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WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 6 January 2001, and I'm your recapper, ol' E.C. Opening credits. Terry Taylor hacks into the Planters' Nut Company, looking for a can of dry-roasted SlapNuts. Your hosts are thank God he's back Scott Hudson. Heaving a big sigh of relief is Mike Tenay. We are one week away from the WCW "Sin" PPV, and if there's one word to describe the battle for the WCW World Heavyweight Title, it's "chaos!" "On a recent (?) episode of WCW Thunder", says Tenay, "things got even more confusing. " And... Holy smokes! We get footage from last WEDNESDAY'S (3 Jan 2001) "Thunder", where CEO Ric Flair gave Sid Vicious a shot at Jeff Jarrett's spot in the World Title "Three Way Dance!" Hooray! WCW Worldwide is finally current! No more of this "recorded-two-weeks-ago-time-warp" nonsense. I guess WCW figured that if the WWF could put on a weekly show like "Livewire" and keep it current, they could, too. And didn't Ric Flair just jerk that Memphis crowd around like they were on wires? He could have stood in that ring, and read the freakin' Memphis phonebook, and the fans would have eaten it all up with a spoon, and asked for seconds! Any of you fans out there with a career in sales, take my advice and watch the front end of the next Nitro or Thunder. Watching Ric Flair work a crowd is THE best lesson in pure salesmanship, in pure showmanship, that I've ever seen! And putting Jeff Jarrett in the ring and on the stick with Flair was as inspired a bit of booking as I've seen in a long time from WCW. Hey, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley! This is how two SHOWMEN work a crowd! You might want to take notes. Oh, and Scott Steiner came out dressed as the Mystery Opponent to help Jarrett squash Sid Vicious. Tenay recaps what we've just seen, and sets the stage for the upcoming Nitro and Thunder, with everything aiming at hyping the "Sin" PPV. Hudson previews what we are going to see on tonight's show. Commercials. Good opening segment for Worldwide, very professional. We come back, and the next topic is the confused situation that has developed around the WCW Tag-team titles. Hudson says that the efforts of WCW Commissioner Mike Sanders on behalf of the Natural Born Thrillers is a mockery of the tradition associated with the WCW Tag Titles. Tenay isn't so sure it's a mockery. "There is a fine line between taking advantage of a loophole that presents itself," says Tenay, "and abuse of power from Commissioner Mike Sanders. At Sin, the (current tag champs) Insiders won't know which members of the Natural Born Thrillers that they will be facing." Tenay then compares this to the situation the MIA's found themselves in when they squared off against the NBTs on last Wednesday's (!) Thunder. Footage from Thunder shows Ric Flair questioning Mike Sanders about the "travel arrangements" he made for the Insiders. Sanders says not to worry, he gave them the night off, "because they deserved it." (Of late, Sanders and Flair have developed a synergy in their stick-work. Each plays off the other, and the result is outstanding! Sanders can do "devious upstart" better than anyone in the business.) The NBTs then squash Cpl. Cajun and Sgt. A-Wall of the MIA's. Gen'l. Rection tries to intervene, and gets clobbered as well. Ex-MIA and current Cruiserweight champ Chavo Guerrero, Jr. arrives, steel chair in hand, to run off (?) the NBTs. Later, a limo arrives. The NBTs think it's theirs. Surprise, it's the Insiders, who promptly wallop the lot of them. Hudson teases a possible rapprochement between Chavo & the MIA's, but Tenay isn't so sure. Hudson thinks the Insiders will be laying in wait for whichever pair from the NBTs decides to get in the ring with them. Tenay disagrees, saying that the Insiders may be in for a surprise at Sin from the NBTs. Commercials. It's time for "Ask WCW," and our question this week... "Is it for me?" asks Mike Tenay. "Yeah," says Hudson sarcastically," its from Scott Hudson of Atlanta, Georgia, who wants to know if you'll ever shut up!" "WHAT?!" Ooo, salty! This week's question is from Gloria Jacobs of Streamwood, IL. It's for Ernest "The Cat" Miller. "Your feet look big on TV..." begins Scott Hudson. "Feet?!" cackles Mike Tenay, "she wants to know about the Cat's big FEET?" Hudson's just sitting there. Waiting for the other shoe to drop (if you'll pardon the expression.) He doesn't wait long. "You know what they say...big feet... big shoes..." leers Tenay. Hudson gives Tenay the same Look he used to give Bobby Heenan. "Please! I haven't even finished reading the question," says Hudson indignantly, "'Big shoes', indeed! The question was, 'your feet look big on TV..." "Don't let me interrupt you, whatever you do..." interrupts Tenay, mischievously. Hudson's now doing a slow burn. "...What...size ...shoe...do...you...wear?" says Hudson, gritting his teeth. Over to the Cat, who says that he does have big feet, (and a big, knowing grin to go with them, too!) "Size thirteen" is the answer, though the Cat cannot fathom why Gloria wants to know that. Yeah, right. Back in the studio, and Tenay's complaining about never getting any "Ask WCW" questions. "I'm the 'Perfesser'; I should be getting SOME questions," he whines. Hudson's biting back the reason he'd LIKE to give Tenay, but, instead, thanks Gloria for her question, and awards her a WCW Worldwide T-shirt. "WHAT?!" squawks Tenay, "She asks a lame question like THAT and gets a T-shirt?! What's next? 'What size shorts do you wear?' we've set a precedent here, Scott..." Hudson gets a whiff of the shirt. "Have you been wearing this one? Phew!" and tosses it off-camera. "Hey," says Tenay to whoever caught the shirt, "check the size. If it's an XL, I want it." "Gloria, we'll get you a NEW T-shirt, don't worry," says Hudson, giving Tenay another Look. Next up is a "Pulp Fiction" video montage, complete with re-mix, on Bill Goldberg's book tour. We get the sit-down Goldberg did for the satellite broadcast. Goldberg fields questions about professional wrestling, his career, his background in high school and professional football, though Goldberg dos not consider himself a football pro in any sense of the word. A question about whether he's a Jewish wrestler, or a wrestler who happens to be Jewish gets a response that "They're both the same thing to me", and that he's not a religious man. "I was born a Goldberg, and I'll always be a Goldberg. If you have any doubt, look at the back of my book." As for deciding to go into professional wrestling, Goldberg says that he didn't plan on that, but, once he had made the decision, he focused all his attention and intensity on being the best. Having been in the NFL, he thought he'd be able to coast through the (WCW) Power Plant workouts. After the first week, he had two cracked ribs just from "running the ropes!" The training "taught me a lot. It taught me that you go out there and put everything, your integrity, your health, everything, on the line every week, to do your best, and be the best. I compete with myself every day!" Growing up watching Texas Championship Wrestling, Goldberg's favorite pro wrestlers were Tony Atlas, and Bruiser Brody. Goldberg takes the responsibility of being a role model with "...open arms. We need good role models in this day and age." Perseverance is the key to Goldberg's success. "Don't ever give up," says Goldberg. "Oh," (holds up his book,) "and did I mention I was writing a book?" Commercials. It's time for the "Professor's Pick of the Week" This week, an inter-gender match from1996's "Uncensored" PPV, between Col. Parker, at that time the manager of Bunkhouse Buck and Dick Slater, and Madusa. Tenay goes for the clicker, but finds he's got Hudson's cell-phone. "I'll call ya right back," says Hudson, who is apparently talking on Tenay's remote control, and swaps Tenay for the cell phone. Tenay, clearly puzzled, looks at the R/C, and then at Hudson... Match #1: Professor's Pick of the Week: Col. Parker (W/ Bunkhouse Buck & Dick Slater) d. Madusa, (interference/pin, 2:50) Inter-gender match, WCW "Uncensored" PPV, March 1996. Your announcers are Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and the American Dream, Dusty Rhodes. Col. Parker comes to the ring, flourishing a white handkerchief and a Resistol ten-gallon hat. Madusa makes her entrance to what sounds like Chris Benoit's current WWF entrance music. She's got on a stars-and-stripes outfit, and a white, fringed buckskin coat. "I can't wait for this match," chortles Heenan, with a lecherous tone in his voice. Madusa's daring Parker to take his best shot. Parker promptly collar & elbows her into the near corner. Parker then breaks clean. Another collar & elbow tie-up by Parker, and another clean break. "He broke...!" hollers Rhodes. "What the HELL..?" hollers Heenan, "...clean!" hollers Rhodes. "I don't believe it!" says Heenan. "Somebody get mah medicine!" says Rhodes. "Unbelievable!" Schiavone's makng gargling sounds. Madusa shoves Parker away. "Git 'im, darlin'" crows Rhodes. Parker's doing a pose-down in the ring. Madusa tries the collar & elbow, and shoves Parker back into the corner. Parker tries to push back, and Madusa converts that into a monkey flip that sends Parker flying across the ring. "Colonel, get into your pick-up truck," bellows Heenan, " and put it in gear, and step on it!" "Go home!" adds Schiavone. Parker's complaining to the referee that Madusa grabbed his pants to make the throw. "Ah'm gonna tell you what," says Dusty, "she is an ath-letic person, and she's making a mockery of ...of ... my goodness gracious!" A catch-as-can attempt by Madusa gets blocked by Parker, who converts it into an airplane spin, complete with "shrieks" of "terror" from Madusa. After about three rotations, Madusa wriggles free by sliding down Parker's body, and into a Sunset Flip, 1,2, Parker JUST kicks out! Rhodes is having a fit, and Heenan's making sounds like a percolator. Parker gets to his feet, but he's still dizzy from the airplane spin. He staggers around a bit, and right into a (holy cats!) Madusa powerbomb! "I've seen that woman body drop a 330-lb. man," says Heenan, "but I've never seen her powerslam one before!" "Unbelievable!" says Tony. "You know," says Dusty, "normally in a match like this, man against woman, you'd bet on the man. But now, after what I just saw, ah'm leanin' heavily toward the woman right now!" "I can't believe what we're seeing," says Schiavone. Parker's had enough, and bails out of the ring, heading for the back. Dirty Dick Slater meets him halfway, and convinces Parker that for the honor of all men everywhere, he'd better get back in there and clean her clock. "How would you prepare to fight her?" asks Heenan of Rhodes. Dusty just laughs a big, ol' belly-laugh. Parker rolls back in, collar & elbow again, which Parker converts into a choke hold. He lifts Madusa high into the air by the hold, and then throws her to the mat. "He's mad now," says, Heenan. Parker tries a Bionic Elbow, but Madusa sees it coming, and Parker's elbow gets nothing but canvas. As Parker slowly gets to his feet, he gets a leaping double dropkick right in the gut. Parker tires to get up again, and gets another dropkick, this one spinning him to the floor at ringside. Madusa climbs up to the top of the turnbuckle stack, and hits such a towering plancha on him that she leaves the whole broadcast booth in a state of shock. Madusa starts putting the boot in on Col. Parker, literally kicking his ass back into the ring. "Can you imagine coming home to her, a half-hour late and without the bread?" says Heenan, a point not lost on Dusty Rhodes, who's laughing fit to bust. Parker rounds on Madusa, who keeps him spinning right on around and into a rear waistlock. "Oh my God...!" says Rhodes. "She's not gonna..." begins Heenan, awestruck. "SUPLEX! SUPLEX!" screeches Schiavone. Madusa bridges to a cover, 1,2, but Dick Slater reaches in and pulls one leg of Madusa out of the ring. Parker takes advantage, and rolls into a lateral press and gets the pin. "Bad, that's bad..." says Rhodes. "Come on! Come...ON! BOOOOO!" says Schiavone. "Who's the winner, Tony?" asks Heenan. "The winner is Col. Parker, Brain, but..." "Then that's all we need to know," says Heenan, who's dropped right back into "heel announcer" mode. Back to the studio, where Tenay catches us up on Madusa's career, that of women's trainer at the WCW Power Plant. "Madusa also writes a column for (Tenay holds up current copy in blatant plug) WCW Magazine." Hudson mistakes a picture of Chuck Palumbo for a current photo of Madusa, ha ha. Tenay asks if his column is in the current issue. Hudson asks if he gets paid by the word? Commercials. Hudson runs the card for the upcoming "Sin" PPV. Tenay comments on the match between Goldberg & Sarge against Lex Luger & Buff Bagwell, which, it seems has become a handicap match, since "ol' Stumbles" and his pet stooge Buff Daddy broke Sarge's arm with a steel chair on last Wednesday night's Thunder. Commercials. Time for in-ring action on Worldwide! You'll pardon me while I faint. And not just any in-ring action, but a whiz-bang of a match from the Memphis, Tennessee tapig, between Shane "Franchise" Douglas, and "Screamin'" Norman Smiley. Hudson and Tenay introduce this match as a tune-up for Shane Douglas for his upcoming match with Gen'l. Rection, for the WCW US Heavyweight Title. Match #2: Shane "Franchise" Douglas d. "Screamin'" Norman Smiley, ("Franchise" finisher/pin, 3:12) Doing the play-by-play (in voice-over, because they are not in Memphis at ringside) are Mike Tenay and Scott Hudson. Douglas cuts a great promo, and manages to enrage the whole population of west Tennessee inside of 30 seconds. He ends his spiel with "Norman, it's time you got your (ass)...Franchised!" As Hudson and Tenay extol the virtues of visiting Memphis, ("Go to the Peabody. Watch the ducks!" says Hudson), Douglas takes command early on. Smiley's no fool, though, as he reverses a cross-ring whip, and catches Douglas in a wheelbarrow. Looks like Norman's gonna do the Big Wiggle, but Douglas ain't havin' THAT, thank you, and scoots outside the ring. Douglas complains to the referee, then walks off in a huff. Well, Smiley ain't havin' that, either, and wallops Douglas as he's jawin' with some fans as ringside. Smiley whips Douglas into the ring apron, then bounces his head off it a couple of times. Smiley whips Douglas into the steel guardrail, then into the ring apron again, and then a long whip into the far corner of ringside, where Douglas hits the steel guardrail hard. Smiley rolls Douglas back into the ring, then takes a time out t do the Little Wiggle as he steps over the middle ring-rope... ...and gets crotched by Douglas, who yanks up on the same middle rope good and hard. Douglas keeps bouncing Smiley's crotch off the middle rope another five or six times, before Smiley collapses in the ring. Snap mare by Douglas, and he locks Smiley into a reverse chinlock for a much-needed rest. Smiley hits a power surge and breaks the chinlock, then reverses it into a side Russian legsweep, and a cover, 1,2, Douglas kicks out. Cross-ring whip by Smiley finishes with a back body drop on Douglas. Running elbow, followed by a running clothesline, and Douglas is on the mat again. Smiley does the Big Wiggle, and clotheslines a reviving Douglas one more time. Cross-corner whip by Smiley, but he eats an elbow on the charge-in, and staggers back, holding his face. As the referee is checking on Smiley, Douglas goes digging into his own trunks for the steel chain. He doesn't get a chance to use it, because Smiley submarines in, and hits a Victory Roll that gets a 2 count. Douglas gets to his feet, and lashes out at Smiley, who ducks, then shoves Douglas back into the corner for the Ten-Count Punch Down, with the crowd calling the shots. A Wiggle on the top, and Smiley goes for the cross-corner whip. Douglas reverses, then charges in, but Smiley does a neat float-over, and rolls away to a monkey flip. Smiley goes for a bodyslam, then starts that "Doin' it up the butt..." thingie of his. The crowd just loves it. Whoops, Douglas blocks it with a rear crotch kick and nails Smiley with his "Franchiser" finisher, and gets the win. Post-match, Douglas is STILL fussin' with the fans at ringside. Back to the studio, where Tenay and Hudson run the fight card for the "Sin" PPV. "All questions will be answered next Sunday night, in Indianapolis!" says Scott Hudson. Closing credits. This was the best WCW Worldwide show they've put on since they dumped Bobby Heenan. Pacing was good, features were outstanding, and what's more, CURRENT. If this is the new face of WCW Worldwide, then I can once again recommend this show to you gentle readers out there. If you can get it, give it a watch. You won't be disappointed. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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