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WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 20 January 2001. Opening credits. Terry Taylor's busy sending his resume to the monsterdotcom folks. Your hosts are Mike Tenay and Scott Hudson. Hudson says they can't show or talk about anything related to the Sin PPV for "legal reasons" this week, but they will have full coverage with video footage next week. We shift topics to the Hardcore belt, and the devastation wrought by Meng in his pursuit of the Title. Hudson calls Meng a "monster", and shows footage from Thunder two weeks ago, where Meng got the Harris Boys in a double Tongan Death Grip. Meng also laid waste to the Klown Kar O' Refs that tried to extricate the Harris Boys from Meng's clutches. Tenay says that, because of his tendency towards violence and a high threshold for pain, Meng is a natural for the Hardcore Title. Too bad he turned the Title belt in and bailed out to the WWF, hah? VinnyMac:1 Bischoff: 0 Commercials. It's time for "Ask WCW". Tenay wants to know when "Professor's Pick" is due. Hudson isn't sure if "Professor's Pick" is even around anymore. This week's question is from Edward Pardue of Charlotte, NC who's asking (God help us!) Daffney Unger, "the hottest woman in professional wrestling" ("Well..." scoffs Hudson) why she always screams at the top of her lungs, and does she ever lose her voice after a Nitro, Thunder, or PPV?" This gives Tenay a cue to wax poetic about losing HIS voice at a Halloween Havoc matchup... "It (the question) is NOT for you, Mike," says Hudson. "No?" says Tenay looking a bit hurt... "...no, and they shut down your "askmiketenaydotcom" site, too..." says Hudson, with a nasty grin. Tenay looks genuinely distressed at this. Over to Daffney, who's modishly attired in flaming red hair and a black tank top with the word "Killer" scrawled in red across it. "Why do I scream?" says Daffney (in a voice high enough to enrage a dog pack) "I scream when Crowbar wrestles because it's the most exciting thing I've ever seen. And I never lose my voice because I've got lungs...of...steel! But let me ask you a question, Eddie. Do you eat chickens?" (Huh?) Commercials. (At this point, I got up to take a leak. When I got back, the video from the show was skipping all over the place. Please note that this is the show as broadcast from the TV station, and NOT my VCR that's doing this.) Time for "Reel Time Wrestling," sponsored by WCW Magazine. On tap this week is a handicap match from the "Halloween Havoc 2000" PPV. We've got General Rection squaring off against Team Canada's lance Storm and the "turncoat" Hacksaw Jim Duggan for the WCW US Heavyweight Title. Tenay's telling about how great "WCW Magazine" is THE one source for the latest news (Hudson holds up his own version of a "Pop-up" caption that says "Mike Tenay's Middle Name:") and inside info from WCW (The next caption reads "Okerlund.") Tenay catches a glimpse of this foolishness on the monitor. "My middle name isn't Okerlund," says an exasperated Tenay, "and it isn't SCHIAVONE, either." Now THAT'S an insult! As Tenay sets the stage for the match, we get another Pop-up from Hudson, "Mike Rents Space On His Forehead." "Oh, yeah, look at the size of THAT noggin! You're a walking billboard!" says Tenay. And we learn that Maxine the Makeup Girl uses a powder puff on Tenay. Hudson requires a paint roller. Enough of this banter. Your ringside announcers are Tony Schiavone, Stevie Ray, and Mark Madden, (remember him?) Your "Pop-ups" are in parentheses. (Lance Storm) is from (Calgary, Alberta Canada). (Lance is the only wrestler ever to have won THREE different Titles within One month.") Lance won the (US Heavyweight Title vs Buff Bagwell) and (The Hardcore Championship Title vs. Big Vito), and the (Cruiserweight Title vs. Lt. Loco (aka Chavo Guerrero Jr.)). As Lance Storm gets serious for a moment (Immediately, Storm renamed ALL THREE belts and formed "Team CANADA.") and Major Gunns looks somewhat bored with her role as The Hostage, Storm calls out Gen'l. Rection, saying that tonight, he won't get the gold, and he won't get the girl, but he WILL get the beating of his life! As this is taking place, (Hacksaw Jim Duggan) is pacing around the ring (TRAITOR!!!!) minus his facial foliage, going "HO-O-O-O-O-O-O!" All rise for the Canadian National Anthem, and a segue to the in-ring action. (General Rection, aka Hugh Morrus, aka The Laughing Man) from (Paramus, NJ) is (Master of the "No Laughing Matter" moonsault) that is ("widely considered to be the best big-man finish in professional wrestling" -WCW Magazine) but (the moonsault represents only a fraction of Rection's repertoire.) Dugan and Rection are first up (This is the third meeting between Duggan and Rection since Hacksaw turned on the USA) As Duggan and Rection get into a headbutt shoving match (Answer: "Two Grade A Hams") which Duggan wins (Question: What does Hacksaw consider his Mighty Fists?) Schiavone relates the background on how Rection always looked up to Duggan (Hacksaw was always known for his patriotism (Small chyron of Old Glory)). BIG ripple in the tape, which stabilizes later in the segment. Lance Storm is walloping on Rection, and we just see the fade out of (Rection trained at the "Unpredictable Wrestling School of Johnny Rodz, Brooklyn, NY 1989) while (Lance Storm trained at The hart Bros. Pro Wrestling Camp" in Calgary, etc. etc.) Segue to (Hacksaw prepares for his 'signature move', from a Three Point Stance, a Running Clothesline Tackle.") but Rection gets an arm out, and we get a double clothesline instead. (...looks like this one BACKFIRED!) Another segue, as Storm tags in Duggan, (General Rection developed the MOONSAULT accidentally...) back body drop by Rection on Storm, who rolls through and tries for a clothesline. Rection ducks away and Storm clocks Duggan big-time. (In 1996 he slipped and fell backwards into a swimming pool. He liked it and refined the move into what it is today.) Rection pounds Duggan to the mat, then scoopslams Storm. Dammit, ANOTHER freakin' ripple in the tape, and we get Duggan setting Rection up for a (Pile Driver) (Objective: to drive the opponent's head into the mat by holding them upside down and then sitting or kneeling down.) Duggan piledrives Rection into the mat. (causes severe torque on the spinal column.) The referee's out cold, and Mark Madden's counting "1,2,3" to no avail as Duggan pins Rection. The referee comes to, and counts 1...2... and Rection hits a power surge and shoves Duggan onto the referee. "What a stupid American referee," hollers Madden, who should know. Segue to later in the match, or it may have been another ripple, has (Major Gunns) (aka Tylene Buck, Team Canada's "Prisoner of War", serial # 34D-24-35) walloping "Prime Time" Elix Skipper off the ring apron with the Canadian Flag (Looks like Prime Time just got cancelled.) Gunns gets a good talking-to from Lance Storm who then climbs back up on the ring apron. Whereupon Gunns grabs a handful of Storm's tights and yanks him back down to the floor. While all this is going on , Rection uses Duggan's 2x4 in a White Russian legsweep, and finishes Duggan off with the moonsault. Cover, 1,2,3 and Rection regains the US/Canadian Title. (General Rection brings the gold back HOME.) Post match, the jubilant Rection celebrates his victory with the rest of the MIA's, and Lance Storm glares from the ramp. Final Pop-up brings us up to date, with Duggan's return to the USA, and Major Gunns' defection to Team Canada. This was the first Title win in Rection/Hugh Morrus' career. Back in the studio, where Tenay brings us up to date on the MIA/team Canada feud since Halloween Havoc 2000. More rippling of the tape and I miss Hudson pulling another of his own home-grown Pop-ups on Tenay. Something having to do with dentures. Commercials. Hudson and Tenay shill for the current edition of WCW Magazine, specifically the Goldberg and Buff Bagwell articles. Tenay also promo's his column on Shawn Stasiak, and wouldn't you know it, we get "Up Close and Personal" with Mr. Perfect. Ego-stroking is what this guy craves, but will never get. As for him being the World Champ, well, we've all got a dream. Though, in this case, it's more of a delusion. Commercials. Time for the Professor's Pick of the Week. From Halloween Havoc, 1997, we get a wild match between a shaggy Diamond Dallas Page, and the Macho Man himself, Randy Savage. Tenay has some problems with his personal remote control, until he spots Hudson trying to fit the R/C's batteries into a steam iron.(?) Professor's Pick of the Week: Randy Savage (w/ Elizabeth) d. Diamond Dallas Page (w/ Kimberly, heavily taped ribs, and an unflattering shaggy hairdo), (COR, we saw 3:50), "Las Vegas Death Match" from Halloween Havoc 1997 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena, in Las Vegas, NV. "Las Vegas Death Match?" Hmmmm... Your ringside announcers are Tony Schiavone, Bobby "The Brain" Heenan, and "The American Dream "Dus-ty Rhodes. Things get started with a bang, as we join the match in progress. The lovely Elizabeth has just clocked the referee a good one with a plastic serving tray. She then runs around the ring, grabs hold of DDP's neck, and chokes him across the ropes with an extension cord. This of course brings out DDP's Kimberly, and we get the mother of all catfights at ringside. These two are just walloping the hell out of each other. Rhodes is screaming "Catfight!" and "Somebody get mah med-cine!" and "Mah goo'ness!" Kim and Liz head up the ramp, as we get a new referee, ol' Nick Patrick, who's in "pre-NWO-bent-referee" mode. Where's Savage? Oh, there he is crumpled in a corner. Patrick starts a 10-count, and it's DDP who gets to his feet first. He lassos Savage and tries a for a Diamond Cutter, but Savage shoves him off. DDP staggers to the ropes and collapses. Savage drags him into the center of the ring, goes up top, and hits his signature flying elbow, though with less force than usual because he's obviously pooped. Both men down, the 10 count is resumed, and this time DDP gets to his feet first. He drags Savage to his feet. Savage, playin' possum, hits a body slam. Up top again for the "Macho Man" and another flying elbow that connects this time. Doggone it another tape ripple! Savage is ducking away from another Diamond Cutter attempt, and mule-kicks DDP in the in-seam. DDP rolls out of the ring, making statements. Out comes "Sting", lugging a baseball bat. He strides up to DDP... ...and WHACKS him a good one with the bat! DDP collapses like a sack of potatoes. Sting strolls back up the ramp Referee Nick Patrick doesn't see this, (of course!) and continues the count to 10, counting DDP out. Consensus at the broadcast booth is that it wasn't the real Sting swinging the bat Back to the studio, where Tenay elaborates on the match's outcome, and how it laid the groundwork for the WCW Hardcore Division. Promos and shilling abound, as Tenay and Hudson push wcwgeardotcom, and DDP's book, "Positively Page." Commercials. Our Match of the Week is next up, a brutal slugfest between Bam Bam Bigelow, and Big Vito. The match appears to be from the Memphis Nitro/Thunder tapings of three week's ago. Match of the Week: Bam Bam Bigelow d. Big Vito ("Greetings From Asbury Park" finisher/pin, 2:18) Bam Bam is mis-printed "Bamm Bamm" on the chyron because THIS IS WCW! Your voice-over announcers are Mike Tenay and Scott Hudson. Tenay says that Bigelow's weight is nearing the 400lb mark, which Hudson doesn't believe. Tenay also says there's no love lost betweenthese two behemoths. Big Vito comes to the ring, and Hudson says that "Vito's Staten Island blood must be boiling!" Vito's trying to work up some crowd support, and seems to be getting some. Bigelow tells the crowd to zip it, then goes to work. Series of Bigelow arm-wringers on Vito gets countered by a wristlock that Bigelow breaks by sticking his head through the ropes. Cross-ring whip by Bigelow and a shoulder block sends Vito to the mat. As Vito slowly gets to his feet, Bigelow knocks him down with another shoulder block. A repeat attempt puts Bigelow on the wrong end of a drop toehold. Two shuto chops to Bigelow's throat by Vito are followed up by a running clothesline, and Bigelow bails out of the ring to regroup. Vito follows him, and shuto-chops him in the throat once more. A fist to the chin, and Vito whips Bigelow into the steel guardrail. Bigelow counters with a vicious kneelift to Vito's chin, then hot-shots his noggin off the steel guardrail face first. Bigelow bounces Vito's head off the steel ring steps. "Is he still conscious?" asks a worried Scott Hudson. Bigelow tosses Vito back in the ring, then climbs in as well. Scoopslam by Bigelow, who then goes up top, only to miss the flying headbutt attempt when Vito ducks out of the way. Vito recovers, and does a boxing clinic on Bigelow, just pounding the heck out of his battered ol' face. Cross-ring whip, and Vito nails Bigelow with the clothesline. Cover, 1,2, Bigelow gets a shoulder up! Springboard legdrop off the ropes rocks Bigelow. Cover, 1,2, and a half, Bigelow kicks out! Bigelow drags himself to the corner and pulls himself to his feet. Vito's here to punch the daylights out of him again. Cross-corner gets reversed, but Vito hammers Bigelow with a Big Right Foot when he charges in. Vito tries for a running clothesline out of the corner, but Bigelow clocks him one. An attempted suplex by Bigelow doesn't get off the ground, and Vito counters with a suplex of his own. Vito goes up top, but is too slow, which allows Bigelow to slam the ring-ropes and knock him off his perch. Vito straddles the top turnbuckle hard, and sort of collapses into the ring, holding himself. Bigelow wallops Vito with a Big Left hand then hits his "Greetings From Asbury Park" finisher for the pinfall. Tenay says that the match was one that Bigelow needed to begin to climb the ranks in WCW. As he and Hudson continue to prattle on, out comes Johnny the Bull, with what looks like a whole pet store skinned out for this one coat he's wearing. As Johnny the Bull walks past Bigelow, he pulls a kendo stick from under the coat and takes a swing at Bigelow's head. Bigelow sees it coming, ducks, clouts Johnny a good one, and then slams him into the steel guardrail. Johnny collapses in a heap, and Bigelow heads for the back. Johnny recovers, staggers to the ring, and checks on Big Vito for signs of life. "Bigelow is your winner," says Hudson, "but this war will continue!" Hudson shills for next week's show, including all the footage you could possibly want from the Sin PPV. Closing credits. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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