WCW Worldwide by Mike Mousseau
To Scott Keith, Mr. Netcop--
"Whether you like it, or you don't like it, you respect it. Because when you see this: [slash], you know it's the symbol of excellence."
just like CRZ's, except with more hits and less ugly -- More hits? Sure. More substance? Not a chance. As of 1:00 AM Sunday morning, nothing new at your site since the RAW Report. Not even your own THUNDER! Report. As for ugly, that is a matter of opinion. My opinion is that calf-scour yellow is an ugly color to have on a web site.
Sorry folks, I just had to defend the [slash] there for a bit. I'm Mike, and this is your weekly edition of WCW Worldwide. Let me take you back to last week, where I asked you, "Who will win the Superbowl next January?" And the answer was, much to my dismay, the Minnesota Viqueens. Ugh. Enough on that. This week's question has The Cub's Fan in mind: Can Sammy Sosa keep his home run lead over Mark McGwire until the end of the season? At this point, Sosa has 51 and McGwire has 49. If you don't care, write me and tell me what you do care about. Maybe you'll sponsor next week's question. My address is at the foot of the column.
One more thing before Worldwide. [Slash] Wrestling has many fine writers and thus many fine articles for you folks to read. And when you read these articles, you should let the author know what you think. Whether you liked the article, disliked it, agreed, disagreed, whatever. Give some feedback. It's about communication, people! Or, you can ignore what I say and keep on keepin' on. There. Now you've had a stern talking to--time for the show!
Scott Hudson and Larry Zbyszko are our studio hosts. Hudson says he's "fresh out of the hospital." OK. Topic du jour, er, week, is the return of Hulk Hogan, and of course the red and yellow. Lets go back to 9.8.99 Nitro, where Hogan, jr., makes a guest appearance. I hear plans are being made for Flair to job to Hogan's kid at Starrcade. Anyhow, Tony orgasms to the sound of "American Made." There was a six-man tag match. There were weak chairshots. There were victors. Back to the studio.
This is where Worldwide is fun. It's been a week since the Pay Per View, but we don't get the results in this universe until next week. I'm dizzy! We better go to Gene Okerlund for an interview segment.
"Mean" Gene is with DDP, "one of the innovators online," according to Gene. Yeah, him and Al Gore. Well, this segment is all about DDP's great accomplishments. He wrote a book. And he was in a movie. And he wrestles. And he created Chris Jericho (literally!). Hype DDP, 'cuz he needs it. This portion of WCW Worldwide is brought to you by 1-800-COLLECT.
The duo talk about the prestige of the US Heavyweight title, mentioning Sting, Goldberg, Piper, Hart, Flair and Arn Anderson. Arn held the TV title a few times, but to the best of my knowledge, he never had the US title. I guess that's WCW for ya. If they don't care enough to remember anything, why should their fans? Anyway, the point they make is that the current (?) US Heavyweight champ, David Flair, didn't earn the belt. Let's go back to 9.8.99 Nitro, where Dusty Rhodes talked to the Revolution. Then Big Dave walked by, and Benoit kicked his ass. Later, they had a match. Benoit won with the swandive headbutt, making him the current US champion, in my view.
Back in the studio, the duo put Benoit over as a great wrestler. We'll be back with our wrestling matches.
Please do not buy Konnan's T-shirt, even if it is only $20. Promotional consideration paid for by the following: Slim Jim, America Online, Moen faucets, Motel 6, Viractin and Hot Pockets.
Match #1: Johnny Attitude v. The Gambler - Whee! We get Dusty Rhodes again this week. He's a part of the championship committee, ya see. The Gambler's gimmick is flipping playing cards at the fans on the way to the ring. Lockup, body slam and posing by Attitude. Stalling. Lockup, fireman's carry takeover by the Gambler. More stalling. Lockup, and wrestling moves follow. Johnny Attitude is in control. He elbows and chops. The Gambler comesback with a clothesline. Attitude catches The Gambler off the ropes in a quasi-bearhug, moves him around, then flips him over his back. Oh yeah, the ref is Johnny Boone. This match is very sloppy--I'm pretty sure it's not The Gambler's fault. Gambler regains control a little later with a hiptoss. There's a back elbow. Attitude regains control with his own back elbow. A couple moves later, Attitude hits what I would describe as a belly to belly Stunner for the 1,2,3. (3:51) No name is given for the move. I'll name it "sidewalk slam."
Dude, use 1-800-CALL-ATT. Dude. Dude? Dude! Closed captioning where available is sponsored by Western Union.
Match #2: Lodi (w/ Lenny Lane) v. Johnny Swinger - Lenny gets a last name this week. By the way, he is your current WCW Cruiserweight champion. Your referee is PeeWee Anderson. He's "Randy." Lenny and Lodi hug before the match, just like the Steiner brothers and Harlem Heat always do. I refuse to tell you about Lodi's signs. Johnny Swinger in full control here. Punches and stuff. Lodi is tossed to the outside, and then into the safety rail. There's a swinging neckbreaker by Swinger. Ha! Get it?! Swinger is still in control. We may be witnessing a full squash here, folks. Nope, Lodi with a powerslam. Lodi to the top. Of course he gets crotched. Somehow, Lodi ends up outside the ring again. Swinger tries to suplex him back in, and we relive a famous WWF PPV match ending. Lenny trips Swinger, allowing Lodi to fall on top for the pin. (3:37) If you know the match I'm referring to, email me and I'll mention you in my next report. Swinger is pissed, and who could blame him! The Tinactin replay of the week confirms what I already suspected: Lodi and Lenny are getting a push.
I'll reiterate my previous point--you shouldn't buy Konnan's shirt. Promotional consideration paid for by the following: David sunflower seeds, Toaster Breaks pizza, Targon, Ice Sport, Hooked on Fonix and Naya water.
Match #3!: Villano V v. Mikey Whipwreck - What?! Three matches on Worldwide?! That's much better than watching two-week old Nitro clips, in my book. Here's a rare opportunity to watch a Mikey Whipwreck match. I better pay attention. Lockup, and Mikey pushes Villano to the ropes. Clean break? No, Mikey gets a chop in. Chopin. Heh. Mikey plays to the crowd, and when he turns around, Villano shoves him down. Mikey misses a flying dropkick. Villano: chop, chop, chop! Crowd: z z z. To the ropes, no, reversal, dropdown, and dueling hiptosses won by the luchador. Armdrag by Villano followed up with a dropkick. Mikey rolls to the outside to regroup. Villano dives through the ropes onto Mikey, so I call it a tope. Dusty calls it, "that was a nice move right there." Both men back in, Villano controls with a chop, and whips Mikey to the ropes. Villano with a flapjack. Villano now has Whipwreck in a submission move-- he has his feet on Mikey's calves, grabs his chin, and leans back. Looks like it hurts. I wish I knew the name of the move. Mikey is sent to the corner, and Villano charges with a knee to the gut. Villano to the second turnbuckle, and hits the Buff Blockbuster. Mikey kicks out at two! That move would finish off any mortal man! You cannot beat Mikey Whipwreck! Mikey with a shortcut--it was a THUMB TO THE EYE~! Now go read the column by that name written by Ronnie Cox. It's good enough that I don't care if you come back to finish this report. You weren't paying enough attention anyway. Back to the match. Mikey with a kick to the gut and a body slam. Short legdrop, and a slingshot guillotine on Villano, who was draped throat first over the bottom rope. Mikey covers for a two count. Did I mention Johnny Boone is the referee for this matchup? Mike follows up with an inverted atomic drop and a springboard clothesline for another 1, 2, no. Whip, reversed, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker by Villano V. Now Villano has Mikey in the bow and arrow. Then he lets him go. Punch, body slam. Villano to the top, and he hits the clothesline for a two. Villano to the top again, but he gets crotched. Mikey goes up with Villano, and comes down with the Stunning Ace Diamond Crusher (Whippersnapper?). Mikey cradles Villano up for the pin. (4:38) Pretty good match.
We get the requisite Gene interview #2, this week with Mona. She's the former Miss Madness. She's ready to wrestle. WCW is in the process of developing a women's division. Mona's a cutie. That's all I got for this interview. Oh, and Gene should retire when his contract's up.
Match #4!! - Prince Iaukea v. Kaz Hayashi - WTF! Four frickin'™ matches on Worldwide! Good week, to say the least. Ref is Nick Patrick. Prince is the heel, which he does pretty well. Stiff chops and kicks are exchanged. Kaz is quick, and so is this match. Kaz is in control, whoops, superkick by the Prince. Kaz is compared to a young Muta. Nice enzuigiri by the Prince. See, I'm picking my spots to type something. I'm tired. Somoan drop by the Prince. He misses a springboard something. Kaz hits a brainbuster. Kaz up top, and he hits a crossbody. Prince rolls through, grabbing the tights and the victory. (4:14) Hmmm, didn't we see that finish last week with Prince and Evan Karagias? Maybe that's the Prince's new gimmick: "The guy who rolls through pinning attempts and grabs the tights to win." Nonetheless, decent little match there. Our Castrol replay of the week confirms what we smarts already know: Kaz is a good wrestler. Commercials, then back to the studio.
This portion of WCW Worldwide is brought to you by Milky Way. Scott and Larry wrap things up by stroking Hogan's ego. Next week: Roadwild results, and info on Fall Brawl (not featuring War Games, though). And that's our show. Worldwide was looking up this week, with four matches, two of which were watchable. I guess next week they'll pay me back by sending out Disciple and The Cat. Let's hope not.
Remember folks, life is short. Be good to each other, and tell someone close to you that you love them. And remember this week's question: Can Sosa stave off McGwire? Email me your thoughts. The address is below. See ya's next week.
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