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/14 October 2000

Women of Wrestling





QUICK QUOTE: AGEL.OB .62 (+ .02) - at the close of business Friday, the company name officially changed to "WOW Entertainment," the ticker symbol changed to WOWI.OB, and a 1 for 6 reverse split was set to take place with the hopes that the price would stay up around 4 so they could actually move from the OTC bulletin board to the NASDAQ small cap market. Confused? You won't be, after this episode of SOAP!

WOW logo - WOW!

LAST WEEK ON WOW: The fastest battle royal in the world resulted in Terri Gold becoming the first WOW Champion! Lookit these clips if you don't believe me!

Your hosts are LEE MARSHALL and DAVID McLANE. Last week's celebration was cut short thanks to the brutal actions of Thug on Selina Majors - here's some more clips

WOW! Opening Credits! Made up almost entirely of clips from last week's show. WOW!

LANA STAR v. PATTI PEP - "Introducing a lady that needs - and wants - the red carpet treatment...the fabulous Lana Star!" Think Trish Stratus, but in pink. Entrance video shows that yes, she's from Hollywood, and apparently she's a prima donna to boot - we better boo her! Logo is a marquee with "Starring Lana Star" on it. Looks like she's got something to say, even as we see her opponent jumping around on the entrance ramp above her. "I just have something to say. I would like to thank all my fans for coming out tonight, 'cause I know you're all here to see me, and look for me in upcoming motion pictures and television shows - I'm ready for my closeup!" "Her opponent - one half of Team Spirit...Patti Pep!" Opponent is ...are you ready? A cheerleader. Her them kinda goes like this. "P-A-T-T-I-P-A-T-T-I-Patti Pep! (clap clap clap) Patti Pep!" Repeat until cheesy. Tumbling routine outside the ring. Lockup, takedown by Star, to a TOEHOLD...Pep kicks her away and backflips up. Side headlock by Star, takeover, tussling her hair to establish "personality"...back to their feet, powering out into the ropes, shoulderblock by Star. There are actual movie star agents in the audience watching her tonight, you know! Off the ropes, up and over, Pep with a shoulderblock of her own - unnecessary tumbling run (a "cheerleading move") and a splash...for 1. Into the ropes, head down, leapfrog by Star, schoolboy for 2. Star with a snapmare, to a rear headlock. Tonight we'll see Terri Gold! We'll also see Selina Majors' trip to the hospital. Pep elbows out - forearm off the ropes. Dropkick. Into the ropes, dropkick misses as Star hangs on...and goes outside to..fix her makeup and hair. Back onto the apron now - Pep over to bring her in the hard way. Cartwheel. She ALMOST trips on the landing - I gotta take a tenth off for that. Single leg takedown - slingshot. ANOTHER backflip. Star lands in her corner, and grabs something out of the makeup case. Next thing you know, she's sprayed something in Pep's face - after a mocking backflip, she rolls up Pep for the pin (3:07) and breaks a hand mirror over her face for an encore. And now Star has some lipstick to paint a star on Pep's face. Now she's got scissors! Stop this madness! Well, thank God, there's another half of Team Spirit - RANDI RAH RAH is out to make the save. Here's a replay of what just happened. Randi Rah Rah. Hahahahaha.....

Let Us Take You Back to Last Week and Selina Major's ambulance ride - David McLane stood by.

In the hospital, the stretcher rolled on - Majors was still making a lotta noise. A doctor type said to an unseen person, "I'm sorry, Mr. Majors, you'll have to wait here." "It's okay, Dad - I'll be all right - I'll be all right." Apparently, that was supposed to be her dad. Ahhh. We cut to McLane, who *jumps* Majors, Mike Wallace style after being pushed out of the "Authorized Area" into the X-Ray room. "Selina, Selina, are you all right? SELINA! SELINA SAY SOMETHING!!!" Damn, David, take a pill.

RIOT v. BECKIE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER - "And now, introducing first, the heavy metal maniac, Riot!" Riot carries a baseball bat to the ring, where she plays baseball with a hubcap. Her entrance video is a lot like that part of Michael Jackson's video that got banned, you know, the part where he beats up the car for no good reason. An actual ring announcer seems to have materialised in the ring this week, even though McLane handled the introductions in the first match. "Her opponent, America's sweetheart, from Hog Hollow, Nebraska, it's Beckie the Farmer's Daughter!" Beckie leads out four of her in-bred cousins, and they all ... they all *hoe down* at ringside. Yikes. Banjos and cows feature prominenetly in her entrance theme, while her music has her doing all sorts of helpful farm chores. Riot quickly appropriates Beckie's stuffed pig and hits it with her bat to establish her heeldom - then she kicks it into the crowd. The horror of it all! Our unnamed referee attempts to get the bat away from Riot so we can start - Beckie sneaks in and dropkicks her in the back. And here's a dropkick in the front. Riot swats away the next dropkick as McLane tells us that that pig was a gift to the farmer's daughter by her father so long ago - RIIIIIIIGHT. Marshall: "What started out as a real enjoyable hoedown has now turned into some tremendous pain!" Riot with a scoop...and a slam. 1, 2, pulls her up. Into the ropes, Beckie ducks, crossbody gets 2. Side headlock, wrenching it in, takeover - Riot pulls the hair because she's all dastardly - rolling it over for 2 - Beckie rolls back. To their feet - lookit Beckie work the headlock by...stamping repeatedly. Single leg by Riot...into a toehold. It's toehold night tonight on WOW! Beckie kicks her away with her free leg. Coming up later, an interview with Terri Gold! Ice Cold and Boom Boom! Boom Boom? And tonight's main event, Randi Rah Rah against Poison! Beckie ducks a clothesline, waistlock, atomic drop onto the mat, and into a body scissors. Beckie rolls her around in the body scissors - that's apparently "the farmer's roll" - three rotations! Backwards in the pinning predicament - that's 2. Riot's dizzy, apparently. Into the ropes, reversal by Riot, clothesline sends Beckie into a front flip. Riot makes dastardly faces. Splash...for 2. Scoop...and a slam. Riot walks over her on her way to the top rope...but before we can see what happens out of THAT...we take an ad break.

Well, either Riot hasn't moved from that spot over the last two minutes, or they just stopped the tape machine. Beckie over to toss her from the top. Beckie on the second rope - to the top - and off with a splash...that misses. "Can you believe it, Lee?!" McLane gets excited easily. Riot making lots of noise...she might want to do something, here. Now she's got her in position for a powerbomb - and let's just leave her head between her legs for a few minutes - okay, here it is. Yikes, that looked painful. Marshall: "What a slam by Riot!" What, a sidewalk slam, Lee? 1, 2, pulls her up! Riot with the splash, hooks the leg, 1, 2, 3. Oh, she wanted to UNLEASH that DEVASTATING splash!! (5:20) Beckie takes off before Riot can use the bat - and so does "Josh, the referee." Replay of Beckie's shooting star press off of Riot's clothesline.

From the hospital, David McLane intrudes where he doesn't belong, messes around with the doc's x-rays and interviews "Dr. Martin," who says of Selina: "her knee has received *extensive* damage. Luckily, it's not broken, but I'm sure there is torn cartilage, torn ligaments, most likely the interior cruciate and medial meniscus." Asked to dumb it down for us, the doc says "if the tears are severe and serious enough (turns to the camera for dramatic effect), Selina will require surgery." McLane: "This means our nightmare could be coming true, fans, for Selina. Doctor, I want you to do anything you can to save this young girl, we've gotta get her back in the ring. Fans, we're coming back - more from the hospital - stay tuned. Doctor, thank you." "Thank you." The doc takes his x-ray out with him - probably to keep it out of that meddling McLane's hands! Graphic on screen says "Will Selina Recover? The Answer Coming Up!"

David McLane: the promoter with a HEART. "Do anything you can to save this young girl!" It'll probably come out down the road that this "Dr. Martin" is a veterinarian or something, right?

JULIE DAY is backstage waiting for a chance to talk to the woman dribbling a basketball behind her. "We are now behind the scenes at the WOW Arena - I'm waiting on one of the toughest and tallest chicks we have on the team - SLAM DUNK. I think I hear her approaching now? Yes. Hello, do you mind, before we start, if I call you Slam?" "Can I Slam you? The name is Slam Dunk - that's my name (slaps basketball) - that's my fame (slaps basketball) - that's my game." "Okay, well maybe you could give us a little of background on your basketball history, a little bit about your career." "I was ranked #3 in rebounding in college, defensive player of the year, and I am THE leading power forward." "Okay - isn't it also true that you lead in fines, fouls and suspensions, and weren't accepted into the WNBA because you were a little too....rough?" "Lies...all lies. Where did you get that garbage, from McLane? When I see him, I'm gonna toss him like a three pointer. And how about you - should I dribble you like a basketball?" ", you know what? I think we're ready for a timeout...back to ringside..." and she VERY VERY SLOWLY runs away.

"You all saw what took place last week with the crowning of a champion - it's my honour to introduce to you the World Champion of WOW - TERRI GOLD! Ladies and gentlemen, the World Champion, Terri Gold! Congratulations, Terri, it's been a week since the championship, the fans have seen you around the country, it's been a fabulous time but your championship was marred by a tragedy." "Right, right...thank you David - everyone has been so terrific - this has been awesome - by far, the best time of my life. There's only one thing that's disappointed me, though. And that's the fact that I couldn't truly enjoy my championship because of what happened to Selina Majors by Thug and her gang." "It was a travesty, and fans, let's take a look up at the WOWvision and see excatly what took place with respects to that tragedy that Terri Gold just mentioned, right there you see it - they're laying Selina Majors out - Thug grabbing the big chair and banging Selina on the leg! Pushing Lee Marshall back - Thug taking pleasure in it...this was a disgrace, Terri Gold." "Yes, it was, and we're gonna have to do something about that, David." "But now, Terri Gold, you've gotta set your sights on your defenses. Everybody in WOW is gonna be looking at you, to capture the gold championship of Women of Wrestling." "Right, and I will take anyone on David, in this ring to defend this title." This brings out JUNGLE GRRRL. "Jungle Grrrl, you're not supposed to be out here! I'm interviewing the champion, Terri Gold! You're not supposed to--" "The champion is a disgrace! You couldn't beat me, Terri Gold. I want the WOOOOOORLD to see how I defeated you in WOWvision." "Fans, draw your attention again to WOWvision - Jungle Grrrl was able to pin Terri Gold after the big splash, but Jungle Grrrl, you weren't able to beat Terri Gold when it counted - IN THE BATTLE ROYAL!" Listen to McLane WHIP THAT CROWD INTO A FRENZY! "Terri Gold doesn't deserve the title - if you had any guts, you'd put that belt on the line against me...and your first title defense... your last." "No, David, I will put my belt on the line right now!" "No, Terri! I don't have a title - no! I have not sanctioned a title defense with the state athletic commission, and I'm not gonna lose my license tonight - it's too damn expensive!" "Let us go now, David." "No no - fans, I can't let 'em do it!" "I want a rematch. I want the title." "Fans, do you wanna see a rematch for the title DO YOU WANNA SEE A REMATCH? TERRI GOLD VERSUS JUNGLE GRRRL FOR THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP?" Marshall: "The world wants to see this match! Make the match, David, make the match!" WELL IF YOU WANT IT, YOU GOT IT! This week on WOW!" How can he keep these two apart? HE'S ONLY ONE MAN!! CAPITAL LETTERS!!

For WOW updates, log on to! Coming up later, Ice Cold...and more from the hospital!

ICE COLD v. BOOM BOOM [THE VOLCANO] (Maui, Hawaii - already in the ring) - "From the deep, deep's Ice Cold." From Gangrel's elevator, more like, with lots of fake snow flying around. Ice Cold is dressed in white shirt 'n' skirt, while the Hawaiian is dressed as....a Hawaiian. Lockup, Ice Cold to the corner, raking the face, right, right, right, right, snapmare, off the ropes, elbowdrop. Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, off the ropes with an elbow to the back...rolling her over for 2. Boom Boom might have more luck if she removed the lei and grass skirt, but then, of course, we wouldn't know she was a Hawaiian. Working a side headlock, and stomping repeatedly to let us know that that's what she's doing. Boom Boom shoves her into the corner - then splashes her. That was apparently "the Big Boom Run" (thanks McLane) and THIS splash is "the Big Boom squash." But it only gets 1. Selina Majors, later! Hairpull takedown by Ice. Got her hair again. Rake of the face on the second rope. Head into the corner - Boom Boom no-selling, another head to the corner - another no-sell! Oooh, she's gettin' mad! Ice's head taken to the turnbuckle and back she goes. Big headbutt (vicious headbutt, David might add). Another big headbutt. And now it's Boom Boom stomping into the headlock. Ice cold grabs the hair to break it - off the ropes, Boom Boom with a shoulderblock - big splash...gets 2. Scoop...and a slam. Boom Boom posing on the ropes - turning back for a dropkick - 1, 2, no. Adjusting her elbowband, waistband, scoop.....and a slam. Dragging into the corner - up on the second rope - Banzai Drop! But Ice grabs the bottom rope, preventing the 3. Unfortunately, Boom Boom is SURE she's won, and will keep her back to Ice as long as it takes in that belief. Ice off the second rope with a double sledge - 1, 2, 3. (4:03) Fans show off their free T-shirts for the cameras. McLane up in the ring to chat with her. "The winner of that match, Ice Cold! Ice Cold, it looked like you were goin' in for the deep freeze, in one split instant ya came out of it." "That's right...that's Ice Cold for ya, get too close you just might get frostbite!" "Ice Cold!" Umm.....okay. Coming Up Next: Selina's interview from the hospital!

Let Us Once Again Take You Back To Last Week Where Thug Attacked Selina Majors. Now, the doctor already said it wasn't broken, so it's kinda wrong to say "Thug...BREAKING the leg of Selina Majors," isn't it? Once again, we watch that long stretcher ride to the ambulance...and the ambulance leaving the Great Western Forum.

"Mr. McLane? We're rolling..." "Okay...ladies and gentlemen, fans, this is the first opportunity we've had to visit with Selina since last night - I've been here all evening, I've been staying outside. We haven't slept, and I know it's been on your mind, exactly what's taken place since the devastating act perpetrated on Selina Majors, the Real Deal, by Thug and her gang, EZ and Charlie Davison (Davidson, David, Davidson), and Selina (grabs her hand), I know it's tough, we've seen the x-rays, we know you're gonna make it through this, but how do ya feel? The fans definitely wanna know - how do you feel?" Cue the water works. "Well, y'know David, it's not a secret that Thug and I, we've wrestled for many years all over the world, but this time she's gone too far, and it wasn't about winnin' or losin' a match - it wasn't about stealin' the title, the belt, away from me. She tried to put me out of wrestling, and...she's just gone too far this time. She's just gone too far." "D-- it's probably emotional for you, I know, I know the doctor said you'll be able to make it back. You've got torn ligaments. Your dad was there at ringside. Selina's dad was kind enough, he was - been here all night, he went in the ambulance. He drove all the way in. He was kind enough to let us come in here and talk to you. Selina, is there anything you wanna say, the fans wanna know, even to Thug?" "Well y'know, I've learned to deal with pain, I've been wrestling for thirteen years and I learned that when you get up in the morning as a professional wrestler, ya gotta deal with pain. But, it's not about the pain in my leg - it's about the pain in my heart. Because when they were doin' this to me, and I looked out there and I saw my dad's face...I'm never gonna forget the look on his face. And I'm gonna come back. She better be ready." "I don't know what to offer ya - I guess the only thing I can do as a promoter...I you want me to go to the state athletic commission and you want me to get Thug suspended, 'cause I'll do it for ya, Selina, I'll do it, I'll get her suspended." "I don't want her suspended, because I'm gonna be back. Y'know my dad's always been my hero, and he's my inspiration, he's my strength. And I'm not gonna forget the look on his face. And I'm gonna come back. And Thug and her gang, they're gonna know what the Real Deal's all about. And I promise them, I'm gonna be their worst nightmare." "There's no doubt, I've never seen you so determined, I've known you for over fifteen years. Thug...all I can say is you better watch out. And've got one determined wrestler here. She'll be back in the ring, won't you." "I'll be back. I just want all the fans - don't give up on me - because I'm making you a promise...I'm not gonna give up. I'll be back."

Fans, you can go to *right now* to post a get well wish to Selina Majors! Or snail mail your cards and letters to PO Box 441690, Indianapolis, IN 46244! But fear not, fans, because she isn't *really* injured - wrestling isn't real! Please come back after this short break!

POISON v. RANDI RAH RAH - "Introducing first, from Toxic Parts's Poison!" Hey look, another sinister blonde! "Her opponent, the other half of Team Spirit, the energetic, the exciting, Randi Rah Rah!" Think Patti Pep, except black. Same theme, except it goes "R-A-N-D-I-R-A-N-D-I-Randi Ruh Ruh! Randi Ruh Ruh!" These WOW wrestlers are really big on the temporary tattoos, aren't they? Lockup, armdrag takerover by Rah Rah. Arm wringer, wrenching it in, but Poison fires back and SHE works an armbar. Poison is "gothic," we are told. If they stomp, the armbar must REALLY hurt. Taken down to the mat. Rah Rah is either a legit member of the LA Clippers' cheerleading squad, or McLane's making it up again. Rah Rah up - hairpull takedown. Rah Rah is yet another example of what women's sports, women athletes, and positive role models are all about! Rah Rah flips forward to undo the arm wringer, kicks Poison away, nips up, and complains to the ref. The ref tells Poison to stop grabbing the hair - yeah, that oughta take care of it. Lockup, side headlock by Randi - wrenching it in - the stomping tells us that. Powered out, off the ropes, shoulderblock by Rah Rah. Off the ropes, cartwheel over, off the ropes, splash for 2. That cartwheel accomplishes NOTHING. Poison to the eyes. Into the ropes, leapfrog over, dropkick to the back by Rah Rah. Shoved into the corner, whip into the opposite corner is reversed. Poison...licks her hand? And shoves Randi in the head. Into the opposite corner, Rah Rah up and over, rollup, 2. Arm wringer by Rah Rah - stomping around. Poison to the face, puts her into the ropes, reversal, trying the hiplock but it's blocked, nope, leg on the neck, flippy flippy, throwing her down, splash, 2. Shoved into the corner - into the opposite corner is reversed by Poison, but Rah Rah quickly recovers and hits a crossbody from the second rope for 2. Poison rolls outside and does a quick berating of our commentators. Inside the ring, Randi does some gymnastics to entertain the crowd. Poison finally back in - to the eyes - scoop...referee catches the boots and falls outside...and a slam. Poison ref. Rah Rah kicks out. Poison with the fireman's carry - put her on the top turnbuckle - right, right, see she's using the closed fist 'cause there's no ref...I guess...anyway, Rah Rah fights out of the powerbomb by dropping down with a headscissors takeover! Randi once again tells us her name. Going up to the second rope...oops, LANA STAR with the run-in, hairspray and mirror, putting Poison on top and waking up the referee. 1, 2, 3. (5:31) Star is ready to tattoo Rah Rah with the lipstick - let's take a replay of Star's treatment of Patti Pep earlier tonight...and there's the mirror for Randi Rah Rah. When we come back, PATTI PEP is out to help her partner back up the ramp. I guess she must have saved her from a haircut, too? The "Team Spirit" team is playing - which is exactly the same as the theme for Patti Pep AND the them for Randi Rah Rah...but with different annyoing lyrics. Credits are rolling as we follow them up the ramp. I guess that title match isn't happening this week?

Promotional consideration paid for by Tootsie candies, Invention Submission Corporation, and Tootside candies (again!)

And now we look at...a vault? McLane exits, carrying...paper clips? "I'm glad I saved these things...these things cost money, you know." His cel phone rings. "Oooh! Who's calling tonight. Hello, David McLane! Regis! What's new? Do I wanna be a millionaire? Where do I sign up? Oh, it's your TV show. Sorry! 'Who wants to be a WOW Champion?' is the hottest contest on TV! And that's - MY final answer! Hahahahahahahahaha - Regis, hello? Hello, hello? Regis, hello?"

What the hell was THAT?

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Copyright (C) 1999, 2000 Christopher Robin Zimmerman & KZiM Communications