Women of Wrestling
WOMEN OF WRESTLING #19
QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 2 1/2 (+ 13/16) - a post-PPV bump...or just a simple case of price manipulation coming from typically low volume? Well....maybe a bit of both.
Word coming out of ticketmaster.com is that tickets for the 2/17 Forum taping can't currently be bought - and 'Net scuttlebutt has it that this taping has been cancelled outright, AS WELL AS a good chunk of the PPV replays. Hmmmm. Anybody else wondering if I'll be down to recapping ONE wrestling company by April? More importantly, WHAT will this do to *the stock price*???
Two more quick items: Canadian WOWsters, who have been a week ahead of you and I since the show started airing, have been treated to bizarre choices of reruns instead of fresh shows - somewhere from episode #3 to #5, from most reports I picked up (It's PHANTOM! She's a VIOLIN PLAYING BODYBUILDER)...SO. If we get a new episode next week, no worries - if WE get a rerun, *then* it's time to wonder. Considering there's a whole set of matches from a taping that hasn't even been touched...well....if my man Craig from Channel 11 can find out if the satellites are spitting out new shows on schedule, maybe we can get some reassurance.
Last one and we'll hit *this* Hour of Power: thanks to many of you for writing encouraging words following my WOW pay-per-view on-site. I've reprinted several of your letters over at the home slice, and at the very least I hope Scott finds his way over there to see how other people more eloquently, and much better said what I could only incoherently ramble about at 3am on a Tuesday night. Fortunately, like all of us recappin' types, the knowledge that his name is dropped several times should be enough to get Scott curious enough to go check it out.
Enough yuks - it's time for POSTERITY!
Strangely enough, the ad right before the show starts says "Are you ready for a Catfight?" Of course, it's not what you think - it's for the San Jose Sabercats Arena League season, which is starting pretty soon. Arena Football is kinda like the XFL, except it's indoors and not cold at all.
WOW logo - ohhhhhhhhh WOW!
WOW! It's babes in swimsuits!
TONIGHT: Jade vs. Poison! Disciplinarian vs. Caliente! Hammerin' Heather Steele vs. Jacklyn Hyde! And Roxy Powers and Slam Dunk go at it ONE MORE TIME! Also...babes in swimsuits! Also...David McLane and Jeannie Buss get DRAMATIC!
Opening Credits - these look like the same version of credits they used to open the PPV. Before we get moving, let me lay out and tell you that this is Women of Wrestling #19, coming to you from the Church of WOW, the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA - airing 10.2.1 (but taped WAY back on 15.12.2K) across the country on a declining number of stations (hey Boston) - all right!
POISON v. JADE - DAVID McLANE makes the intros: "From toxic parts unknown...Poison!" Strangely, the tape hits a glitch *right* when she gets to the naughty part of "kiss my ass." Poison's new entrance video is only hinted at, but the true whiff of cheese we caught at the pay-per-view goes unseen. Could be because the video has the *yellow* hair on top, while at this taping it's merely a blond set atop the redhead. "Her opponent...the Spitfire...Jaaaaaaade!" Hey, she's a *firey* spitfire, dammit! And really, is there any other kind? Although long-time viewers of WOW already know there's no way in hell Jade can *possibly* pull out a victory, let's watch it together and find out. Poison does her Jade dance - not terribly impressive. Lockup, side headlock by Poison, STOMPING IT IN, Jade powers out, Poison with the shoulderblock, up and over, Jade with the leapfrog, monkey flip! Poison up and we start over - Poison running into the WOW drop toehold - Jade to a hammerlock. Back to their feet - Jade tries to STOMP IT IN, but Poison snapmares her over. Into the ropes, clothesline by Poison for barely 2. Got her by the hair - into the ropes, big gutshot, and a kneelift off the ropes by Poison. Scoop...and a slam. Press - another 2. Into the ropes, Jade ducks it and hits a crossbody...for 2. Work the wedgie, Jade! Poison put into the ropes, no, reversal, Jade up, Samurai scissors! Jade with a running dropkick and Poison goes outside to take a breath. Poison back in...and raking the eyes. Into the corner, "lick my fingers" move - and hiptossing her to the centre. Poison plays to the crowd, sweeps the leg and hits the WOW catapult. As Poison starts with a camel (toe) clutch, Selina Majors calls in an interview. She's had a lot on her mind the past couple weeks. She doesn't want to discuss it on the phone tonight, but next week she'll talk about it face to face. Everybody can wait until next week - they'll get their answers. Then she hangs up. Meanwhile, Jade grabs the rope, breaking the hold. Into the opposite corner, Jade springs off the bottom rope over a running Poison, runs back to the other corner and hits a springboard crossbody for nil - the (still nameless) ref was napping, I guess. Jade in control - whip into the corner is reversed, but Jade springs up to the Samurai scissors once again - almost piledriving Poison in the process - yow. Poison up slow - Jade to the body scissors - wedgie wedgie wedgie - rollup gets 1 for Jade. Another body scissors...but Poison drops her face first this time. McLane is already hyping next week's show. Poison with the vertical suplex. Poison plays to the crowd again, and this time we actually *hear* "kiss my ass." Poison Paralyzer finds the mark - 1, 2, 3. (5:04) Commentators fail to notice that Poison has a full head of hair - McLane is content to talk about Jade's grandmother instead. Replay of Poison's suplex and/or Jade's wedgie - three times - and the Poison Paralyzer.
Visit wowe.com and see if anybody's worried! Oh, and don't forget to vote for your favourite bikini-clad Woman of Wrestling!
And, hey, if those swimsuit pix aren't getting you humming, well, here's a word from EnerX. "Yeah, stamina's probably a good way to put it. Ha HA!"
David McLane visits Jeannie Buss - and stealthily swaps his bouquet for the nicer one at the receptionist's desk. He's so sneaky! I leave it to you if this vignette was better this week WITH sound - or better last week WITHOUT. McLane stops at the picture of Rick Fox...I thought he was gonna make a delicious pun in reference to Miss Buss, but no. Instead, he notices that his flowers are "Laker colours! I like it!" and this pleases him to no end. Well all right.
DISCIPLINARIAN v. CALIENTE - "Innnnnntroducing! From the Board of Education, it's the Disciplinarian!" LEE MARSHALL regresses to a childhood memory that doesn't leave him in a happy place - McLane reveals that his mother is still alive. "WHAT did I just say? I told you to siddown and SHUT UP. When I set foot in this ring, ALL of your mouths go SHUT! I have something to say about Caliente. Oh....poor, poor Caliente. You see, I'm afraid this is going to be her last dance, because she's not going to be able to walk by the time class is dismissed!" "Her opponent...she's the firey Latina - ladies and gentlemen, Caaaaaaaaaaaaliente!" Let me get this out of the way - GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY THOSE NIPPLES - whew, I feel refreshed. Here we go - lockup, side headlock by Disco, stomping it in, Caliente powers out, shouldertackle by Disco - hey I just SAW this match - Disco off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Cali, monkey flip, armdrag takeover to an armbar - Disco up, Caliente STOMPS in the arm wringer, but Disco cartwheels out and *she's* STOMPING IN the arm wringer of her own. McLane reveals that Disciplinarian "has it out for Bronco Billie - POOR Bronco Billie! What is she gonna do? Mm, mm, mm." Snapmares her over - legdrop on the arm - and then she does it again! Looks like Disco's picked a body part - arm wringer plus stomp, into the ropes, back body drop. Big splash - 1, kickout at 2. Into the ropes, clothesline by Disco. Mocking mambo! Into the ropes, head down, leapfrog by Cali, Disco hooks the arms and hits a backslide for 2. Scoop...and a slam. Got her by the hair...going for the Pedigree, but Caliente manages a double leg - for some reason the (same) ref is counting a pinfall, but this is just a setup for the WOW CATAPULT! He should know better. Cali pulls her out as she tries to hold the ropes in the classic spot. Caliente going for a splash but MISSES! Got her in the corner - whip is reversed, Cali with a monkey flip! Into the ropes, flying jalapeno (how appropriate!), off the ropes with ANOTHER flying jalapeno! Disco put in the corner, Cali whips her out, reversal, both boots up to meet the charge - plancha off the second rope...for 2. Disco put in another corner- whip into the opposite corner, drop toehold as she comes out - is it time for the Mexican surfboard? I think so! Rock, rock, rock back - got it on! Disciplinarian's gotta give it up - and YES! She does! Big win for the big headlights! (3:48) Disciplinarian's got her yardstick - but Caliente meets her with the dropkick without breaking her mambo footwork! McLane hits the ring as we observer the replay. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner - Caliente! Caliente a fan favourite here, and everywhere across the world, and especially throughout Latin America - Caliente, achieving a ga-- a great victory there - congratulations. The fans wanna hear from ya, they've been begging us on WOWE - let's hear from Caliente." "Gracias, David! I'm proud to be a part of WOW and represent all the bicultural people! Los Angeles que viva!" "Caliente! They love your dancing, Caliente." "Well, I'm just like the fans...I'm proud of my ethnic background. I want to be the first Latina superwoman!" "Caliente!" "David, would you dance with me? Everybody! Bailando!" "Only if the fans dance - fans get on up! It's time to for a little salsa! Hit it, Paul George!" Darned if McLane can't actually dance. "Caliente!" Golly, this is like the BEST SEGMENT EVER.
To the locker room, and JULIE DAY and her wacky hairdo: "I am here with *the* hottest new British import to hit the scene." "The name is Blond - JANE BLOND." "Now, you are a member of Her Majesty's Secret Service. Can you elaborate on it?" "Then it wouldn't be much of a secret now, would it? Heh - I wil tell you, however, that my family has a history in law enforcement. My aunt is currently the sheriff of Nottingham, and my sister works for Scotland Yard, so naturally I was in on the action." "You demonstrate tremendous physical prowess in the ring - what's your background?" "Well, I'm trained in martial arts and kickboxing, I ski, snowboard and scuba dive, and I've been known to do a little cliff diving whilst on holiday. On a more creative note, I've toured internationally as a dancer." "Well, were you undercover at the time?" "I'm afraid that that information, Julie, is classified." "Well what about your mission in WOW? Can you tell us, you know, about your plans?" "Oh, I have a mission all right. But I'll just say for now that I have a license to thrills - and I plan on leaving all my opponents shaken AND stirred." "This is Julie Day, here with the woman who sends her fans to double-oh heaven."
WOW! Swimsuit clips!
HAMMERIN' HEATHER STEELE v. JACKLYN HYDE (with Nurse Mercy) - "Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing, from Sweet Home, Oregon, it's Hammerin' Heather Steele! Her opponent: being led to the ring by Nurse Mercy...it's Jacklyn...Hyde." Hyde has her unhappy face on this week, and carries a doll body attached to Al Snow's Head. Hyde runs right into the WOW drop toehold. Trying again - another drop toehold from Steele - to the hammerlock. To their feet - Steele STOMPS IT IN as we notice the WOW spotlight on the ring for no good reason - hammerlock takedown. Hyde back to her feet, Steele back to stomping. Something muted here as Hyde manages a snapmare takeover to break it. Off the ropes, rolling necksnap. Spotlight's off, thank goodness. Hyde with the double legdrop between the legs. Got her by the hair...and ramming her into the turnbuckle. One more time into the turnbuckle. Ugly snapmare...put into position as Hyde climbs the ropes...on top...splash MISSES! Steele is up and ready to go - into the ropes, powerslam - 1, kicked out at 2. Put in the corner, opposite corner whip is reversed, and Hyde bulldogs her down off the ropes - almost a Diamond Cutter there - 1, 2, foot on the rope. Hyde thinks she's won but referee "Blind" Josh Milton holds up two fingers until she gets it. Another ugly powerslam by Steele catches Hyde by surprise...1, 2, 3! (2:48) Hyde climbs on Milton's back and claws away on his scalp - he manages to snapmare her over, but she lands on her feet - DIAMOND CUTTER! (McLane: "Neckbreaker!") Mercy manages to get her out of the ring and lead her back up the ramp...
How'd those two cameras get into Jeannie Buss' office? Don't ask. Buss remarks that McLane must use the same flowers as her receptionist. "Why....yes....I do...." Ha ha, McLane's so cheap. Buss and McLane play mutual admiration society - she loved attending the WOW taping - the women are talented, beautiful, tough - she had fun. McLane says how happy he was to have a woman of her stature at the live event. "You've got an eye for athleticism - and for talent!" "I like to think so - I liked what I saw in the ring at WOW...but I really liked what I saw outside of the ring." "Really?" "And I think maybe you and I can do some business together." "I'd like that!" "Let's have dinner and discuss!" "I'd like that more!" Wait...so are she and Phil Jackson NOT knockin' da boots no more?
wowe.com promo - again
Swimsuit clips - again - McLane promises the race is closer than "Bush vs. Gore!" Yeah, but the dead aren't voting in *this* contest...
Hmm, four 800 numbers in a row - tarot, sex, sex, lawyer - makes sense to me
SLAM DUNK v. ROXY POWERS - "THIS is a challenge match! Innnnnnntroducing the six-foot-three undefeated power forward, SLAMMMMM Dunk!" McLane mentions us seeing her arrive in a big limo at the PPV - I must have missed that somehow (or it didn't really happen). "All I gotta say is bring Roxy Powers on so Slam Dunk can SCHOOL her and foul her out!" "Her opponent! She is the total athlete - it's Rrrrrrrrroxy Powers!" Roxy Powers is *not* related to Jim Powers, by the way. They meet in the center, lockup, side headlock by Power, powered out, collision and nobody moves. Roxy off the ropes, another meeting, still on her feet. "I am Slam Dunk!" Powers with a crossbody that *does* take her off her feet...for 2. Into the ropes, leapfrog by Powers, big back heel kick. Dunk outside to kvetch to the commentators. "I am Slam! I am Slam Dunk! I'll get you, McLane. I will GET you! I am Slam Dunk! Who is she? WHO is she?" I'm starting to think she is Slam Dunk. FINALLY back up into the ring - collar and elbow once again, top wristlock by Dunk, STOMPING IT IN, Powers reverses to a hammerlock, dropping down, rollup, 2! Powers dares her to come for her, and when she does, Powers drops her with the dreaded WOW drop toehold. As Dunk recovers from *that*, let's take a break. Remember, if you leave, they'll COME FOR YOU...
When we come back, it's back to the tieup, Powers hits a fireman's carry takeover. Everybody's pulling for Jade! Into the ropes is reversed, Dunk with the big boot. Dunk plays to the crowd. Off the ropes, BIG legdrop. 1, 2, Roxy kicks out. Powers put in the corner, standing on the neck. Anthony Robbins can't help Roxy Powers now - Dunk stands on the neck and uses the ropes for added power. Dunk does a mocking dance for our benefit. Into the corner is reversed...but Powers runs into a boot. Dunk with a low, low dropkick - 1, 2, Powers kicks out. Dunk is getting a little mouthy - Powers breaks the armholds and hits a double leg. "What's wrong! What's wrong?" Sharpshooter coming up! Yes! Sharpshooter by Roxy Powers and all Dunk can do is grab the bottom rope. Powers says she won't break the hold...and waits on referee "Blind" Josh Milton's count. Dunk holds the second rope - looks like another "pull her out and cause pain" spot. Going for the submission hold again...but Dunk kicks her away this time. Powers into the ropes, reversal, drops down, leapfrog, Dunk ducks a clothesline - got her in the choke... Marshall: "Going for the powerslam." No, no, that's ahhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM. 1, 2, foot on the rope! Dunk gives Milton a chest bump - ooh. Roxy sneaks in a schoolboy rollup - 1, 2, no! Dunk whipped into the corner...but both boots are up AGAIN - Powers might try to stop doing that. McLane: "Fans talking about that WOW Unleashed - the lesson being, if you wanna see it, ya better BUY it, because we don't show it to ya for free!" Well, except the vignettes, I suppose. Dunk shoves her over with her boot - then hits an "I am, I slam" splash, gets both feet on the bottom rope, and gets the 1, 2, 3. Roxy saw it...but Josh didn't. (1:52 + 3:48) Dunk walks off as Powers tries to demonstrate - here's a replay...too bad McLane didn't use his power to....oh well.
McLane promises some "behind the scenes" swimsuit action - for now, look at these swimsuit clips. Doesn't Ice Cold look SO SO happy to be there? Doesn't Sandy look SO much better than the creepy Summer? And how many times with they add swimsuit clips to this show tonight?
I guess I just can't figure out how the Phonics Game figures into the demographics for this show??
Now, FRY'S I can understand - I mean, there's probably a LOTTA geeks watching this show - that's the *perfect* Fry's demographic for sure. Come to think of it, I haven't been to Fry's in almost a week....hmmm...
Swimsuit clips - including the exciting "behind the scenes" shots! We *still* don't find out why Jade won't let us see her eyes, though - what *was* the deal with that blindfold? Jade actually shows a glimmer of personality when she says "Whosever brillant idea it was to do this in *January* needs to be shot! June would be a good time to do a bathing suit shoot - DUH!" In conclusion, Scott would have *hated* this segment because there was absolutely *no* wrestling in it. Also, I'm wondering if Lana's swimsuit was edible for some reason.
And now we look at swimsuit clips interspersed with wrestling action clips. Geez, kind of a light show this week... Sure looks like they're trying to skew the voting Lana's way...I think out of the contestants they've chosen, I'd have to vote for Sandy. I'm just disappointed that none of Caged Heat were in it! (Not to mention Caliente and Wendi Wheels) Hey, there's that thong shot my brother waiting ALL SHOW to see, and never did - I should probably be able to ID the woman wearing it, but I can't.
Promotional consideration paid for by Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and Invention Submission Corporation (again)
Jeannie Buss shows off the six World Championship trophies the Lakers have won from 1980 to 2000. "Wow, the millennium trophy! This is the one Shaq and Kobe were probably kissing, wasn't it. MAN! What a - this is a great collection of trophies...Jeannie, these puppies must be expensive." Buss rolls her eyes and points to the practice court. "You get to watch the team practice every day?" "I gotta keep my eye on 'em!" "Jeannie, wow! I'll tell ya - that's why *you've* got a great eye for talent! And look at that, there's Shaq practicing his free throws!" We cut to a shot of Shaquille O'Neal - probably when he injured himself. Credits are up and we're mercifully out.