|WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer
This is the WWF Byte This! report for Friday, 19 October 2001, and I'm still E.C.
But with a leetle bit more of an edge.
The boys take their own sweet time about getting the show on the air, then try to pass it off by claiming that they had a connection problem. Your hosts, Kevin Kelly and Howard Finkel indulge in some good-natured fun involving weight loss and Dr Tom Prichard, prior to the
while giggling like two kids on a nitrous binge.
Kelly shills for Sunday's "No Mercy." WCW and WWF Titles on the line, while the Hardys and Lita drag their butts back into the ring to defend their WCW Tag Titles against Hurricane Helms, Lance Storm and their respective coochies. A possible high spot of the show.
(Speaking of coochies, Molly's looking a bit more svelte, isn't she? I wonder if she's given any thought to Paul Heyman's idea about implants? Ivory, on the other hand needs no additional body work.)
Today's show features "Outthink the Fink" and the Classic Clip Moments.
Time for "Droz's Two Cents," Darren Drozdov's weekly review of all things WWF. Droz has some things to say about the "new start time' for the show. After some inconsequential jabber about the Rock, Chris Jericho and the WCW Title in which no less an authority than Kevin Kelly states unequivocally that Y2J always seems to be one step short of the finish line. Fink says that Kelly shouldn't worry, at No Mercy Y2J will take that extra step.
And of course, because Vince McMahon signs the checks for these guys, he gets the Byte This! "Plug of the Week" about his return to live broadcast on Smackdown this past Thursday night from Kelly and Fink.
Looks like the WWF Title match between Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, and Rob Van Dam is gonna be a barnburner, what with RVD being co-opted by The Great Man Himself. (Anybody else smell a return to the "WWF Attitude" days now that Vince is back?) Fink was surprised that Vince had the balls to show up in Montreal, considering the flap he caused he last time he was in town. ('97 Survivor Series, the Bret Hart screwing, remember?) Also from Smackdown, Edge got mugged by Christian and his new leetle fren's from da Alliance. Looks like a ladder match at "No Mercy" is the only way things are gonna get settled between these two. Oh, yeah, the WWF Intercontinental Title is on the line as well. Droz says the two of them will definitely be out to raise the bar, but that Edge isn't after the IC Title, he just wants to nail Christian's butt to the mat.
Fink wants to know Droz's predictions for "No Mercy." Droz likes RVD in the WWF Title match, being the dark horse and all. Kelly doesn't like the idea that all of RVD's opponents of late seem to get potatoed. Droz thinks that RVD's opponents ought to realize that they should be able to give as well as take from this guy. As for Chris Jericho, Droz makes a reluctantly final prediction that if Y2J doesn't win the WCW Title this weekend, his career for all intents and purposes is over. "Y2J knows that," says Droz, "and you can bet he's going to do anything necessary to win the WCW Title from The Rock."
(Jeez, I know Y2J does better as a heel, but making The Rock a heel would have been WAY more interesting as a story line. Imagine both the Rock and ol' Stone Cold as heel champs, with the Rock vying for Vince's favors against RVD, and both of them targeting Austin to get the WWF Title back. Plus, there's HHH waiting in the wings for a surprise appearance at Wrestlemania. Talk about spinning a tale! Oh well, we take what we can get, don't we?)
As Droz leaves the show, Fink sets up this week's Classic "No Mercy" Moments. The choices are the outstanding Tag Ladder match from 1999, Steve Austin's return in 2000, Kurt Angle defeating The Rock in 2000, and HHH defeating Austin in 1999.
This week's "Outthink the Fink" has to do with the early days of the WWF. There were two weekly programs, All Star Wrestling, and Championship Wrestling broadcast during the 1970's and 80's. What cities did they originate from, and no, Philadelphia isn't one of them.
Speaking of Philadelphia, here's Tazz with this week's "Tales from the Hook." When Tazz says he knows the answer to this week's "Outthink the Fink," but Kelly and Fink shush him quickly. Kelly wants to know what Halloween is like in the Hook? Tazz says it's all about handing out ammunition. Kelly laughs and says he's surprised that Tazz isn't handing out Stacker 2 fat burners. Tazz ignores him, as he has matters of more moment to discuss, such as losing to Billy Kidman on Monday and Maven on Thursday, and getting tossed out of the Alliance as well. "What I was trying to point out to Austin was that he didn't have to lose in order to lose the Title. All RVD has to do is hit that Five Star thing on Angle, and he wins the Title without laying a finger on Austin."
Fink asks Tazz who he thinks will win the match? Tazz likes Austin, though Angle's got a chance as well. "Austin had better win it, though," says Tazz, "because he gets cranky if he doesn't have his Title belt."
Fink gets interested in Tazz's associates, and Tazz has a high old time talking about his buddies who all got their names from Damon Runyon. An Instant Message from a fan asks if Joey Numbers is gonna get a pass to see "No Mercy" this week. "Joey's still in Idaho," says Tazz.
Kelly asks about Al the Hat. Tazz says that he's not supposed to talk about Al the Hat anymore. There's a new guy, Ricky Ravioli who's taking over from Al the Hat.
Fink wants to know what the Alliance members thought of the reappearance of Vince McMahon on Smackdown. Tazz says that the predominant emotion among the Alliance members was shock. "Looks like Vince was there to meet with RVD, doesn't it, Tazz?" asks Kelly. Tazz says that RVD was late to the show, and Vince was to blame. Kelly asks if Tazz will make sure RVD gets to the ring at "No Mercy," and everybody gets a laugh out of that.
Kelly continues on the RVD kick, asking Tazz about RVD's habit of working stiff.
Tazz says that although he hasn't wrestled RVD in the WWF, he had many matches against him in ECW.
Kelly asks if RVD really hits that hard, or is just careless? Tazz says that RVD is aggressive, and if you don't protect yourself, you'll get hurt. Because he works stiff, he expects his opponents to work stiff, putting his body on the line in every match. But he knows not to really hurt someone to where they can't work, "and we don't want the wrestlers showing up for appearances all bandaged up, do we?" "What it does do," continues Tazz, " is show those who say wrestling is a joke that it really isn't. The guys have to get used to Rob's style, is all I'm saying.
Kelly asks Tazz about the outcome of the Triple Threat match a "No Mercy" again. Tazz says that it's gonna be a rough match for RVD, and that Kurt Angle can take care of himself. RVD knows that Angle is not the guy you want to be busting on. "If anybody can take the Title its Kurt," says Tazz.
Kelly wishes Tazz a miserable day, a rotten flight to St. Louis, etc. etc., and Tazz leaves the show.
Next up is this week's guest, Hurricane Helms, live via phone from the North Carolina State Fair. "I'm out here fighting crime," says Helms. "Lots of kids out here this year, instead of the usual middle-aged toothless bunch."
Fink asks if Hurricane is being recognized, the response to which is yes, even though he's trying to be incognito.
Kelly says that Hurricane's superhero gimmick wasn't one of his favorites at first, but that he's grown to like it. Kelly then asks about Helms' days with 3 count in the old WCW. Helms says that he never wanted to be in a boy band, and was glad to dump the "Sugar Shane" moniker when he got to the WWF. He adopted the Hurricane name because he'd used it several times before in his career, and it fit real well with his new superhero persona. As for the new persona, that grew out of a skit he did with Steve Austin, where the subject of Helms' "Green Lantern" tattoo came up.
Kelly wants to know about the Green Lantern's powers, with some fans saying that green Lantern isn't a real superhero because his powers come from a light. "Sort of like my superpowers," laughs Kelly.
Helms says that Kelly is wrong, that Green Lantern's powers come from a ring that gets energized by a green lantern.
Kelly asks about Helms decision to get a tattoo, and specifically the Green Lantern symbol. Helms says he got it five years ago, because his buddy got a Superman tattoo, and that the Green Lantern symbol has real power.
Fink brings the topic back to wrestling, asking if the Hardys got Helms into the business? Helms says no, he'd been wrestling since he was thirteen (!) back in the indys, but he'd been a wrestling fan long before that.
As for Hurricane's "Wasupwidat?" that was a fortunate accident. He tried it out on The Big Show and everybody liked it.
Caller One asks how he likes the WWF versus the old WCW? Helms says that he feels more challenged in the WWF, that there are more opportunities to grow in the WWF. "The 3 Count thing I did in WCW wasn't pushed the right way," says Helms. The WWF is all about opportunity. What doesn't come out right can be worked on and modified until it does come out right.
Helms is particularly proud of the impact Mighty Molly has made on the Hurricane angle. "She's the best-looking partner I've ever had," says Hems with a laugh, "given the choice between Molly or some guy in his underwear, which would YOU choose?"
Kelly ribs Helms, saying that the Byte This! people originally wanted Helms to stay in character for his segment, but that he's glad that Helms decided to step from behind the mask, as it were.
Caller Two asks why Helms doesn't use his Vertebreaker finishing move anymore? Helms says that he could use it, but he hasn't had the chance to use it.
Kelly asks about Helms' upcoming match with the Hardys. Helms says that when he was in WCW, he and the Hardys often talked about squaring off, and now they get to do just that. Helms says that he and his partner Lance Storm are going after the WCW Tag Titles, something that he didn't have too much chance to do in the old WCW. "Ain't it weird," says Helms, "that I had to come to the WWF to get a shot at the WCW Tag Titles."
Kelly asks about the last show of the old WCW. Helms says that he and the other WCW wrestlers didn't know who the new owner was going to be, until Shane McMahon walked into the locker room. "It was the end of a 100-year era," says Helms, " but, then again, maybe not, because WCW is still going here in the WWF. I'm glad I was there to see the end of the era."
Kelly moves the topic back to the Hurricane persona, and wonders if, as Superman had his Clark Kent alter ego, will the Hurricane have an alter ego as well? Helms laughs and says you never know, you could see Gregory Helms. "I pushed hard for that idea," says Helms, "where fans could come up to Gregory Helms and ask him if he's going to fight crime, and Gregory doesn't know what they are talking about. You could see it."
There's a LOT of background noise on Helms' phone connection, and Kelly asks where Helms is. Helms says he's being incognito again, this time in a barbeque tent.
Caller Three wants to know who inspired Helms to become a wrestler.
"I've been a wrestling fan for so long, way longer than I 've been a wrestler, and I can't say which wrestler was my inspiration, so I'll say that ALL wrestlers are my inspiration."
Kelly wants to know what the fans can expect from Helms and Storm at "No Mercy" this Sunday? Helms says that he and Storm have had some good matches at recent house shows, plus Storm's being serious all the time contrasts really well with Helms wacky "Hurricane" character.
"Any tag match involving the Hardys is guaranteed to be a great match," says Helms,
"and Lance and I know it's going to be great match all around."
Fink wants to know why Hems hasn't defended his European Title of late. Helms, sliding back into kayfabe, says that he defended his Title in a match against Kane just last week. "Besides," says Hurricane, "I only have to defend the Title once every thirty days."
This week's "Classic 'No Mercy' Moments" poll is complete. The winning Classic Moment is the Tag Ladder Match from "No Mercy" '99.
Kelly has his own "Outthink the Fink" question that he wants to try out on the fans at home. Fink says sure, why not?
Kelly's question: Shane Helms, Matt Hardy and Jeff Hardy all once competed as a group called OMEGA. What does OMEGA stand for? Email your answers to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Fink says that they'll pull one winning entry at random on next week's show.
As for THIS week's "Outthink the Fink," we've got three winners, all of whom guessed that the All Star Wrestling originated from the Field House in Hamburg, PA, while Championship Wrestling was broadcast from Allentown, PA.
As the show winds down, Kelly shills the wcw.com site for all the new info they've put up this week. Fink wants the fans to email them about whether or not Byte This! should be expanded from one hour to ninety minutes, at email@example.com.
Next week's guest is supposed to be Mick Foley, but that's unconfirmed at this time.
The show closes with the 'Tag Ladder Match' clip from "No Mercy" '99.
See you next week.
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