Women of Wrestling
WOMEN OF WRESTLING #20
QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 1 5/8 (- 7/8) - oh, well...
Just after the pay-per-view, Ice Cold, newly shorn, ran down a hallway near the camera, shouting "Poison! McLane! Lana Star! YOU did this to me!"
Elsewhere, Danger was preparing to get back into her steamy SUV when Riot (sharing a motorcycle with...somebody) Gillooly's her with her baseball bat. Then, in a Steiner-esque move, takes the bat against her knee and SNAPS it in half.
Cut to a creepy view from below. "Now who's on the highway to Hell?" Riot gets back on the motorcycle and it drives off. "RIOT DAMN YOU!"
We move to a shot of a bruised and bleeding Riot, talking to the camera. "Danger, you messed with the wrong girl. Terri Gold, I'm coming for you NEXT!"
Clips of the battle royal for the title...and a voiceover by Selina Majors. "From the very first show, and that battle royal, *I* shoulda been the champion. Terri Gold's feet touched the ground, I threw Thug out, and *I* shoulda been the WOW World Champion. I've been wrestling for fifteen years and *I* deserve that belt." We cut to a shot of Majors shoving McLane. "No, Selina, calm down! Turn off that camera! Turn off that..."
TODAY: Jungle Grrrl takes on Jane Blond! Riot tackles Sandy! And the NEW tag team champions, Caged Heat will fight the Daughters of Darkness!
Backstage, the white van carrying our favourite convicts pulls in.
DAVID McLANE is in the ring, ready to cue the Kane pyro. "Welcome to WOW! Women of Wrestling! Making her way to ringside...the self-proclaimed executive producer of WOW Women of Wrestling...the one that loves the colour pink...the one that loves the red carpet treatment...the one that loves limousines, champagne and the movie star treatment of Hollywood - she is the Fabulous LANA STAR!" This is Women of Wrestling #20, airing the weekend of 17.2.1 (taped 20.1) and for the next six weeks or so you'll have to get used to pre-PPV taped footage spliced together with post-PPV, post-production magic - don't worry, I'll try to help along when it's the most annoying. (ha) Anyway, there's a woman in pink that would like to be heard. "Hello everybody - I'd like to welcome you all to another episode of the Lana Star show!" "Lana Star, what are you out here gloa-ting about?" "Well, I'd like to show you my prized possession...Ice Cold's hair." (Looks like cotton to me) "Lana Star, how can you gloat about this? Ladies and gentlemen, she has a bag full of Ice Cold's hair..." "Well, everyone, let's take a look and see my latest work." Up on the WOWvision, a little chromakey magic gives us a clip from Unleashed of Ice being shaved (instead of the much, much earlier clipping Star gave her). "There was no call for that, Lana, and I can't believe you're out here gloa-ting about it." "Listen, nerd. Ice Cold's been CRYING to everyone about me cutting off her hair, but if you face me, you'll pay the price." "Well you know what, Lana, I was anticipating you coming out. I've got a little clip for you to see..." Let Us Take You Back to October, where Star took out Randi Rah Rah with a mirror shot. "Do you remember what you did to Randi Rah Rah?" "Are you getting senile, McLane? That's SO old news - I put Randi Rah Rah out of wrestling!" "Well, guess what, Lana...I got a little surprise for you, tonight...ladies and gentlemen, making her return to WOW Women of Wrestling, after over three months' absence...give it up for Randi Rah Rah!"
LANA STAR v. R-A-N-D-I R-A-N-D-I RANDI RUH RUH RANDI RUH RUH - Randi hits the ring with a Thesz press and once again it's on. From LEE MARSHALL's volume, this is quite obviously the most exciting thing EVER. Five rights from Randi. In the corner, on the second rope, egging on the crowd, five more rights - whip into the opposite corner is reversed, Randi on the second rope, crossbody, 2! Got the side headlock, STOMPING IT IN, Star powers out, Randi hits the shoulderblock. Off the ropes, cartwheeling over, and dropping with a press for 2. Arm wringer, STOMPING IT IN, hey it's like she never left for three months! Star grabs the hair to take her down. Randi kips up and hits an armdrag takeover! Back up and back to the arm wringer, STOMPING IT IN, snapmare takeover, dropping the leg, STILL holding that arm, and dropping the leg on it one more time. Back up with the arm wringer, STOMPING IT IN, Star powers out off the ropes, leapfrog by Randi, dropkick to the booty and Star has to go outside. Randi out after her - the chase is on! Star back in first - Randi in - Star out. Referee "Blind" Josh Milton manages to hold her back this time. Star demands a little room before she'll get back in. Star finally back up on the apron - Randi brings her in the hard way. Put in the corner...hiptoss takeover out. "Randi - RAH RAH!" Running dropkick. Into the corner - "Randi - RAH RAH!" - running at Star, but she dumps her over the top rope onto the apron - Randi yanks her hair, taking her to the mat. Climbing up - (edit?) - top rope crossbody gets 2! Star in the corner, Irish whip out, reversal, Star off the ropes with a bulldog - sorry, Facelift. Scoop...and a slam by Star. Star climbing to the second rope, fixing her hair...and dropkicking Randi right in the booty. (McLane: "right to the back") Stary removing the EYE PATCH! (Did I mention Randi was wearing an eye patch?) She's got one of those cool contact lenses in, too. Star with the DDT! Star fixes her hair once again...and now P-A-T-T-I P-A-T-T-I PATTI PIZZAZZ PATTI PIZZAZZ is out...but fumbling with the case of beauty products - what is she looking for? Randi sneaks up behind Star and hits a schoolboy (schoolgirl?) - 1, 2, 3!! (4:47) Randi gives Patti a look on her way back up the aisle...but Patti doesn't look back. Instead, Lana berates Patti for her blundering...and walks out alone. Patti trundles behind, but...ohhh, something's brewing HERE. Replays of what we just done seen.
Here are some clips from the next two participants of tonight's show - Jungle Grrrl (splash off the ladder) and Jane Blond (dropkicking Tanja, and her pre-match pose on the top rope)
Benny Hill should SPIN IN HIS GRAVE for all I have to see his ads - come to think of it, *that's* a video I'd probably BUY!
JUNGLE GRRRL v. JANE BLOND - "Llllllladies and gentlemen, introducing from the Amazon RAIN forest, it's Jungle Grrrl!" She's wearing some baby's breath in her hair - there's a lot of baby's breath growing out in the Amazon rain forest, you know. "Her opponent! From Her Majesty's Secret Service...it's...Blond. Jane Blond!" It's the Queen of the Splash vs. the Queen of the missile drop, says McLane. What's a missile drop, says CRZ. Grrrl is perched on the top rope, waiting for Blond to quit showing off for Clint and get in the ring so she can hit a top rope missile dropkick on her. Into the ropes, reversed, leapfrog by Blond, into an armbar takedown. Oh, I see, a missile drop is a missile dropkick. McLane can be so WEIRD sometimes. Grrrrl is in the ropes. Blond picks her up - into the ropes, reversed, belly-to-belly suplex! "Did Jungle Grrrl wanna become the Queen of England by defeating Jane Blond? We'll find out!" McLane needs to either cut the dosage - or increase it. Blond put in the corner, kick, kick, into the opposite corner is reversed, but Grrrl springs off the second rope with...hmmm, a friendly edit. Call it a clothesline. Side headlock, STOMPING IT IN, Blond powers out but Grrrl hits the shoulderblock. (We may have to call this "sequence #1") - Blond evades the dropped headbutt and takes commands - Grrrl's head hits the buckle - again - Blond runs up on the shoulders, then hits her unique headscissors takeover. Into the ropes, dropkick...2! Side headlock, STOMPING IT IN, Grrrl tries to suplex her out but Blond backflips - tilt-a-whirl into a press by Blond...for 2! Scoop...and a slam! Blond in control! Let's take a break! Graphics man says: "If you don't come back IT WON'T BE PRETTY!"
Looks like we're pretty much where we left off...Blond is still on the apron heading for the top rope. Missile dropkick...is swatted away! Oh oh. I think she's angry. Pumphandle...hey, Jungle Grrrl with the Meltdown! Grrrl going up top...and there's the top rope headbutt. Big vertical suplex. Scoop....and a slam. Blond put on the top rope - right hand to the abdomen - another right - Grrrl climbing up - superplex coming up? YES! Jungle Grrrl's not done...looks like it's time for that infamous top-rope splash. 1, 2, 3. (2:15 + 2:11) Wow, that sure got squashy at the end there. Replays. McLane hits the ring to talk to Jungle Grrrl. "Ladies and gentlemen, the winner...and the king, if you will, of the jungle....Jungle Grrrl!" "David McLane! How many of your girls do I have to put down to get that belt? You're lookin' at the #1 Contender! That's right." "Some people may have an argument with you on that, Jungle Grrrl." "I don't care what kinda argument they have - put 'em in the ring, and let's find out. One...by one...by one. They will fall - they will lose - I will have that title belt. Jungle Grrrl....will....be....number one." "Jungle Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl!" I think McLane likes saying that.
Ice Cold, immediately following WOW Unleashed, trashed the locker room. "Lana Star, you did this to me, and now you're gonna PAY for it!"
Back in the ring with McLane: "Ladies and gentlemen, it's my honour to present to you the Total Athlete.....Roxyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Powerrrrrrrrrrrrs! ROXY POWERS, just in a few short weeks, you've taken the nation by storm, the fans are admiring your athletic ability!" I think he means they're admiring her *headlights.* "That's right, David - you're lookin' at a new Roxy Power with a new total attitude right here." "Well there's somebody I know that's not sharing the fan's enthusiasm, and that is Slam Dunk. Let's take a look at exactly what you did to Slam Dunk..." We look back four or five weeks. "That's the first time I've ever seen anybody shut up Slam Dunk!" "Slam Dunk is nothin' but a punk! Yeah, she talks the talk, but as I said before, she still can't...walk the walk." "Uh oh!" Uh oh, indeed - SLAM DUNK is out...and taking her sweet time about it. "Slam Dunk, you have no reason to interrupt my interview with Roxy Powers." "Please, McLane - Slam Dunk dominates the court, the ring, and you better hope I don't take YOUR job, you vertically-challenged tightwad FOOL! Now as for you, Roxy POWERS, you should feel honoured you even got to be in the ring with Slam Dunk - so why don't you just go back home and practice, little girl, 'cause this time you're in the big leagues, because...I am, I slam." Powers laughs - ha! "Oh my goodness - Slam! Slam - you CLAIM that you wanted to be in the WNBA, that you didn't wanna be in it, but we all know the truth...is that the WNBA - heh - they didn't want YOU! You *may* dominate on the court, but here, baby, in the ring...that's MY game." "Oh yeah, baby, Roxy Powers' game is in this ring, and hey - Slam Dunk, this isn't any match...you don't need to be in--" Dunk shoves him away (instant face turn!!), ducks a swing from Powers - choke - ahhhhhhTHECHOKESLAAAAAM! And then she gives one to Josh Milton (who sells it better - how sad). "I am Slam Dunk!" She removes Milton's belt and starts WHIPPIN' Powers - hmm, *I'm* not into it, but I'll bet *some* people are really turned on right now. The rest of the refs come out and separate Slam from Roxy. Slam says "wassup" a few hundred times on her way back up. There's a good look at Clint's "JANE BLOND'S CIA LIAISON" sign to cover an edit. "Roxy, are you all right?" "No! Slam! You wanna put me with a - you wanna BEAT me with a strap? I challenge you to a strap match right here next week! Are you on, or are you too chickent?" "Slam Dunk - Roxy Powers challenges you to a STRAP match! Do you wanna see it, fans? Roxy, we'll see if we can make that happen." "It will happen - right here, next week, check it out." "Roxy Powers!"
Hey, does that Canadian station protect you from these EnerX ads, too? (Those ads don't air in Canada.) They *don't?* Wow, they're really missing out! Not really.
THE RIOT v. SANDY OF THE BEACH PATROL - "Ladies and gentlemen! Introducing, the Heavy Metal Maniac...Rrrrrrrrrrrrriot!" Riot appropriates the mic held by ring announcer THOMAS GRIFFIN. "You know who I am, don't you? What was that? And you know how I am, don't you? Because I am unbreakable...I am....and I am.....! And I am here to tell you that I... ["Ri-ot!"] ...I am the #1 Contender for the championship belt. I can not be beaten. And if I keep having these matches, these silly little itty bitty little matches, it's gon' get bloody up in here! So I had better get that title match SOON, or else we're gonna have some problems, 'cause nothing can stop...the Riot!" I guess the blanks are supposed to be filled in as "unbreakable," "unbeatable," "the Riot!" I'll probably not remember that next time I'm down there, but I can certainly try. "Her opponent: one half of the Beach Patrol...Sandy!" Marshall says "ho daddies." Riot leaves the ring to go complain about the lack of competition in the ring. Riot pulls her out by her ankles. Head to the apron. I smell squash cookin'. Scoop....hold...(Marshall: "Don't do it on the floor!") hold...("DON'T do it on the floor!") and a slam! ON THE FLOOR! Riot shows her pretty face to the camera - and tells us it'll be over soon. Sandy put in the ring...Riot up top...but Sandy comes to while Riot's posing on top...beal across the ring! Big dropkick! Another dropkick...is swatted away. Riot has the hair...scoop...and a slam. Sandy's developing a vicious wedgie. Scoop...but Sandy breaks free - to the ropes, but Riot holds on and bumps Sandy backwards. Running elbowdrop...MISSES! Sandy with a side headlock - STOMPING IT IN...side headlock takeover - STILL holding onto it - Riot tries to turn it to a pin attempt - but Sandy rolls back - now to their feet - Sandy STOMPING IT IN one more time - Riot to the ribs to break it...across the shoudlers in the Torture Rack...and tossed over her shoulder to the mat. Riot grabs another handful of hair...into the ropes, Sandy ducks a clothesline and hits a flying press! 1, 2, no! Riot sweeps the legs with her own...grabs the arm and drops the legs on it. To the crossface and short-arm scissors...Sandy swims to the rope, and grabs it! Hold broken. Sandy breaks the grab, double leg takedown - WOW CATAPULT, Riot twisting to the mat. Riot runs at Sandy...into the drop toehold! Sandy puts her in the ropes, reversed, sunset flip by Sandy gets 2. Riot put into the ropes, reversed, leapfrog by Riot, back kick, got the hair, head between the legs...powerbomb coming up - SUPER wedgie just for fun...and here's that powerbomb. Hand between the boobies - 1, 2, 3! (5:06)
Back to post-PPV tape as David McLane stands with TERRI GOLD, who has an icepack on her shoulder: "Terri Gold, what went through your mind - you were the enforcer, you were the one keeping the referee out, keeping Harley's Angels out and then the sudden surprise: Terri Gold, turned on by Selina Majors, her mentor." "David, I don't know what happened, I have always looked up to Selina, she asked me to be the special enforcer for this match, I told her I'd have her back - I didn't know what to do...I didn't want to count for Thug, but I had to - I mean, I started the count, I didn't wanna do it, and I had to, I had to do what was right, I had to make sure I enforced the rules - the other ref went over--" "Your heart - your heart must have been torn, I mean you could see it - Terri Gold, look at it right here, fans, let's roll it. Your heart was torn...you didn't wanna do it." "You know, Selina trains me all the time, I really look up to her - I think she's a awesome wrestler - I didn't wanna turn on her, but I had nothing else I could do." "Well you don't consider it the fact that you turned on her, do you, I mean you had to do the right thing." "No - right, exactly, I had to - Thug had her pinned - I had to count." "But there's no doubt about it: Selina Majors turned on the world champion, Terri Gold. How do you feel?" "David, you know I'm not feeling really that well, I'm gonna go back into the training room." "I don't blame you - thank you for taking a moment out. There you go fans, the world champion Terri Gold, moments after the match at WOW Unleashed. We'll be back in a moment, stay tuned."
Backstage, Pain and Loca hand their belts to Vendetta for safekeeping and/or to explain them not having them when this next match was taped. "You think someone's gonna steal them?" "Yeah - this guard be lookin' shady!" A hearty laugh is exchanged.
DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS (with the Goon) v. CAGED HEAT (UNLEASHED) for the WOW world tag team championship? - "Entering the ring, accompanied by the Goon...it's....the Daughters of Darkness...Mystery...and Misery. The Daughters of Darkness." Wanna have some fun? Listen for an overdub on the next intro. "Introducing, the WOW Women of Wrestling tag team champions...Caged Heat!" A ghostly "is unleashed!" can be heard as well. If the Daughters win the titles, how will they get the belts? Maybe this is a nontitle match. Who knows? Loca and Pain hit the ring and triple clothesline all three folks in black - Goon loses his face! Goon loses his - oh wait he's got it back. They toss Goon through the ropes. Pose on the corners for the champs. Delta Lotta Pain and Mystery will start. McLane says Caged Heat made it through "over sixteen teams" to win the titles...McLane may think that twelve is IN FACT over sixteen - who can say. Lockup, side headlock by Mystery, STOMPING IT IN, Pain powers out, shoulderblock by Mystery ("Sequence #1!") Shoulderblock again by Mystery. Up and over, Pain with a hiptoss to turn it around. Armdrag by Pain, tag to Misery, Pain brings HER in the hard way, into the ropes, weird powerslam - 1, 2, Pain moves out of the way of Mystery's elbowdrop and Misery takes it. Pain takes time out to laugh...and the Daughters strike back with a double clothesline. Into the ropes, Loca pulls her out by the ankles to save her. Rolled back in, and I think there was a tag. Double bulldog on Mystery - Loca covers - 1, 2, kickout. Mystery put in a corner, right, right, into the opposite corner is reversed, Loca hits sternum first and falls backwards. Into the ropes, big powerslam by Mystery, 1, 2, Pain tries an elbow but Mystery slips THAT. But Loca has a chance - gutshot, scoop...and a slam. "Wassup fool!" Drops the knee. Whip into the ropes, reversal, big boot to the gut by Mystery - setting up for a fisherman suplex but it's ad break time (in the middle of a move?!?) Graphics guy says "If you leave WE'RE COMING AFTER YOU!" I DARE them to come after ME.
And when we come back, she *does* hit that fishermanplex, but Pain drops both legs on her midsection to break it up at 2. Mystery put in the ropes, double clothesline ducked, Mystery tries one of her own but they catch it and convert on an inverted double side Russian legsweep (how 'bout THAT one, Rev. Ray?) Loca sees to taunting Misery into the ring to distract referee "Blind" Josh Milton...or just do beat on her, as each member of the Orange Crush have a masked lady in an opposite corner. They both reverse, however, to a pair of SUPER spinebusters...both women kick out! "Everyone out!" says Milton - I don't think he knows who's legal anymore. Mystery is tossed by Pain - Loca with a short clothesline on Misery, picking her up and sending her to Pain, who holds her in a bearhug for the clothesline - that's the Driveby. Goon pulls Loca out, so Delta hits a baseball slide dropkick to take HIM down! Mystery and Loca going at it on the floor - Mystery put back in, Loca follows - into the ropes, 3D! I mean, Capital Punishment! Loca covers - 1, 2, 3. (2:47 + 1:46) In the Media Room, a funny story I forgot to tell you was one of the three asked what time it was, and without missing a beat, the other two quickly answered "Hard time!" even though she legitimately wanted to know what time it was. Well, maybe you had to be there...or maybe I had to tell the story closer to when it actually happened. Replays of Capital Punishment. Back in the ring, the Goon has a chair...but he falls into a double drop toehold...then Loca holds his legs apart for (McLane: "It's gonna be a ballbustah!") Wassup! Milton gets a shot in the gut as well before they take off - a GUARD meets them halfway up the aisle to "help" them leave.
Promotional consideration paid for by Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and Invention Submissio Corporation.
It's your last chance to vote in the WOW Swimsuit Competition! And your last segment of tonight's show!