|WWF Byte This! by E.C. Ostermeyer
This is the WWF Byte This! report for Friday, 22 February 2002, and I'm E(xtra) C(rispy.)
Before today's show begins, we get a rehash of last Monday's Raw, and the whole "Hogan/Rock/Ambulance/Eighteen Wheeler/Attempted Vehicular Homicide" skit. I especially liked Nash hollering abuse at the Rock before making his lummoxy getaway.
Never saw a big man scuttle like that before.
I got one word for it.
Booker T's pyro is very impressive.
Ric Flair appears to be having an attack of the spazzies.
Kevin Kelly's in Cincinnati, so we've got Howard Finkel at the controls this week. Subbing for Kelly is WWF Excess' own Jonathan "Where's My Nyquil shooter?" Coachman.
Coach is feeling somewhat under the weather today, but he's agreed to sit in for Kelly.
(With, it turns out, a minimum of whining and wheezing. That's the mark of a true professional, isn't it, Kev ol' buddy?)
Fink's wearing an NWO ball cap, which he says he got from Hogan himself because "he and I go back a long way in this business, "so no cracks from anybody about me joining the NWO, okay?"
On today's show, Droz talks about his upcoming spread in WWF Raw Magazine.
Byte This! Announcer-in-Training Seth Mates has apparently been suspended, and Fink's got the lowdown on that whole sad story.
Tazz snarls a bit about losing the Tag Titles on Smackdown, but gets very enthusiastic about Tough Enough 2's debut.
Kevin Kelly calls in from the sticks, (sorry, I mean Cincinnati,) with an update on what's going on at the big WWF wrestling camp and try-outs this week.
Goldust beats the "Longest-Maintaining-of-Kayfabe-on-an-Interview-Show" record set by Chris Jericho just four weeks ago. He also wins the "Most-Use-of-the-Third-Person-Singular-in-an-Interview" award.
Sorry Y2J, meet the new Undisputed Champ of Kayfabe!
The ChatRoom is just a-hoppin' today, mostly comments having to do with Coach, Barry Manilow, and the Charleston.
Fink wants to know about the Barry Manilow business.
Coach says he saw Manilow at Radio City Music Hall a couple weeks ago.
"Been there, done it," says Coach, "and he put on a great show."
"Biggest Barry Manilow mark you'd ever want to meet, fans," says Fink.
"Coach can sing you any one of Manilow's greatest hits," he continues, "You can count 'em on one hand!"
Droz joins thew show at this point, Darren Drozdov, that is, with "Droz's Two Cents," his weekly review of all things WWF.
Fink gets the cheap plug out of the way right off the bat, by promo-ing an article on Droz that's appearing in the latest edition of "WWF Raw" magazine, the one with Ric Flair on the cover.
(The chyron obediently shows a pic of Droz in his wheelchair, outside his home.)
Fink talks up how much Droz does for the WWF, and asks Droz for a thumbnail review on the article.
Droz says that it gives a run-down of what's been happening to him since his accident, the slow but steady recovery he's making, and how the WWF and the great fans have helped him reach beyond his injury.
Coach asks Droz about what he's written lately on the NWO.
Droz says that when the NWO arrived, everybody knew they were going to have an impact, but nobody expected them to pull off what they did to the Rock on Monday night.
"First, they screwed Steve (Austin) out of his match at No Way Out. Then you got Rocky and Hogan announcing their match at Wrestlemania. That freaked me out. But then there was that thing with the Rock on Raw. That eighteen wheeler smashing into the ambulance was an eye-opener to everybody. It showed just how far the NWO was prepared to go. They've just got here, and already they're laying stake and claim to what they want. This is their area now, and what they want to do is to take over the WWF."
Fink asks if Droz thought their debut was going to be as impactful as it was, or did he think they were going to do a slow build, until they were able to come across the way they wanted to?
"When they were in WCW," says Droz; "they came out with a bang! They had to do the same thing here, to show everybody that, yeah, they've been gone for awhile, but they still have it, at least outside the ring. They brought it in a big way."
Caller Dan from Chicago wants to know if Droz, Fink and Coach are gonna stay away from ringside, now that the NWO has arrived.
"Truer words were never spoken, Dan," says Fink.
Coach says they still don't know what kind of condition the Rock's in, but the match-up with Hogan and the Rock is a dream match and no mistake.
"The Icon from the Past battling the Living Legend," says Coach, "what's that match going to be like at Wrestlemania, Droz?"
"This is Hogan's third decade in wrestling," says Droz, "the man put wrestling on the map with his charisma. His ring persona is second to none. I'm gonna be interested to see what type of match he's gonna have with the Rock. The Rock, being as electric as he is in the ring...it's been a long time since we've seen Hogan in the ring, and I'm hoping they have a blockbuster of a match, but I think it's gonna be a case of "wait and see."
Fink waxes verbose about the way the smarts had been pushing for a Rock/Hogan dream match all along.
"The smarts have all been asking, "Where are their strengths? Where are their weaknesses?" says Fink, "Well guess what? Fantasy becomes reality on March 17th, and I for one cannot wait!"
"The whole world is going to be watching Wrestlemania," says Droz, "just to see this one match. To see the Icon from the Past battle the Icon of the Future. The whole world will be watching. There are diehard wrestling fans who have been waiting their whole lives to see this one match."
Coach changes the subject by bringing up the new business partnership of Stephanie McMahon and Chris Jericho that was formed on Smackdown last night.
"The Evil Factor has now doubled," say Droz, "talk about your Unholy Union! Those two decided to work together, because they now have the common goal of hating HHH, and boy, this is bad news for Hunter. Dealing with Jericho alone is one thing. Having to deal with your cranky, bitchy, soon-to-be-ex-wife at the same time; well, Hunter's in for a world of trouble with this one!"
"In this case," says Coach, "Opposites did attract!"
Droz leaves the show, and it's time for Classic Clip of the Week. In honor of today's special guest, Goldust, the choices are:
Goldust v. Razor Ramon, Royal Rumble 1996
Goldust v. HHH, Wrestlemania 13
Goldust v. Road Dogg, Raw, March 29th, 1999
Goldust v. Val Venis, Judgment Day, 1998
Somebody from the ChatRoom wants Goldust v. Roddy Piper from WM 12, but Fink says they can't show that.
Coach likes the way the ChatRoom is just humming along.
Fink says that Byte This! producer Big Country should get the credit for that.
Fink also says that announcer-in-training Seth Mates was at the Smackdown taping in Rockford, IL last Tuesday night, and LEFT HALFWAY THROUGH THE SHOW!
"He leans into the production truck door," says Fink, "and says 'See ya!'"
"Where you goin'?"
"The airport. I got an early flight to catch."
"So," continues Fink, "when Seth made this pronouncement, as dumb as it was, the entire crew gave a collective 'Awwwwwwww!'"
"Hmmmmm," says Coach.
"Well, I don't know what happened," says Fink, "but, mysteriously missing from the show this week is ... Seth Mates!"
"Think he overslept?" asks Coach.
"He's probably still in Chicago," says Fink with a smirk.
"You are too much, Howard," laughs Coach.
Time for Outthink the Fink.
Fink's gone deep into his WWF bag 'o' trivia this week.
Matter of fact, Fink says he's asked this one before on the show, but it was a long time ago.
Try this one on for size:
"On the first Wrestlemania, 1985, at the top of the show, Vince McMahon was running the card for the evening's bouts. Name the music theme that was playing in the background, and the artist who performed it?"
The winner gets a cool new Tazz "Thug Superstar" T-shirt.
Coach is staring at Fink, dumbfounded.
"They're NEVER gonna guess that one!"
"Well, " says Fink, "let's give 'em a chance. If they can't solve it, I've got an alternate question."
"This is harder than "Jeopardy"," says Coach.
Some goof in the ChatRoom wants them to give away an NWO shirt instead.
"Not a chance," says Fink, "and you're not getting my NWO hat, either!"
Time for "Tales from the Hook."
Tazz shows up, miserable as usual, because Big Country made him wait twenty minutes over some stupid song from Wrestlemania One.
"I got things to do here," says Tazz, "Country knows I'm kinda pressed for time, and this happens!"
"Hey, we feel your pain, Tazz," laughs Coach.
"Well, Tazz," says Fink in a bit of a snit, "what were YOU doing when Wrestlemania One took place?"
"Uhh, probably out car-jacking somebody," says Tazz.
(In the background, Tazz's kid can be heard just pestering the hell out of him, wanting him to do something now! Now! NOW! He's being very insistent about it. Tazz does the "Daddy Thing for a bit. Through the muffled phone, you can hear Tazz terrorizing his kid. Coach and Fink cover for him with some small talk.)
Once that's done, Coach gets right to the tough stuff by asking Tazz about his loss of the WWF Tag Titles to Billy & Chuck on Smackdown.
"You hadda bring this up, dint'ja?" growls Tazz.
"It's newsworthy, Tazz," says Fink, "the biggest thing to happen last night on Smackdown."
(Almost the ONLY thing to happen last night on Smackdown, too!)
"Hey," says Tazz, "we lost the Titles last night. I ain't happy about it. Spike ain't happy about it. We had a helluva run; we never thought we'd have the Titles as long as we did."
"How can you say that, Tazz?" asks Fink. "week after week, they were writing you off as the Tag Champs."
"As far as the whole Wrestlemania thing," says Tazz, "I don't know. They got the APA and Billy & Chuck lined up now, but what about Tazz & Spike? We held the Titles a good six weeks. Don't we deserve another crack at 'em? How about a rematch?"
(Uh oh, I smell another Tag Team Turmoil coming.
This time, it'll be for the Tag Titles.)
Coach segues nicely into a promo for the upcoming "Tough Enough II" special coming up next Thursday after Smackdown.
Tazz says the new season's "gonna be just great! I got a chance to see the tape of the casting special. It blows away last year's! Just awesome! I'm really high on the new show."
Back to the tag situation, Fink asks if Tazz wants to continue to work in a tag team or not?
"I didn't think I'd like tag teaming," says Tazz, "but, it's pretty cool. Spike's great as a tag partner. If we have to keep tagging, I am completely cool with that. If not, I'm cool with that, too."
"Does tagging restrict you from going on to bigger and better things from an individual standpoint, Tazz?"
"Not really," say Tazz, "I take each day as it comes. I set my goals high, but realistic. I don't tell people my goals, though. I focus on my goals, and I take the steps I need to achieve them. I've done that my whole life. It's worked. Every goal I've had, I've achieved."
Coach asks Tazz's thoughts on what went down on Raw and Smackdown with the NWO.
"The thing with the Rock was despicable," says Tazz, "it even beat some of the stuff we did in ECW, and you know how rough it was over there! But this deal with the Rock and the ambulance, this deal took the cake! Wicked! Wicked and wild! What Austin did on Smackdown was hilarious. Hey, Scott Hall, you mess with the Rattlesnake, you're gonna get bit!"
"As for the Rock, " he continues, "he's gonna be back, like a Brahma bull. Hey, didn't he knock me last week? Something about me being a "Strudel Man?"
(This cracks everybody up.)
"On the matter of "Thugness," Tazz," says Fink, "you're the authority..."
"Yes, I am..." says Tazz.
"...could you compare what the NWO did this past Sunday and Monday to what Tazz would have done as a thug?" asks Fink.
"I don't run like that!" says Tazz, who sounds a bit offended at the notion, "the NWO's doing thuggish acts, but they're running in a pack. When you break the pack down, it's apparent to me that they're kinda weak. They only work really well when they're together as a group."
"Sort of 'divide the three, and it all falls apart', huh?" asks Coach.
"Yeah, " says Tazz, "Austin did the right thing. He singled out one of them, Scott Hall, and played with his mind, body, and emotions. Nash and Hogan were stuck in a cage, and couldn't help their buddy, so Austin's messing with their minds, too. Now, we gotta see what Hall, Nash and Hogan are gonna do to get back at Austin. Come Monday Night Raw, you just know they gotta be cooking up something just awful for Steve Austin."
Jeremy, a regular caller, asks Tazz what it was like being locker room with the NWO?
"It was cool," says Tazz, "but I really didn't know these guys all that well. I met Scott Hall once before. It's hard to explain, but the talent...we all act a certain way. We aren't disrespectful towards each other, and we act like gentlemen. We joke and kid around, trying to gauge a guy, see what he's made of, what his attitude is. It was cool. I respect what these guys have accomplished in the industry, especially Hulk Hogan, who's paved the way for so many in this business. I respect that. Me in the locker room? I'm cool with everybody. I do my thing. I'm on my business. If I see somebody makin' fun of somebody, I'll jump in!"
An email asks if Coach is Maven's little brother?
"Nah, he's like twenty-one," laughs Tazz, "you're like, what, forty-two, aren't you, Coach?"
Fink wants to know Tazz's thoughts about Christian's famous "I quit!" speech on last night's Smackdown.
"I know he quit because he's working day shift at Bobby Beruso's Ice Cream Shop over at Howard Beach in Queens," laughs Tazz, "he makes a helluva cuppa spumoni, this kid."
"I don't know why he did it," Tazz continues, "he's got a lot of emotional problems. He's very tense..."
"Besides, Howard," says Coach, "sometimes, the tension makes you do stupid things, make the wrong decisions, let the heat of the moment cloud your judgment."
Tazz closes out and leaves the show, (and his kid's just raising pluperfect hell again in the background. Looks as though it's "Attitude Adjustment Time" in the Hook. Man, imagine getting a spanking from your dad, and your dad is Tazz!)
No winner yet on Outthink the Fink.
"Nobody knows that question, Howard," says Coach.
The mid-show Classic Clip poll result shows...
"'Mr. Perfect v. Bret Hart?'"
"Hey, Country," hollers Fink, "you're killing me, man! That was three weeks ago!"
BC's showing the wrong poll results.
(Lots of clattering and cursing can be heard, as BC gets the right poll results on the chyron.)
Looks like "Goldust v. Razor Ramon" is in the lead with 37%.
The guys take a break. We get to see the Goldust v. Rob Van Dam match from No Way Out.
Back to the show, where Kevin Kelly's still not on the line yet.
Additionally, somebody's server goes down, because the show's getting a torrent of emails complaining about no picture or sound.
Not to worry, Coach and Fink soldier on with some inane jabber about the HHH v. Chris Jericho match at Wrestlemania.
Then there's a possible Ric Flair v. Undertaker match at Wrestlemania, and what it's going to take for the Undertaker to get Flair to say "Yes."
Coach thinks it's going to be something appalling.
He then hits the "Cough" button as he's suddenly seized with phlegm.
Here's more on Hogan v. the Rock. Fink thinks it'll be a marquee match to rival those of past Wrestlemanias.
Better late than never, it is Kevin Kelly, live on the phone from Les Thatcher's Heartland Wrestling Association in Cincinnati, OH site of the big wrestling camp and try-outs this week.
Coach says the emails have been asking if Coach could take over Byte This! from Kelly on a more, ummm, "permanent" basis?
"Ha ha, very funny," says Kelly.
Kelly goes on to say that there have been a bunch of people show up to see what pro wrestling is like from the inside. Some of them are there to get a career in the sport started, and see what they can learn from the WWF. The camp started last Sunday, and runs through Saturday.
"It's a lot of hard work," says Kelly, "lots of drills, ring moves, like that. I've been working with them on their promos, seeing how well they can talk. It's just great! We've even put together some matches that went really well, considering."
Kelly then puts over the development team who worked with the hopefuls, including Hugh Morrus, Tommy Dreamer, Les Thatcher, Raven, and Al Snow, among others.
Coach wants to know if there are any standouts from the camp that we'll be seeing more of? Kelly won't commit to anything; they are still waiting to hear from the Creative Team.
"Besides," he says, "we've got some first-timers mixed in with those who've been at this four or five years now, though all the performances have been great."
Kelly also has an update on Charlie "RC" Haas' continuing saga.
It's not good.
Charlie was in a showcase match with Hugh Morrus. Right at the beginning of the match, he tore his ACL on his right knee. "He could have quit right then," says Kelly, "but the kid's got so much heart, he finished the match. The pain must have been indescribable, but he wants this so bad, he just worked through it and had a great match."
Kelly says that Haas will be in surgery to repair the tear, so he should be okay.
The ChatRoom wants to know if the women who are trying out hot?
"Oh, of course," says Kelly, "we wouldn't bring pigs to this thing. For the lady listeners, we got some guys that'll turn some heads. Lot of time in the gym, lot of people in good shape, just a good-looking bunch of hopefuls."
Fink wants to know if the hopefuls watched the PPV Raw and Smackdown?
Kelly says that they used the Hooters down the street to watch the shows, and the hopefuls got to use what they'd learned to critique the shows, and learn more about what goes into the making of a WWF superstar. Doing the little things well was what they were focusing on.
"You must be winged out," says Fink with a laugh.
Kelly gets in a long-distance dig on Big Country's mom.
"It's not my fault that your mom is hot, Country," says Kelly.
The ChatRoom is suggesting an Evening Gown match for Wrestlemania.
The principals would be Kevin Kelly, Coach and Michael Cole.
Kelly suggests that Cole's so tiny, he could get his gown off the rack in the Barbie section of Toys 'R' Us, and leaves the show.
(Yep, just making new friends wherever he goes, is our Kevin.)
Unbelievably, we've got a winner in today's Outthink the Fink contest.
Coach says that he will never disrespect the knowledge of the WWF fans again, especially that of Ray Ricafort (sp?) of Wayne, New Jersey for guessing that the theme played was "Easy Lover" by Phil Collins & Philip Bailey of Earth, Wind & Fire (?)
Fink also has a special bulletin. Byte This! video techie Chris Vallo is now to be called "Moose" Vallo.
Here's Dustin "Goldust" Runnels, offspring of the famed American Dream Dusty Rhodes, latest employee to sign on for a full ride in the WWF, and our special guest today.
(Be warned. Goldust is in full-bore kayfabe mode on the phone. You almost expect him to be wearing the gold makeup, wig, ring robe, and feather boa while he's on the line.
Or maybe he's walking around the house in his underwear like the rest of us do?
Still wearing the makeup, though.
How sad is that?)
The ChatRoom's going nuts with questions for Goldust, most of them favorable.
"I am back in the WWF once again," says Goldust, "and those who oppose me, step into my world, and their dreams will be shattered. Goldust is back, and he's back with a vengeance!"
Coach wants to know how difficult it was for Goldust to get back into character this time around?
"No difficulty at all," says Goldust, "nobody can do Goldust like I can. I'm gonna be around a long time. It's easy. Piece of cake!"
Caller David from New York says welcome back to Goldust, and wants to know why Goldust came back to the WWF?
"The glitz, the glamour, and because I AM the ultimate movie star in the world today," says Goldust. "Goldust is Shattered Dreams Productions, and nothing is bigger than Goldust."
Fink wants to know if Goldust has noticed a marked difference in the caliber of wrestler now in the WWF?
"It's a hundred percent different," says Goldust, "they are so fast and furious that they are all at the top of their game, every single one of them. Much more so than the last time I was here.
Caller Ken, also from New York, who sounds like he's about ten years old, wants to know "Why did you single out, of all people, Rob Van Dam?"
"Because he is NOT 'The Whole Damn Show,'" says Goldust, going kayfabe on Ken's little butt. "I am the ONLY show. THE picture show. The only Shattered Dreams Production movie that will be on WWF Entertainment. Period!"
"Would you like a re-run with RVD?" asks Ken.
"Sure," says Goldust, "there's always room for a sequel."
An email question from Jameel-07asks what Goldust's best match in his career was?
"As Goldust, probably Shawn Michaels, or Savio Vega. Definitely Razor Ramon."
Coach asks what it was like facing RVD in the ring?
"His style is completely different than Goldust's," says Goldust, "but we had really good chemistry together, and a helluva match. He has a different style, and I learned a lot working the match with him."
Fink wants to know if there's room for another Marlena in his life? "A cool combination back when, but sometimes things don't work out as you planned, and some things wind up on the cutting room floor, so to speak."
I have definitely been thinking about that," says Goldust, "maybe Marlena, and I've also been looking, "personally," at Torrie Wilson. She's a good candidate for stardom with Shattered Dreams."
This gets an enthusiastic response from Fink and Coach, though Coach reminds us that Torrie's still with Tajiri.
For now, that is.
Back to the phones, and Chuck from Chicago asks if Goldust would ever consider joining the NWO?
"Goldust sets apart from everyone else in the WWF," says Goldust. "He's not one to share the limelight with anyone else, whether it be joining a faction, or in a tag match. He's a lone wolf. Though, hey, you never know..."
(My wife walks in at this point while I've got Byte This! on, and wants to know why Goldust is referring to himself in the Third Person Singular all the time? When I tell her it's all part of the act, she gives me The Look, sniffs disapprovingly, and stalks off, shaking her head.
Oh, the travails of being a pro wrestling fan.)
Coach wants to know what Goldust thought of what happened to the Rock at the hands of the NWO?
"I'm glad Rock got pounded," says Goldust, "it's only what he deserves. He's stolen enough movie parts that should have rightfully gone to me. If Goldust and the Rock ever meet face to face, he'll know that Shattered Dreams Productions is greater than any "Mummy Returns" or "Scorpion King" movie ever made!"
Fink and Coach are, ummm, "skeptical" about this last bit of Goldust bombast, and say so.
"Aren't you worried that if the NWO could do this to the Rock, they could do this to you?" asks Coach.
"I'm not worried about the NWO," says Goldust, loftily.
"(?)...Oh-kay-y-y..." says Coach, not convinced at all.
Fink asks if Goldust is intimidated by the Rock's verbal abilities that almost rival his own.
"Not at all," says Goldust, "there's only room for one movie star, and that's me. The Rock is just good for bit parts, and nothing else. Out with the old, and in with the new."
Fink wants to talk with Dustin Runnels for a moment, and asks how Dustin's dad, Dusty Rhodes is doing? Additionally, what are Dusty's thoughts on the return of Goldust?
Dustin says that his dad's running Turnbuckle Championship Wrestling down in Florida, and having a great time doing it. He's got Barry Windham, Scotty Riggs, and Daphne (!) along with other superstars. Matter of fact, Dustin's on his way to a TCW match right now, in his role as the TCW Champion, Dustin Rhodes. As for Goldust, Dusty's just fine with the comeback.
The next caller wants to know what Title Goldust has his sights on?
Goldust says he's after the Intercontinental Title, and then he will set his sights on the Unified Title.
Back to the Classic Clips poll, which shows the Goldust/Razor Ramon match still leading, with the Goldust/HHH match just slightly behind.
"Anyone who steps into the ring with me will be an instant star," says Goldust, "because Goldust is a star!"
The talk shifts to Wrestlemania. Goldust says that the show should be huge, and compares it to Wrestlemania 12, when he fought Roddy Piper.
"I was way over my head when I stepped into the ring that night," says Goldust, "Piper was awesome, and to square off against him in my own backyard of Hollywood, that was awesome, too."
Coach wants to know Goldust's thoughts on the upcoming Tough Enough 2.
"Tough Enough 2 is going to be monstrous," says Goldust. "Those kids get in there, and they want to wrestle, they want to show the world that they can make it to the top. Tazz and Al Snow will definitely put them to the test. They will learn... that it is no joke to be a wrestler. You gotta get in there and bust your ass every day to be a wrestler in the WWF.
"I'm happy for Maven being the Tough Enough champ, and then winning the Hardcore Title from the Undertaker," he continues, "he stepped up to the plate, worked very hard in Tough Enough, and got a spot. He's proved he deserves to be a star."
Fink asks if Goldust the character and the person more of a loner as regards wrestling? Would he ever consider joining the Tag Division?
"Its different being partners with someone," says Goldust, "having to share some of my limelight. But, well, it's not beyond the realm of possibility. A Championship Title is the goal of every wrestler; otherwise, they wouldn't be in the business."
Coach says that there have been a lot of emails about the time he spent in WCW, and could he elaborate?
"WWF stands alone," says Goldust, "nobody comes close, certainly not WCW. I didn't have fun there. Here, everybody's got a job, and everybody's working. There, well, I was at home most of the time."
Fink agrees, saying that it was like Dustin disappeared when he went to WCW.
"I know you for a wrestler who wants to earn his keep, right?" says Fink, "It must have been very frustrating for you over there."
"It was frustrating," concedes Dustin, "you can only stay at home for so much, and like you said, I gotta earn my keep. I don't want to sit around and collect money."
(Another veiled dig at Bill Goldberg, perhaps?)
Coach asks if Goldust will be at WWF Fan Axxess, prior to Wrestlemania X-8?
"My schedule's fixing to step up in the WWF," says Goldust, "so I'm sure you'll see Goldust signing autographs and meeting all his fans. Wrestlemania is great because you get to mingle with the fans over four days, interact with them, and have a good time with them. It's always a great time. It's like being with your family there, man."
Caller Stardust, from New Jersey, wants to know why Goldust changed the name of his finisher from the "Director's Cut" to the "Golden Globes?"
"Actually," says Goldust, "I only used the "Director's Cut" on Tajiri. I'm bringing out a new Goldust now, so everything is new. I've got a number of new moves I'm going to try out, so you will never forget the name... (long sucking sound)...
Fink wants to know how Stardust got his name?
"Were your parents hippies or something?"
"I rap and I dance," says Stardust, "one day we were messing around, put two words together, and they clicked like that! (snaps fingers.)
"You available for bar mitzvahs or anything?" asks Fink with a laugh.
Coach wraps up this final segment, and thanks Goldust for being on the show.
Goldust says it was their pleasure, and leaves the show.
Coach takes the opportunity to take a ChatRoom heckler to task, some guy named "Stig-Mag-G21" who says "Coach, no wonder the Rock makes fun of you!"
"Hey kid," says Coach, "you'd give your left arm to sit where I'm sitting. I appreciate you are a fan, but, bottom line, could you do this job of mine any better? Maybe you could, but more than likely, I think not! So, here's your fifteen seconds of fame. Enjoy it."
Ain't nothin' like a full-bore Nyquil buzz to get you cranky, is there?
Somebody else in the ChatRoom wants Coach to sing, but he's not in the mood/ Just yet.
Fink does the weekly Upcoming Events Calendar:
23 February - Buffalo, NY
24 February - Manchester, NH
25 February - Providence, RI for Raw (Hyatte's home town)
26 February - Boston, MA (Smackdown taping)
1 March - Tampa, FL
2 March - Lake Charles, LA
3 March - Fort Worth, TX
4 March - Dallas, TX (Raw)
Coach shills for the Far East tour. They're sold out in Tokyo, they'll be in Singapore on March 1st and 3rd, and Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on the 4th.
Fink says that it's great to see the WWF going international, and wants to know if Big Country can get an on-site Asian tour report for next week's show?
"Possibly," says BC, who's not to sure of the possibility at all, it sounds like.
"Maybe we could send Seth Mates there," says Fink helpfully.
"Only if he pays his own way," growls BC.
"Stig-Mag-G21''s just emailed me," says Coach, "and he apologizes, and says I'm a really great guy. "
"The Power of the Medium, huh, Coach?" retorts Fink.
Some other guy wants a plug as well, but Coach ain't having any of that.
"So the moral of the story," says Fink, "is berate somebody on the show, and get a plug. What a cheapass way to get your fifteen seconds of fame."
One last plug for the WWF Raw magazine featuring Ric Flair on the cover, and the article about Droz on the inside.
Coach also plugs WWF Excess, this week featuring Scotty 2 Hotty, and Albert.
Next week's guest is supposed to be Scott Hall, the guy this show has been pointedly plugging and giving a huge push to for the past ninety minutes, or hadn't you noticed?
Hall's going to succeed this time around if they have to drag him into the winner's circle kicking and screaming. He's got the whole of the WWF PR Department pushing him harder than any other wrestler in the company.
I get the feeling this really, REALLY is Scott Hall's last chance, and the WWF is giving him every chance to become a winner.
It's a subtle bit of insurance on Vince McMahon's part, so that, if Hall does crash and burn, he can say, look, we did all we could, but the guy just couldn't cut the mustard.
Let's all just hope Hall does succeed.
And that's my time on the soapbox for this edition of Byte This!
We leave the show as the winning Classic Clip of Goldust v. Razor Ramon is aired.
See you next week.
Mail the Author
Comment about this article in Wienerville