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WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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In with the old. Out with the new. This is the WCW Worldwide Report for Saturday, 13 January 2000, and I'm your recapper, ol' E.C. himself. Opening credits. Terry Taylor sends in his application to the WWF's "You Could Be a Wrestler" contest. He winds up voicing "grunt-overs" for Shane McMahon's new venture, the "Backyard Wrestling Federation." Your hosts are the Two Wet Cats in a Bag. We are still pre-Sin as this show is broadcast, so Scott Hudson and "Iron Mike" Tenay are in full-bore "carnival barker" mode for the evening. The Goldberg/Totally Buff feud is in ring Number One tonight, with Tenay commenting on the mind games that Totally Buff have been playing on Goldberg; new stipulations, changing the rules, injuring Sarge, etc. Footage from the Memphis, Tenessee Thunder show (from two weeks back) gives us a backstage glimpse of Totally Buff in negotiations with Kronik. Later, Totally Buff clobbers Sarge, as Goldberg gets dumpstered and forklifted off the premises by Kronik. Sarge gets his arm broken by Luger's chair stomp. Post match, Sarge is being attended to by the EMT's, and his arm hurts a LOT! Back to the studio, where Tenay says that, like it or not, Totally Buff's game plan is working perfectly, since Goldberg will now be in what amounts to a "handicap match" against Luger and Buff Bagwell. "Luger and Bagwell are this close to ending the career of Bill Goldberg," says Tenay. Commercials. It's time for "Ask WCW." Hudson says that anybody with a question can go to wcwdotcom, find the "Worldwide" link and click on "Ask WCW." (Well, I clicked on wcwdotcom. Surprise, the "Worldwide" link is gone. Looks like this show's not long for the chopping block. To all you folks who got WCW Worldwide T-shirts, hang onto 'em. They're sure to be collector's items.) Mike Tenay brightens noticeably as Scott Hudson says that, yes, there are not one, but TWO questions exclusively for Mike Tenay this week. Question #1 is from Chris Walker of Jackson, MS, who wants to know who Tenay thinks has the best chance to become WCW World champ this year? Tenay becomes positively beatific. He mentions my pick, Sean O'Haire, as well as some other members of the Natural Born Thrillers, but says that his pick is Mike Awesome of Team Canada. Hudson has dozed off during Tenay's pontification, and Mike gently wakes him back up for: Question #2. From Brent Cardy of St. Thomas, Ontario, Canada, who wants to know what made Tenay become a wrestling announcer, and who were his big influences? If possible, Tenay's smile gets even bigger, as he relates that he was a wrestling fan for so many years in southern California. He cites legendary announcers Dick Lane and Gordon Solie as having the greatest influence on his career. "Scott, did I ever tell you how I broke into sports announcing?" "Not today..." says a disinterested Hudson. This doesn't stop Tenay, who manages to include mention of his career in radio, his affiliation with the luchadores, especially during 1994's "When Worlds Collide" PPV. Steve "Mongo" McMichael gets a mention by Tenay, and Hudson's "Queasy Meter" hits the "Red Zone." We get a rundown of when and where Tenay can be seen, Nitro, Thunder, Worldwide, the WCW Magazine, the list goes on and on... ...and on! Hudson's about had enough of tonight's "Shameless Self-Promotion" segment, vis a vis Mr. Tenay. "Why, I remember, as a young child, watching Tony Schiavone... " Hudson lets Tenay rattle on for a bit, during which Mean Gene Okerlund gets a nod. "Let that be a lesson to you wrestling fans; don't EVER ask questions of Mike Tenay!" Tenay gets in a final plug for something called "miketenaydotcom," ("Forbidden access" according to my server) as we go to Commercials. It's time for "Plug WCW Magazine." Tenay's got the latest issue, and is REALLY interested in the profile/pictorial on Nitro Girl Syren. Also discussed in this issue is the return of Sting, and his plans for Scott Steiner. Goldberg's muscle car collection gets a spread. Oh, and Hudson and Tenay's columns are in there as well. Tenay says that his column on Shawn Stasiak is "breezy, fast, and informative." Hudson looks like he just bit into a raw squid sandwich. Also mentioned is Goldberg's interview in the latest edition of "Playboy." Booker T gets profiled in "Source" magazine, and "Black Men Today." Tenay finds it amazing that the mainstream media has adopted all the WCW wrestlers. (Yeah, Bam Bam Bigelow's thoughtful article on nurturing in "New Mom Digest" was my favorite.) Hudson cranks out the fight card for the then-upcoming Sin PPV, and we get the appropriate "sturm und drang" background rock music along with the run-down. Commercials. It's time for the Professor's Pick of the Litter, (oops, Hudson mis-spoke himself. Pick of the Week is what he meant.) Set the Wayback Machine for 13 July 1997, and aim it at the "Bash at the Beach" PPV, and the media circus that surrounded the pro-wrestling debut of Dennis Rodman. But there was an undercard match between two seasoned pros, Rowdy Roddy Piper and ol' "Naitch" himself, Ric Flair, that stole the show. Match #1: Professor's Pick of the Week: Roddy Piper d. Ric Flair, ("Sleeper Hold"/submission, we saw about 3:50 or so) 1997 "Bash at the Beach" PPV. Your announcers are Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan, and Dusty Rhodes. We get bagpipes skirling "Scotland the Brave" as Mr. Piper makes his entrance, wearing a frown, his "I.C.O.N." T-shirt, and a kilt. Next up is the 1st Movement from Richard Strauss' "Also Sprach Zarathustra," (aka "2001: A Space Odyssey" theme) and out comes Ric Flair. Ah, the good old days! "Classic match-up at 'Bash at the Beach'," says Dusty Rhodes. Piper locks up on Flair, who shoots him across the ring. Piper rebounds and lands full on Ric Flair's face with both fists, knocking Flair to the mat. Piper just pounds the stuffing out of Flair for about a minute. Flair gets to his feet and tries to run, but Piper's al over him, chasing Flair around the ring, and raining lefts and rights from all angles. Flair doesn't know what to protect or to grab first, and finally rolls out of the ring and heads up the ramp. "What a whuppin' that wuz!" says Dusty Rhodes, as we go to Commercials. Buff Bagwell shills for his personalized WCW Mastercard. Get one, and stick it in your wallet. Then, every time you sit down, you're symbolically sitting on Buff's face! Neat huh? Anybody else think Buff Bagwell may be suffering from bronzer poisoning, aka "Hogan's Syndrome? I mean, I've seen PUMPKINS with better skin tone... Well, we come back to Piper just pummeling Flair in the center of the ring, finally landing a left hook that sends Flair crashing to the canvas. Piper inaugurates Flair into the "Make-a-Wish" bunch. Flair sells it like somebody just ripped his pelvis out of his body. Dusty mangles the word "trapezius" about five times, with Heenan giggling like heck every time Rhodes messes up. Running clothesline from Piper sends Flair head-over-heels out of the ring. Flair crawls to the ramp, and gets to his knees, doing the "No Mas"- routine. Piper just starts waling away on Flair, with rights and lefts, chops and slaps. Flair gets in a thumb to the eye, and rolls Piper back into the ring. Cross-ring whip by Piper and a sleeper attempt, but Flair jaw-jacks, and stuns Piper. Cover by Flair, with a foot on the top rope (!) for leverage, 1,2, but the referee sees the foot and stops the count. Flair gets up and starts mouthing off to the crowd. "Flair's letting the crowd get to him," says Heenan, "and he shouldn't do that. Never take your eyes off your opponent." Golotta from Flair sends Piper to the mat, clutching himself, as Flair goes to the top of the turnbuckle stack for the flying elbow. Oops, Flair took too long, as Piper gets to his feet, and shoots Flair out of the corner with a towering Missile Launcher. Flair lands about halfway across the ring, and bounces obligingly. Piper then hooks the Figure Four leglock on Flair, and Dusty Rhodes just about ruptures himself hollering that Piper's gonna beat Flair with Flair's own signature move! Flair's hollering like his leg's being pulled off. Flair tries to turn the Figure Four, but doesn't succeed. "I don't think he can turn it!" says Heenan. Flair's shoulders hit the mat, 1,2, but he pops back up, just bellowing all the while. Flair finally gets a hand on the ropes, and Piper is forced to break the hold. As Flair gets to his feet, he goes to his boot top... ...and pulls out a "foreign object" according to Tony Schiavone. Flair sneaks it around, not letting the referee see what he's got concealed. Then, he swings it at Piper's head... ...only to get the blow blocked, and Piper take the "foreign object" away and clock him a good oe! Flair goes down like a pole-axed steer, and Piper slips the "foreign object" into his trunks... ...and the image pixellates to later in the match, with both men kayo'ed on the mat. Flair rolls across Piper, 1,2, Piper kicks out! We've got every fan on his feet as Flair chops Piper across the chest. Piper takes the blow, and no-sells the heck out of it. Another whack by Flair, and another no-sell. ANOTHER whack by Flair, but Piper blocks it and we get a toe-to-toe slugfest between the two. Cross-ring whip by Piper gets reversed. Flair sets for the back body drop, and gets locked into Piper's signature Sleeper Hold. Lots of arm-flailing from Flair, but Piper's got the elbow cinched in real tight, and drags Flair to the center of the ring. Flair does that "Dying-Wicked-Witch-of-the-West" bit of dropping to his knees, then his butt, and finally onto his back as Piper's "Sleeper" takes effect, and Flair's in Dreamland. Piper wins, and the crowd goes wild. Back in the studio, where Tenay brings us up to date on the careers of both Piper and Flair. Hudson wants to know why the "Professor's Pick" remote control only works for Tenay. Hudson starts punching buttons on the R/C, as Tenay tries to take it away from him. Whoops, looks like Hudson's found the Spice Channel. Tenay says he thought he'd blocked out, but they both get VERY interested in the young lady currently on display. Commercials. Match #2: Chavo Guerrero Jr. d. Evan Karagias,("Brain Buster" finisher/pin, 3:30) WCW Cruiserweight Title defense. This match looks to be from the Memphis, TN taping. Your voice-over announcers (i.e. not actually on site are Mike Tenay and Scott Hudson. Tenay gives us some background on Chavo Guerrero Jr's career since winning the WCW Cruiserweight Title. BIG sign in the crowd reads "CHAVO ROCKS!" as Evan Karagias makes his way to the ring. Chavo comes out, climbs into the ring, and shoves Karagias to the mat. Karagias gets to his feet, and wallops Chavo. We get a high-speed chain-wrestling sequence of fists and holds, with Chavo prevailing at the end. Front chancery on Karagias, but Evan escapes through a series of elbow shots to Chavo's gut. Karagias tries a springboard maneuver, only to get a standing double dropkick from Chavo right in the kisser, and down he goes. Chavo jaws with the crowd, then goes back into "trash-talk" mode, and gets a slap across the chops for his efforts. Snap powerbomb from Karagias who follows through with the Fists of Fire. Both wrestlers are rolling around on the mat so much , it looks like they took a page out of the Tygress-Major Gunns catfight on last week's Thunder. We've got forearm smashes and elbows a-flying. Referee Slick Johnson tries to break it up, and nearly gets sucked into the maelstrom. Johnson finally gets them separated, only to have Chavo wallop Karagias a STIFF shot right in the kisser. Karagias is rocked back into the corner, and Chavo bores in with chops and forearm smashes. Man, Chavo's really laying in those chops, as you can actually see red fingerprint marks across Karagias' upper chest. Stiff cross-corner whip sends Karagias back-first into the far turnbuckle stack. Chavo tries a suplex, but fails, and sets Karagias a-straddle of the middle turnbuckle. Chavo follows this up with a standing double dropkick to Karagias' throat that drops him to the mat. Chavo decides to gather some more cheap heel heat from the fans, then goes back to work with a foot on Karagias' windpipe, followed up with a bootlace rake across the eyes. Snap-mare from Chavo takes Karagias to the mat, and into a reverse chinlock. Back on their feet, and Karagias tries to mount some kind of offense, only to get hammered to his knees again by Chavo. Cross-ring whip by Chavo gets reversed, and Karagias hits a Sidewalk Slam on the rebounding Chavo. Lateral press, hook the leg by Karagias, 1,2, Chavo kicks out! Karagias gets to his feet, and tries another cross-ring whip, but gets clotheslined by Chavo half way through the move. Chavo with a belly-to-back suplex, and a cover, 1,2, Karagias gets a shoulder up. We get a prone reverse chinlock by Chavo. Karagias hits a power surge, and breaks the chinlock with a series of elbow smashes. Both men on their feet, and we've got a good, old-fashioned brawl in the center of the ring. Karagias does that "block-and-punch" routine three times, then spins Chavo into a reverse Atomic Drop. Chavo recovers, and whips Karagias into the far corner. His follow-up charge gets a stiff double boot to the face from Karagias, and Chavo staggers away. Flying cross-body block from Karagias leads to an abortive pin attempt. Cross-corner whip by Karagias, but Chavo lands an elbow to the mush when Karagias tries the charge-in. Chavo goes for a charge-in of his own, and gets scoopslammed by Karagias. Cover by Karagias, 1,2, no! Karagias tries for a cross-ring whip, but Chavo reverses it. Karagias tries a leg-scissors takedown out of the rebound, but Chavo steps back and wheelbarrows Karagias. Chavo tries for the faceslam, but Karagias escapes, and nails Chavo with a faceslam of his own. Karagias rolls Chavo over, and now Karagias takes some time out for that "Drivin' the Caddy, Perpetratin' on the Cell Phone" -routine of his. Lateral press by Karagias, 1,2, Chavo gets a shoulder up. Suplex attempt by Karagias gets reversed into a Chavo suplex attempt, which then gets reversed into another Karagias suplex attempt, which Chavo then reverses again... ...and this time Chavo hits his "BrainBuster" finisher for the win. Back to the studio, where Tenay again shills for Chavo's then-upcoming Cruiserweight Title defense against Shane Helms of Three Count. Hudson does a promo for the Sin PPV once more, then says that we can expect the imminent return of the "Reel Time Wrestling" feature, along with an exclusive match between Bam Bam Bigelow and Big Vito. Closing credits. I'm still worried about that "WCW Worldwide"- link being dropped from the wcwdotcom site. Guess it's only a matter of time before the Reaper strikes again, hah? Oh, well.... See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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