put on a good, workmanlike bout. Eaton is especially notable for his excellent sell-job on a couple of blown holds by Wright. Eaton nails Wright with a spinning neckbreaker. Eaton sets for the Alabama Jam, but Wright kicks out of the pin attempt. Wright hits a power surge, and nails Eaton with a cross-body block off the top turnbuckle for the pin and the win. Back in the studio, Tony and Mike follow up on the career of Alex Wright, ending up at his being one half of the Boogie Knights with Disqo. Tenay thinks that being associated with disqo is "keeping Alex Wright down." Schiavone sneers that Disqo "is the biggest 'anchor' in al of WCW." Uh, Tony, try using the following words in a sentence: 'pot', 'kettle', and 'black!' As we go to commercial, we get another peek "Behind the Scenes at WCW Worldwide." Lots of quick-cuts to various techno-gadget thingies, gauges, and other assorted "lookatthats." We finish with a nice shot of the "On the Air" sign. Look, I told you folks that this week would be a long hard ride, didn't I? Commercials. Part 2 of tonight's "Remember When" spotlights Ernest "The Cat" Miller. Tony gets really soppy introducing Tenay again. Tenay's looking a bit queasy as a result of the intro's resultant high saccharine content. Miller was the karate instructor for then-WCW boss Eric Bischoff's son. With his background in college football, the NFL, and the CFL, Bischoff saw in Miller a bright new talent for WCW. We go back to WCW Worldwide in April, 1997, and Miller's first WCW appearance. Interestingly enough, he faced Glacier. Footage from WCW Worldwide, back when Schiavone and Heenan ran the show. Glacier comes out to his laser-and-snowstorm entrance. Miller just looks on. The expression on his face, if put into words, would shout "Chump!" at Glacier. We get a good, albeit sedately paced martial arts clinic between these two. You get the feeling that Miller's just coasting along in second gear, while Glacier's gotta work flat out, just pedal to the metal. Schiavone miss-calls an enziguiri as a "reverse-spin-hook-kick," and Heenan can be heard snickering off mike. Miller ducks another enziguiri, and nails Glacier with a flying cross-body block and a 2 count. Back on their feet, and Miller's busy delivering "back-leg front kicks," (Schiavone again.) Heenan nearly bursts out laughing! "He's only GOT front legs, Tony!" Standing side kick (accurately called by Schiavone, for once) by Miller slams Glacier back into the corner. Schiavone explains that a kick is either a back leg or a front leg depending upon where you are standing. "Oooohhh, I get it now!" says Heenan, who obviously doesn't. While Tony and Bobby continue jabbering at one another, Glacier lands a chop to the throat of Miller, levels him with a footsweep, then wallops him with his Kronic Kick finisher, (remember that one, folks?) and gets the win. Back in the studio, Tenay opines that Ernest "the Cat" Miller has found his niche in WCW, and though he is no longer WCW Commissioner, it has allowed him to concentrate on his in-ring work, and we can expect big things in 2001 from the Cat. Mr. Cameraman stumbles around "Behind the Scenes" some more. Commercials. It's time for "Ask WCW(dotcom)" according to Tony Schiavone. He then promptly pees on the idea of Scott Hudson's laptop being anything other than a stage "prop." So much for "suspension of disbelief," huh, Tony? Remember not too long ago, when Bobby Heenan did twenty hilarious freakin' minutes trying to "fix" Scott Hudson's laptop? I used to tune in each week to see what skit Heenan would cook up involving what is now termed "just a prop." Yeah Tony. Like Harpo Marx's hat was "just a prop." Face it, folks, the old days are dead and gone. Our question this week is from Derrick Morgan of Eden, NC, who asks Kronik's Bryan Clarke "if he wasn't a wrestler, what would he be doing right now? Is "terrorizing a small town in the Midwest" a valid answer, Regis? Nope, Mr. Clarke would be tearing up the physical fitness industry. Can't you just see him doing crunches with Denise Austin? Or squat thrusts with that bunch of grinning freaks on "Bodyshaping?" Tenay thinks Clarke would make a great bank teller. "Breaking necks and cashing checks", get it? Yeah, yeah, esoteric as all get out. Tony asks us viewers to log on to wcwdotcom for the "Ask WCW" segment, and If they use your question, you get a brand new "WCW Worldwide" T-shirt. "As opposed to an old, USED T-shirt?" asks Tenay. "Yeah, we are making a leetle bit o' money now," says Tony, "so we can afford to offer you fans the chance to own your own "WCW Worldwide" T-shirt." Jeez, now Schiavone's breakin' kayfabe about the company! Didn't Mark Madden get FIRED for loose talk involving WCW? We can only hope... Commercials. Part 3 of "Remember When" has the start of the meteoric career of Bill Goldberg. Tenay briefly chronicles Goldberg's origins in college (University of Georgia) and professional football (Atlanta Falcons and L.A. Rams), and his discovery at the gym in Atlanta owned by Sting and Lex Luger. A graduate of the Sarge's tutelage at the WCW Power Plant, Goldberg got his start facing Hugh "Gen'l. Rection" Morrus on a WCW Monday Nitro in September of 1997, "live from the E Center in Salt Lake City, Utah." Goldberg's already in the ring as Hugh Morrus makes his entrance. Morrus plays up to the crowd, who's cheering him like crazy. Goldberg is standing stock-still in his corner, impassive, waiting for the match to begin. Tenay, Schiavone, and "Wrestling's Only Living Legend" Larry Zbyszko are calling the match. Tenay sheepishly admits that he has nothing, not one scrap of information about Bill Goldberg. "You DON'T KNOW??!" says Larry Zbyszko, incredulous. "We have stumped Tenay!" crows Schiavone. "FIRE HIM!" bellows Zbyszko. Meanwhile, Morrus and Goldberg put on a pretty good series of chain-wrestling holds and releases. Goldberg actually runs through about twelve different holds, and only flubs one of them, a wrist lock, but is saved by Morrus selling the move like he suffered a fracture. Small package roll-up by Goldberg into a Figure Four-like leg-grapevine submission. Morrus grabs for the ring-ropes, and Goldberg breaks the hold. Morrus hammers Goldberg with a flying clothesline off the top turnbuckle, then nails him with his "No Laughing Matter" moonsault finisher. It's all over. Er, no it isn't, because Goldberg kicks out of the pin attempt! Morrus can't believe it, and neither can the announcers. not to mention most of the fans at ringside. Cross-corner whip by Goldberg gets reversed, and Morrus wallops him right in the mush with an elbow. Goldberg does a standing backflip (!) then clobbers Morrus with a massive powerslam, followed by the first-ever use of the "Jackhammer" finisher. There's a cover, and a pin. Sheesh, we got to see a real WRESTLING match involving Bill Goldberg. Sure beats the heck out of the usual "Spear/Jackhammer-thank-you-pull-around" stuff Goldberg's doing today, doesn't it? Goldberg gets to his feet. Glowering at the camera, he roars, "THAT'S ONE!" Tenay can't believe it. Schiavone can't believe it. LarryZ can't believe it. And "Mean Gene" Okerlund gets NOT ONE WORD when he tries to interview Goldberg stalking up the ramp. "Is he a mute?" asks LarryZ. Tenay says that it was the "air of mystery" that surrounded Bill Goldberg early on that proved to be such a benefit to his later career. In fact, nearly a year went by before Tenay and Okerlund finally got to interview Bill Goldberg. Tony says we should all hurry out and buy the latest edition of WCW Magazine. Tenay says that Scott Hudson's got a column in this issue, as does Stevie Ray, who's debuting his column "Suckas Gots to Know!" Schiavone nearly cracks up. More "Behind the Scenes at WCW Worldwide." Commercials. Tony and Mike run the current (12/27/00) fight card for the upcoming "WCW Sin" PPV. Goldberg & Sarge v. Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell. If either Goldberg or Sarge get pinned or counted out, Goldberg's streak is over, as is both his career and the Sarge's. Hardcore Champ Terry Funk defends against challenger Crowbar (W/ Daffney). Insiders v. two members of the Natural Born Thrillers for the WCW World Tag Titles. Chavo Guerrero Jr. defends the WCW Cruiserweight Title against Shane Helms. Three Way Dance for the WCW World Heavyweight Title between current champ Scott Steiner, Jeff Jarrett, and Ric Flair's hand-picked "Mystery Opponent." Tony and Mike thank everyone associated with WCW Worldwide for a doing such a great job this year. Tony thanks everybody on the WCW announce team, includes Mark Madden, (but NOT Bobby Heenan!) Tenay thanks the video librarians for the great, and largely unsung job they do finding the video clips for the "Professor's Picks, and "Remember When" segments. Tony gets the last word: "Who knows what's ahead for WCW in 2001?" Indeed. Closing credits. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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