Women of Wrestling
WOMEN OF WRESTLING #15
QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 15/16 (- 1/8) - they announced a new CEO, but it wasn't Ric Flair or Linda McMahon, so who cares...
WOW logo - ohhhhhhhh WOW!
"LAST WEEK ON WOW, Selina Majors went to call her dad after recapping that great hardcore match with Thug ... but Thug attacked her with a beer bottle! Harley's Angels grabbed the fallen Selina Majors, and pounded on her...beating her like a dog! Thug, exacting revenge for the 1-2-3 that Selina took in their match. Then they dragged her to the vacant holding cell of Caged Heat, locking her in...opening her up with a chair...rubbing her against the STEEL wire. It was a brutal beating, a three on one assault...Caged Heat arrived on the scene, and while the guard fumbled with the keys, Delta Lotta Pain and Loca went over the top! They armed the convicts with chairs..." and we move to the bit we haven't yes seen. I'll let the voice of DAVID McLANE take over here: "What's THIS? They've hit Harley's Angels and now they've popped Thug! What's going on? They're throwing Harley's Angles out of the cage - they're pounding on Thug - I thought they were friends! What's going on? Oh no! They want Selina all for themselves! They're gonna pound on Selina! They're gonna beat the fallen star! Or are they SAVING her? What is this?" Is that supposed to be blood on Majors' head 'cause it sure looks like lipstick...
TODAY: Harley's Angels have their tag team tournament matchup! Jungle Grrrl and Paradise in action! And after Terri Gold defends her title, Thug takes on Selina Majors in a lumberjack (lumberjill?) match!
David McLane stands in the middle of the ring, ready to cue the Kane pyro. "Welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling!" This is Women of Wrestling #15, airing in most markets the weekend of 13.1.1 (but taped 17.11.2K and 15.12.2K) coming to you from the Church of WOW, the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA! "Introducing, from the beautiful island of Tonga....it's Paradisssssssssse!"
PARADISE v. JUNGLE GRRRL - Ring announcer THOMAS GRIFFIN handles the other intro: "Her opponent, from the Amazon Rain Forest...it's...Junglllle....Grrrrrrrrrrrrl." Paradise catches her off-guard with a WOW dropkick and it's on. Into the ropes, reversal, clothesline ducked, back elbow not. Grrrl brings her up, into the ropes, back body drop. Into the ropes, going for a....I have no idea, but Paradise ends up in the piledriver position, but rolls forward with a head scissors for 1 count. Grrrl to the face. Scoop...and a slam. Grrrl going up top - will she hit that famous splash? No, too early - there's the swandive headbutt instead. 1, 2, Paradise kicks out. Put in the corner, kick, kick, into the opposite corner, but Paradise springs off the second rope with a crossbody for zero. Grrrl with a gutshot, placing her on top, shot to the midsection, another right, on the second rope and going for the superplex - and HITTING it! Climbing to the top one more time...it's the Jungle Splash. Good night. 1, 2, 3. (Los Angeles 2:13) Replay of the superplex and splash, and one more angle of that splash. "So, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter...did you see THAT splash? 'Cause you're next - you're next. Learn the laws of the jungle." It's Jungle Goldbrrrg! Fans throw trash at her, which makes this the older taping - they cut back on that problem later. "You'd Better Be Here When We Come Back!"
What's that? You say your weiner isn't working? This is the ad for YOU, boyo!
Here's a Special Video Look at the WOW tag team tournament. "It began with twelve teams!" And in case you're wondering who they were, here's a series of clips: Asian Invasion, Caged Heat, Poison & Ice Cold, Farah & Paradise, Tanja & Roxy Powers, Patti Pizzazz & Lana Star, Danger & Riot, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter & Bronco Billie, the Daughters of Darkness, the Beach Patrol, Harley's Angels, and Caliente & Boom Boom. I'M still trying to figure out how you get twelve teams whittled down without announcing a bye or two, anyway...back to the strange voiceover guy: "Each pair hoping to advance to the next level - each pair focused on the prize - the tag team title! Some matches had questionable endings...and some had SURPRISING results! All the matches were hard fought...the competitors couldn't wait for the second round to begin. Other tag teams are anxiously awaiting their first round matches - the tournament will continue until there are only TWO tag teams left. They will meet to decide WOW's first tag team champions on the pay-per-view event, WOW Unleashed on iNDEMAND February 4th! And if that's not enough to break you out of the winter doldrums, WOW Unleashed TURNS up the heat with our first ever swimsuit competition - the entrants include Bronco Billie, Patti Pizzazz, Lotus, Jade, Ice Cold, Paradise, Roxy Powers, Hammerin' Heather Steele, Sandy, Summer, and the fabulous Lana Star. It's WOW like you've never seen it before! WOW Unleashed - the pay-per-view action is on iNDEMAND February 4th - DON'T MISS IT!"
Backstage, JULIE DAY stands with Ice Cold. "Ice Cold, you're one of our more secretive competitors here in WOW. Not a lot is known about you." "And that's by my choice - I *like* leaving people out in the cold." "Well, do you think you can give us a little bit about your background?" "Yeah, I was left out in the cold once...abandoned by my family when I was young. That's when I learned to fend for myself. It's a cold, cruel world out there, and you better embrace the cold if you wanna survive. I have." "That's quite a compelling story." "Oh, does it send shivers down your spine? Can you FEEL the chill?" "You know it IS getting a little bit cold in here..." "*Ice* Cold? That's just the tip of the iceberg - wait'll I freeze the WOW Championship - and EVERYONE'll be left out in the cold...including you, Julie Day!" "Let's get back to something a little warmer..."
Log on to wowe.com - NOW! NOW! WOW! NOW!
Here's the tag team tournament graphic - it still doesn't really explain how we'll get from six winners to two... Strange voiceover guy: "The first round of the WOW tag team tournament is about to be completed. All the teams are hungry for the gold, but only two will make it Unleashed on iNDEMAND...February 4th!"
Oh, you'd like to SEE that graphic? Well, here's a text representation:
Caged Heat Asian Invasion Caged Heat
HARLEY'S ANGELS (with Thug) v. BOOM BOOM THE VOLCANO and CALIENTE - "This match - a continuation of the WOW tag team tournament! Being led into the ring by the leader...of Harley's Angels, Thug bringing in...EZ Rider and Charlie Davidson!" "Harley's Angles is in this house! YEAH! Who's got a problem with that? Well why don't you bring out those girls 'cause we're gonna run everybody down in this tournament. Ain't that right, Charlie?" "That's right, EZ, we're gonna turn everybody into roadkill! BRING IT ON!" "And I got something else to say to those silly Caged Heat girls....Caged Heat is gonna be dead meat!" "Their opponents...from the island of Maui, it's Boom Boom. And her tag team partner, the hot - the fiery Latina, Caaaaaaaaaaaaliente!" McLane declares it a salsa party. Caliente and Boom Boom are teaming because Caliente's FIRST partner, Dynamite, apparently really pissed off somebody and never made it to a broadcast. The Angels try to mambo in the ring with amusing results. Caliente looks RIGHT AT ME as she makes her way ringside ("You mean you *actually* looked in the direction of her EYES?") Hey, leave me alone. She's STILL shimmying - I'm not sure that girl can actually walk since she's STILL in a mambo, even in the ring. Referee "Blind" Josh Milton is busy trying to get Thug on the outside, and with Charlie and EZ intently interested in this they seem to have turned their backs to their opponents! Wisely, a surprise WOW double dropkick kicks things off. The Angels hit the floor, so they decide to turn to Thug - another WOW double dropkick and *she's* out! Boom Boom goes outside while Caliente waits for an opponent...and, after tiring of waiting, she grabs EZ Rider off the apron and brings her in the hard way. Into the ropes, double thrust puts her down...but only a 1 count. Rider goes to the face to turn it around. Head to the turnbuckle, and again. Tag to Davidson. McLane tells us that Caged Heat took sympathy on Majors because she was "caged unjustly." Riiiiiiight. A gutshot from each Angel. Into the ropes, sidewalk slam gets 2. Into the corner...taking too long before coming in, and Caliente gets the boots up. Second rope...poised and waiting...crossbody gets 2! Tag to Boom Boom - off the ropes with a splash. Davidson put in the corner - that's not an avalanche, it's a VOLCANO. For some reason, she let's Davidson tag in Rider...Rider runs into a powerslam! Big headbutt. Another big headbutt! Rider put in the corner...Boom Boom going for it, but nobody home. There's the broncobuster from Rider! Rider grabs Boom Boom by the hair, pulling the flower out (her grass skirt is shedding something fierce) - tag to Davidson, into the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Boom Boom with a double clothesline! Tag to Caliente - ummm, today, Caliente...into the corner, bringing Davidson out with a monkey flip. Into the ropes, no reversal, double clothesline and they're BOTH down! Simultaneous tags - Rider ducks the clothesline, hooks the arm and locks in a full nelson - Rider struggling with it - Caliente trying to help but only succeeding in drawing Milton's attention - Thug with a BIG right hand to Boom Boom. McLane: "WHY DID YOU DO THAT THUG" Rider setting up for the broncobuster again...but nobody home! Boom Boom quickly up - setting her up for the "I'm Boom Boom" (well that's what she SAID) but before she can drop the keister from the second rope, Thug pulls Rider outside. Davidson in, Caliente in, Davidson to the eyes, tossing her outside and grabbing Boom Boom. Scoop....and a slam. Rider and Davidson holding her down for the THUGBOMB! Of course, Caliente is trying to prevent all this, and Milton *can't take his eyes off her.* Davidson covers - 1, 2, 3. Harley's Angels advance. (5:05) McLane quickly over for a word. "You may have advanced in the tag team tournament, Thug, but you sure as heck shouldn't've. Both of you lucked out by interference by YOU, Thug!" "What interference, baby? You'd better kiss a rattlesnake than mess with Harley's Angels, baby!" Davidson: "You can't handle the truth, baby!" "Fans, the winners, by the help of Thug, unfortunately, Charlie Davidson and EZ Rider!" Thug points to the temporary tattoo on her bicep about fifteen more times. Next week, sayeth McLane, Caged Heat takes on Bronco Billie and the Farmer's Daughter to advance to the finals. In TWO weeks, Harley's Angels will take on the Beach Patrol to get to the finals. No word on how Patti Pizzazz & Lana Star fit into this picture...
"Over the past few weeks, Ice Cold has been waging a campaign of evil against Terri Gold. With her partner Poison, Ice Cold has attacked the WOW World Champion numerous times. And now, it's come to a head. Terri Gold puts the world championship on the line...against...Iccccccccccccccce.....Cold." ("Aren't you gonna say 'Terri Gold is WALKING!' or something?") Well, that voiceover guy and this nagging cough are really taking me off my game this week... that graphic, too! "Cold Gold Title Match?" I mean...WHOA.
Is your kid STUPID? This ad is for you!
ICE COLD v. TERRI GOLD for the WOW Championship - "Coming into the ring...from the Deep Freeze...it's Iccccccccce Cold." Ice Cold has a SISTER? What's HER name, Stone? (Hey, that's not bad...think Brian Bosworth is still available?) "And introducing, the WOW World Champion...Terri Gold!" Gold has some big-time (for WOW) pyro to go with her entrance. McLane asks us to look at the kids - thanks, no. Lockup, Cold runs her to the corner, to the eyes, right, right, right, right, right, badmouth, head to the buckle, "Ice Cold, baby!" drops the elbow, bad touch press gets 2. Into the ropes, back elbow. Apparently, this is a "stomach claw," but I'll have to take their word for it - that'd probably explain why referee "Blind" Josh Milton is putting on a five count instead of for a pin. Gold shoves her off with a foot. Cold going for an abdominal stretch - it isn't *easy* to STOMP THAT IN, but she finds a way. Now using the top rope for leverage - Gold hiptosses out of it. Gold puts her into the corner, but Cold gets up a back elbow to stop the charge. Cold with a scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes but nobody's there for the elbow. Gold puts her into the corner, superfluous front flip into a clothesline, fireman's carry takeover, hooks the leg for 2. Into the corner is reversed, but Gold hits her second rope springboard crossbody...for 2. Gold to the side headlock, trying to STOMP IT IN but Cold is working the midsection. To the corner, Gold backflips out, schoolboy for zero as Cold rolls through. They look confused. Cold rakes the face. "This is your champ!" Raking Gold's eyes across the second rope, head to the turnbuckle, second rope double sledge to the back - press - 2 for Ice Cold. Scoop...and a slam. Cold to the second rope - the TOP rope - there's the elbow! 1, 2, SHE PULLS HER UP? D'oh. Scoop...and a slam. She'll regret it, I tell ya. Cold up top one more time...but *this* elbow misses! Gold with a scoop....and a slam. To the top rope...it's the Perfect 10! 1, 2, 3! (3:57) "The winner...and still WOW World Champion...Terri Gold!" Several angle replays of the moonsault (only one showing the landing, heh heh). Ice Cold throws a tantrum while we learn that WOW's first lumberjack match is NEXT!
Think Benny Hill is the king of comedy? This ad is for YOU!
THUG v. STONE COLD SELINA MULLET (with garbage can lid) in a lumberjack match - "The leader of Harley's Angels...it's Thuuuuuuuuug. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the main event. Her opponent, the Real Deal Selina Majors!" Hey, who snuck the MULLET MANIA sign into the building? WHACK! Into the ropes, drop toehold into the lid - WHACK, KICK WHAM STUNNER and Thug's all "umm, it's a little EARLY" and tries to roll out - only, the lumberjacks are waiting and roller her back in. Right by Majors, right, right, into the ropes, buries a right, hairpull bulldog - Thug tries to roll out AGAIN and fails thanks to the vigilant lumberjacks. Open-handed slap - climbing to the second rope for a Ten Punch Count Along...but Thug shoves her off after six. BIG headbutt. Short clothesline! Elbow to the back of the head. Majors punches back - but Thug tosses her through the ropes to Rider, Davidson and Ice Cold, who (tepidly) stomp at here. Ice Cold with a forearm in the chest - and another open-handed slap. Majors fires back and puts *Cold* down (apparently everybody else is content to just watch all this) Majors back in the ring but Thug is ready - elbow to the back of the head - in the corner, right, right, standing on the neck. Into the ropes, back elbow. Majors puts up two boots to kick her away...Thug rolls out and tries to leave, but Wendi Wheels grabs two handfuls of mullet and pulls her back - Wheels with "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," then throws her back in the ring - into the ropes by Majors, big clothesline, hooks a leg...kicked out at 2! Thug *finally* figures it out, and rolls out to HER side of the ring where she can take a rest. Majors out after her - slap, slap, slap, umm DO SOMETHING lumberjacks! Majors puts Thug back in the ring herself, and follows without any problems. Head to the buckle. Head to an adjacent buckle - but Thug has the trashcan lid - WHACK! Thug waits for her to get up, lid in hand...measuring her - WHACK! Referee "Blind" Josh Milton is quickly shoved into unconsciousness by Thug as she returns to the foot on the throat. "Don't Go Away or Else!" is Chyron Guy's way of saying let's take an ad break!
Big fan of Cleo? This ad is for YOU!
When we come back, Thug is poised and ready once again with the trash can lid. WHACK! WHACK! Majors heroically giving us "dazed." Big choke from Thug. Running lid...no, feet up by Majors, and THUG tastes the lid! Majors is back up...running clothesline! 1, 2, no! Right hand over the top! Majors thrown out to the Angels and Ice Cold - the boots are a bit more lively this time. Put back in - Majors fires back - right, right, forearm, slap, off the ropes, big clothesline but she doesn't move, right, right, off the ropes and THIS clothesline puts BOTH of them over the top! All the wrestlers gather round and....watch. Majors puts Thug onto the commentary table, wiping out McLane, Griffin, LEE MARSHALL, the bell, the timekeeper...yikes. Majors mounts Thug and fires away - at this point, it becomes comedic watching Marshall & McLane desperately try to overdub himself - it ain't happening, guys. And Majors and Thug are STILL fighting - NO NOT THE WATER BOTTLE - Ice Cold manages to get between them - no, that didn't last - Majors has a chair - WHACK! Majors covers out on the floor - Milton figures "what the hell" and counts 2 - but that's it. Other wrestlers (kinda) go at it (well, Bronco Billie and EZ Rider *almost* approach blows) - somehow they're back in the ring - Majors off the top with the trashcan lid - and a second WHACK! - 1, 2, KICKOUT! McLane says some fan got whacked. Thug to the eyes. "Something's gotta be done to contain these two wrestlers - the human cage isn't working!" Thug throws Majors to the outside. Sheels staves off the Angels, allowing Majors to catch a breath. Thug pulls her in...and Majors puts her through the ropes, where the same lumberjacks are MORE than happy to get some licks in - the Angels are over, and again they ALMOST tease a fight....but they manage to cool it and put Thug back in. Majors blocks a right, open-handed slap, gutshot, faceplant (or, if you're Lee Marshall, a "Stunner") - 1, 2, NO!! Majors with another forearm shot. Into the ropes, is reversed, clothesline ducked, KICK WHAM STUNNER - oops, between WHAM and STUNNER Thug managed to replace her body with Josh Milton's, so *he's* out. Thug with a kick to the midsection. Big bodyslam. Milton goes over the top in typical, spectacular fashion, thanks to Thug. Thug calling in her gang - Beckie wants in to even it up but Ice Cold pulls her to the floor. And now it's ALL breaking down on the outside, while inside Rider and Davidson are holding Majors for WIDE-open trashcan lid shots. Are Beckie and Jungle Grrrl going to go at it? WHACK! in the ring! But what's this? CAGED HEAT (UNLEASHED) hit the ring to their music and go right for the Angels! Majors manages to grab the lid - to the midsection, WHACK, WHACK, outside WHACK - crowd chanting for tables, Pain puts Rider's head to the table. Loca and Davidson going up the aisle - Majors and Thug going into the crowd! Majors grabs the Section "L" marker and puts it right to Thug's back! THey're going through the audience again! This is just what was NOT supposed to happen! Thug and Majors somehow in the UPPER deck - another big shot for Josh Milton, and that must mean it's time for *another* ad break!
We're back and we're backstage - there are apparently wrestlers EVERYWHERE - well, looks like nearly everybody is backstage - all of the wrestlers trying to provide a human wall between security (and the fans) and Selina and Thug - there's the Lou Thesz press! Right, right, right - McLane says there's only one way for these two to fight, and that's in a STEEL cage! At the WOW pay-per-view, they'll be in the cage! February 4th - WOW Unleashed - Selina Majors vs. Thug within the confines of a STEEL CAGE! (No contest? 3:43 + 4:41 + 0:42)
AND Let's Take a Special Video Look. "The feud that spans the years and the globe hit WOW like a tornado - Thug brutally injured Selina's leg in a vicious assault! Fueled by hatred, Selina could not stay away from Thug...and they assaulted her leg AGAIN! Selina returned to the ring and she wanted Thug - the woman who tried to put her out of wrestling. Selina had to go through Thug's gang first - EZ Rider...and then Charlie Davidson...and after nine weeks of waiting, they took it all over the arena - it was hardcore all the way! And Selina Majors took the 1-2-3 count! Then Thug and her gang perpetrated a vicious assault. They locked Selina in the cage, and beat her like a dog!"
"Fans, get ready for our pay-per-view event, WOW Unleashed, on iNDEMAND Sunday, February 4th! Selina Majors and Thug take their feud to the final stage as they meet inside the STEEL cage! You'll also see the finals of the tag team tourament, the WOW World championship will be on the line, and the Women of Wrestling strut their stuff in a one-of-a-kind swimsuit competition! OH YEAH, you won't wanna miss that! It's WOW Unleashed! The pay-per-view action is on iNDEMAND February 4th - don't miss it!"
Promotional consideration paid for by Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and Invention Submission Corporation (again)
"Fans, get ready for the biggest women's pay-per-view event in the history of wrestling - it's WOW Unleashed! Selina Majors and Thug collide in a steel cage match - the tag team tournament finals will crown WOW's first-ever tag team champions, the world title will be on the line, and the WOW girls show their *softer* side in a dazzling swimsuit competition! ALL the action is on iNDEMAND, SUNDAY February 4th!"
Well, we have three shows before the pay-per-view...I have a feeling the shilling is going to get even THICKER.