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/11 October 2000
Battlebots by E.C. Ostermeyer




BattleBots: Marathon Recap

This is the BattleBots report for Wednesday, 11 October 2000, and I'm your recapper, E.C. Ostermeyer.

Since I was gone all last week, I've got a marathon recap of the last 3 (count 'em!) 3 episodes of pure "Robliteration."

I pause and wait for your applause and adulation to subside.

Coming to you live on tape from the Fort Mason Pier in beautiful dockside San Francisco.
Turn your head if you're squeamish!
Your hosts are ESPN2 renegade Sean Salisbury, and Dennis Miller's stunt voice-double, Bill Dwyer.
Your roving floor reporters are Comedy Central's twisted answer to the Doublemint Twins, Randy and Jason Sklar.
Former "Baywatch" babe Donna D'Errico provides the proper motivation for the 18 to 34-year-old "Demographic."
Bill Nye ("The Science Guy!") is along to keep the techno-weenies happy.

We open the marathon with the episode that aired on 27 September of this year.
Dwyer gives the run-down on the rules: Two robots whack the living daylights out of each other for three minutes or until one scores a knockout. Points are scored for primary weapon use, ("Jabs"), ramming your opponent, ("Slams"), or dragging your opponent into one of the Arena's nasty array of weaponry ("Hazard Damage"). Additionally, the judges score for strategy and tactics. Incapacitation or immobilization of a robot for longer than 30 seconds stops the contest.
Our first bout is a Superheavyweight brawl between the tank-treaded
312 lbs. monster, DoAll. It's designer/operator Scott LaValley from Novato, CA has armed his nefarious, battery-powered creation with a compressed CO2-powered S7 tool steel ramrod. Yikes!
DoAll's opponent, SLAM, is a menacing 304 lbs steel "hassock" armed with a set of whirling, scary-looking blades. The pride of "Team SLAM", it hails, appropriately enough, from Sparks, NV.

We go up close and personal with SLAM's creators, Lowell and Steve Nelson, who have no social life whatsoever. SLAM is shown in a test run chewing up a sacrificial Hahn-Eclipse lawnmower.
Match #1: DoAll (SHW312) d. SLAM (SHW304), (immobility/referee stops contest, 2:52)

The contest opens with DoAll stalking the whirling SLAM, and getting in a quick Slam with its back-up weapon, a lifting wedge.
DoAll backs up, reverses to take aim with the steel ramrod, but SLAM scuttles away...
...and right over the Arena's KillSaw hazard, that chews up a piece of undercarriage before SLAM can get loose.
Momentarily "stunned", SLAM takes a Jab from DoAll's steel ramrod squarely amidships, but shrugs off the blow. The two 'Bots stalk each other, each looking for an opening. DoAll gets it a couple of weak Jabs with the ramrod. SLAM appears to be having trouble activating it's whirling blade system. DoAll backs up, rams it's opponent, and follows with a quick Jab with the ramrod. DoAll backs off again... then seems to have trouble with it's control system, as DoAll starts zooming across the Arena, running full-tilt into the wall, and getting whacked twice by the Arena sledgehammer.
Both 'Bots sit there doing nothing for a good 20 seconds or more, and the crowd's really getting ugly about the inaction in the ring. Finally, the referee stops the contest when SLAM reaches the 30-second immobilization.time limit.

Match stats:
DoAll scored 3 Jabs, 0 Slams, (although I saw at least 20, and 1 Hazard Damage, the KillSaw shot that disabled SLAM's primary weapon system.
SLAM got in 1 Jab before it's blades locked up, 0 Slams, and got credit for the 2 Hazard Damage sledgehammer shots.
Your winner: DoAll.

Post-match, Donna D'Errico talks with winning designer/driver Scott LaValley, who feels that, though he won, he didn't win cleanly because of a controls foul-up.


Our second bout is a battle between two heavyweights. Team BioHazard's 210 lbs lifter-armed low-rider, BioHazard, squares off against Mjollnir, an evil-looking push mower armed with a huge spiked warhammer. It's designer/operator, Don Lariviere of Redondo Beach, CA has high hopes for his creation.

Bill Nye thinks otherwise, and has a "Tech-Spec' segment on Mjollnir's opponent, BioHazard. The low rider is armed with four steel wedge lifting fenders, and has a meter-long pneumatic lifting arm that can put the big flip on any opponent.

Match #2: BioHazard (HW210) d. Mjollnir (HW180) (Decision on points, 3:00)

The match begins with BioHazard taking advantage of it's low rider profile, zipping in under the whirling warhammer of Mjollnir to score a Slam right off the bat. Mjollnir doesn't let BioHazard get away without delivering three whirling Jabs from it's warhammer. BioHazard scuttles away, then zooms in for another Slam. Mjollnir gets in a quick jab with the warhammer before running right up over the top of BioHazard's steel carapace. Another Mjollnir hammer shot goes wide of the mark, smacking the daylights out of the Arena wall. Mjollnir backs off, but runs afoul of the Arena RamRod Hazard, and gets high-ported, dangling helpless in mid-air for a good five seconds. Finally grounding, Mjollnir chases after BioHazard, warhammer swinging wildly. Biohazard deftly ducks to one side, gets in a Slam, and then another as Mjollnir's charge gets stopped by the spike-tipped Arena "safety" railing. BioHazard finally gets to use its primary weapon, but Mjollnir slips off the lifter arm, and takes another swipe at BioHazard. Whoops, Mjollnir wasn't paying attention, and runs right over the SpikeStrip Arena hazard, which proceeds to poke a big hole in Mjollnir's left tire. Mjollnir whirls, and gets it's warhammer stuck under the Arena's Hellraiser lifter ramp just as the KillSaws come out again to chew up and flatten it's right tire. BioHazard, stalking it's prey, scoots in for the kill, but gets clipped by the KillSaws as well, and backs off, looking for another opening. Mjollnir, tires flapping, careens into the Arena wall. BioHazard's Slam attempt gets forestalled by the Arena KillSaws, which tosses the 210 lbs monster a good three feet back across the Arena floor. Undaunted, BioHazard dives back into the fray, and finally lifts Mjollnir up over the safety railing. Mjollnir's working to free the right tire from between the railing and the Arena wall as the buzzer sounds, ending the match.

Instant Replay from the KillSaw Cam shows BioHazard losing a whole lot of metal, with REAL sparks and smoke special effects. Cool!

Match Stats:

BioHazard scored 4 Slams, a whopping 11 Jabs, and 1 Hazard Damage on it's opponent.
Mjollnir scored 0 Slams, 4 Jabs, and 2 Hazard Damage.
The judges score the match a 9 to 0 decision in favor of BioHazard, who moves on to the next level. Mjollnir's heading for Pep Boys for a tire refit.
Post-match, Donna D'Errico talks with Biohazard's designer/operator Carlo Bertocchini, who didn't know until the end of the match that Mjollnir was running on two flat tires, or he'd have been more aggressive.
Randy Sklar consoles Don Lariviere, pointing out that, even with two flat tires, Mjollnir was still wading into the fray, and still game to the end.


Next up, the Lords of the BattleBox Arena have decided to throw an old-fashioned unofficial "BattleBot Rumble" to help eliminate some of the competitors. Some of the participating Lightweights hope to continue their winning ways. Others are done, but still have a big axe to grind!

The ten principals are:

1. Shrike (LW43) - armed with a pick-axe.
2. No Tolerance (LW45) - sporting an actuator-armed spike/morning-star mace and, oddly , a "For Sale" sign.
3. Thorn (LW58) - fixed steel spike ramrod.
4. Tentomushi ( LW58) - smothering attack with hidden kill saw.
5. The Aggressive Polygon (LW58) - multibot armed w/ saw and "detachable tethered attack modules."
6. Shaft (LW55) - fixed, 4-ft steel spear.
7. Missing Link (LW57) - gas-powered Craftsman chainsaw, and two spearguns.
8. Disposable Hero (LW36) - Lifter arms.
9. Das Bot (LW58) - wedge and lifter arm.
10. Backlash (LW58) - spinning disk o' doom.

The ten 'Bots line up around the Arena perimeter, with a veritable forest of R/C aerials outside. Both referees lock the BattleBox and get the heck out of the way.

Match #3: Lightweight Rumble: Grand Melee (unofficial)

Thorn zips out to get in a spiky Jab on Backlash, as Shrike joins in to take a couple of whacks on Backlash's rear drive assembly. No Tolerance is busy chopping holes in Tentomushi's happy ladybug, and Disposable Hero lifts Das Bot, only to have it's prey slip away. Backlash's whirling stainless steel disk chews a piece off Thorn's armor, while No Tolerance, having changed targets, is now Jabbing the heck out of Disposable Hero. Backlash and Shaft go at it for a bit, but keep getting tangled in Aggressive Polygon's green-wheeled, tethered attack modules.
Quick shot of the operators.
My, such intensity and attention to detail!
Back to the action, as Backlash and the Lexan-clad Das Bot square off. Das Bot shoves Backlash into Thorn's "thorn", as we get another shot of the operators at Arena-side, especially Tentomushi's driver, 14-year-old Lisa Winter, who's looking calm and collected despite the mayhem she's dishing out.
Meanwhile, Backlash's whirling steel disk is doing a drum solo on Das Bot's front glacis, with bits and pieces flying everywhere. No Tolerance wants some of the action, and whacks Backlash a good one right on the spinning disk. Thorn is shown slowly limping in a circle, it's right drive wheel trapped by a dented fender. No Tolerance and Backlash are still going at it, as Das Bot zips in to shove Backlash over the RamRod hazards. Backlash almost gets tipped over, but manages to right itself in time. Das Bot seems to be getting the worst of that exchange, as a charge by Backlash pushes Das Bot into Shrike, who looks to be incapacitated. Shaft, who's been lurking at the fringes of the fight, zooms in to Slam Backlash and Das Bot. No Tolerance goes after Backlash as Das Bot rounds on Shaft. Tentomushi appears to be stuck against the safety railing, and Disposable Hero's been cut in half! The buzzer sounds, ending this "unofficial" Melee, and the crowd's just cheering like mad.
Unofficial winner looked to be Backlash, just on pure aggression alone, and for tangling with about every other 'Bot in the pit. Designer/operator Jim Smentkowski should be very pleased with his 'Bot's performance.

Slam of the Week shows Backlash's whirling disk o' doom chewing big chunks off Das Bot's Lexan armorplate.

Oh, and please do not build, operate, obliterate, annihilate, lay waste or otherwise terrorize your neighborhood with a BattleBot without proper adult supervision.
Hee hee.

And, without letup, we go right on to Part Two of the BattleBots Marathon, bringing you the results from the 4 October 2000 episode.

Tonight's episode begins the quarterfinals. In the Heavyweight division, Voltarc takes on BioHazard. In the Superheavyweights, fan favorite Mechadon squares off against Rammstein. And Alpha Raptor and Tentomushi do battle in the Lightweight division.

No wasting time, as Bill Dwyer runs the fight card on the first match. Voltarc (HW210 and costing a hefty $15K) is still sporting it's articulated lifter bar, and home-town boy designer Stephen Felk's cabinet designer skills, as well as a poor social interaction and bad attitude.
A sinister low-rider, BioHazard (HW210) had previously disposed of the warhammer-wielding Mjollnir to get to the quarterfinals, flattening his opponent's tires in the process.
Bill Nye's Tech-Spec focuses on Voltarc's lifter bar and sharpened steel tooth, designed to munch on any tender, chewy parts under the opponent's armor.

Match #1: Voltarc (HW210) d. BioHazard (HW210) (Decision on points, 3:00)
The battle of the low-riders begins with BioHazard zipping in and getting the first lifter action, nearly tipping Voltarc over in the process. BioHazard's carapace skirting is supposed to be wedge-proof. But not this time, as Voltarc nails a Slam that almost upends BioHazard.
Voltarc, it's steel tooth hooked into BioHazard's undercarriage, drags it's opponent over the Arena's KillSaws, and the sparks really begin to fly as the KillSaws take a big bite out of BioHazard. Voltarc suspends BioHazard over the KillSaws for a full 30 seconds before being required to let go, but the damage is done. Sinking the tooth in once more, Voltarc drags BioHazard off to the next Arena Hazard, yet another set of KillSaws, and more sparks and chunks go flying.
Cameo biopic shows Stephen Felk saying that, though we can make these robots as violent as we possibly can, there's no guilt involved in the mayhem.
Felk is true to his word, as, through his alter-ego Voltarc, he steers the fish-hooked Biohazard into every Arena Hazard in the BattleBox. Two more KillSaw shots chew some more parts off BioHazard as the buzzer sounds, ending the match.

Match stats:

Voltarc scored 1 Slam, 2 Jabs with the lifter arm, and an incredible 13 Hazard Damage points through deft use of that sharpened steel tooth.
BioHazard put up a game fight, but only managed to score 2 Slams, 0 Jabs, and 1 Hazard Damage, before being hooked, sliced, and diced.

Donna D'Errico talks with winner Stephen Felk, who says he fixed some design flaws in Voltarc between bouts, and the changes seemed to do the trick, giving him the victory.


Match #2: Rammstein (SHW367) d. Mechadon (SHW472) (Decision on points, 3:00)

Dwyer gives us the run-down on the next bout in the Superheavyweight division:

Rammstein, a 367 lbs monster, wields a pneumatic-powered steel spike as its primary weapon. Mechadon, a huge 472 lbs StompBot, has six sharpened steel claw-like legs with which to crush it's opponents.
Late word from the pits is that Rammstein's pneumatics are out, but they can still use the spike as a fixed weapon.
A quick biopic of Mechadon's Team Sinister shows designer/operator Mark Setrakian and friend Steve spending a day at what looks to be the NASA Outlet Store. Oh, and Mechadon cost over $14,000 to build, and that's using second hand parts, too!
The match opens with Mechadon slowly, deliberately, stalking it's prey. Rammstein declines to be classified as "prey", and zips in for a quick slam that nearly tumbles Mechadon into the spike strips. Mechadon slowly recovers, then turns itself almost inside-out to land a deliberate Jab on Rammstein's carapace.
Rammstein gets in two quick Slams as Mechadon winds up for another blow. The second Rammstein Slam seems to have bent one of Mechadon's claw legs, because the big nasty's got a decided list. Another Slam from Rammstein, and Mechadon's got two legs caught behind the safety railing. Rammstein's just stickin' and movin' as Mechadon struggles to extricate itself from the railing. Rammstein reverses, using it's wedge design to land two more Slams, the last of which snaps a leg actuator off Mechadon's front foreleg.
Rammstein charges in for another Slam, and gets hooked by one of Mechadon's claws! The big 'Bot slowly lifts Rammstein perpendicular to the ground. One more shove will topple Mechadon's tormentor, but Rammstein falls off the hook, scuttles away, and runs into an Area Sledgehammer Hazard that gets in a couple of blows. Ramstein lines up for another run at the pinioned Mechadon as the buzzer sounds, ending the match.

Match stats:
Rammstein scored 11 Slams over Mechadon's 2 Jabs and 1 Hazard Damage, more than enough to win the bout and advance to the semi-finals.

Post-Match, Randy Skar interviews Team Ramtech 59, who say that a victory over the elegantly crafted Mechadon is like throwing paint on the Mona Lisa, and that "rammstein" in German, means "battering ram."

We're back just in time to have Bill Dwyer give us the 411 on the next match.
Alpha Raptor (LW56) has been designed by Chuck Pitzer of Team Raptor. It's primary weapon is a toothed lifting arm. Tentomushi (LW58) 14-year-old Lisa Winter's creation, is still wearing that deceptively cute ladybug carapace, and still conceals a deadly killsaw within. The carapace is actually from a child's sandbox, and Lisa's got three more available if this one gets shredded.

Match #3: Alpha Raptor (LW56) d. Tentomushi (LW58), (Decision on points, 3:00)

Alpha Raptor leads off with a mad rush at Tentomushi, only to get stopped dead in its tracks when it rams an Arena HellRaiser lifting ramp!
Tentomushi scuttles in, carapace aloft, ready to trap her opponent. Alpha Raptor responds by raising it's lifter arm, and jamming it against the inside of the carapace, preventing the trap. Another trap attempt by Tentomushi succeeds, but Alpha Raptor has enough power to both lift the carapace off, and also scoot Tentomushi into the KillSaws, which knock her antennae flying. Another trap by Tentomushi, but she's too close an Arena KillSaw hazard, which promptly chews a big gash in the ladybug. Undaunted, Tentomushi shifts to the right, and Alpha Raptor eats the KillSaws this time. Another trap attempt, but Alpha Raptor gets the lifting arm up in time, and steers Tentomushi over another set of KillSaws, which take a chunk out of her drive assembly. Two more licks from the KillSaws are absorbed by Tentomushi before she finally breaks free, and lines up another attack on Alpha Raptor. Another smother attack misses, and Alpha Raptor counters by lifting the carapace high, and then shoving Tentomushi into an Arena SpikeStrip Hazard. Tentomushi shakes off the blow, but Alpha Raptor's right there to attempt another lifting attack, this time from behind. Tentomushi moves out of the way, and rounds on her opponent. Alpha Raptor backs off and, as Tentomushi tries another smother attack, the buzzer sounds, ending the match.

Match stats;
Alpha Raptor scored 4 Slams, 0 Jabs, and 4 Hazard Damage.
Tentomushi put up a great struggle, but was only credited with 2 Jabs.

Randy Sklar interviews Lisa Winter, who's taking the loss philosophically. She shrugs off the loss of the antennae early on. "They're cosmetic, after all," she says.
Donna D'Errico's all gushy with winner Chuck Pitzer, as he discusses his strategy for whomping up on a 14-year-old girl.

Hit of the Week is Voltarc striking sparks off BioHazard's superstructure.

And, for the final BattleBot Marathon installment, here's the matches from last night, 11 October 2000.

The Middleweight and Superheavyweight quarterfinals matches continue tonight.
First up, we've got Deadblow (MW115) built by Oakland's Grant Imahara, (who j-o-b's for George Lucas over at Industrial Light and Magic). Deadblow is wielding a spiky-looking rock chisel on a long actuator arm. It's opponent, Alien Gladiator (MW115) built by Team Malicious' Dave Rupert, sports a compressed gas-powered chain flail. Team Malicious is a group of wacky San Diego, CA high school students, two of their number serving as driver, (Anthony Valenzuela) and Weapons System Operator (Jason Tajima.)

A biopic segment with Grant Imahara, who says that the hardware store is the best place to pick up the materials needed to build your own "engine of destruction." Imahara eschews the snazzier power tools, preferring to draw from the simpler hand tools, like hatchets, pickaxes, and sledgehammers.

Match #1: Deadblow (MW115) d. Alien Gladiator (MW115) (Referee stops contest/knockout, 1:08)

Ring announcer Mark Biero introduces the principals, and then we get underway. Both 'Bots stalk each other a bit, before Deadblow charges in and begins raining a series of unanswered hammer blows with that rock chisel. Alien Gladiator's chain flail appears to be caught under one of the Arena's HellRaiser Ramp hazards, effectively pinning the 'Bot to the floor. That's all Deadblow needs, and it continues to rain such a barrage of Jabs that the rock chisel's actuator arm snaps in half from the continuous pounding! That's okay by Grant Imahara, who promptly begins Slamming the still-trapped Alien Gladiator again and again. Alien Gladiator is still immobilized, and finally gets counted out, giving the match to Deadblow.

Match stats:
The stats pretty much tell the tale, with Deadblow scoring a whopping 25 Jabs with the rock chisel before its actuator arm shattered, though 0 Slams were scored, possibly because they lacked enough perceived power to damage it's opponent. Deadblow also scored 1 Hazard Damage for an early KillSaw shot, before Alien Gladiator got hung up on the HellRaiser.
Alien Gladiator scored only 1 Slam before getting stuck on the HellRaiser.
Post-match, Randy Sklar asks winner Grant Imahara if the loss of Deadblow's primary weapon will be a problem, and will it maybe cause him to retire from competition? "Nope, I'll just replace it with a spare," grins Imahara.
Donna D'Errico consoles the morose Team Malicious members by trying to make jokes about how their 'Bot broke the other guy's "pecker" off. Valenzuela and Tajima give her a look like she's got crawdads coming out of her ears.


The next Middleweight quarterfinal match will determine the opponent for Deadblow in the semifinals.
Dwyer's fight card says that Derek Young's Pressure Drop (MW173) is a StompBot who got to the quarterfinals with a controversial victory over Middleweight "Subject to Change Without Reason," having slammed it's actuator-armed rock chisel into his opponent after the buzzer sounded. John McKenzie's Ankle Biter (MW106) is a quick little 'Bot that has a 12- inch ripsaw blade spinning through it's front lifting wedge.

Match #2: Pressure Drop (MW173) d. Ankle Biter (MW106) (immobilization/referee stops contest, 2:20)
The match begins, and Ankle Biter's speed and mobility is readily apparent from the get-go, as it scoops up the much larger Pressure Drop, and rams it into the wall. Pressure Drop's flailing about ineffectually with the rock chisel, as Ankle Biter continues to twist and dodge like some kind of maddened dervish. Another concerted rush by Ankle Biter, who's saw is heard ripping through Pressure Drop's undercarriage as it winds up for another Slam into the Arena's Spike Strip hazard. This one almost topples the larger 'Bot, and Ankle biter zips off to set up another running shot.
Oops, Ankle Biter got too close to a set of Arena KillSaws, and took some damage to it's trailing skirt. Pressure Drop is still slowly trying to close with the faster Ankle Biter, but the smaller 'Bot is too fast, and smashes another Slam into Pressure drop that sends the Lexan-clad Middleweight careening into the Spike Strips again. Pressure Drop looks hurt as Ankle Biter winds up for another Slam...
... and gets caught under the same Spike Strip! John McKenzie tries frantically to free Ankle Biter, but it's wedge design has it trapped good and tight beneath the spikes. Pressure Drop manages to free itself, and begins to waddle over to the trapped Ankle Biter, smashing its rock chisel arm on the floor menacingly as it goes.
Ankle Biter must be good and stuck against the wall, because the referee does the immobility count, and stops the match. Unbelievably, Pressure Drop wins in yet another controversial match!
Dwyer's surprised Pressure Drop didn't throw down a dirty blow at the end.

Match stats:
It's all Ankle Biter, who scored 4 big Slams and 2 Jabs to Pressure Drops only Jab and 1 Hazard Damage. But the Incap. Call stands, and Pressure Drop is on his way to the semifinals to face Deadblow.

Donna D'Errico interviews Derek Young, currently, according to Bill Dwyer, "the most hated man in this BattleBot competition." Derek sheepishly admits that Ankle Biter was shoving him around pretty good out there.
The grin he's wearing says that he knows he managed to pull yet another victory out of his ass!

The Superheavies are next!


Pre-match, we see Christian Carlberg and the rest of Team Cool Robots at work on their robot, Minion. Dwyer says that you not only need a degree in engineering to build a BattleBot, "you also need a degree in ass-kicking, too!"

Here's the fight card for the next bout.
Team Cool Robots' Minion (is a 325 lbs dual-weaponed monster, whose primary weapon, a gas-powered dual-bladed14-inch masonry saw, was destroyed in an earlier match. It now sports a compact, vicious-looking fireman's rescue saw. It's trailing wedge lifter is, of course, a courtesy feature on this model.
Dan Rupert and Team Malicious, his gang of San Diego high school malcontents, are back, and this time they've brought along Grendel, their Superheavyweight behemoth that destroyed fellow San Diegan Don Hutson's Die-Sector three weeks ago.

Bill Nye's Tech-Spec spotlights Grendel, touching on the powerful garage-door spring that drives it's mighty sledgehammer spike. "When Grendel leaves it's lair, you better beware! You won't hear it crying "Beowulf! Hahaha!"


Match #3: Minion (SHW325) d. Grendel (SHW325) (Decision on points, 3:00)

Minion appears to be wielding, not a fireman's rescue saw, but a kid's toy chainsaw! That means Minion only has its wedge as it's primary weapon. Still, Christian Carlberg's ready for a fight, as he rams Grendel on the right drive wheel, then scoots out from under a massive hammer blow from the spike. Grendel slowly cranks the spike back up for another blow, but Minion Slams into Grendel once more, and the spike's blow hits the Arena wall. Minion twists and turns, avoiding both Grendel and the Arena Hazards. Minion's too slow on the rebound, and Grendel lands a stunning blow across Minion's front glacis, but fortunately, the spike overshot the target and bounced harmlessly off the floor.
Grendel's now trying to pinion Minion with it's actuator arm, and we've got a test of strength, as both 'Bots see who can drag their opponent onto the KillSaws first.
Cameo biopic has Grendel's driver, Andy Valenzuela opining that the BattleBot sport is more about intelligence than athleticism, and that it's all about design and tactics, as well.
We've got a dilemma in the ring, as it's not clear to the judges just who is dragging who around the ring. Minion escapes from under Grendel's trapping actuator arm, and then lands two big Slams. A third Slam nearly tumbles Grendel into the Spike Strip hazards.
Another Minion Slam positions Grendel right over the dreaded KillSaws, and they do a number on Grendel's undercarriage. Great driving by Christian Carlberg, as Minion avoids another shattering hammer blow from Grendel, and scoots away to line up for another Slam...
...only to have the buzzer sound, ending the match.

Match stats;
Minion scored 5 Slams, 7 Jabs, and 3 Hazard Damage to Grendel's 1 Slam, 8 Jabs, and 1 Hazard Damage.
Your winner: Minion, who advances to the Semifinals.

Donna D'Errico talks with Christian Carlberg about the versatility of their design of Minion. Carlberg says that, while the design was sound, they did have some trouble with the left front drive chassis getting entangled with Grendel's front skirting. Still, they were able to power out, and then use the BattleBox to their advantage to get the win.
Randy Sklar talks with Team Malicious and Dan Rupert, who says that Minion was just a little too quick for ol' Grendel. Sklar presents Mr. Rupert with a copy of "Magnetic Poetry" what appears to be several cassettes of Shakespeare's poetry and sonnets, "For the high schoolers back there."
Sklar turns and grins at the students
The high schoolers are giving Sklar the "crawdads-in-the-ears" look again.

Hit of the Week is Deadblow just Jabbing the heck out of Alien Gladiator.
Next week, the Lightweight Championship match.

See you then.

E.C. Ostemeyer
[slash] wrestling

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Guest column text copyright (C) 2000 by the individual author and used with permission