/16 December 2000
Women of Wrestling
WOMEN OF WRESTLING #11
AWARDS: Not exactly WOW related, but a couple of you were wondering...the actual counting SHOULD be done tonight, but I may need some extra time to get them formatted for publishing. We'll see if I can keep my deadline or not as we head down to the wire....
MAD PROPS: Jeremy Billones actually compiled a WOW ladder after my blatant troll disguised as a throwaway comment last week! Go look at it over at tOA!
SPOILERS: WOW had another taping last Friday. If you're the kinda guy who likes to read the last page of a book first....well, the story doesn't END if you click over to http://www.CRZ.net/wrestling/misc/001215.html, but it definitely skips over the next month or so setting up the February WOW pay-per-view. Special thanks to our man at the Forum Dr. Clint Feh for providing his on-site report!
QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 1 1/4 (UNCH) - anybody visit McLane's webcast last week? How was it? It didn't affect the stock price, that's for sure! (Heh)
WOW logo - ohhhhhhhhhh WOW!
LAST WEEK ON WOW: Poison and Ice Cold fell victim to Lana Star's mirror, and Lana and Patti Pizzazz advanced in the tag team tournament. They even replayed Ice Cold calling McLane a faggot - interesting choice, no?
TONIGHT: Slam Dunk! Jane Blond! Caliente! Bronco Billie! And Beckie the Famer's Daughter!
WOW Opening Credits
From the locker room: "Bronco Billie and Beckie, you're outta luck 'cause Danger's got the perfect tag team partner. Now there's a new wing on Danger's house - oh yeah."
DAVID McLANE welcomes us to WOW and lights the turnbuckles as if he were Kane - this is WOW #11, airing in most markets the weekend of 16.12.2K (taped 17.11, mostly) and emanating from the House of WOW, the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA "Welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! Ladies and gentlemen, how many of you in this building like the Los Angeles Lakers? Well there's a lady in the house tonight that's responsible for Kobe Bryant! And the Shaq Attack - she's in the front row, please give her a hand...JEANNIE BUSS! Jeannie Buss, owner of the Los Angeles Lakers here in attendance today. Let's cheer on the Lakers to another world championship! Introducing now the six foot three power forward...SLAM DUNK." Phil Jackson got to tap THAT? Golly! "Slam Dunk, the--" she hoists the mic - and his tux lapel. "McLane...Slam Dunk is not happy. I saw the schedule for the tag team matches, and I'm not in them! Now I told you Slam Dunk doesn't need a patner. I am a one woman tag team. C'mere! Am I gettin' through to you, or do you need subtitles?" "Slam Dunk, I'm a little tired of your accusations, and you want a tag team match." At this point, the ASIAN INVASION start down the aisle, making "shhh" noises to the fans so that they can be *sneaky.* "Well the fact is the fans that log on to wowe.com have given me a great idea, Slam Dunk, a fabulous idea. And you know what it is? It is...two against one. The first handicap match ever in WOW (Women of Wrestling)!" Double legsweep - off the ropes but the double elbowdrop misses. "And you got it now, Slam Dunk - the Asian Invasion! Hit the bell!"
SLAM DUNK v. JADE & LOTUS - Dunk with the double noggin knocker. Jade into the ropes, (sorta) big boot. Off the ropes with a legdrop...for 2. Dunk repeatedly says "wassup" - Jade into the ropes - spinning...drop, I guess. Lackadaisical cover gets nothing. Jade put into the corner - whip into the opposite corner, Jade up and onto her shoulders - that must be the Samurai scissors! Tag to Lotus! But she gets a boot to the chest. Into the ropes, another big boot exposes the wedgie as Lotus tastes the canvas. Another guillotine off the ropes gets 2. Lotus into the ropes - I bet she spins and then drops her. Wow, it's like the same great match - TWICE! Just for fun, Dunk decides to totally lose her balance and fall to the mat while dropping her - Marshall wants me to think that was some sort of counter by Lotus, but I ain't buying it. Dunk to a head scissors. Up we go, into the ropes, Dunk tries a THIRD time to make that ersatz sidewalk slam look like shit...and succeeds. Jade saves at 2, so Dunk grabs HER by the hair...then rams her head into the turnbuckle. Words for referee "Blind" Josh Milton. Boot for Lotus, sending her into the corner next to her partner. "I am Slam Dunk!" Standing on both necks at the same time. Bump for Milton. I think we should call 'em the *Wedgie* Invasion. Jade tries a boosted crossbody, but gets caught. Lotus dropkicks this pile, putting 'em down. BOTH women try a cover...but Dunk kicks out at 2. I guess I should say "with authority," even. Sent into the rope, double wedgie clothesline, double wedgie press - 2. Dunk throws a tantrum - then falls into a double wedgie drop toehold...but she's in the ropes before they can apply pressure to the legs because she's too tall. High ten...but Dunk kicks them both away. Try, try again - into the ropes, Dunk ducks...double choke...double ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM - 1, 2, 3. (4:05) But she's not done! She's got Lotus up for...a ONE ROTATION helicopter slam? Bah. Jade at least gets three rotations. Chyron: "Don't Go Away...OR ELSE!!"
DANGER is out to play Triple H Water Fountain. I'm disappointed to see that once again she's not carrying a broadsword with her. "McLane, my suspension has ended. I'm back. Ya kept me out TWO weeks from wrestlin', and you fined me ten thousand dollars. Now I would think with ten grand, you'd be able to buy a new wardrobe - evidently, you haven't. McLane, welcome to the Highway to Hell, 'cause I've entered your tag team tournament, and I've found a new tag partner that equals me in intensity and aggression. Let me introduce you to the newest member of Danger's house." Oh no! cry our commentators as RIOT comes out to do her baseball bat dance and blow up another car (or is that just the same video?) "Welcome to hell! Do you smell something, Danger? It smells like FEAR." "Oh yeah, I can smell it!" "Because this tag team is unbreakable!" "Yeah!" "Unbeatable!" "Yeah!" "And out of control." "Yeah." "'cause we are gonna start a body count in this tag team tournament. So let the bloodbath begin!" "YEAH! So, Riot, let me tell ya 'bout our first two contenders! First, from Sluggy Hog Holler, wearing overalls from the 80's, it's Beckie the Farmer's Daughter! And next, wearing a cute little blue outfit, she seems to fall off her horse a lot, Bronco Silly! So, Riot, let's tell 'em what our contenders are going to win..." "They're going to DIE." "Yeah!" "I am going to bash in some skulls." "Yeah!" "That tag team belt is as good as mine!" "MY house..." "...where WE rule." "Yeah! So McLane...we'll be back...'cause you're on the Highway to Hell." Hell *might* be sitting through the promo. "Yeah!" A brief look at our commentary team of McLane and LEE MARSHALL.
Backstage we go, where Bronco Billie is on the phone. "I know things are bad on the ranch...and the bills are still mounting, but don't worry, the tag team title tournament is coming up, and after Beckie and I win, we'll be able to pay off the loan. I promise, don't worry. Everything will be all right... (hangs up the phone, sighing) I hope..."
JANE BLOND v. CALIENTE - "Innnntroducing! From her Majesty's Secret Service, it's....Blond. Jane Blond. Her opponent...the firey..the Hot Latina...Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaliente!" Lockup, fireman's carry takeover by Blond. Arm wringer, STOMPING IT IN, Caliente rolls forward and kicks her off. Blond runs into a drop toehold...Caliente drops down and pulls back on the legs - Blond grabs the ropes. I can't believe I've gone almost a whole minute without talking about Caliente's headlights - oh damn. They run at each other again, and this time it's Blond with the advantage, dropping down with a cross armbreaker. Caliente grabs the rope. Blond puts her into the ropes, "flying" dropkick...1, 2, kickout. Caliente shoved into the corner...Terri Gold later today...boots up to meet Blond as she comes in. Caliente stays up on the second rope - big pose for the crowd - crossbody gets 2. "Viva la Raza!" Rollup - 1, 2, Blond bridges out. Backslide - 1, 2, slow motion kickout. Caliente puts Blond into the ropes - dropkick. Off the ropes, splash...but there's no water in the pool. Blond has her by the hair...setting her up for the big scoop slam. Blond to the top...McLane fails to namedrop Beckie OR Jungle Grrrl and I'm disappointed. It's a missile dropkick, but YOU will call it "the Kick of Death!" Blond with a mambo of her own - and a 1, 2, 3. (3:20) Boooooooo! It's okay to BEAT her, but don't MOCK her, too! Blond wants the mic. "The name's Blond...Jane Blond. Double oh heaven. And I am warming up my license to thrill...I like the taste of victory. I've travelled all over the world seeking action and adventure, and I have found it here. I have also found an enemy who seems to take great pleasure in slamming me through a table. Remember that McLane? Oh, so do I. So, Danger, whenever you're ready, I'll be waiting to take you on. But be warned...I'll leave you shaken AND stirred." Chyron has moved on: "Still to come - World Champion Terri Gold!"
WENDI WHEELS v. MYSTERY (with the Goon) - "From Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania, she's America's favourite garage girl pinup...it's Wendi Wheels!" Vroom vroom - and again - and one more. "Escorted into the ring by the Goon...from Parts Unknown...it's..........Mysssssstery." Fans throwing garbage - well, that just ain't right. Vroom vroom! Mystery removes the cape...and Milton removes the Goon fromt he ring. Lockup, side headlock, STOMPING IT IN by Wheels, takeover...Mystery pulls the hair for 2. Wheels holding on...STOMPING IT IN once again...Mystery reverses to a top wristlock and now *she* is STOMPING IT IN. Wheels to a hammerlock, STOMPING IT IN, Mystery counters with a snapmare. Back to the side headlock, Wheels powers her out, but Mystery hits a big shoulderblock. Bringing her up by the hair...big "full bodyslam." Got the hair again, shoving her into the corner...lining her up for her wacky punches and chops. Into the opposite corner, boots up by Wheels stopping the charge. Mystery rakes the face, got her by the hair, head to the buckle, Wendi blocks the second one and puts HER head there - pulling her to the center for a big spill. Got the legs ...and turning over into a Boston crab! But Mystery actually rolls her backwards into a pinning predicament...for 2. Mystery with a choke from the mount...Wheels hooks the shoulders with her legs and sits back...for 2. Mystery to the eyes once again...and tossing her outside! Got the hair as she tries to come back in...Wheels with a shoulder to the abdomen, sunset flip attempt..and it works! 1, 2, kickout! Wheels in control - into the ropes, reversed, big powerslam by Mystery for 2. Fisherman suplex - ONLY 2! Scoop...and a crotch slam. Wheels kicks Mystery away as she tries to pile it on. Mystery into the ropes, reverseal, Wheels ducks the clothesline, Wheels hits a clothesline of her own...and gets 2. Mystery sent into the corner, vroom vroom, Mystery runs at her but falls into a drop toehold. Pulling her back to the centre of the ring (people just shouldn't grab onto the bottom rope, it can only lead to PAIN)..."you revved up?" Well, that's a mistake, running the ropes and giving Goon a chance to trip her up by her ankles...what do you THINK he's gonna do? Mystery picks her up by the hair and signals to the Goon - he's up on the apron, but Wheels reverses the whip and they collide! Gutshot, Blowout! but before she can cover, MISERY runs out (don't ask ME - Marshall and McLane seem to know who she is - it's a smaller, whiter Mystery as far as I'm concerned) - SHE gets a gutshot and Blowout! McLane says Milton called for the bell, but I didn't hear it. Oh well. (DQ 5:05)
"Hey everyone, watch WOW (Women of Wrestling) next week for my Christmas special!" We get a few clips of Lana Star, Patti Pizzazz, and a pink Christmas tree. Are they drink Pepto Bismol? Yuk.
Hooray! My Benny Hill ad of the week - he's the KING OF COMEDY!
JULIE DAY: "I am here with one of THE top women executives in sports...President of the world champion Lakers Jeannie Buss. Congratulations on all your success, first of all, and welcome to WOW." "Thank you very much - it's great to be here, I'm having a great time." "Well what brings a woman like you to WOW?" "Umm, well anytime there's any kind of new sporting event, especially one featuring female athletes, I like to stay on top of it, check it out - also David McLane invited me." "Well, are you scouting any of our talent?" "Well, I've been very impressed with everything I've seen, so I'm gonna keep an eye on - on what's going on here." "Well, coming from you, that's a ringing endorsement - enjoy the rest of the show!" "Thank you very much."
McLane is in the ring. "Ladies and gentlemen, the World champion of WOW...TERRI GOLD! Well, Terri Gold, we can see that the belt is back where it belongs...around your waist!" Actually, it's over her shoulder, but why mince words, right? "Thanks, David. You know, Mystery tried to steal this belt from me by attacking me from behind. Now I knew with all my fan support I could get it back." "You certainly did, and if we look up to WOWvision right now, we will actually see the match with Mystery - there you go for the full bodyslam. Mystery going down - and here it is - the Perfect 10 delivered by Terri Gold for the three count! And then, you delivering a dropkick to the Goon, the belt dropping on our table, and we're able to retrieve the world championship belt and give it back to YOU, Terri Gold! But then, in all my years of wrestling, fans, I've never seen anything like this - Terri Gold goes to the second rope, and over the barricade and around the front entrance comes the fans of Los Angeles, and all the kids to celebrate your victory - what a night it was, Terri Gold." "David, that was some experience. I was able to share my victory with everybody in the ring - it was awesome!" Suddenly, the fake snow starts to fall and the music rises. ICE COLD & POISON show up at the top of the ramp. "Ice Cold, you don't need to be out here right now." "Can you feeeeeel the chill? It's a little cold in here, Terri - a little Ice Cold! You should have NEVER taken away my shot at the title - now you have us BOTH to worry about!" "Ice Cold, you don't need to come down to ringside. I'm conducting an interview with the world champion Terri Gold, so you can just hold it right there...you don't need to come in here, and you don't especially need to be here, Poison." "Oh, McLane, well isn't that all warm and fuzzy." "I'll give you a title match, I'm not gonna back down to anyone - not even you, Ice Cold!" "Oh that's great, I want my shot at the title, but I think Poison wants one too - what do YOU think?" Poison spits in her face. "What was that?! What was that? Fans, some type of venom was sprayed into Terri Gold's face!" We get multi-angle replays of the money shot. "The trainer, get the trainer here! Terri Gold has been blinded, Terri Gold has been blinded....Terri Gold has been blinded... Terri Gold has been blinded..." OH THE HUMANITY McLANE
BRONCO BILLIE and BECKIE THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER v. DANGER and RIOT in a first round tag tourney matchup - "This is part of the WOW tag team tournament! Introducing, all the way from the wild, wild west..it's Brrrrrrrronco Billie! ... Her tag team partner....all the way from Hog Holler Nebraska, it's Beckie the Farmer's Daughter! ... Their opponents...known as the Weapons Master, it's Daaaanger! ... Her tag team partner...she's the Heavy Metal Maniac...Rrrrrrrrriot!" Beckie and Riot start, lockup, Riot takes her to the corner by the pigtail - open-handed slap! Into the opposite corner, but Beckie springs off with a crossbody for 1. To the side headlock, STOMPING IT IN...Riot picks her up, but Beckie holds the headlock - Riot swings it forward for 1, but Beckie pushes back. STILL holding the headlock - Riot powers off into the ropes, Beckie ducks the clothesline, another crossbody for 1. McLane: "But one must wonder - is the machine of Riot and Danger as oiled and as lubed as Beckie the Farmer's Daughter and Bronco Billie?" Well, now I'M wondering - thanks a LOT, McLane. Both ladies tag - no, check that, Riot tags but Beckie stays in - that might be a mistake, as Danger lands a dropkick. Into the ropes, Slam Dunk-esque lousy sidewalk slam-alike for 1. Scoop...and a slam. Marshall: "They're just wearin' this Nebraska farm girl down to a nub." Into the ropes, clothesline sends Beckie into an involuntary shooting star press to the mat! Whoa! Danger to the camel (toe) clutch - Beckie manages to grab the rope. Danger puts Beckie in her own corner - MAYBE YOU SHOULD TAG HER, BILLIE - head to the buckle. Geez, Billie *deserves* to lose the farm if she's not gonna use her BRAIN or nothin'...Danger puts Beckie into the opposite corner but she jumps to the second rope, springs off over a charging Danger, schoolboy gets 2. Beckie manages to walk over and tag out - Billie immediately eats a boot to the gut, a knee, and a face to the mat. No WONDER she didn't tag in earlier. Head to the buckle. Tag to Riot, blatant choke, kick, sat up on top, right, right, on her shoulder. "Do you want her? Do you want her?" Overhead slam. Off the ropes, the elbowdrop misses and it's time for one of those bizarrely placed ad breaks! Chyron warns: "You'd Better Be Here When We Come Back!"
When we come back, Riot misses ANOTHER elbowdrop on Billie...I hope she hasn't been missing those for two and a half minutes! Billie shoves her into a neutral corner, brings her out, reversal, but Billie sidesteps the double sledge and hits her bulldog...for 2. Riot with a surprise legsweep to trip her up. Got her hair...scoop...and a slam. Riot badmouths Beckie, walks over Billie, teases a tag to *Danger*, then goes back to Billie. The WOW pay-per-view is in February! Oh, she was just picking up Billie by the hair before she tagged out. Danger puts her in the ropes, Billie ducks the clothesline, but not the back elbow. Looks like Wendi Wheels' Blowout. She asks Riot if she wants the tag, then pulls her hand back and gives her ANOTHER face jam. Riot wants the tag - and gets it this time. Riot: "Do you remember this?" and she puts Billie's head between her legs. What do you suppose happened in the past history of these two with THAT? Billie gives Riot a charley horse and crawls under her legs and makes the tag! Big dropkick by Beckie! One for Danger on the apron! Got Riot up - into the ropes...and another dropkick! She's an "aerial monster!" Tag to Billie...double hiptoss! Double dropkick! Too bad they're too busy high fivin' each other to notice that they just let her tag Danger. Double dropkick ducked...Riot hangs onto Beckie as Danger gives Billie Rock Bottom. Danger wants one more - Riot shoves Beckie into Danger - "my house, my rules!" ROCK BOTTOM ROCK BOTTOM ROCK BOTTOM - cover, but Milton says that while we were looking at some fan's sign, there was apparently a tag between Riot and Danger, and she's not the legal woman. Indeed, Riot is in...Marshall says he didn't see a tag, either, so at least I'm not nuts. Anyway, Riot makes a...rather gentle cover - Milton over after putting Danger out, 1...SHE PULLS HER UP! AND she lovingly strokes her hair. Man, that's IT - OBVIOUSLY Riot and Beckie had something going on behind the scenes. Beckie's head between her legs - hmm - going for the powerbomb...but Beckie fights it, leaving HER crotch in Riot's face...and that must have temporarily stunned Riot (the power of a faded memory?) because Beckie manages to bring it forward in a Victory Roll - 1, 2, 3!! (3:20 + 3:28) It's a shocking upset! Danger quickly hits the ring and Beckie quickly takes off. Celebration all around in the aisle...meanwhile, in the ring Danger has Riot's baseball bat. Riot gives us...some sort of emotion I know now what. Maybe she's thinking about better days with Beckie. Let's go to the replay. Danger with the Danger Drop - oh, there WAS a tag, and this is an angle that actually SHOWS it - heads up job by Josh Milton. Another pay-per-view plug in the middle of this series of replays. Riot's cockiness cost them the opportunity to win it all, we are told...
Sunday Feb. 4 Sunday Feb. 4 WOW Women of Wrestling Live National TV Pay Per View iNDEMAND - Sunday Feb. 4 WOW Women of Wrestling Live Pay Per View iNDEMAND - ooooh graphics overload
Hey, I ALREADY had an EnerX ad this hour - come on. Oh wait, this is Promotional Consideration! Promotional Consideration paid for by EnerX, EnerX (again - I think), and Invention Submission Corporation
We take a look at Terri Gold, being lovingly attended to by the trainer "I'm gonna get both of them! They won't get away with this...Poison, you're first!" No closing credits. See ya next week!
ALTERNATE VIEWPOINT: The great Dean Rasmussen once again shares his report with the CRZ EZboard - go to http://pub30.ezboard.com/fcrzfrm2.showMessage?topicID=108.topic and check it out!