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WCW Worldwide by E.C. Ostermeyer |
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This is the WCW Worldwide report for Saturday, 27 January 2001, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer. We open this week's show ... ...from somebody's basement? Man, looks like Colortyme Rent-to-Own saw this chump coming. Oops, it's Scott Hudson's basement. Scott says he's getting ready for "the big game". Looks like he's expecting company, though if ladies are on the guest list, he'd better ditch that "Valdosta" sweatshirt he's wearing. Hudson says we've got a complete recap of the WCW Sin PPV on tonight's show, WITH footage, plus news from WCW and where the heck is Mike Tenay? Knock on the door, and it's Iron Mike himself. Mr "Life o' the Party" has gone all out, and brought the refreshments: a half-drunk two liter o' Coke and a stalk of Ritz crackers. "You don't have to say thank you, Scott, I spared no expense." "You're late, Mike." "Late? Where is everybody? Did you invite the Nitro Girls?" "Maybe." "Nitro Girl 'Maybe' is here?" Tenay hangs his coat up on Mr. Cameraman, completely blocking the shot. "There's NO Nitro Girl 'Maybe', Mike..." Tenay starts digging into the refreshments. With both hands. Yep, gonna be a wild party all right. First topic of discussion is the retirement of Goldberg at the hands of Totally Buff, "...and the whole thing," says Mike Tenay, "was masterminded by the dirtiest player in the game, CEO Ric Flair." Hudson, like a lot of us thought that Flair had put his evil ways behind him. "New suit, new haircut, new power, we all thought Flair had finally changed. Now we know that wasn't the case at all." Hudson runs down the list of Title changes that occurred at theSin- PPV: Hardcore Champ: Meng (but not for long, guys...) US Heavyweight Champ: Shane Douglas Tag-team Champs: Chuck Palumbo and Sean O'Haire. Both Hudson and Tenay attribute this sea-change in the WCW Titles to the actions of one man: Ric Flair, the man who was also instrumental in the return of Road Warrior Animal and the defeat of Sid Vicious' challenge to Scott Steiner's World Heavyweight Title. Footage from Sin opens with... Aw, for cryin' out loud... Lex Luger and Buff Bagwell backstage concocting a new plot to mess with Goldberg. Little do they know that Goldberg and CEO Ric Flair are watching them. Goldberg's all for ripping their heads off right now, but Flair tells him to wait, that he's gonna make the match a "No DQ" and how's that for fair? Goldberg's pleased, hugs all around, and Flair introduces Goldberg to Ben, the Adoring Fan. Later, Buff Bagwell's unconscious at ringside, and Luger's getting shoved and poked by Ben the Adoring Fan. Hudson's hollering for Security, that you don't put your hands on a wrestler. Luger grabs a big handful of Ben's shirt, which gets him a shattering forearm smash to the side of the head from an enraged Goldberg. Luger goes down in a heap, and Goldberg turns to see if Ben is all right... ...only to get a faceful of mace from The Adoring Fan! Wow! One heckuva swerve. Goldberg reacts like he's been kicked by a mule, and by reflex grabs a handful of Ben's shirt, lifts him bodily over the steel guardrail, and tosses him about fifteen feet along ringside. Ben fetches up against the steel steps, where he's pounced upon by WCW Security and wrestled to the ground. Goldberg's writhing on the floormats, digging at his eyes and hollering. Luger whacks him twice across the back with a steel chair. Luger than pulls Security off the Adoring Fan, and high-fives him. "Is THAT 'Plan C'?" hollers Scott Hudson. Fade to later in the match, with Luger and Bagwell taking Goldberg apart, despite Goldberg blindly lashing out in every direction. Clothesline for Bagwell. Schiavone's hollering about Sarge being down, as Luger whacks Goldberg on the head with the steel chair... ...another fade, and we are later in the show, as a white limo arrives. Ric Flair is there to meet it, and out steps the Mystery Opponent. Back to the ring, where we are just seconds past Sid Vicious horrifying injury. Referee Slick Johnson's tending to Sid who's in real distress out there. Johnson goes to call the match, but Steiner stomps Sid one right on the noggin. Segue to a few moments later, after Steiner and the Mystery Opponent have defeated Sid. The Mystery Opponent unmasks, and it's Road Warrior Animal. Hugs all around between Animal and Steiner, as the trainer Danny Young is busy with Sid Vicious. Back to Hudson's rumpus room, where Tenay's reading the latest edition of WCW Magazine. "Do you mind getting your feet off my table?" growls Hudson. "Oh, sorry," says Tenay, who promptly removes his feet, but not before we see a big "R" and a big "L" on the bottom of each shoe. But on the wrong ones, respectively, of course. "Show a little decorum, would you," harps Hudson, who's beginning to sound like Daffney Unger's whiny uncle, Felix. Brief recap on the condition of Sid Vicious, who looks to be out for at least a year Commercials. Y'know, I just noticed something. In the Buff Bagwell MasterCard ad, the girl on Buff's right may be smiling, but her eyes have the cold mercenary glint of somebody who had to be paid to sit next to this guy. Matter of fact, ALL the ladies in this commercial have that look. It's Nitro Girls Naughty-a and Chae who've decided to stop by. Tenay decides to play host to these lovelies, and tells Hudson to get the door. It's WCW Commissioner Cat and Ms. Jones. The Cat is p.o.'ed that the door wasn't opened fast enough. "Here, come sit in MY chair, Mr. Commissioner, " says Mike Tenay. "YOUR chair? So you two live here together?" asks the Cat with a grin. "Nonononono," says Hudson, aware that a REALLY wrong impression might be given, and simultaneously giving Tenay a dirty look. "What is all this, anyhow?" asks the Cat. "This is my basement," says Hudson. "So your momma lives upstairs, does she?" says the Cat, as Tenay puts another pillow under the Cat's left arm. "No, my WIFE'S upstairs," says Hudson, (to Tenay): 'Would you STOP fawning, and go and help Naughty-a and Chae, please? Now, Cat, I brought you here to ask..." "Hey, you didn't BRING anybody!" retorts the Cat, "I paid $2.50 in gas money to bring myself and this fine lady (Ms. Jones) over here. Get it right." (Meanwhile, Tenay has shouldered the Nitro Girls aside and is digging into the snacks and hors d'oeuvres.) Hudson, recovering nicely, praises the Cat's career in the NFL, martial arts, as a WCW wrestler, "and it all culminated in your becoming WCW Commissioner." "Yeah, and I should be at the top, because..." "Pork rinds?" asks Tenay, shoving a big platter of them under the Cat's nose. The Cat nearly gags. "Can't you do something about him?(To Hudson) I'm leaving right..." "Tenay, would you PLEASE quit bothering the Commissioner?" says Hudson, "who are you, Julia Child?" Hudson then describes the current situation in WCW with Ric Flair in charge, and says that the Cat's power as WCW Commissioner is all that stands between the company and total chaos. "Kiss?" asks Tenay, proffering a tray of the little Hershey devils to the Cat. "Hey! So this is why you got me down here in the basement, is it? I'm leavin' right now!" The Cat gets up to leave, as does Ms. Jones. "Somebody call my momma..." "Your momma?" asks Tenay, picking up the phone, "I'll call your momma for you right now..." as he picks up the phone, it pulls loose from the wall. "Cat!" says Hudson, "c'mon, don't leave, I...will you please put the phone down, Mike? Cat, hey c'mon..." Footage from Nitro, where Totally Buff are staging a mock funeral for the career of Bill Goldberg, complete with casket, spear, jackhammer, and Goldberg's new book. As the heels gather, Scott Steiner spits in the casket. Real class, that guy. Goldberg's music plays, but out comes Ric Flair and Animal. Out in the ring, challenges are made and accepted. The Cat books the matches. "It is my duty, to punish your booty! I have spoken!" Later, Nash is about to administer the jackknife powerbomb to Scott Steiner, and the Natural Born Thrillers, Jeff Jarrett, Animal are there to make the screwjob ending. Back in Hudson's basement, Scott's entertaining the Nitro Girls. Chae and Naughty-a are tucking in to a big bowl of chips and dip. Commercials. Back to the party, where Chae and Naughty-a are now playing Nintendo. Tenay gets the Cat and Ms. Jones to come back to the party. "I apologize for Mike Tenay, Cat, " says Hudson. "Just keep that chump away from me, " growls the Cat. It's time for "Ask WCW." This week's question is a three-parter for Ms. Jones, and comes from Jason Lindsey from Odenton, MD: 1. What or who got you involved in wrestling? 2. Have you been in any other wrestling organizations, and 3. Are you married to the Cat? The Cat's giving Hudson the stink-eye over the last question, but Hudson's saying that it's what the fan wrote. Over to Ms. Jones who says: 1. she was the former Nitro Girl "Chameleon" for 7 months before becoming "Ms. Jones, and 2. No she's never been in any other wrestling organizations, and 3. Since there are no wedding rings on her fingers, she has a purely working relationship with the Cat. "I gotta question for you, Scott Hudson," says the Cat, " Are you and Mike Tenay married?" Hudson gives him the Look. "Hey, don't gimme that Look or I'll knock you out!" says the Cat. Hudson apologizes, then shills for the Professor's Pick of the Week, and whatever else they can squeeze in tonight's show. "And more of our great party..." says Hudson, as The Cat is shaking his head while he's been talking. Commercials. Time or the Professor's Pick of the Week. This week, Tenay is joined by Johnny the Bull, the subject of the Pick. Johnny the Bull talks about his string of bad luck this past year, the injury to his knee, and his current prospects. He looks forward to a better 2001 season. Match #1: Professor's Pick of the Week: Johnny the Bull d. Terry Funk, (DDT/pin, 3:30) Hardcore match from the 3 July 2000 WCW Monday Nitro in Charleston, WV. Your ring announcers are Tony Schiavone, Mark Madden and Scott Hudson. The match starts backstage, and proceeds to the ramp, where Terry Funk just wallops Johnny the Bull over the head with a trash can. There's another trash can shot to the head, followed by a Big Left Hand. At ringside, Funk whips the Bull into the steel guardrail, entangling him in a steel chair. Two chair shots by Funk, as Bull limps to the ring. There's another chair shot, as Funk is hollering for Johnny the Bull to get up. "Johnny can't take it," bellows Funk, as he lodges the chair between the top two turnbuckles on the far side. The Bull gets to his feet and staggers back against the turnbuckles. Funk starts clobbering him with lefts and rights and keeping the trash-talk hot. Bum's rush by Funk sends Johnny the Bull face-first into the steel chair. Another bum's rush by Funk sends the Bull through the ring-ropes to the floor. Funk throws a steel chair at Johnny the Bull's head, and it lands with considerable impact. Funk bounces the Bull's head off the broadcast booth, then wallops him again with the steel chair. Funk tries for another chair shot, but Johnny the Bull lands a standing sidekick Van Daminator that sends Funk to the mat. Now it's Funk's turn to take the chair shots. Another chair shot to the head, and Funk rolls over the steel guardrail into the crowd. The action gets fast and furious, but we fans at home can only get a telephoto shot of it because THIS IS WCW! and they didn't send Mr. Cameraman over the railing after the wrestlers. Mr. Cameraman finally arrives on the scene, just in time to see Johnny the Bull give a piledriver on the concrete floor to Terry Funk. Chair shot to Funk sends him sprawling back over the railing to ringside. Snap suplex by Johnny the Bull, and Funk is busted open. Johnny the Bull places the steel chair over Funk's face, then climbs back in the ring, and goes for a springboard Guillotine Legdrop off the top rope. He misses his balance the first time, but winds up, and delivers the second time, landing squarely across the Funk's steel-chaired face with his right leg... and I believe it was at this point that the injury to Johnny the Bull's knee occurred. Johnny the Bull has enough left in him to roll Funk back into the ring, and then go get a steel chair. A half-hearted toss of the chair against Funk's head, but Funk sells the heck out of it. As the Bull nurses his hurt knee, Fun tries for a chair-shot to the head, that Johnny the Bull ducks, and then slaps a Victory Roll on Funk for a near fall. Another chair-shot by the Bull levels Funk but no pinfall comes of it. DDT by Johnny the Bull on a steel chair, and this time he gets the pinfall. Mike Tenay and Johnny the Bull discuss the resulting injury, the recovery time he's spent, and his plans for the future, which includes a reunion of the Mamalukes with Big Vito. As Hudson shills for what's coming up, the Cat gets a phone call and has to take care of "some important official business", and bails out of the party. Commercials. We come back, and Ms. Jones is playing "WCW Backstage Assault" with what looks like Mr. Cameraman. Is that Jeremy Borash at the snack table? Mike Tenay, ever the smoothie, has a Nitro Girl on each arm. Scott Hudson says that the 1 February episode of the WB's "Charmed," Alyssa Milano gets Scott Steiner and Buff Bagwell as co-stars. The same night, over on A&E, "Behind Closed Doors with Joan Lunden" shows up at the WCW Power Plant. Meanwhile, over on the couch, Mike Tenay, Chae, and Naughty-a are perusing the "Ultimate Guide to WCW" book, which Chae is very enthusiastic about. Tenay's got a big ol' grin on his face that makes him look like a randy basset hound. Hudson tells Tenay to be a good host and go get the girls some munchies. When Tenay gets up to do just that, Hudson quickly jumps into Tenay's spot on the couch. Hudson asks Chae of her memories of Tampa "where the big game is, this Sunday." Chae's memory is that Tampa's always beautiful, especially her memories of the first Nitro Girl picture shoot. They rented a house on the beach, and there were about a hundred bikinis on the bed, and the Nitro girls kept trying them on, one after another... Hudson's dome's just beginning to sweat when Tenay arrives back to reclaim his seat. Not to be outdone, Tenay does a quick puff-piece with Naughty-a based on her WCW Magazine article. Naughty-a was "absolutely devastated" when she learned of Goldberg's forced retirement. Commercials. Match #2: Kronik d. Meng & Kwee-Wee (w/Paisley), (Double-team flying clothesline/powerbomb/ pin, 3:10) They've got the "Worldwide" drapes on the ring this week. Hudson and Tenay do the voice-over announcers routine. Topic of discussion is the possibility that Kronik could be wooed to the Dark Side by liberal applications of cash from evil CEO Ric Flair. The match opens with Meng facing Brian Adams. Adams leads off with a cross-ring whip and hammers Meng to the mat with a shoulder block. A headbutt by Adams does more damage to him than to Meng, who promptly responds with a superkick that tumbles Adams over the top rope to the floor at ringside. Meng sets for a (my God!) slingshot maneuver over the top ropes and onto Adams quickly backs off and tells Meng to shoo. Hudson and Tenay try to get something started about Paisley giving Bryan Clarke the eye. Tag by Adams to Clarke, who backs Meng into a corner, and then pokes a thumb in his eye. Two kneelifts to Meng's gut, and three chops to Meng's throat, and Meng's had enough of this nonsense, as he tosses Clarke into the corner and starts chopping the big man down to size. Cross-ring whip by Meng, and a powerslam for a near fall, but Adams makes the save. Meng tags in Kwee-Wee and Clarke gets a double-team headbutt. Kwee-Wee shifts into "Angry Allan" mode and starts whaling away on Clarke, just pounding him back into the corner. Cross-corner whip by Kwee-Wee/Allan gets reversed, and he ducks a massive swung fist. Kwee-Wee with punches in bunches into Clarke's ribs and breadbasket. Kwee-Wee attempts another cross-ring whip, but Clarke short-stops him and counters with a gutbuster to send Kwee-Wee to the mat. Clarke's gone nasty, and begins kicking the stuffing out of Kwee-Wee. Cross-ring whip by Clarke into a Big Boot to the gut sets up a uranage suplex on Kwee-Wee, and a cover, 1,2, Meng's in to break up the pinfall. Tag to Adams, and Kronik double-teams a running clothesline. Adams with a cross-ring whip on Kwee-Wee, and a boot in the gut again. he follows it up with a Big Right Hand to the noggin, and down goes Kwee-Wee. Adams is "shakin' the bees" out of his right hand off that last maneuver. A cross-corner whip by Adams but Kwee-Wee gets a boot up and Adams gets it right in the face. Flying cross-body by Kwee-Wee gets stopped in mid-air by Adams, who hits a backbreaker, and a gorilla slam in succession on Kwee-Wee. Shoulder-high backbreaker on Kwee-Wee by Adams, and a cover, 1,2, and Kwee-Wee kicks out. Another cross-ring whip by Adams, but this time Kwee-Wee ducks the swung fist, and rolls through for a Sunset Flip attempt (!) on Adams. After regaining his balance, Adams kisses his fist for the "Lights Out" punch on Kwee-Wee. However, Kwee-Wee sees it coming and scoots away at the last moment, leaving Adams to punch his fist into the canvas. Man, that must hurt like crazy. Kwee-Wee rolls away and tags Meng. Clarke tries to make the save, but Meng's just going to Stomp City with Kronik, firing off lefts, rights, and kicks in every direction. Headbutt to Adams and down he goes. Meng drags Kronik back to their feet, and gives 'em a double noggin-knocker. Scoopslam on both Adams and Clarke by Meng. Springboard headbutt by Meng gets nothing but mat, and Meng is stunned. Cross-corner whip by Kronik ad a double-team boot to the face rocks Meng back into the corner. Kronik sets up Meg for their "High Times" finisher, but Kwee-Wee breaks it up. Clarke clotheslines Meng over the top rope as Adams hits a Full-nelson Slam on Kwee-Wee. Meng slaps the Tongan Death Grip on Clarke and pulls him over the top rope to the floor. Adams bails out to help his partner. Double-team bum's rush by Kronik sends Meng face-first into the steel ring-post. Back in the ring, Kronik nails Kwee-Wee with a top turnbuckle clothesline into a power bomb, and Adams gets the pin. Post-match, Clarke is trash-talking Kwee-Wee while Paisley's hollering for the referee to pull him off. Back to the "party", and the Nitro Girls have found better couch company in Johnny the Bull. Looks like we're running out of time for this week's show... And somebody's knocking at the door again. Aaagh! It's Tony Schiavone! He's in whine-mode about how he's been at the WCW Worldwide studio since early this morning because he thought the party was over there. "Did I miss a meeting?" "I faxed you a map, " says Tenay. "You don't have a fax machine," retorts Tony. "I called Lois and Critter (Critter?!) all week and left you messages," says Hudson. "Ah, the day's shot," says Schiavone, who leaves. "Thanks a lot, Mike," says Hudson, "Tony? Tony come back..." Hudson attempting to go after Schiavone, trips over Tenay's big feet, and takes a header onto the carpet. "Ah, forget him," growls Tenay. Closing credits. Tonight's show needed Bobby Heenan and Larry Zbyszko. Heck, even Mark Madden. Sigh. See you next week. E.C. Ostermeyer [slash] wrestling Email the Author Comment about this article on the EZBoard |
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