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/24 July 1999

WCW Worldwide


Guest columnist: Mike Mousseau


I'll open this week's report with a list of all the messages I got in response to last week's report.

There. It sure is easy to respond to all your emails when you don't get any. Here's a hypothetical question: If someone recaps WCW Worldwide, and no one reads it, is it really a recap? I would ask for any thoughts on the subject, but that would be fruitless. Jerks.

The show opens with a clip of the Macho Champ from the 12.7.99 Nitro. Get used to it, we'll see a lot from that episode. To the studio we go -- Tony (this is now my top gig) Schiavone and Larry Legend are there waiting for us. According to Tony, July 11 and 12 were "two big days" in WCW. Yeah, we saw the value of the world title plummet even more. All together now: Tag, you're it!

Next up, we see stills from Crash at the Beach. I think they give us some shots of every "match" on the card. Including the Piper-Buff boxing "match" and the Hardcore Invitational. Let's take it to "Mean" Gene, who's standing by with the winner of said invitational, Fit Finlay. Says Gene, " . . . members of the First Family stoled the trophy." Stoled? How long have you been speaking in public? Fit says he'll get that trophy back, no matter what he has to do. Insert "if Pat Patterson were head booker" joke here. Let's take a break here with some paid advertising.

Back to the studio, where the announcers ramble on (yeah! Zeppelin!) about Savage's open challenge for a title shot. Of course, little did he know The Incredible Hulk Hogan was in the building! What a shock it must have been when he came out to accept the challenge! Randy must have been so shocked that he couldn't regain his senses in time to defeat this mighty challenger! Let's go back to Nitro and watch this again!

Whew! What a match! That's sure to be a candidate for match of the year, nay, century! We're back in the studio, and I'm trying to catch my breath. Ooh, here's one of my favorite parts of Worldwide. I love it when the camera gets all up in the face of the announcer. Up close, Tony is actually a very handsome man. The duo talk about Nash versus Hogan for the WCW World Heavyweight Title at Road Wild, which swells my excitement to order that Pay Per View. Hey, lets see a promo for that event, and other exciting adverts!

Back to the studio for more notmatches. Tony says David Flair still holding the US Heavyweight Title is sadder than the untimely death of John Kennedy jr. Hey, how did he know about that? This show was taped before the accident! Tony is either psychic, or . . . Anyway, Zbyszko simply calls Dave a pimple on the face of tradition that should be popped. Instead of new matches, let's go back to Nitro (12.7.99). We see Big Dave beat Dean Malenko, Sting take umbrage with Ric Flair (Dave's dad), and Sting beat (?) Dave. That sets up a match for last week between Sting and Ric Flair for control of the company. Tune in to Worldwide next week to find out what happened!

To the studio once again, where at least we find out why Sting got the match with the Nature Boy. Tony says we didn't see a clear winner, but an official reviewed the match. Oh. That makes sense I guess. What would we do without those officials? Yes! The camera is all up in Larry's face! To celebrate, let's see some commercials.

Let's go back to Nitro, where we see Fit Finlay assaulted by the First Family. Jimmy Hart sneaks off with the U-Joint Trophy. Now we're back in the studio, and we get more hype of Road Wild. Tony says Nash and Hogan will actually "wrestle" for the first time. Ha! Too bad neither man could wrestle his way out of a wet paper bag.

Match #1: Johnny Swinger v. Ciclope - Mike Tenay and Scott (I'm the new F'n show) Hudson) are your announcers. Mickey J is the referee. Lockup, and a takedown by Swinger. Ciclope claims a hair pull and starts to head to the back. Of course, he changes his mind, and the match is back on. Lockup, arm wringer by Ciclope, reversed by Swinger, but a spinning back kick by the luchadore puts the man down. Now Ciclope goes to the top, and he lands a missile dropkick to the back of Swinger's head for a two-count. Swinger in control now--he hits a swinging neckbreaker. That gets two. Now Swinger puts on a choke and hits some punches and kicks, but a big chest slap from Ciclope negates his momentum. Ciclope comes off the ropes and tries a butt-first something, but Swinger moves. Swinger to the apron, and he hits a slingshot guillotine legdrop to end things. (3:07)

Here is Geno with one third of the Triad, Kanyon. Gene infers that Kanyon is a junior member of the group, to which Kanyon replies that he doesn't carry their bags like Penzer does for Gene. Gene continues to try to stir up controversy, but Kanyon has none of it. Let's take a break for some more ads.

Match #2: Barry Horowitz v. Barbarian (with First Family minus Knobbs) - Referee is Billy Silverman. Barry fakes the lockup and gets in a couple punches before the squash begins. Barbarian to the ropes, nope, reversed, lariat on Horowitz. Barbarian chokes to a two-count, shoves his opponent to the corner, and chokes some more. Now a scoop and a slam on the eventual squashee. The much bigger Barbarian follows up with a kick and a kneelift. Two chops, sends the man to the corner, charge, but he eats a Horowitz back elbow. Barry with a jawbreaker, but he pats himself on the back, and you can smell the end coming. Barbarian is up and kicks Barry in the gut and proceeds with a piledriver. Here's the kick of fear for the pin. (2:48)

The show ends with more hype for Road Wild and the Nash-Hogan title match. See you again next week, when I hopefully will have a more positive approach.

Mike Mousseau

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Guest column text copyright (C) 1999 by the individual author and used with permission