|
/wrestling /worldwide /20 November 1999 |
|
|
/wrestling /worldwide /20 November 1999 |
WCW Worldwide |
|
| by Jason Hanes | |
MainBLAH |
The glowing logo opens the show, followed by that good
ol' computer voice telling us the World Wide
Transmission is complete. WCW World Wide is on the
air! Your hosts this week are Tony Schiavone and Bobby Heenan. Heenan: "If Zybysco wasn't out at a golf tournament, I'd be doing something good too." WCW Mayhem is this weekend, and we'll crown a new champion! But recently we crowned a new U.S. Champion. Let's look back to that fateful Nov. 8, 1999 when Sid confronts the Outsiders in the ring, but first Heenan makes a good point. What if the Outsiders are working for the Powers That Be? Ah-hah! Now the footage from that night, as Sid got screwed (which doesn't get bleeped! But it's 11:00 in the morning! What about the children!) Bret Hart comes out and proclaims Bill Goldberg is the U.S. Champion. In fact, bret wants to give Goldberg the belt himself. It breaks down into a nice little fight, with the faces taking control at the end. Now more of that classic Outsiders hilarity, as we look at the Grand Wizard Kevin Nash (and down here in the south, it's not always easy to call somebody a grand wizard and get away with it). They give Sid riot guards, but it's all a set-up, as the guards let Goldberg in the ring during the Sid/Total Package match. Now the whole riot squad gets in the ring after the Hall match in the tournament, but one guard hasn't left. A fan actually calls it, and now a few fans are catching on as Goldberg reveals himself, then spears Hall and the Wizard. Now ahead to the ladder match, where Hart gets the belt, but doesn't actually come down with the belt in hand after getting hit by Special Ref Kevin Nash. Nash holds the belt for Scott, and we've got a new U.S. Champ. A talk about Heenan's point that the Outsider's could be in the Power's That Be's back pocket. A spot airs for Mayhem: The Music! And while we're in the mood for a little mayhem, let's see a spot for Mayhem: The Pay Per View! Promotional consideration is paid for by Snickers, as read by Scott Hudson. Gosh, I miss him right now. Let's talk about Lex Luger. Nobody can trust him, not even Sting! Heenan will explain everything. Luger has to hide from the fans, so he's sneaking around. Nobody saw him fall and see his leg. Tony doesn't believe Bobby, so let's look at the footage ourselves so we, the fans, can decide. Great idea Tony! Sting talks to Mike Tenay, while the Total Package and the Total Breast Package sneak into the building. Luger comes up with an idea...to help Sting? One minute into the match, with Sting and Goldberg, the Packages come out, with mace. Goldberg moves (apparently) so Sting gets the mace on accident, then doesn't accidently gets speared and jackhammered. Luger cannot compete due to his leg injury after slipping on a wet floor, even though the paramedics disappear. So Sting goes ahead and tosses him into the ring with Sid. Here's a commercial for The Iron Giant. Now let's watch the kids play with the Ouija Board. If the kids are watching, chances are they're doing something worse than playing with the Ouija Board (I got chewed out for that once). Promotional consideration paid for by Slim Jim WCW Talking Wrestlers, Jolly Time Popcorn, America Online (what's that?), Hot Pockets, Jet Dry (for sanitary dishes). Kimberly comes back to Nitro, one week after running over David Flair. Kim is afraid of David, so scared that she needs more security. Heenean says that she's so scared, she'll lose all her hair. Not to worry, because she'll be beautiful. Just look at Okerland. Let's look at the footage of Kimberly asking Doug Dillenger for extra security, while David Flair begins to stalk her. She hides in a restroom, where Flair tells her it'll be more than a spanking this time. Kim comes out to the ring, where Tony and Bobby think that she'll either announce her retirement or cry some more. This couldn't possibly be any funnier thanks to Tony and Bobby. I wish I could be scared for her. Kimberly tells Flair to come on out. Oh it's a set-up! Here comes Bam Bam Bigelow! Mule kick takes down Bigelow, and now a crow bar shot! Kim runs through the crowd, and gets to the garage to get her car. Flair follows and starts smashing the car up, but Creative Control is sick of the noise outside, so they run off David and bring Kim inside to see the Powers That Be. Tony and Bobby contemplate the Flair/Kimberly match. Bobby wonders exactly how Flair can fight hand to hand with Mrs. Page. Bobby decides it's best to toss a charge card on the ground, then start kicking her when she bends over to pick it up. Now let's look at Mayhem: The Music. Now let's look at Jimmy Baron, Atlanta radio host, who tells us that Nitro will be in Denver on November 29! Exactly what is Jimmy looking at when the woman turns to wink at the camera? Closed captioning is sponsored by Toy Biz Tough Talking Wrestlers. WCW Mayhem is this Sunday from Toronto! And just about anything can happen! But bobby wonders why they would name a town after the Lone Ranger's sidekick? Coming up at Mayhem: Sid vs. Goldberg in an "I Quit" match, Norman Smiley vs. Brian Knobbs for the Hardcore Title, Evan Karageous vs. Disco Inferno for the Cruiserweight Title, Kim vs. David Flair, and the Final Four of the Tournament! Let's talk about the Hardcore Title Match. Bobby says that Knobbs would show up nude, but he'd still be there to kick butt. Then the two decide we should contemplate that visual for a while. Ewww! Promotional consideration paid for by some of the folks from earlier, plus Mag-Lite, Singer Financial, and Hot Pockets twice! Let's talk about the return of Dustin Rhodes. He came out in his new gimmick, but then rips it to shreds because of what happened with his father getting canned. Bobby is afraid that Dustin is afraid about what kind of gift he'll get for Christmas, what with his father not having a job. So let's look at that entrance he made back on Nov. 8 of this year. Dustin gets the mic and says that he used to be Golddust, but Goldust sucked. He came back just to be Dustin, but the Powers That Be said that Dustin was boring. So he gets to be Seven. The censors woke up and realized we should be bleeping this stuff, so ass and suck get bleeped. But damn doesn't by golly! So we should all realize that we should never, ever forget the name of Dustin Rhodes. We come back to Tony and Bobby, who say a bunch of nothing. WCW Mayhem is this Sunday! WCW Mayhem: The Music though is in stores now! So do you think the WCW people really like all of these "End of Days" commercials? Alright, there's seven minutes left in the show, and we finally get a match! Scott Hudson and "Hollywood" Mike Tenay bring us the action. Tenay tells us that we are so lucky to have seen this great program! Oh yeah, the match: Scott and Steve Armstrong vs. Curly Bill and Kendall Windham of the West Texas Rednecks: I didn't say anything about it, because Scott and Mike haven't yet. In fact, forgive me for not calling a lot of the moves in this match, but Scott and Mike really don't care about this match too much it seems. Kendall takes down an Armstrong to start. Swinging neckbreaker by Windham, and onto the ropes, but Armstrong turns it around. Tag in and a nice move by the armstrongs. Kendall with an eye poke and a tag. But the Armstrongs get back the momentum with a double-team on Curly, but Kendall with a knee in the back to Scott, and a clothesline by Curly, and now the heels dominate. Headlock by Kendall but Scott breaks it. Now both men down, and Kendall had Scott by the foot, but Steve gets to the ropes. Double team moves by the Armstrongs to get things going. Noick Patrick decides to take an Armstrong out of the ring, leaving the Rednecks to do an ugly double-team hotshot on the other. Patrick turns around, sees Kendall covering. 1, 2, 3...good night! (about 5:00) For Tony, Bobby and Mike, Scott Hudson closes it out for us. There's still time to order Mayhem on Pay Per View! Hurry and call now. But up next on Fox 5, Summer Dreams: The Story of the Beach Boys! And there's only six hours until Saturday Night! I can hardly wait! Jason Hanes freelance Email the Author |
BLAH |
Main |
||