/23 January 2000
First, let me say that the Tajiri/Crazy Mexican Death Match was GREAT. I
just hope that not too many channels were changed PRIOR to that match,
thanks to the mind-boggingly large amount of commercials (punctuated by
ten and thirty second "segments") preceding it.
I GET LETTERS: Bryce Edwards says the premiere *was* shown on Channel 20 last week and I just missed it. It's entirely possible. But anyway, I'd like to thank E.C. Ostermeyer one more time for providing me with a tape.
WHAT THE HECK DOES WXO STAND FOR? BeaFuddle offers "WXO - Wrestling Kiss Hug - I think it's European"
WANT TO SEE WXO LIVE - FOR FREE? Well, you can't. I was GOING to post a link to information about the next set of TV tapings at Universal Studios 27-30 January, but they appear to have been mysteriously...postponed. This is what we in the business call "a bad sign." And by "business," I mean "writing wrestling recaps for peanuts despite having little (if any) inside knowledge."
THIS is WXO #2, airing the week of 17.1.2K, from the first-ever TV taping in the Unnamed Center in Lakeland, FL and rated TV-PG!
LAST WEEK: Dan Severn made a "shocking" debut, Enos and Darsow seeded a budding feud, and twin "fans" got involved in the tag team main event!
Opening credits - WXO theme
Your hosts are CREEPY CHRIS CRUISE and SWEET STAN LANE. This week, we'll visit the Egg Dome to see Bart Gunn & Johnny Ace in action, and we'll probably also congratulate ourselves for being so family-friendly!
CLASSY CHRIS NELSON v. REV. AL GREEN (So Tired of Being Alone) - Nelson's a pretty large guy in "half stars/half stripes" sweats. Don't know what's so "classy" about him but maybe we'll find out later. Cruise is quick to mention that Green got his start tagging with Kevin Nash - so they'll use the competition when it suits them, but dog them otherwise. Ever played Clue? Mr. Green, in the ring, WITH THE STICK: "I could stand here all night if you people don't shut your faces. I just want all you low-budget rednecks to understand one thing. It doesn't matter to me if you're some shootfighter, if you're some karate, if you're a boxer - just remember one thing. MY name is Al Green and I am the baddest man in the WXO Wrestling!" Hmm, thanks Al. Lane wants to know why he's bothering with the mask. In fact, wasn't Green on WCW Saturday Night this weekend? Nelson trying to lead a "USA" chant but it comes out "You Suck." Tie up, in the corner, clean break. Lockup, full nelson by Green, reversed into a side headlock, off the ropes, big shoulderblock takes Nelson down. Stomp. European forearm. Cruise says WXO "overpromises - underpromises and overdelivers." Throttling him - break. Knife-edge chop. Off the ropes, reveresed, hiptoss by Nelson - scoop - and a slam. Dropkick - clothesline that almost takes Green out of the ring before it hits. Green's had enough - he's walking away. Lane points out the lack of pads on the concrete - when you go outside, "you're gonna suck some cement!" Yeah, SCREW SAFETY! Back in, Nelson is all over him as he goes through the ropes, but Green hits a short clothesline coming back. Cruise now saying "Michael Barton" instead of "Bart Gunn" - must have been a mistake the first time. Nelson trying to punch his way back up, but Green rakes the face. Gut wrench gets 2. In the corner, punch, into the opposite corner, big splash. Green with repeated back elbows. Into the opposite corner, Nelson gets the boot up. Another charge, another boot, big clothesline from Nelson. Into the ropes, spinning heel kick for 2. Gutshot, Nelson off the ropes, but Green catches him in the spinebuster (which Cruise first calls "a version of the sidewalk slam" - yeah, Tony Schiavone's version) for the pin. (3:48) The theme from WXO plays - again.
Backstage, the twins we saw last week - ARRIVE! Are they seeking employment? Come back, won't you?
Our commentary team confuses a lot of us by going dubbed on us - every time their lips say "Bart Gunn," the audio says "Michael Barton." Apparently, the WXO has not managed to fly underneath the radar of the watchful WWF, who owns the trademark on the name and plans on defending it...
From the Egg Dome in Japan, we see about a minute of clips from JOHNNY ACE & MIKE BARTON v. JUN AKIYAMA & KENTA KOBASHI, although the opponents are never named (props to Dave Hogg and many others).
Lane would like to see Ace & Barton defending the All Japan tag titles here on WXO - Cruise says "the shocking conclusion to that match" will be aired in a couple weeks. Why not TONIGHT? Who can say?
Backstage, Fred Ottman - ARRIVES! But, he can't seem to get out of his tiny sports car. I guess this is funny! Another SHOCKING entrance for the MASTER Fred Ottman! Now play the WXO theme song!
Barry Darsow - the next William Shatner - hypes up priceline.com
A couple fellows help Ottman get out of his car - yuk yuk yuk
Let Us Take You Back to Last Week as Dan Severn makes Al Green tap, followed by Barry Horowitz starting trouble between Mike Enos and Barry Darsow. That Horowitz - he's a MASTER manipulator! If only Enos and Darsow had seen this clip - they could have worked it out! Later in that show, Enos used a chair on Darsow.
Barry Darsow cuts a promo in front of the chromakey. Let's get this down for posterity. "Mike Enos, you wanna play those kinda games with me? I'm here in WXO for one reason - and that is to be the best wrestler in WXO! You don't come down in the middle of my match and hit me in the head with a chair! You, being from Minnesota, know what I'm like - 'cause that's where I'm from! When somebody hits me in the head with somethin' like that - it comes back a lot harder on you! Mike Enos - you be ready for the Bully!" That...was a little too "old school" for my tastes, I think. Still, it was under thirty seconds...
HACK MEYERS v. BLACK NATURE BOY - Myers is "a man familiar to some wrestling fans..." The Black Nature Boy is so named because he's black, and because he was NOT trained by Ric Flair - only Stan Lane was trained by Flair. So...I guess we DON'T know why. Lockup, Myers shoves him down. Again, side headlock by Myers, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Up and over, hiptoss by the Boy, dropkick, off the ropes, reversed, duck, duck, crossbody for 2. Arm wringer, knee from Myers, clubbing blow, into the corner, elbow up from the Nature Boy, but he runs into a powerslam - for 2. Myers takes the head to the buckle. Boot, boot, boot, boot, standing on the neck. Off the ropes, back elbow by Myers - cover - 2. Myers argues with the unnamed ref - surprise rollup - but only 2. Myers takes him down again with a knockdown. To the rear chinlock. Lane says "Internet" in the hopes of getting backyard guys to supply cheap labour. Boy elbowing out, off the ropes, Myers with an axehandle to the temple to stop the charge. Placing him in the corner, headbutt, headbutt, kick, into the opposite corner, Boy sidesteps the charge and hits a fivearm to take Myers down. Top rope...legdrop...misses. "Version of the Rude Awakening" by Myers. 1, 2, no. Myers with a double sledge, a knee between the shoulderblades, a vertical suplex, and off the ropes with an elbow drop. 1, 2, nope. Black Nature Boy coming back - "Iblockyourpunchyoudon'tblockmine," right, right, right, Myers rakes the face. Clubbing blow. Nobody's said "SHAH!" all night. Myers ripping at the face. Northern Lights gets 2. Head to the buckle - blatant choke - break. Another blatant choke - here's DAN SEVERN walking to the ring. Why? Don't know - we cut backstage where Barry Darsow is shouting to Al Green through a door. "You gotta show him you're not a jabrone! C'mon all, get out there, go git'im! go git'im!" Meanwhile, back in the ring, Severn has Myers in the Dragon Sleeper (DQ 5:12) - Myers taps out (why not?) - there's an armbar for the Black Nature Boy, and HE taps out. This DQ is OLD SCHOOL! Here *is* REV. AL GREEN (Let's Stay Together) - Severn spears him and clamps on an anklelock - and Green taps again. Keep ringing that bell! Play the WXO theme! Severn does a Shamrock impression, screaming to nothing in particular.
"I'm Shannon Doherty, and you're watching WB-20 - WB with us!" Shannon, I wouldn't WB with YOU if you were the LAST WOMAN ON EARTH.
PAT POWERS v. MEAN MIKE ENOS - Lane calls it a "Kemura legbar," so...okay. Cruise TWICE says we're going to see the Bully Barry Darsow in action, but he sure looks like Mike Enos, and that's what the graphic says as well - oh well. Powers with a couple of clubbing blows, but Enos hits a shouldertackle off the ropes. Legdrop. Headbutt. In the corner, three kicks, into the opposite corner, Powers avoids the charge - rollup for 1. Clothesline ducked, Powers hits one of his own - kickout at UNDER 1. Boot, forearm, uppercut, Powers in control - whoops, reversed the whip into a powerslam. Enos FINALLY gets his shirt off - whoa, put it back on! What a gut! Enos chokes him with the shirt, then tosses him through the ropes. Have I made fun of Enos' trunks yet? Drops him on the barricade, then whips him into another barricade. Head to the commentary table, much to Cruise's discomfort. "This is not a Spanish announce desk here!" Rolled back in the ring - there's an ENOS *license plate* on his derriere! Stuff piledriver - 1, 2, HE PULLS HIM UP!! That's *always* cool. Powers placed up on the top rope. Enos climbing to the second rope - I smell a superfallaway - YES! Power rolls to the outside (where there are no mats) and Enos follows once again. Into the barricade. Before Enos can follow up on Powers, BARRY DARSOW is out with a can of beer for Enos...across the noggin. Hey, beer isn't family-friendly! Powers rolls back in the ring and wins via the fastest ten count in the land. (COR 3:50)
The commentators talk about miscommunication and hype Jennifer Hart's first in-ring interview - coming up NEXT! I'm all confused because they go to break without playing the WXO theme music.
JENNIFER HART interviews THE DOMINATOR (UNCLE) FRED OTTMAN - rather, Hart screams and whoops while Ottman stands nearby. What was up with the car mishap earlier today? "When I was a little kid, I wanted a sports car - I grew, the car stayed small, but the bottom line is I'm having fun...I'm excited being here with WXO - it's extreme - I love it, I'm excited, I don't know whether I'm excited being here or being next to you, but the bottom line is this is where the tough action is - grass roots! It's not who you know, how much makeup you wear, how pretty you are, it's how big, bad, nasty you are, and that's right! I'm nasty! And that's all these people need to know - my game is - I've wrestled all over the world - with the toughest competition there is, and here daily in WXO the tough guys are coming - one by one by one - and I'm looking forward to it. Nobody's ever slammed me! I've got a open invitation. You want some of me? Look at this ugly face! I'm rrrrready!" In addition to spitting all over the place, I count at least five ripoffs in Ottman's promo up there. Hart needs to tone it down...a LOT.
Barry Darsow hawks PriceLine.com one more time.
Try not to laugh reading THIS one: "JOHNNY ACE - the man in Japan - I'm in Tokyo right now, and ALL'S I ever hear about is this WXO - what does the "X" stand for? I don't know, I don't care, but I'm coming to kick some butt! On the Internet, the media, the press, they keep saying 'Johnny, are you going to the WXO?' And the answer is obvious - yes. If you don't got it, get it. If you don't get it......figure it out."
Cruise says Ace is referring to a "movement" hitting WXO sooner or later. Let Us Take You Back to Earlier in the Show - pinfall for green, Tugboat-yell from Ottman where he repeats his Big John Studd impersonation, Severn made three men tap in about twenty seconds, and a few seconds of second- or third-generation video dubbed All Japan.
THE HEARTBREAKERS (with Geeamore) v. THE BODIES - now, the commentators can't be bothered to tell you, but I have it on good authority that the Bodies are Ace Steele & Danny Dominion (props to Tracy Thom) - tho' I couldn't tell you which is which. The Bodies rush the ring, almost hurting ring announcer "RING ANNOUNCER." Each Body has a Heartbreaker in an opposite corner and they're firing away. Meeting of the minds results in a collision in mid-ring. Pair of clotheslines, pair of dropkicks, and the Heartbreakers head for higher ground while the Bodies celebrate in the ring. Commentators talking about Adam Pearce professing his admiration for the Heartbreakers - Lane drops the word "mark," and Cruise pretends to not know what it means. Adonis and ...a Body lockup, into a headlock - 1 count on the mat. Adonis to the ropes, off the ropes, knockdown by the Body, off the ropes, dueling hiptosses, the Body's works. Armdrag, side headlock takeover and we're back on the mat. Adonis to a headscissors, the Body kicks out of it and goes back to the headlock. Geea looks like this girl I know, yup. Adonis powers into his corner and drives the shoulder. Why he didn't tag, I don't know. There's a whip into the opposite corner, and an armdrag takeover - there's an illegal switch behind the referee's back. This is a SEISMIC SHIFT - wrestling you can watch with your children! Of course, if you don't HAVE children, maybe you'd be better off buying some...or something, I don't know. Another illegal switch by the bodies as Apollo again distracts the ref. Working that armbar. Which team is the face team? Adonis finally gets some offense in with a knee off the ropes. Tag to Apollo - open shot. Doubleteam, double whip, double back body drop. Distraction of ref by bringing the other Body into the ring. Blatant choke by Apollo. Camel clutch. Lane says "we told 'em to get stiff - and they get stiffer every week here on WXO!" QUOTE HIM! More from the Egg Dome in the weeks to come, more of Geea, more of Jennifer, and more great wrestling action - hmm, hyping the women? That doesn't seem family-friendly! The Heartbreakers do an illegal switch of their own as well - Adonis takes over the Camel clutch. Off the ropes, burying a knee into the gut, shot to the other Body to distract the ref - Apollo in and the Body is sent into the ropes - kick, elbow, elbow, into the opposite corner, reverse in the corner, forearms from the Body. Into the opposite corner, high knee put up by Apollo, elbowdrop gets 2. Adonis comes in without a tag, vertical suplex. 1, 2, broken up by the outside man. Off the ropes, head down, kick, hot tag! "It's hot!" I love how Cruise keeps referring to ONE man as "the Bodies." Right! Right! Off the ropes, big back body drop, off the ropes, back body drop! Lane: "And notice that his fist was balled up - he wasn't slappin' anybody like you'll see on some other channels!" Huh? Apollo tastes the forearms, but rakes the face to come back, all four men in the ring now, off the ropes reversed, kneelift, Apollo turns the tide again and now all four men brawling in opposite corners - the Bodies collide in the ring after two whips are reversed - GEEZ one of the Bodies was just dropped RIGHT on his head off that backdrop. ADAM "SCRAP IRON" PEARCE is out - he's a Heartbreaker wanna be, we are told - except five seconds later Cruise wonders aloud, "is he going after the Heartbreakers?" Well, go figure - top rope dropkick on Apollo. Meanwhile, the Body with the good neck has pushed Adonis off the top rope, and he's rolled out of the ring. The Body with the snapped neck covers Apollo - 1, 2, 3. (8:19) Pierce goes in to check on the winners - who promptly DEMOLISH him for no apparent reason. Here's Pearce's partner TOMMY ROGERS come out to even things up - the ring clears of Bodies - the Heartbreakers getting one more stomp in on the Body lying on the concrete. Rogers & Pearce have a chat in the ring - the Bodies walk off, one guy STILL holding the back of his head, the WXO theme plays - and we'll be back next week with the NEW Era in Pro Wrestling!
Catch another look at this show, along with lots of photos, commentary by Chris Cruise, a talent roster and list of television syndicate stations at www.wxo.com.
Oh, and one more thing. "Cleopatra 2525" and "Jack of All Trades" might very well be the WORST hour of television EVER.