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QUICK QUOTE: WOWI.OB 1 1/32 (+ 0.02125)

I GET LETTERS: Neill B. (no, the one from Seneca, SC) writes: Hey CRZ,

Like the recaps you do , anyway thought i would write to tell you that last week when I was watching tv at about 1:30 am and an episode of Sex Wars came on ( you have probably seen it , but if you haven't it is a game show that has 3 guys and 3 women playing against each other) well lo and behold Roxy Powers was on the Ladies team. She wasn't referred to by that name but it was here. When she isn't fighting tall black girls like Slam Dunk , she is apparently a Kick Boxing instructor.

I actually *did* watch Sex Wars back when I thought there wasn't anything else on at 2:10am...but I've started to tape an hour of Pokemon to watch instead. I'm *finally* gonna learn the names of all of them so I can master "Hey You Pikachu." Anyway, thanks for sharing the eyes!

WOW logo - ohhhhhhhhhhhhh WOW!

LAST WEEK ON WOW: When we left, Selina was (mistakenly?) taking the trashcan lid to Terri Gold during her match with Thug...and now we pick it up - Majors with the trashcan lid to Thug! And a lid shot for Milton! And...

Opening Credits - damn, we'll just NEVER know what happened at the end of that match

WENDI WHEELS v. SUMMER OF THE BEACH PATROL - DAVID McLANE with the introductions: "Making her way from Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania...everybody's favourite mechanic shop pinup girl, from the world of NASCAR, she is Wennndiiiiiiiiii Wheeeeeeeeels!" Wheels with the standard "do me" pose on the top turnbuckle - vroom vroom! "Her opponent, from the sunny beaches of California, California's favourite, one half of the Beach Patrol with Sandy, it's her partner, oh yeah, Summerrrrrrr!" Summer, recall, is the *creepy* half of the Beach Patrol, and the one equipped with her own personal flotation device already built-in. Lockup, side headlock by Wheels, STOMPING IT IN, hiplock takeover, Summer to a headscissors counter - Wheels to her feet - got the legs - into a Mechanisburg Crab! Summer reaches for the rope - and gets it. Wheels pulls her legs and flattens her nose - and now goes to a ... well, it's a bit like a Tejas cloverleaf - again Summer hits the ropes. McLane says WOW is going to...Egypt? Can they dress like that over there? Wheels dares her to get up so she can stretch her again. Vroom vroom! Summer kicks her away - running one-legged dropkick finds the mark - cover - 1. Summer to the surfboard - now with a leg between the shoulders - Wheels breaks it, turns it over, and now SHE has a surfboard - Summer drops down, but Wheels grabs her legs and wheelbarrows her up - then drops her on her face again. I LOVE this girl! Inito the ropes, Summer slips around and hits a rollup for 2. Wheels puts her in the ropes again - clothesline gets 2. McLane promises we'll see Terri Gold and Thug later tonight, but I think we already did? Summer put in the corner, no reversal, Summer with a monkey flip. Running to the corner, but Wheels puts the boots up to stop her - on the second rope, vroom vroom, waiting for Summer to get up - and there's the flying clothesline for 2! Wheels brings her up by the hair - into the ropes, gutshot, Blowout, good night now. (3:36) Replay of the Blowout. If you don't come back, IT WON'T BE PRETTY!

Speaking of not pretty, here's your Benny Hill ad for the week

DISCIPLINARIAN v. BECKIE, THE FARMER'S DAUGHTER - Ring announcer THOMAS GRIFFIN with the call: "Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is a WOW challenge match! Introducing, from the Board of Education, it's the Disciplinarian." "I cannot BELIEVE that Beckie, the Farmer's Daughter had the NERVE to challenge ME to a match! Your pet pig is smarter than you, Beckie. Why don't you ask your brother, or your cousin, or is it your daddy, you know I'm a little confused about life on the farm...I tell you what: why don't you educate me on farm life, and I'll educate you in the ring. Class is in session, Beckie!" Beckie runs to the ring before her music even starts and dropkicks Disco through the ropes. Beckie fosters a chant - by the way, you may not know this to look at her, but Beckie will hug at the drop of a hat. Disco brought in the hard way - into the ropes, reversed, but Beckie dropkicks as Disco brings her up. Disco tries a swing, but Beckie ducks - there's a keister bump, and into the Farmer's Roll! 1, 2, Disco kicks out. Side headlock, stomping it in - Disco powers out - shoulderblock by Beckie - up and over, leapfrog over her, Disco with the leapfrog, hiptoss by Disco, kicked away by Beckie. Fast and furious - there's a lariat from the Disciplinarian. Scoop...and a slam. Off the ropes, big splash gets 2. Going for the Whatever We're Calling the Pedigree For Her but Beckie upends her with a backdrop! To the ropes, but nobody's home on the springboard splash. Disco rams her head into the buckle - and again. Running hiptoss out of the corner. She's ready to do it again but Beckie handstands into a cartwheel instead, and hits a dropkick off the ropes. Disciplinarian heads for the outside to take a breather. Knee to the abdomen when Beckie meets her on the apron...and there's a hot shot. Disco back in - head to the buckle. Legsweep trips her up. Got both legs - is this the WOW CATAPULT? YES! Put in the corner, whip into the opposite corner, but Beckie lands on the corner and springs off the second rope with a dropkick! Scoop...and a slam by Beckie. Beckie going up top...FIREBIRD SPLASH! *PERFECT* 450 onto Disciplinarian for the 1, 2, 3!! (3:52) McLane dubs it the "Barnburner," and we see it from every camera in the replay.

Log onto - NOW!

From the bar, Thug: "Selina Majors, at the pay-per-view, I tore you apart from limb to limb. I mutilated you! And Terri Gold, you're running around scared of all the so-called 'top contenders' for the belt - Slam Dunk, Jungle Grrrl, Riot, Danger, well little girl, the one you should be afraid of is ME! That belt would be around my waist right now if it was not for the *interference* of Selina Majors, the 'Real Deal!' Well, you shine that belt up, you do your pushups, you do your situps, because lemme tell you something, I AM the best lady wrestler in this world, I've been around this world twice, and I AM the best at what I do in that squared circle, so you take that belt, bring it to the ring because it WILL leave the ring with ME - and Bronco Billie, tonight I'm gonna show you just what it's like to enter the snake pit!"

Everybody's been talking about it - everybody's been wanting to know - the winner of the Venus Swimwear competition the Fabulous Lana Star! It was a "last minute surge of votes" that put her over the top - make your own "last minute surge" joke here if you're so inclined. Here's another Special Video Look at Lana.

"David McLane here, fans, with RANDI RAH RAH - she made her debut in WOW Unleashed, but unfortunately, Randi, you're still not 100%." "No, David, I've been out for three whole months, and I just want Lana Star to know how I felt. David, when I joined this company, I never thought that anything like being blinded in one eye would happen to me - yeah, I thought I may have a broken nose or a broken arm or something of that sort, but never anything this serious - this is something serious, something that I have to have to live with the rest of my life, and she seems to have no concern whatsoever, but I'm not a quitter - I am not a quitter, and my main goal in life right now is to make Lana Star suffer - to let her know exactly what I feel." "You already - you already her last week - I mean, you took care of her." " She doesn't know what it feels like to nearly be blinded in one eye." She removes the patch - "OH!" "To look like have to look like this, to have to face people." "Mmm - what do you have in mind for her?" "David...have you ever been blindfolded?" "Under what circumstance?" "I have a little proposition for you...and for you, Lana Star." "What do you have in mind?" "We'll have to save it for later." Now THERE'S a mug on McLane...

What is this, the Cleo hour? Wait...let me ask my tarot cards. What? "Ask Again Later?!"

JUNGLE GRRRL v. HAMMERIN' HEATHER STEELE - "Ladies and gentlemen, introducing...from the Amazon RAIN forest...Jungle Grrrrrrl. Her opponent, from Sweet Home, Oregon...she's everybody's favourite Tool Time Girl - it's Hammerin' Heather Steele!" I don't know, I *still* think decaf would solve most of that. Grrrl leaves her perch with a missile dropkick - hmmm, this'll be some squash, won't it? Scoop....and a slam. Off the ropes, but the headbutt misses. Steele to the side headlock, STOMPING IT IN, Grrrl powers out, leapfrog, back elbow. Steele put in the corner, kick, kick, whip is reversed, Steele pounds her chest...and catches Grrrl with a drop toehold. Hammerlock, trying to STOMP IT IN but Grrrl snapmares her over. Into the ropes, dropkick. Pumphandle...Meltdown. Grrrl going up top - I anticipate a flying headbutt - don't know WHY she does that before the splash, but it's definitely a pattern. There's a vertical suplex - delayed nicely thanks to the short, light opponent. Scoop...and a between the legs sitout slam. Sat up on top...rake of the eyes...climbing up for a superplex...ayup. Grrrl going up top - this is the splash - this is a pin. (3:12) Steele kicked out of the ring - I think she's looking for a microphone. "I don't know how many people I gotta drop down in this place to get a belt. I've said it before and I'm saying it again - I AM the #1 Contender for the championship belt. Enough said - learn the laws of the jungle baby - that mine." Replays of the splash. Right onto Steele's rack! Yow! We're coming right back AFTER YOU!

Discussing men's sexual behaviour is always a sensitive topic...except in this here ad for EnerX

PARADISE and FARAH THE PERSIAN PRINCESS v. JADE and LOTUS - "THIS is a tag team match! Introducing first...Paradise! Her tag team partner: it's Farah, the Persian Princess! Their tag team opponents...known as the Asian Invasion, introducing first, the Spitfire...Jade. Her tag team partner...the lovely exotic flower...she's Lotus!" This match has NO business being on this show, but I guess we can admire the Wedgie competition and make some more jokes about Jade dishonouring her family once again when she eventually loses. Jade and Paradise start - lockup, side headlock by Jade, STOMPING IT IN, powered out, shoulderblock (that's opening gambit #1 in WOW, remember) - Jade off the ropes, up and over, leapfrog by Paradise, crossbody block by Jade for 1. Side headlock, STOMPING IT IN, Paradise runs her to the corner but she holds on - side headlock takeover - and 2! Farah tags in - Jade holds onto the side headlock - and hits a double Samurai Scissors by holding the headlock while hitting the head scissors with her legs! Took too long celebrating - double clothesline puts her down. Farah puts her in the ropes, back elbow. McLane says she was looking to her grandmother - oh. Scoop...and a slam. Cover - 2. Into the ropes, Jade manages a Samurai Scissors and tags out - dropkick by Lotus - into the corner, handspring elbow, snapmare over, seated dropkick. Tag to Jade - on all fours for the flying clothesline - Jade gets 2. Asian Invasion puts her in the corner - double suplex blocked - blocked again - Farah hits a double DDT! Reaching for the tag - and tags Paradise! Double clothesline! Lotus booted outside - Jade suplexed with authority - off the ropes - fistdrop - cover - 2. Paradise still in control - Jade put in the corner - shoulder to the gut, again, again, into the opposite corner, Jade up and over, Samurai Scissors!! Paradise somersaults to Farah to make the tag as Lotus also gets a tag - kick ducked, Farah with a kick, tag to Paradise, double suplex - very nice. Lotus tags while her opponents celebrate - boosted crossbody by Jade for 2! Farah puts Jade in her corner - double kick. Double side Russian legsweep! Farah covers - 1, 2, 3! (San Jose 4:08) Sorry, that was the double side *Persian* legsweep - and here's a replay.

In the locker room, we see Lana Star's manicure. Patti Pizzazz walks in. "Lana, it's almost time for my match - you are coming out with me, aren't you?" "I have to get my nails done! I have an image to uphold - I *am* the star and executive producer! You'll be fine." "Lana, I really wanted you in my corner." "And *I'd* really like a better shade of pink nail polish! You'll be fine, I'll be here when you get back. Go ahead!"

When we come back, Patti Pizzazz seems a little downtrodden making her lonely, lonely walk to the ring. Randi Rah Rah happens by - "Patti - I just wanted to wish you good luck tonight." And she shakes her pom poms. "Thanks!" And she shakes her pom pom back! Then she skips merrily away...

JACKLYN HYDE (with Dr. Sarah Bellum) v. P-A-T-T-I P-A-T-T-I PATTI PIZZAZZ PATTI PIZZAZZ - "From the sanitarium, escorted to the ring by Dr. Sarah Bellum...ladies and gentlemen, it's Jacklyn Hyde." Hyde has a message for all of us on her way to the ring. "Ahhhhhhhhh! Please help me, please help me to seek my (got me) - only a select few of you can receive this transmission! I will master the game of life and lead the way....join the ride of Jacklyn Hyde!" "HER opponent! Pattiiiiiii....Pizzazz!" Does Patti seem a little more like Patti Pep with her pre-match cartwheel? Dropkick by Pizzazz to start. Another dropkick. Hyde back up - and got the hair...rake of the face. Head to the buckle. And again. Snapmare takeover by the ropes, rolling neck snap. Got the legs - double legdrop between 'em. One more double legdrop in roughly the same area. Pizzazz complaining to referee "Blind" Jesse Hernandez but not getting much relief. Scoop...and a slam. Hyde climbing up top...splash MISSES! Pizzazz trying to come back - shoved Hyde into the corner, snapmare over. And *still* complaining about her hair. Hyde roars something - and gets a dropkick. Nice back somersault by Pizzazz. Into the corner is reversed, and Hyde hits the 3/4 nelson bulldog coming out. Into the corner, ANOTHER "Jacklyn splitter" (thanks McLane). Into the corner a third time and ANOTHER splitter coming out. 1, 2, 3! (2:46) She grabs her she finally calming down? Well, I guess RANDI RAH RAH doesn't think so, as she's out to keep her from doing any more damage to Patti Pizzazz. Bellum grabs Hyde to escort her away. Replays of just about everything Hyde did in this match *almost* take longer than the match proper. We're coming back AND TAKING NAMES!

When we come back, Pizzazz is helped back to the dressing room. "What happened to you?" "Lana, you didn't even watch my match on the monitor?" "I was busy, okay?" Randi walks in: "Patti, are you okay?" "What are you doing?!" and Lana sprays her in her GOOD eye. Pizzazz pulls Star off - "Don't EVER lay your hands on me!" Before we see how this turns out, we cut to the main event...

THUG (with Charlie Davidson & EZ Rider) v. BRONCO BILLIE - "Ladies and's THUG and Harley's Angels!" Rider ready to provide another lesson in winning mic performance. "Get outta my face. Ohhh - Harley's Angles is in the house! Yeah! That's right! Harley's Angels, baby! C'mon, Bronco Silly! C'mon down, baby, and get ready for your last roundup! Tell 'em, Thug!" "Bronco Billie, you just come on out here, because tonight I'm like a coiled rattlesnake - I'm ready to strike you down, baby!" "That's right, Thug." "Thug's opponent - from the wild, WILD west, it's Brrrrrrrrrronco Billie!" No mention of Billie's ranch situation at all tonight, strangely enough. This is the main event! By the way, this is Women of Wrestling #22, airing in most markets the weekend of 3.3.1, coming to you from the Church of WOW, the Great Western Forum in Inglewood, CA (taped 20.1) and airing in syndication all over the place - but for how long? Davidson knocks off Billie's hat, distracting her long enough to allow Thug an open path to a forearm in the back. Scoop...and tied to the Tree of Woe - kick, kick, kick - the Angels yank on her neck while referee "Blind" Josh Milton's back is turned. He does finally turn back and free her. Into the ropes, Billie tries a crucifix...but there's too much Thug - Samoan Drop - 1, 2, foot on the rope. right to the body, into the opposite corner, double sledge misses - Billie with a schoolgirl...for 2! Thug quickly back in control with a kick. Billie put into the ropes, crossbody caught - backbreaker across the knee by Thug. Off the ropes, splash MISSES! Billie climbing the second rope with a crossbody for 2! Thug with a short clothesline - Billie with a rapidly developing wedgie. Shoudler in the gut by Thug - another - and another. Into the opposite corner - shoudlerblock MISSES and Thug hits the post. Bulldog attempted...but Thug turns it into pretty much a death suplex. Chokeslam!! Thugbomb - sorry, Last Call coming up - 1, 2, 3!! (2:30) Milton gets a shove. I'd rather kiss a rattlesnake than have to look at her pointing to that tattoo one more time. Rider proclaims it too easy, ahhh yeah.

To McLane's office we go, where he's dialing the phone. "Hope she's in - hi! David McLane calling for Jeanie Buss! Yes, I'll hold. Hope she's in...(almost singing) got ants in mah pants and I need to dance, got ants in mah pants and I need to - hey Jeanie! David McLane! How's business? Great! I'm calling to take you up on your dinner offer! How's next week sound? Well how 'bout Monday? Oh, you have an opening to attend. How 'bout Tuesday? Oh, Lakers staff meeting, hmm. How 'bout Wednesday? Hmmm - you're out until when? Friday. Well, what about Saturday? An owners' meeting, huh? Well, I see..."

Promotional consideration paid for by Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and Invention Submission Corporation (again)

McLane has loosened his tie, collar and cuffs when we come back, although seemingly no time has passed... "And what about Sunday? A press dinner - what about the week after that? Oh, outta town on Los Angeles Laker business all week... Me? Yeah - (Camera scrolls to an empty schedule) I'm practically booked up all month, too! Hey Jeanie - what about lunch?"

How odd - instead of the MG-Perin distribution graphic, we get a closing WOW logo...

Hey, according to Those In The Know, there is NO new content available for upcoming shows....which leads one to wonder if, indeed, there will BE upcoming shows. They always have the PPV footage, of course...but McLane made a rather big deal about how we GOTTA pay for it to see it for a few weeks in a row a while back...

Well, if there's a show next week, I'll be here - come back to find out!

[slash] wrestling

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